WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A BACKSTREET BOY GOES BAD?
An interview by Ms. Stebler
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Ok, we all know the Backstreet Boys are good guys. But what happens when one of them turn bad? I sat down with Nick Carter and interviewed him one-on-one. Here's what I got. *I walk into a dark restaurant, which smells of cigaretts and a lot of coffee. There I saw my interview-ee sitting alone, with an angry and PISSED off scowl on his face. I walk over to sit down...slowly.
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NICK: You're early
ME: (quickly) Um, I though I'd get here a little early so?
NICK: So you're saying that you thought I'd be late?
ME: No, (pauses) I just ---
NICK: Oh ok, I see how it is. (starts to cry) Just because I'm the youngest! *sniff* It's not my fault damnit!!!!!!!!!!!
ME: Aw, I never thought that at all! I just---
NICK: So what did you mean??
ME: (at a loss for words) I was gonna (pauses) order a mocha and chill here for a while...till you came.
NICK: (with a happier look on his face) Oh in that case...Waiter!!! 1 mocha for the lovely lady! On me! (laughs) On me...hehehe I'd like that!
ME: (I'm flahtered, and I smile) Uh, thanks. Ok, how do---
NICK: Say, you look pretty damn (pauses and licks his lips) goooooood in this light. (looks at me seductively)
ME: Uh, (studders) thanks. So, how do you feel--
NICK: Feel? How do I feel about you? Baby, I say we go back to my place for some pizza and sex!
ME: Uh, I'd like to start my interv--
NICK: What? You don't like pizza??
ME: Please! How do you feel about the change????
NICK: Change? I feel fine!
ME: Well, you're kinda...
NICK: Horny?? I know.
ME: I was gonna say different...
NICK: Hey, if I told you, that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
ME: Uh, I, uh--What do you think your fans feel about this?
NICK: About you and me laced together buck-ass naked sexin' it up on a bear skin rug??
ME: (losing patience) About your attitude change!
NICK: Hey!!!! I just noticed! Your pants are like a mirror. I can see myself in them! And by the way, nice legs. What time do they open??
ME: Um, Nick! I'd like to finish up this interview so I--HEY!!!!!
NICK: Oh sorry. I thought that was a braille name tag.
ME: Look, I just need you to--
NICK: You need me to what?? (with anticipation dripping in his voice, he grabs me and throws me down on the table) YOU NEED ME TO KNOCK 'DEM BOOTS!
ME: Hey! No! I need you to answer my questions!
NICK: Well day-um. Why didn't ya say so. But before we start...can I ask you something? And be honest.
ME: No I will not have sex with you!
NICK: No! This one is serious....I swear!
ME: (rolls eyes) Ok, what is it?
NICK: You have 206 bones in your body, right?
ME: Yeah, I think so.
NICK: Well how would you like 1 more?? ~ow~
ME: OK! Enough games!
NICK: You're right. It's not gonna suck itself!
ME: Nick!
NICK: Ok I'm sorry. I have an idea to get this interview going.
ME: I'm afraid.
NICK: Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap, and we can talk about the first thing that pops up??
ME: (slaps her forehead) Please. What do the others feel--
NICK: I dunno! They haven't even met you yet! But AJ will like ya (winks)
ME: No! How do the others feel about your change?
NICK: You know, if it's true that we are what we eat.. I could be you by morning!
ME: Will you please just answer my damn question?!?!
NICK: I dunno! I don't care what they think! I feel how I want to!
ME: That's a good attitude ya have there.
NICK: Thanks baby. Now let's have sex!
ME: Uh, I think I should go--
NICK: To your place? Great! No! Better yet! Let's stay here! I like it down an' dirty! We butt-naked on the table! We're never sex-less! C'mon baby, you know you want this love stick inside ya! Yeah baby. If we were the only people on Earth, I bet we could do it in public! C'mon I like it right here! (jumps up) Or How about on the pool-table! Or the pinball machine! Score!!!!! Yeeeeha! (starts to sing the Ginuwine song) "If you're horny, let's do it! Ride it, my pony! My saddle's, waitin'. Come an' jump on it! If you---"
ME: Nick! Stop it! I'm not gonna have sex with you!!!!
NICK: Fine then. I'LL have sex with YOU! It don't gotta be mutual for me! Hey! Where are you going! You can't leave yet! We're just gettin' started! Ok fine! But remember, my name is Nick. I guarantee you'll be screaming it later!!!!!! ~whooooooo~
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So, after my interview, I came to the conclusion that Nick changed into a totally different person. He went from a totally conservative young man, to a horny mad-man overnight! Despite the attitude change, he's still the Nick that I knew, and I kinda like him better that way. Come to think of it, I think I'll go take him up on his offer. Hey, I'm a doctor. That's my job when patients are in need of the help they want. I must admit, he's determined. He followed me home and has been camping outside of my house for 2 days yelling.. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty!" Talk about crazy. Why do I always get the retards from hell?
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