My Poetry

II
A malicious darkness swirls in toward me,
While tightness continues to multiply;
A kahlua aroma comes toward me--
What does the loss of color signify?
As the world rushes in, I sit cringing;
Drifting aimlessly I ponder over things;
Love has vanished and become uncaring,
Let me see what blissful psychosis brings.
Blackness fades, all becomes psychedelic;
All things thus far are psychosomatic;
Would it take that much to be prolific?
Or has all become a lazy addict?
Malicious darkness comes to me again,
All things have just now started to begin.

III
Color comes and goes now, never staying,
Why must the force remain so unchanging?
Dark force speaks to me now, never swaying,
But yet it is hopelessly unchanging;
Love came to me once, mayhap I will tell--
You seem hopelessly disinterested,
My dispossessed soul must I go and sell?
Just like you to be so intoxicated,
Intoxicated with what, please tell me;
Cold darkness I see has swallowed my love,
Why does the force not stop it, please tell me;
Unchained sweetness flies away as a dove;
Sweet aroma of kahlua hits me,
Yet the dark espresso tries to bite me.

IV
Vibrant reds plague me, haunting me all night,
Stalking me wherever I try to go;
It taunts my thoughts and casts away the light.
Pain pierces my flesh as I try to go,
Drawing my life's warm blood, I drift away;
Phantasmagoria is my nighttime companion,
Let it not be blown away.
One must obfuscate all in the nighttime,
Lest the night rider seek your pitiful
Body to his demoniacal joy;
One must pay the piper dutifully,
Or become the night rider's next new toy.
Serene night, what do I owe this honor?
Malicious night, stalking with no honor.

V
Night and day merge, leaving me no respite;
Precarious questions are still coming,
An answer eludes me even tonight.
Thoughts escape from my mind with their cunning
Ways; insensate in all they choose to do.
Completely blank and without meaning, thoughts
Dribble past, not realizing what to do;
Hallucinations come--kidnaps the thoughts.
Please, oh please help, they surge over the mind;
Strangling, crushing, the pressure is intense;
Increasing, multiplying, can I find
An answer? Or left dangling in suspense;
I sit and wait for the passing of night;
Alone and cold I see the departing light.

VI
Vehement waves surge, not caring about
Responses of infantile emotions.
Sauted thoughts prance by dipped in gray, black doubt;
Mind invisible, no new emotions.
Eclipsed by tightening pain in center
Of head, objects swirl around viciously;
What a colorful mirage to enter!
Yes indeed, let us fight unceasingly!
Rage at every opportunity,
Letting no peace descend upon the earth;
Rage at every opportunity,
No one stops, even for a joyous birth;
Pain flies away sweetly as desired--
Thoughts return, but not the kind desired.

VII
Honesty, justice, decency, fairness;
Deception, cheating, favortism, hate.
A mixture, clashing with uneasiness
In all; what to do when looking at bait;
Yearned after, immortalized, searched after,
Doing maleficent deeds to attain;
Mysterious in what to do after.
Just having the urgent need to proclaim.
Verisimilitude hastily pushed
Away, veritable words not wanted;
Verily now, all things must become rushed
Because veracity is unwanted;
All veridical thoughts depart the earth,
Now all fight veraciously for the earth.

VIII
Ice rushes across the floor hastily
Catching each tiny particle of flesh;
Drawing the final breath ultimately,
To rise audaciously above the mesh.
Ardent embers illuminate the verge;
Notes give rise to the start of the prelude,
While some try to stop the horrific dirge.
Monstrosity returns, just to delude
By equivocation; beware the one
Coming merrily with gifts aplenty
That fizzle away for all but the one.
Lounging around now with thoughts aplenty,
Utter peril of everything takes form;
But all continue to follow the norm.

IX
I cry out to heaven, receiving no
Answer, but utterly alone as an
Outcast, and having no place I can go;
Solitude enforced with no other man
To accompany, left to live life in
Complete silence that is broken only
By maddening thoughts that will not give in.
They plague, deepening my melancholy,
Allowing my helpless mind no respite
Or chance to learn the answers so desired;
Happiness vaporizes, taking flight,
And all the sought after answers are fired;
Joy of joys, come hasten now to my side,
Lest my deep sorrow lengthen with the tide.

X
Living my whole life as an outsider
With no one to call on or socialize;
Consequences for each word I utter;
Each aquaintance helping with my demise
Unknowingly, but helping nonetheless;
Feigning innocence they talk cordially,
Never coming openly to confess.
Loneliness is mine continually,
That alone will not be shared with others;
Life lays ahead of me with no purpose,
Each day that comes constantly smothers.
Accomplishments left without a purpose,
Never to remember things of the past,
Only left with silence advancing fast.

XI
Time speeds by ceasing for none, I always
A day too late and a moment behind
All, and never emerging from the daze
That encompasses and captures my mind;
Struggling for life, for a meaning of why
My life has become this pool of sadness.
Answers evade me, ignoring my cry,
While I gaze at the approaching madness
They hide defiantly, refusing me
A moment of unadulterated
Peace, denying a chance to let me be
Content instead of always belated;
Wondering what I must to to escape,
Thought is futile, there will be no escape.

XII
Each moment of pain brings a new kind of
Peace, and each moment of solitude brings
New disastrous thoughts, abandoning love
For dischord, never harmonizing things;
Not to know why it will never come to
Pass or remain indefatigable,
Never allowing any to go through,
Failing in everything, never able;
No thought of what to do comes to my mind,
An abandoned abyss only remains;
Sanity departs and leaves all behind,
None having the wits to stand and reclaim,
Everything leaps gaily over the edge,
While all stare shockingly at the black dredge.

XIV
Each day comes and goes, eclipsed with boredom;
Nothing to do but sit and stare at blank
Computer screen and ponder on boredom;
Unhappily tittering on the flank,
I watch entranced as the world circles round.
Sweet mirage has descended upon all;
Different voices pursue and confound,
Roughly snatching the chance to miss the fall,
While I sit daydreaming and unaware--
Helpless and never expecting the thief;
Somewhere misplacing the signs to beware,
I run away from all consuming grief
And refuse to take a second glance or
Return: I have left now for evermore.

XV
I was wrong--I have returned to my grief
In a more consuming way than ever
Before, and this time it will not be brief,
I will stay here always and forever,
No answer of why I must remain here,
Or what I have to do to say farewell;
I just see glimpses of answers so near
And deserted hole into which I fell.
As slumber captures the thoughts of my mind,
I pray for a life of silence and peace;
I vow my life if this is put behind,
For glimpse of unadulterated peace;
I speak no furthur because I digress
By talking about nothing to excess.

XVI
I sit precariously on the chair;
Sleep threatens to capture my helpless mind,
This is irksome and extremely unfair,
Fighting wretched slumber, cruel and unkind.
Next day brings fresh awakening to life,
With the realization I am searching
For something that will not come to my life.
Fantasies of yesterday are marching
Away--I try to plan for tomorrow
Even though I know the act is futile;
Strong wind can blow and unlock my sorrow
With a ferocious puff, cold and brutal;
I resume incessant nighttime gadding--
With temerity the wind keeps adding.

XVII
Nighttime wind howls demoniacally,
Capturing emotion from young victim;
Situation seems fatastically
Ludicrous--an excursion from humdrum;
No thought of what to do in perilous
Times, camouflaged and trying to blend in
Nothing matters, desires are frivolous;
When did supercilious times begin?
This sensuous pool of old emotions
Tips regretfully over to the side,
Pouring our happiness and young passions
That are caught up in the departing tide;
A long sigh escapes with the last farewell
And the last night of being truly well.

XVIII
As the day of Thanksgiving continues,
I sit utterly alone in my room
And tediously explore avenues
That have not been cloaked by approaching doom;
Sickening music plays in the distance,
I allowed no rest even on today,
No way to obtain peace in this instance.
Want to know command so I can obey,
All I hear is nothing in empty space;
No idea of what I am doing wrong,
Or how I can possibly see the face,
All I know is that I have been here long--
Too long for my age, I came here too soon,
But will remain forever chained in doom.

XIX
Captured forevermore in cold silence,
Held prisoner by glacial hands of
Steel, never let go in their diligence,
Keep me down with no chance to go above;
I crouch in the corner and wait for a
Sympathetic glance that will never come;
Each crack of whip increases mania,
Playing on the emotions of the dumb;
Stares pass over and whispers behind hands,
To ridicule the one who came undone,
And forming together unflinching bands,
That stand and do not know what has begun;
Silence encircles, drilling in my mind,
Looking for answers that I will not find.

XX
Sensuous love encompasses the globe,
Bringing passion to unknowing victims,
Who bring flowers and gifts amid the strobe;
Never realizing all the constrictions
The puppets dance about beautifully,
No longer questioning authority.
Their duties performed magnificently;
Easy to tame, now with alacrity
They bloom and are empty minded puppets,
And each desire and opinion has left
Their once burdened mind, now filled with crumpets,
Whithers and becomes hopelessly bereft;
Wonder where the thoughts scurried away to;
All stops because there is nothing to do.

XXI
Harmonic music caresses my ears
As I sit quietly in candlelight
And think of the once common scorching tears,
That they no longer come gives me some fright;
A melodious voice of the phantam
Causes me to enter a peaceful trance,
Where I stop and think over conundrum;
If he would but allow me a lonely glance,
I know I could survive these recessions--
No, I am left weak, broken, with no will;
I stutter incoherent confessions,
Finally saying, 'Have done with Thy will;'
My desires are no longer important;
Gagged and chained I make my final descent.

XXII
Most answer the voice and come forward now,
Receiving new tongues to answer the call;
I cannot--I defy and will not bow.
I curse myself, and with a push I fall;
All I want is to know you and your love,
But, alas, I am mocked and rejected,
Must I endure all this to go above?
I know not; alone, I sit dejected
As all pass over me triumphantly,
Paralyzing me with every step;
Each one hovers over me gallantly
With bold new smiles, continuing to prep;
Indifferent, they truss me up tightly
And finish, abandoning me calmly.

XXIII
Alone in silence, I sit once again,
Never is there a tear, never a thought;
Left confused and bewildered to begin
This long journey where nothing can be bought;
I do not know exactly where I went
Wrong, or why I do not feel all those senseless
Emotions that people in life have spent;
I will not feign remorse--I am guiltless.
Return from nighttime walk with no new thoughts,
I finally know what I am to do;
I just procrastinate, putting off thoughts,
Have not started all I have to undo;
Much to untangle in this hard puzzle--
Would be easier without a muzzle.