The Single Red Cloud

Randall J. Morrison

>        When one looks up at the sky and thinks, often they see the colour, rich in its bright blue sea of immensity, and wonder such generic ponderings as why it is that colour, or maybe take it even further and wonder why it doesn’t stay that way when night settles in. The night sky brings different pictures to peoples’ minds. Some wonder why the clouds get darker as the bright blue of the sky fades to a malevolent black and is glittered with the bright eyes of the universe. And taken at face value, these questions are all logical and express what anyone could potentially think of when seeing the pieces of the sky closest to them. But above all of that, and beyond where there is oxygen enough to support any human life, there lies a different object for people to wonder about. Being that it is so high and is so small, nobody could see it, of course, but if they could, all other questions would be set aside, merely to solve the problem of this one small cloud.
        Red, as though it was not made of simple water vapor, but the vapor of something’s blood. Neither of which were true. In fact, the single red cloud, floating high in the allosphere of Earth, was made of a metal that had never touched the soil of the planet whence it was within. Operated solely on heat, the outside of the red cloud was a nearly solid form of the metal’s gaseous state, while closer towards the centre, it was flat, hard and anyone could easily walk on it. And that was what they did.
        Inside the red cloud, lived two ageless human beings, granted immortality in their early years by the long-dead Martian sorceress Kimbo. But even in her death, Kimbo was able to speak to them from beyond the grave, possessing the body of their manager, Kim, as these two immortals lived a sensible life below the stratosphere as well, where they made their wage at A Metric Ton of Fun; a warehouse-turned-play area for children. There they led normal lives, but when not serving birthday cake to a special child four times a day, they fought crime, and lots of it.
        Kimbo had granted these two special humans their immortality two hundred years prior to present day, and they hadn’t aged a bit, as that was in the contract. However, their names, Bonnie and Agatha, were slightly outdated and it was suggested that they change them to modern-day standard for girls their “age.” So through possession of Kim the manager, Kimbo suggested two names that were found to be at least somewhat common at the end of the 20^th Century: Jenn and Renée.
        While sleep was enjoyable, it wasn’t entirely necessary for Jenn and Renée, because they couldn’t very well die from a lack of it. So they partnered up after A Metric Ton of Fun closed each night and transposed themselves from the parking lot up to the red cloud in the sky in only seconds. In their two hundred years on Earth, Jenn and Renée had somehow mastered several superhuman tactics such as flying, super-sensitive hearing, X-ray vision and another neat little eye trick that Renée called ‘using a telescope without using a telescope.’ It was a useful trick, too, because each night as they would teleport to their lair in the clouds, you could imagine how difficult it would be to look down on the world from such a height without a telescope.
        “I had four birthday parties today,” Jenn said as she peered over the ledge of the red cloud and prepared to use a telescope without using a telescope.
        “That doesn’t matter,” Renée replied. “After all, we’re so powerful that we could take on a hundred birthdays and still have the energy to vacuum.”
        “Yeah, you’re right,” Jenn said, squinting to get a better view of the world from so high above.
        “See anything?”
        “Nah, not really,” Jenn said. “An old lady just got mugged over in France, but it’s too late to do anything about that nowwait! Someone’s trying to break into a car at A Metric Ton of Fun!”
        “Oh, goodie!” Renée shouted excitedly. “Let’s kill him!” Jenn looked at her and raised her eyebrows. “Oh yeah, that’s illegal nowadays isn’t it?” The happy expression fell from her face.
        “Yes, Renée. Remember, that to fight crime, we can’t be criminals.”
        “But what about Robin Hood?”
        “He wasn’t fighting crime.”
        “He was too! He stole from the rich and gave to the poor!”
        “Yeah,” Jenn said. “Stealing’s illegal, you know.” Renée was going to say something but stopped and walked over the the closet in the red cloud and pulled their super hero capes off of a cheap wire hangar that they stole from the coat rack at A Metric Ton of Fun. “C’mon!” Jenn said as she finished fastening her cape and leaped over the edge of the red cloud. Renée soon followed behind and they were soaring fast towards the parking lot where Jenn had seen the car burglar preparing his assault.
        The clouds whizzed by them and their capes flailed in the air as the parking lot grew larger in their sight. They landed right near the front doors of A Metric Ton of Fun and Renée took something out of her pocket. “Here,” she said. “Put these on. It will conceal our identities. After all, we just might know this guy!” Jenn nodded and took one of the awkward visors from Renée’s hands and placed it over her eyes.
        “Great, now I feel like Catwoman!” Jenn said.
        “Really? Awesome!”
        “Why is that awesome?”
        “Because Catwoman didn’t fight crime.”
        “What’s that supposed to mean?”
        “That means we can kill that guy now!” Renée jumped up and down and clapped her hands. Jenn just stared and shook her head slowly. Renée stopped jumping and her expression dropped once more.
        Jenn looked around the corner of the building where the only remaining car was parked and saw the man fiddling around with a coat hangar, trying to unlock the car doors. It was too dark and too far for her to see who it was. “I think we’d better sneak up on him,” Jenn whispered. No response. “Renée? Renée?” She looked around and couldn’t find her, then she looked back at the man at the car and saw Renée sneaking up behind him with a pair of giant crash cymbals. Jenn’s eyes widened. “No, no, no!” she whispered, but it was too late. CRASH! Renée brought the cymbals together right by the man’s ears and it echoed off all the walls around the parking lot. The man let out a scream and nearly fell over in shock. Renée burst into uncontrollable laughter and Jenn couldn’t help but giggle a little.
        The man was breathing heavily and for the first time, Jenn noticed that he was wearing a ski mask, hiding his identity as well. When he started running, Renée got up to her feet and chased after him. Of course, being superhuman and more powerful than any human being, she caught up to him right away and Jenn got in front of him. “Unmask him!” she said and Renée grabbed the top of the purple ski mask and noticed that it felt rather spiky; something like a hedgehog. When she pulled the mask off, she realized why it felt that way, for it was the spiked hair of their co-worker Shane! Jenn gasped.
        “You!” she shouted.
        “What? Who are you people?” Shane asked as Renée began fastening handcuffs to him.
        “We know you were trying to break into that car, Shaer…stranger! We saw you and we came to stop you!” Renée said.
        “I wasn’t stealing it,” Shane pleaded. “My friend locked his keys in their and I’m trying to open it for him!”
        “Oh yeah,” Jenn said. “Then why are you wearing a ski mask?”
        “Because it’s February, moron!” he replied. Renée was frustrated.
        “Why couldn’t we just have killed him?” she asked. “I think we should take him to the police anyway and he can sort it out with them.”
        “What? No! I’ve got to get home!”
        “Well, you can’t get home if you can’t get into your car,” Renée said.
        “It’s not my car!”
        “Suck it up, princess, you’re still going to the cops!”
        “But…”
        “Shaddup!” And with that, they flew him to the furthest police station they could think of: Glasgow, Scotland.

                                        *       *       *                                       

        Shane didn’t show up for work the next day and Jenn and Renée pretended that they didn’t know why. However, the consequences of having him arrested in some European police station were the enormous difficulties of not having him around in the kitchen on a Sunday afternoon. “Is anyone coming?” Jenn asked with a pile of dishes sitting in the sink in front of her. Renée peeked out the kitchen door and looked from left to right.
        “No, the coast is clear, go for it,” she replied and Jenn began washing the dishes at superhuman speed, taking advantage of every one of her superpowers. She even dried them off using her incredible heat vision. “Wait, there’s a customer!” Renée shouted, looking towards the front of the kitchen.
        “That’s okay. They’re done!” Jenn smiled and began putting them away as Renée jogged over to the cash register where a customer was waiting. He ordered three small pops, a hot dog, a large bag of chips and a Tylenol. Everyone in the staff tried to laugh when a customer made a Tylenol joke, but it had been done so many times that it just wasn’t funny anymore. It was loud in A Metric Ton of Fun, but does everybody have to mention Tylenol? Actually, if it weren’t for her super-sensitive hearing, Renée probably wouldn’t have been able to hear him anyway; she’s prone to getting headaches now and then.
        She finished getting the customer’s food order, minus the Tylenol, and returned to the back of the kitchen. “Are pets allowed in this place?” she asked, turning her attention to Jenn who was putting away the last of the dishes.
        “I don’t think so, why?”
        “I could’ve sworn I saw a dog sitting atop the play structure.”
        “Really?” Jenn seemed abnormally excited and she ran out the door to go and look. And sure enough, sitting atop the play structure was a big lightly coloured dog. And standing beside the dog was a majestic princess, dressed in glittering golden robes, holding a shiny silver baton (sold in the games room for 150 points) high over the dog’s head. Renée emerged from the kitchen and looked up as well. “Oh,” Jenn said. “That’s just Michelle.”
        “The dog?” Renée asked.
        “No!” Jenn replied, hitting her in the shoulder. “The dog’s name is Jesse…why do I know that?”
        “Could it be because you’re all-powerful?’
        “Oh yeah!” Jenn smiled. They returned to the kitchen and opened up the door, gasping at what they saw. The kitchen that they had just cleaned up was a complete disaster! The sink was overturned and there was dirty water everywhere. All the garbages were dumped all over the clean dishes. The juice jugs were melting under the heat of the oven while a few coffee cups were being deep-fried. Pizza cheese was all over the walls and the frozen chicken nuggets were floating in a puddle of fruit punch. “Oh my god! Someone used more than ten pieces of pepperoni on that large pizza!”
        Renée looked at her strangely. “I think you’re missing the bigger picture.”
        Jenn looked around the room and her eyes widened. “Uh-oh…what are we going to do? We’re in big trouble now.” Just then, Kim opened the door and walked in.
        “Hey, the health board guys are here so you two make sure thatoh my god!!!” Kim’s jaw dropped to the floor and Jenn and Renée could feel the danger of losing their jobs shadow over them already. “Who did this!?” Kim shouted pointing at…well, at everything.
        “Nobody,” Jenn replied. “We cleaned it all up and when we came back it was like this.” Renée nodded in agreement. Kim tried to say something but was far too angry for any real words to come out. She just turned around and mumbled several expletives as she fled in the direction of an even more powerful manager’s office.
        Ten minutes later, Jenn and Renée were leaning against the wall of the games room, ready to leave. Having just been fired from their job at A Metric Ton of Fun by Nicole, both were lost as to what they could do during the day now. “Out out out!” Kim said, shooing the two of them out the front door.
        “Oh no,” Renée said as they left the premises. “Who would do this to us?”
        As if on cue, Shane stepped out in front of them, wearing a black trenchcoat, reflective sunglasses and armed only with a wet towel. “You!” Jenn shouted, pushing him with superhuman strength. Shane was sent flying backwards. Hana, another co-worker who was just arriving, was nearly knocked over like a bowling pin. But Shane stood back up again and snapped his towel against the ground.
        Renée charged at him, preparing to tackle, but she was stopped by the snap of the wet towel against her nose. But Jenn was fast enough for him not to notice her sneak up from behind and throw a snowball at the back of his head. Renée tripped him and Shane fell into the snow, soon able to stand up again, but before he did, they were gone, recovering from their near-loss in the red cloud way above the ground.

                                        *       *       *

        “We must get vengeance!” Renée shouted. “Stealing a car is one thing, but for this, we must kill him!” Jenn shushed her and was trying to think.
        “Now, now. Remember, that’s illegal. What’s the best way to solve this problem?”
        “Revenge!” Renée had one of the kitchen knives from A Metric Ton of Fun in her left hand and a sickeningly maniacal smile on her face.
        “Did you steal that knife?”
        “Of course.”
        “That’s illegal, too, you know. You really shouldn’t take things from A Metric Ton of Fun!” Jenn was getting angry.
        “Oh yeah?” Renée replied, looking into the closet where they kept their capes. She took one of them out and pointed at the coat hanger. “Exactly where did you get these coat hangers, Jenn!?” Jenn blushed and peered over the edge of the red cloud to look down upon A Metric Ton of Fun.
“Didn’t you find that it was sort of difficult battling Shane today?” Jenn asked as Renée put her cape back on the hook.
        “Why? Do you think he has some powers to?”
        “Maybe. He certainly wasn’t easy in a human sort of way. I say we follow him after his shift is over,” Jenn said, walking over to get her cape.
        “Good idea!”
And so it was. Shane left the building at 6:30 PM and Jenn and Renée, somehow acquiring the powers of invisibility, followed him to the train station where he was nearly alone, waiting for the LRT. Shane sat in the middle of the bench and Jenn and Renée sat on either side of him. Being invisible, they were, of course, unnoticed.
Jenn was carrying a spray bottle to squirt him with if necessary, and Renée was carrying two different weapons, all of which were also invisible. Holstered at her side was a wet towel that she would be able to combat Shane with, and in each of her hand, just for the moment, she held two invisible crash cymbals. It was completely quiet on the cement platform and it would no doubt frighten him. Jenn stood up and backed away from the bench a little as Renée brought the cymbals as close to Shane’s ear as possible. Then, with all her superhuman strength, she smashed them together creating a huge interruption in the silence. Shane jumped from the bench and Renée backed up beside Jenn, holding her mouth closed as she tried not to laugh.
Shane frantically looked around, trying to find the source of the noise because he recognized it immediately. “Come out, you two,” he said, seeming to pull a wet towel out of nowhere. He twirled the object in the air as he walked slowly around the cement platform.
Jenn pulled two Tylenols out of her pocket and gave one to Renée. They were the only cure for invisibility. They both swallowed the pills and stood up, Renée armed with her wet towel and Jenn with the spray bottle. In seconds, they materialized in a rainbow of sparkling colours that lit up the whole area. Shane turned and saw them as a malevolent grin formed on his face. He took the wet towel in his right hand and assumed a fighting stance. Jenn ran and flipped over him, squirting him in the eyes with the Windex solution as Renée charged at his legs, snapping the wet towel at each of his knees. Shane fell down onto the bench and Jenn and Renée stood back, waiting to see if he would get up again.
He did, only this time, they noticed something. As he stood up, the spikes in his hair began to glow, emanating a fluorescent yellow light at two-second intervals. Then the glow faded back to normal and he was ready with his wet towel again. This time, Renée stood back while Jenn charged at him, dodging several whips of his towel. She squirted the spray bottle at him several times as she maneuvered around his towel strikes at superhuman speed. Jenn rolled around him and attempted to squirt him in the back of the head but her shot missed and Shane was able to snap the towel against her back. She tumbled off of the cement platform and into the middle of the railroad tracks. Thankfully, there was no train coming.
Renée stepped in and snapped her towel at him but Shane caught it with his free hand and used his own towel against her side. But with superhuman reflexes, Renée caught his strike as well and used the two towels she was holding on to as support as she flew upwards, carrying Shane about ten feet in the air and then letting go of the towels. He fell down to the platform and landed on his back, appearing defeated.
Renée flew down to the railroad tracks and helped Jenn to her feet. They climbed back on to the platform to find Shane rising to his feet; the spikes in his hair were glowing again. And when they stopped glowing, he seemed full of energy, attacking the two of them with both towels that he now had. Jenn and Renée jumped to evade the attacks and in the distance, they could see a train coming. The two of them exchanged glances and smiled.
Jenn got her spray bottle ready and Renée jumped over Shane to get on his blind side. He twirled the two wet towels in his hands and the only sound was the train, getting close every second. Then there was a louder sound as Renée brought the two crash cymbals back together right behind Shane’s ear. He quickly turned around and Renée wasn’t there. When he turned back, Jenn had jumped high in the air and was squirting numerous shots from her spray bottle as she came down. Many of them got in his eyes and when she landed, Jenn pushed him with superhuman strength towards the edge of the platform. Renée jumped up from hiding beneath the railroad tracks and tripped him just as the train was coming by. Shane fell off the platform and into the path of the LRT as Jenn and Renée quickly teleported from the train station to the single red cloud in the sky.
What they didn’t see was Shane emerging from the railroad tracks after the train drove by with the spikes in his hair glowing fiercely. And when they stopped glowing, he walked home undamaged.

                                *       *       *

Jenn had her nose in a book and was looking for an explanation for their battle that night. It was The Encyclopedia of Weird and Strange Creatures Such as Shane. It was a helpful reference when they needed to know the origins of the villains of the world. “It says here that the creature known as Shane has only one-fourth the superpowers of almighty, all-powerful, omnipotent, supreme, god-like creatures such as Jenn and Renée. However, Shane is able to use the spikes in his hair to draw power and heal his wounds. The spikes are his energy source and he can’t be permanently defeated as long as he can draw power from his hair. This must mean that he’s still alive!”
“That’s why they were glowing every time we hurt him! He was getting energy from them,” Renée said. “I guess we have to find him and give him a haircut, huh?” Jenn shook her head.
“No can do. It says here that the spikes are not formed with regular hair gel, but a natural secretion from his skull that makes the spikes rigid enough to play darts with,” Jenn replied.
“So if we can’t defeat him, what do we do?”
“Um…live in peace?”
“No! That’s not a solution. That won’t get us our jobs back.”
“Neither will defeating himwait! I have an idea!” Jenn opened up the Encyclopedia of Weird and Strange Creatures Such as Shane again and flipped to a page towards the back. “Why don’t we talk to Kimbo?”
“We can’t. Kimbo is only capable of possessing Kim from A Metric Ton of Fun and we don’t work there anymore. Why, what did you have in mind?” Renée asked and Jenn scrolled down the page.
“It says here that Kimbo is capable of possessing one being and one being only after death. If Kimbo wishes, she can choose to possess someone else, but it must be permanent and she will live forever in that body,” Jenn said.
“So?”
“What if we can get Kimbo to possess Nicole for all eternity? Then we can get our jobs back and keep them forever because Kimbo will be in charge for the rest of eternity!”  Renée smiled.
“That’s a great idea! We’ll have to go in there tomorrow. We have to pick up our check anyway. But in the meantime, let’s celebrate! Party!”

                                *       *       *

Renée came in with a headache the next morning and they arrived just as Kim was opening the store at precisely 9:30 am. “Kim, we need to talk to you,” Jenn said as they stepped inside.
“Checks aren’t ready till 3:00 you guys. Nicole will be here shortly and you aren’t exactly welcome to hang around here,” she replied. Renée pulled a small potion from her pocket and began speaking something in Hebrew. It was the only way they could summon Kimbo to possess. Renée sprinkled the potion all over Kim’s Metric Ton of Fun outfit and she soon became hypnotized. Seconds later, Kim wasn’t Kim anymore. There was no colour in her eyes and her hair was on fire when she looked back at Jenn and Renée.
“What do you need?” Kimbo said in that heinous voice that made one of the windows develop a small crack.
“We’ve come to ask you a favor,” Jenn said. “We’ve lost our jobs because of Shane and in order to get our jobs back, we need you to possess the manager, Nicole, and hire us again. Then you will be Nicole forever.”
Kimbo frowned. “You want me to give the rest of my eternal afterlife to managing a children’s play place just so you can have your jobs back!?” They could see that Kimbo was angry so Renée used the backup plan.
“We’ll give you a cookie…” she said, taking an oreo out of her backpack and waving it in front of Kimbo’s face.
“Oh goody!!” Kimbo shouted excitedly. “I’ll do it!” Then she took the oreo, consumed it and was soon back to being plain old Kim again. Jenn and Renée had flown back to the red cloud in the sky to wait for the results of their agreement with Kimbo. Three days later, they were scheduled to go into work.
When they first stepped in through the door, Nicole was standing by the debit machine and when she winked, they smiled, knowing that Kimbo had taken permanent possession of the manager and their jobs were secure. Kim was busy doing something on the computer. That freaky guy from redemption was babbling on and on about how British Columbia should also be French Columbia if this was such a bilingual nation that insisted on putting French translation on every other Canadian product. Shane was standing by the courtesy phone near the games room and as Jenn and Renée walked by him to get to the kitchen, neither of them said a single word.
They never looked at each other the same way again, but even to this day, if you walk into the kitchen at A Metric Ton of Fun, you can still find them engaged in a war of wet towels that seems so petty and insignificant. When in fact it has a deeper meaning that no one will ever be able to see, just as surely as no one will ever be able to see the single red cloud.