As usual, he found Goten in the kitchen, rummaging through the large refrigerator for something to eat. He stood in the doorway, just watching for awhile, amazed at the young boy. He truly felt an attachment to him, even if he had never really shown it. In a way, Goten was like his own son. He had watched him grow up and become a good young man, and it hurt to see him in so much emotional turmoil. Goten was usually so bright and happy, so much like his father….but now, he was different. It wasn’t just teenage angst, he could tell that much. There were some deep-rooted problems in Goten’s heart, and Yamucha had a pretty good idea that it was because of Gokuu. After a few moments of searching in the refrigerator, Goten pulled back and stared at the contents with a concerned, mournful look on his face. He sighed and shut the door without taking anything and sat down at the kitchen table with a thud. He stretched his hands out in front of him and placed his forehead on the table, looking pained.

“Hey there.”

Goten looked up at him and his eyes were red and watery. “Hey.”

“Can I sit?” Yamucha asked, gesturing towards the chair across from Goten. He had put off the ‘talk’ long enough. Gohan was right: Goten and himself seemed to have some sort of a special understanding. He may not want to talk to anyone else, but Yamucha wasn’t just anyone. However, he was still dreading this, because he knew he couldn’t just get emotion out of Goten by using normal methods. He’d have to use just a little bit of reverse psychology.

Goten shrugged. “I guess so. It isn’t like you’re going to take someone else’s seat….I don’t think anyone really wants to be around me right now. I was kind of angry back there.”

Yamucha grinned. “Kind of? You were so mean, I swear I saw Vejiita struggling to hold back tears!”

Goten smiled, then his face fell, and he ran a nervous hand through his shaggy hair. “Was I really that mean? I’ve been thinking about it, and I didn’t really want to hurt his feelings or anything….I was just upset. I mean, it was all mostly true, but I’m an adult….I can handle a little bit of abandonment….Being on my own really isn’t that hard anymore.”

“I think you had a right to be mad.” Yamucha reasoned, and he leaned back in his chair casually. “After all, Gokuu obviously doesn’t love either one of you.”

“Nani?!” Goten blurted out, staring at Yamucha with a shocked look on his face.

Yamucha fought hard to keep his composure. If he was going to make this work, if he was going to make Goten realize how much he loved his father, he had to go through with this. “First of all, if he cared about you, he wouldn’t have left to go train Ubuu. He would have stayed right there with his family. And now….He just leaves your mom on a planet with bloodthirsty, kidnapping, pervert Saiya-jins. That’s not love.”

The boy’s jaw dropped and he stared at Yamucha as if he had grown a second head. “Nani?”

“Then again, Gokuu’s never been that great of a guy. He’s pretty much ignored your mother for their entire marriage, except when he wanted some food.” Yamucha continued, adding fuel to the fire. “And then he abandoned her while she was pregnant with you….What kind of a man would do that to his wife?”

Goten shook his head, finally snapping out of the shock. “Yamucha, I know he loves Kaasan. I know he does. And he never ignored her, not really….”

“But he ignored you?”

“Sometimes, but….” Goten frowned. “When I was younger, he told me that he was going away to protect me and Kaasan. I….I always thought when I was little, that he must have loved me more than anything. He gave up his nice, comfortable life at home to train Ubuu….And he was training Ubuu to save the world, to protect me.” He bit his lip. “I used to feel so special, thinking that he loved me enough to give up his life for me.”

Finally, a little bit of emotion. Yamucha thought, and he smiled at Goten encouragingly. It was hard to share your feelings with someone else; Yamucha knew that from experience. But in the end, it was always better to get things off of your chest and let someone else know how you felt. Holding something inside of you was never a healthy idea.

“What happened?” Yamucha asked, this time speaking in a softer, more understanding tone.

“He was gone too long.” Goten said, and his eyes began to water slightly. “After awhile….I began to forget all of those things that he had told me, I started to forget that he was away to protect me. And when Kaasan started to get depressed and I saw how much she was hurting, I guess I just got angry. Kaasan always seemed so strong to me, but after Tousan left, she just fell apart. And she was all I had for a really long time….She means the world to me.”

A tear dropped onto his cheek. “One night, we were eating dinner….just the two of us there, and I asked her for more rice….” His chin trembled slightly. “And she just started crying, crying so hard that I thought she was going to break. No matter what I said, or what I did, she just wouldn’t stop. She just stood there holding herself and sobbing, saying Tousan’s name over and over again. You have no idea how painful it was to sit there and hold her while she sobbed and sobbed because Tousan was never going to come home. It almost made me sick thinking about what he had done to her.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “And every time he’d come home to visit…usually for just a day or maybe two if we were lucky….Every time, he’d laugh and joke and I’d just forget about all of the pain that he caused us while he was gone. And then he’d leave again, and Kaasan wouldn’t eat for days….She would barely even talk.”

Goten sat up straighter in his chair, looking fierce through his tears. “And I would get so pissed off at him! Everyone kept telling me that he was such a great man, and such a wonderful father, and because I was so loyal, because I loved him, I’d agree. And then I’d go home and see Kaasan’s face, or watch Trunks spar with Vejiita, or try to remember the last time I saw him, and I would just get mad all over again.”

“Why did you get so mad?” Yamucha asked. “Because you missed him?”

“Yes, I missed him! I missed him so bad that it hurt!” Goten cried and several more tears ran down his cheeks. “And Kaasan missed him too….I just wanted us to be a real family. A real family like Trunks’s or Marron’s, or anyone’s! I just wanted to be able to talk to him whenever I wanted and have him teach me attacks or see him and Kaasan happy together. I just….I….wanted….I wanted….”

He broke off, crying, and Yamucha reached out and patted him on the head reassuringly, his heart aching for the boy that he loved so much. “What did you want, Goten?” He asked gently.

“A father.” He whispered it so quietly through his tears that Yamucha barely heard it.

“It isn’t too late, Goten.” Yamucha said. “He wants a chance to be your father again. And he’ll do it right this time.”

“I know that.” Goten murmured softly, and he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “I just have to gather up enough courage to forgive him and let him back into my life. I love him, I can’t just pretend that I don’t….And I know he wants a second chance. I can give him a second chance, I suppose.”

“Do you understand why he made the decision to go back to Earth? I mean, I know we’re aren’t going back anymore, but do you understand why he chose to do that?” Yamucha probed, searching for hidden signs of anger. “To protect Marron?”

To his surprise, Goten smiled softly. “I guess he’s always protecting someone, in one way or another. I guess it was kind of selfish of me to get so angry. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to Marron either.” His eyes twinkled slightly then, and a blush spread across his cheeks. “I’d do anything to keep her safe. I just couldn’t believe that Tousan was leaving Kaasan like that….”

“He loved her, Goten.” Yamucha said, and the words were painful for him to choke out. “And I know that she loves him too, with all her heart. Even if he had gone back to Earth and kept her waiting, I know she’d understand. She is probably one of the most dedicated women I’ve ever met. And if you’re worried about her safety, you shouldn’t. She is so strong….If I were her, I would have fallen apart a long time ago.” A wistful look appeared on his face. “She’s an amazing woman, you know….She’s been through a lot.”

“You really loved her, didn’t you?”

Yamucha choked, the question had caught him completely off guard. “Excuse me?”

Goten didn’t even blink, just stared Yamucha straight in the eyes. “I mean, it sounds like you guys were really good friends. Kaasan talks about you all the time. She told me that you helped her when she was pregnant with me, and that you were very kind to her. You were the first one to visit her at the hospital?”

He could barely force his head to nod. “Hai. I was.”

“Sugoi.” Goten crossed his arms. “You’re a good guy. I’m glad you took care of her while Tousan was dead.”

Yamucha thought for a second, then smiled softly, remembering all of the moments that he had shared with ChiChi so long ago. He had loved her, still loved her. It was true that he would probably never be able to be with her, or hold her the way that he wanted to hold her, but for right then, loving her was simply enough. His life felt so completely empty, and he felt like he was at such a dead end, standing so still….and yet, she gave him hope. Love was the most incredible thing that life had to offer. It caught up you when you least expected it, gracing you with that infamous butterfly feeling and the impulse to grin like an idiot every time you saw ‘the one’. He had tried to feel that with other women, he had tried to fall in love so many times, but he simply couldn’t. Not with anyone else. No one else made him feel the way that he did. Even though he knew she wasn’t meant to be his, even though he knew that they could never be together…..He still kept on loving her. In his heart, in secret, of course. He would never let anyone else know what he felt for her. But it was there, and it was nearly killing him. He didn’t know what was going to happen, or how things were going to end up, but he knew that if he could just hold her one more time, he could die a happy man.

“You know what, Goten? So am I.”

Chapter 39
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