its so damn hard to keep playing the part of the fool
i went on for so long wishing i could change the way i was, wishing i could read into you and know what you mean, what makes you the way you are and wondered if i could love you anymore. was it real? or was i playing a game with my own head, telling myself that you were the one, telling myself that you could make me more happy then anyone before you. i saw your faults and i saw how moronic you were but i let it slide because you were all i knew. then you left and here i am writing and crying and wondering if it still is all my fault. deep inside me i know i did nothing wrong, deep in me i know that your the one who needs to change, the one who needs to grow. you think your so much more then you really are, you even have yourself fooled.
one day you'll realize that this isn't a real life. you can't walk into someones heart and break it and run off leaving them alone and scared forever. someday you'll be where all the other people you've hurt have been and it'll feel just like a smack in the face.
i try so hard to hate you, but i just miss you. everything about you is always there in the background, waiting to come back out when i'm at a weak point. i sit in the corner and cry, wondering just what the hell makes you so damn important that i would want to ruin my entire life for you. theres so many others, who mean so much more but i don't see that, i only see you. you with your lies and even now it doesn't matter. even now that i know that i meant nothing, that i never was shit, i still wish for every second we had back. its all my problem and i need to grow up, move on and get you out, and i will, but you'll never understand just how bad you messed my head up.
handicapped
