Kevin nervously clenched his sweaty palms together as he stared blankly at the adoring crowd. He stood alone, in silence, waiting for his moment to shine. Kevin couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable, hundreds of eyes watching his every move, almost like they were waiting for him to break out into show tunes, or into tears. He noticed how restless the crowd was becoming, quiet murmurings were erupting throughout. He glanced down at his watch. Things were running late. “How could they all be running late? How could they all just leave me here all by myself?” he wondered to himself as he stretched the kink out of his neck.
It was a hot day, the sun was beating down on his dark suit making him feel very woozy. He couldn’t help himself, his eyes drew back on the crowd, desperately searching for familiar faces. His mom sat in the front row. She offered him a kind glance and a wink. She could tell how uncomfortable he was, but she knew that it would all be over soon and then he could get on with the rest of his life.
Finally, a commotion in the back gave Kevin a sigh of relief. For through the crowd came his brothers, Gerald and Tim, who joined Kevin up front and took their places on Kevin’s right and left, respectively. They both were in the process of apologizing for being so late, when the music started and the crowd rose to their feet.
Kevin’s stomach did a somersault and he swallowed hard to depress the nauseous feeling. He clenched his fists again while trying to force a smile. He was desperately trying not to look uncomfortable. He was trying to look happy. He knew that this was supposed to be the happiest day of his life, but he couldn’t help it; he couldn’t remember being this miserable in his entire life. He tried to forget about the heat. He tried to forget about his shirt, soaked with sweat, that was clinging to his back like Saran Wrap. He tried to forget that his feet were killing him in his new shoes. He tried to remember why he was putting himself through this.
And then he remembered. As her face appeared from behind the flowered arbor, it all came rushing back to him. As she made her way towards him he remembered how he would do anything for her. How he would die for her. He remembered when they met on that warm spring day at his best friends wedding; how when he first saw her from across the church, he knew that he had to have her. He remembered how she always made him laugh, even when he felt like the world was crashing down on him. As she moved closer and closer to him, he remembered how for her, and only her, would he wear a black wool suit on the hottest day of the year.
And before he knew it, she was standing right beside him, her beautiful blue eyes stared at him with just a hint of a tear forming. He smiled at her and stared deeply into her, through her eyes, right into her soul. And then he remembered how she would always blame him for everything, even the weather. He remembered how she had dented his brand new car and just said “oops!” He remembered how her voice would grate on his nerves when he was trying to work or sleep. He remembered that even though he knew that he would never hit a women, that she had pushed him to the brink on several occasions.
The music stopped and Gerald began to mumble something about being gathered to join these people in matrimony, but Kevin wasn’t listening. He was lost in his thoughts, busy envisioning his life with her. He saw screaming babies and a barking dog and piles of unpaid bills. He saw joy and he saw pain. He saw the ball and chain. Then he heard someone calling out his name.
“Kevin? Do you take Jennifer to be your wife?” Gerald asked. Kevin looked up as everyone waited for his answer. Jennifer began to squirm nervously and then she poked him. Gerald asked again, “Kevin, do you take Jennifer to be your wife?” Without even thinking, Kevin spun around to face the audience, looking for someone to make this right. He felt his tight fists being pried open as she asked him if he was alright. He stared at her and then looked to his brothers. Tim was winking at someone in the audience, and Gerald was eagerly awaiting his answer. He looked at her again, as she raised her eyebrows in concern. Then the feeling just overwhelmed him. The world began to spin as he took short, quick breaths. He ripped his hands from her grasp and looked around hoping for someone to rescue him from this feeling. He couldn’t do this. He had to get out of this, but how? He was panting and he looked at her for support, but she just stood there, poised, like royalty. “What am I doing? I can’t do this!!” he yelled out, not even sure if he had said it aloud. He bolted past his mother and down the aisle. “I’m sorry!” he yelled as he past through the gasping audience, ripping off his jacket. Never in his life had he felt so terrified or trapped. And never in his life did he want to feel that way again. He kept running, through the park where the reception was to have taken place, through the parking lot, not stopping until he reached his car. With one swift move he hopped in through the roof, it was a convertible with the top down, threw his new shoes out onto the pavement and sped away.
He drove past the park and as he quickly glanced in he saw his mother consoling his bride-to-be. He looked away and tore off his tie and threw it to the wind. He drove recklessly, with no destination in mind. He loosened his top button on his shirt and gave a sigh of relief when he saw the interstate. He pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the ignition. He took a deep breath and put his head down on the steering wheel and began to cry. He did love her; he had loved her from the first time her saw her, but he wasn’t the marrying kind. He knew that and so did she, but she had convinced him that he could do it and that they would be happy. He cried for her, feeling terrible for humiliating her like that, but he also cried for himself, tears of joy; he had never felt such joy and liberty. Indeed, this was turning out to be the happiest day of his life.