*-LetterBoys: Part 3- I Know…(AJ/JC Slash)-*

"Your chipper this morning. I expected to call and find you still crying from last night. Did you talk to AJ?"

"No, but I've decided something."

"And what would that be?"

"He means more to me than anything else in the world, and I'm gonna keep him."

It was a Monday, when my lover told me,

"never pay the reaper with love only."

what could I say to you, except, "I love you."

and "I'd give my life for yours."

Justin started laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"You… You're… YOU!" Justin was laughing so hard he was sure he wasn't making any sense.

"Huh?"

"Honey, I'm happy for you. I'm glad that you've worked this all out on your own, but… well, AJ isn't a dog, dear. You still have to talk to him about all this." Justin worked through his laughter and was finally able to get his point across.

"I know he's not a dog… I'm going to talk to him about this. But since he's still not answering my calls, it's gonna have to wait."

"Wait? Joshua, please tell me your not going to wait two weeks to talk to him about all of this. He's devastated. He thinks you're over. I mean I know what you were going through, but you've got it all figured out now. He's still in the dark!"

Josh sighed. "I know. I'm not going to wait that long. I wouldn't even make it that long. I can't stand the thoughts of what he's going through right now… What I put him through… I need him…"

I know we are… we are the lucky ones.

I know we are… we are the lucky ones.

I know we are… we are the lucky ones, dear.

Alex couldn't get back to sleep… He woke up in the middle of the night shaking and sweating. He had a dream so bad that all he could do was lay there and play it in his head over and over again.

He was in a dark room. The room was so tiny that he when walked two feet, he was on the other side of it. He was all alone. It was quiet at first, but then he called out asking for help. Calling for Josh and that's when he heard it, the never-ending laughter.

He finally got up around six and took a shower. On his way into the kitchen he saw the light flashing on his answering machine. He stopped and stared at it for a minute. Finally, against his will, he hit the play button.

"You have 32 messages. Message number one at four-o-three pm. 'Baby, please answer the phone… please we need to talk this out… Alex… I love you…'

'Message number two at four-ten pm, 'Alex, I know you're there. Please baby. You mean more to me than anything else in the world-'"

AJ quickly hit the delete button over and over deleting all the messages. He couldn't do this right now. He didn't think he ever could

Suddenly his phone began to ring. He was tempted to answer it but he knew it might be Josh. He glanced at the caller ID box and saw Brian's name and number and he sighed. He picked up the phone after the fifth ring.

"Hello?"

"Alex! About time man."

" Brian, you do realize it's not even seven in the morning yet, right? Most people are still asleep."

"Yeah, well, most people aren't you."

"Well, that's an obvious one. And lets all thank god for that. But what do you mean? I'm never up this early."

"Unless…"

"Unless what?"

"I just got off the phone with Justin." It was all Brian needed to say. They both knew AJ couldn't sleep when he was upset.

"That little fucker. I'm gonna kill him. What the hell does he think he's doing getting all up in my business?"

"He's worried about you. He says that you and Josh got in a fight."

AJ snorted. "We didn't get into a fight, he pissed me off, and I hung up on him. And I haven't answered his calls… all 32 of them."

"Alex!"

"Stay out of it Brian. It doesn't have anything to do with anyone, but Josh and I."

"Why haven't you answered his calls?"

"Because I don't want to. It's all going to be the same, 'I miss you, I love you, I'm sorry.' There are only so many time I can hear the same lies over and over."

"Lies? You don't think he misses you? You don't think he's sorry that he can't come home yet? You don't think he loves you?"

"He's not sorry, Brian. It's all an excuse. He's having fun being Mr.-high-and-mighty again and he doesn't want to come home. I'm just in the way."

"You can't really believe that. He-"

"Brian, I'm done with this conversation. Unless you have something else you need to tell me I'm hanging up."

"He loves you, AJ. More than anything… Justin says he's just as destroyed as you are."

"Goodbye, Rok. I'll see you Sunday for the group meeting."

The first time we made love, I… I wasn't sober.

(And you told me you loved me over and over!)

How could I ever love another, when I miss you every day…

Josh walked through the airport with his baseball hat on hoping he wouldn't be noticed. His bodyguard walked just behind him, watching everyone. If anyone made the slightest move to approach him, he'd be ready. He was in a hurry. He was running behind schedule and if he wasn't careful he was going to be late to the one appointment that meant the most to him.

He glanced at his watching seeing that it was 11:17 he picked up his steps. He heard his bodyguard chuckling and looked over his shoulder at him. "What's so funny?"

"You."

"Me? What'd I do?"

"That is the twentieth time you've checked your watch in the last five minutes."

Josh smiled. "Shut up. I'm just worried that were going to be late."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's the car. Get in."

Josh jumped in the car and quickly told the driver where he wanted to go.

Remember the time we made love in the roses?

(And you took my picture in all sorts of poses!)

How could I ever get over you

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

11:46 they pulled up in front of the house. Josh said thinks and jumped out. "Night."

"Night," his bodyguard replied.

The car pulled away and Josh stood there for a second staring up at the house. "Here goes nothin'."

He grabbed his suitcases and walked up the steps. He unlocked the door and went inside. He quickly noticed that the alarm wasn't set. "I'm gonna hurt him. I told him he has to set that thing every night."

He mumbled to himself. He shut and locked the door behind him. He set the alarm and grabbed his stuff heading upstairs.

The bedroom door was closed. He almost walked into it in the dark. He put his stuff down and opened the door.

He sighed. 'Home at last.' He looked across the room and saw the big bed. He pulled his stuff into the room and shut the door behind him. He left his stuff by the door and cautiously approached the bed.

Alex rolled over in his sleep.

Josh stood by the bed watching him sleep, he saw the dried tears on his face and started to cry.

He glanced at the alarm clock: 11:56.

He moved to the other side of the bed. He kicked off his shoes and took all his clothes off, sliding into bed. He quickly moved forward taking Alex into his arms.

AJ sighed in his sleep and snuggled closer to Josh.

Josh stared running his fingers through Alex's hair. Alex started to wake up and quickly realized that someone was holding him… Someone who was as naked as he was.

He pulled back and looked at Josh. "Josh… what the hell are you doing here?"

Josh nodded his head toward the alarm clock. AJ glanced over confused. 11:59 quickly turned to 12:00. "So?"

"Happy anniversary baby."

Alex pulled away from Josh and started to get up.

"No, no baby. Please." Alex saw the tears running down Josh's face and froze.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

<I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are… we are the lucky ones, dear.

Every bone in his body was telling him to move back to Josh and comfort him, but he couldn't, he still needed comfort.

"Alex, I'm so sorry baby. You mean more to me than-"

"Yeah, I've heard all of this."

"I love you. I would never leave you. I don't want anyone else."

Alex snorted. "Yeah, right."

"I don't. I only want you."

"So, you haven't been with anyone?"

"Been with… I would never do that to you. I told you I only want-"

"Me, yeah, right."

"Baby, I haven't been with anyone but you in the last three years. Shit, I haven't been with anyone in over a month and that was with you."

AJ looked away. He sounded sincere, but… "I know you've had guys and girls throwing themselves at you."

Josh nodded. "I always do, so do you baby. We always will. But I didn't take any of them up on it. It's just been me… and well… my hand."

Alex laughed then realized he wasn't supposed to be laughing and stopped. Josh smiled.

"All I could think about was you, baby." Alex set up on his knees on the bed. The covers were underneath him, that gave Josh a wonderful view. His eyes slid over AJ's body and he had to bite his lip to keep from moaning. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His body had reacted to seeing AJ and he needed to keep his head away from those thoughts, at least until later. He slowly licked his lips and then opened his eyes.

Alex had watched him. He had seen the way his eyes moved down his body. He had watched him bite his lip. Then Josh had closed his eyes and licked his lips, and all Alex could do was stare at Josh's lips.

"Shit." Josh said, when he saw that AJ had started to harden'.

Alex smiled. If nothing else he knew that Josh wanted him. He knew he wasn't lying about that. He pushed the covers out from underneath him and down to the bottom of the bed, which also pulled the covers off of Josh. 'God, he's so beautiful.'

My dear, It's time to say I thank god for you.

I thank god for you in each and every single way.

And, I know... I know.. I know.. I know...

"I… missed you so much baby."

Alex nodded, "I missed you, too."

"You don't know how many times I had to stop myself from telling Johnny that I quit. I just wanted to see you, and touch you, and kiss you. I couldn't stand it."

They were both crying and hard. They made a beautiful picture.

Josh didn't know what had happened to get Alex to open his mind and listen to him, and to actually believe him, but whatever it was he was thanking god for it.

It's time to let you know.

Time to let you know.

Time to let you know.

Time to sit here and say:

'This is Joshua, my Joshua. How could I ever think that he would lie to me? I love him more than anything else in the world… I know he loves me. I've never doubted his love before.' Alex thought. He moved closer to Josh, lying down next to him in bed. Josh turned on his side. They were just inches away from each other, it was a nice change to the miles that had previously separated them.

"I'm so sorry, Joshua. I'm so sorry, baby." Alex cried.

"No, baby," Josh moved forward, once again pulling Alex into his arms. They both gasped as their heated skin touched, but they had to keep their minds on the current issue. "Don't apologize. It's all my fault. I should have talked to you about everything."

"Why didn't you?"

" At first, I was so worried about getting the word out about my new album. It wasn't doing very good and I was upset and I was just trying to get it out there."

Alex nodded.

"I wanted you to be… I don't know… I guess I just wanted you to be proud of me..." Josh was so embarrassed. He hid his face in Alex's shoulder.

Alex smiled. "Baby, I've always been proud of you."

"God, saying it out loud makes it sound so childish."

"Naw, I think it's cute."

Now it was Josh's turn to smile.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are... we are the lucky ones.

I know we are… we are the lucky ones, dear.

We are the lucky ones, dear...u, when I'd give my life for yours.

"It was my first solo album. I wanted it to be a success. But mostly, I just didn't want to return home to you as a failure. After everything we went through, all the time we spent apart, I didn't want it to be for nothing. I wanted to come home and have you here, proud of me."

"I am, baby." Alex leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Josh's lips. It would have been a chaste kiss if it weren't for their hard, naked bodies pressed against one-another.

Josh shivered. Alex smirked.

"Nothing you could do could ever make you a failure in my eyes, Josh."

"I know. I knew it then, I just … I don't know… I wanted it to be a success…And the stupid record execs were on my ass the whole time… I wanted to tell them to go fuck themselves but I wanted it to be a success too. You know?" He asked already knowing the answer. Alex would understand.

Alex nodded.

"Can you forgive me, baby? Please. I love you so much. You are my whole world. I don't want anyone else. Just you." Josh looked into Alex's brown eyes pleading with him for forgiveness.

"Joshua." It was barely a whisper as Alex closed his eyes and placed his forehead against Josh's. There lips were just a mere inch away. They could feel the others hot breath breathing along their skin. "You're my world too baby. I love you. There is nothing to be forgiven. We just have to talk more. And be completely open with one another. It's never been a problem in the past and I don't want it to be one now. Ok?"

Josh nodded softly careful to keep his head from hitting Alex's to hard.

"Good… now baby…"

"Yeah?" Josh answered.

"Kiss me."

They both smiled. Josh leaned the inch inward placing his lips on Alex's. And suddenly all was right with the world.