+Intent34-35+AJ thought about what Tessa had said for three days before deciding to go through with it. At first he’d been insulted. But then he thought back about it. He had been high an awful lot, and drunk a lot too, what if he had been with a woman who was infected? What if he’d been HIV positive in the first place, that could have happened too. He it owed to himself, and to Win if they ever were going to push their relationship forward. After all, it wasn’t that big of a request. His test results were mailed to him three days later, he was clean. Now the real struggle was going to be bringing this up to Win without being obvious. The best way would be to come right out with it. Besides, everyone on the crew would probably know by now, since Kevin, Tessa and Howie had blurted it out in front of everyone. That settled it, he’d talk to Win tonight. AJ was so nervous his throat kept drying up. Just the thought of talking to Win about what he was thinking about was enough to make anyone try celibacy. But he didn’t want to try celibacy, and he did want to be intimate with Win, and maybe this was the way to suggest it. Since they came back Win had been staying in her room with Jen and AJ had been sleeping alone. He did not like sleeping alone, not when he’d been sleeping in the same bed with Win for two weeks. Even though it was hard to not to make a move on Win when they weren’t even kissing, he preferred just sleeping with her. Now he just tossed and turned until he finally fell into a shallow sleep, which was filled with an array of triple “X” dreams starring Win. He’d been taking a lot of cold showers lately. He definitely had to talk to her tonight. After the show, AJ took Win back to the hotel and walked her up to her room. Jen left quickly, going to hang out with Taylor. Win invited AJ inside for a moment. “The show was fantastic tonight.” Win said emptying her pockets. “Uh, Win, can I talk to you for a minute.” AJ said rubbing the back of his neck and sitting on the edge of her bed. Win looked over at him confused. “You okay sweetie?” she asked sitting down next to him. “Um, look, I’m not going to be all stupid about this. You know how everyone has been talking, about us not, you know. So I, well, I went and got tested.” AJ stammered pulling the results of his tests out of his pocket and handing it to her. She unfolded the paper and looked it over. “Good, now I don’t feel like such an idiot.” Win said getting up and pulling a paper out of her drawer. She sat back down and handed it to him. “So we’re both free and clean.” He said. “Yeah, and that took a lot for you to do, I appreciate it.” Win said putting her head on his shoulder. “Now Win, I don’t want to push you, I’m not saying that we have to do anything, right now. I just wanted to say that, I care about you, and I wanted to be mature about it. And now, when we are ready, we can really be ready, and we’ll be responsible about it.” “Well, thank you AJ. Yeah, I couldn’t deal with any kids right now. I couldn’t. That’s why I’m on birth control, always have been, although that was kind of a concern for Elizabeth.” Win said shaking her head. “Yeah, that would be kinda hard right now, wouldn’t it?” AJ said halfheartedly. “Well, I’m not saying I don’t ever want kids, but I don’t want my own. I want to adopt. I want to give homes to kids that need them. You just make sure you have condoms, I’m not taking any chances.” AJ felt his stomach do a backwards roll, she didn’t want kids, she didn’t want his kids. But did he even want kids? “Yeah, that’s a good idea. A real good idea.” AJ left Win’s room that night considerably confused as he had the night his grandfather suggested marrying Win. Win did not want to have her own children, she wanted to give homes to children that had been abandoned the way she had. Of course he could see the logic in that, but still, the image he had seen at his mother’s house, still brought a smile to his face. Maybe he was getting too sentimental. He didn’t have to have kids of his own. His mother would be happy being able to have kids to call her grandchildren, even if they weren’t biologically his own. Kevin and Tessa weren’t thinking about having kids any time soon, maybe they couldn’t have kids? Who knew, and especially now, with his own clock ticking, his twenty-seventh birthday being tomorrow, AJ was constantly wondering whether he could be a good father or not. His own had been a pale disappointment. Besides he didn’t know how to be a father, maybe it was better this way. And too, wasn’t he jumping the gun, yet again? He and Win had been together for two months only. They had not even discussed the idea of marriage, even abstractly, and here was thinking about kids. “What a stupid idea, a real stupid idea.” He muttered to himself, flicking off the light and snuggling into his pillow, trying to fall asleep. “Happy Birthday,” Win said sitting on the edge of AJ’s bed. She placed a hand on his side as she spoke and he sat up. “Mm, morning baby.” He said leaning forward and sleepily kissing her on the cheek. His thoughts from yesterday rushed back. Oh God, today he was twenty-seven, one year closer to thirty. “I did something special for you, I went down to the kitchen, and I made breakfast, just for you and me, out on the terrace.” “Thank you baby, but I think I’ll stay right here.” AJ said laying back down and pulling the blanket over his head. “Oh now what is this?” Win asked. “If you didn’t notice I’m turning twenty-seven today.” He said muffled through the blanket. “Oh so you’re going to hide under there for today.” Win replied. “Yes I am.” “Okay, so I guess I better turn in my card, cause you’ll only want to date eighteen year-old blonds, stay out and party all night and go buy a new sports car right? Your having a one-third of my life has passed crisis?” AJ popped up again. “What?” “I knew that would get you up, come on.” She pulled him out of the bed and as he walked out behind her he threw his arms around her waist. “I would never dump you for and eighteen year old blond.” He said. “I’m glad to here that, come on, eat your breakfast before it gets cold.” Win said dragging him over to his seat. AJ sat down but not before he pulled Win into his lap. “Now this is a happy birthday.” He said as he pulled her closer to him. “Now just what do you think you’re doing?” “Just saying thank you is all.” He replied nosing into her shoulder. “Do you want your present now or later?” she asked. “Hum, that’s a hard decision. But I think I’ll have to go with now.” AJ said with a smile. “Okay, then close your eyes.” AJ did so, waiting with a smile on his face. Win made like she was turning around to get something off the table and grabbed a card. She turned around and said, “You can open your eyes now.” She said and handed him the envelope. He gave her a look and opened the card, reading it out loud. “This card entitles Alexander James McLean to one” but he couldn’t finish because Win’s lips were pressed against his. The card lay in AJ’s lap as Win’s arms snaked around his neck and moved in closer. When they finally managed to part AJ’s eyes were blinking and he had to shake his head to regain consciousness. “Like your present?” she asked. “Um, yeah, I did.” “You want another one?” “Uh huh.” The breakfast lay forgotten and was stone cold by the time AJ was hungry. AJ headed down to lunch with Win with the biggest smile on his face that anyone had ever seen. Everyone was making remarks as to how far they had gone but AJ was quick to point out, “No, we only kissed, that’s all.” But AJ seemed as though he’d flown to the moon and back. He did not stop smiling. That night Dennis had scheduled AJ for an interview until the usual very last minute before the concert. He rushed AJ back to the hotel to change and told him they’d cut through the ballroom to catch a car waiting for them in the back of the hotel. AJ was rushing as if they really had a concert. So when they burst through the ballroom doors he jumped he was so surprised. Win and the guys walked forward singing the beginnings the traditional birthday song and then as the song began to end, the guys stepped back, to wide-eyed stares from Win and let her finish their new song. When the song ended, the entire room applauded and AJ threw his arms around Win and kissed her in front of everyone. Win was blushing by the time AJ let her go and then they rolled out the cake. The evening was perfect. Win met more of AJ’s family and friends and they spent the rest of the evening dancing. AJ was surprised to see his mother and Win welcomed her with a big hug. “So I see you two have finally kissed. Oh, that is so wonderful!” Denise exclaimed hugging them both at the same time. “Oh and my little boy is twenty-seven! Oh my goodness, twenty-seven years old! And to think I used to go with you everywhere, remember when you were just sixteen,” Denise sad dissolving into tears. “Ma, it’s okay.” AJ said putting his arms around her. The night was a success. AJ enjoyed himself, as much as everyone else did. He and Win, were as usual, the last to leave the dance floor. She insisted on walking him to his room tonight, since it was his birthday. “Come out on the terrace, it’s beautiful at night,” Win said once he unlocked the door. “All right.” He said, throwing his keys on the table by the door. He followed her out on the terrace and squeezed her tight. “Today was perfect. The day could not have been better.” He said snuggling his face into her shoulder. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. So how’s it feel to be twenty-seven?” she asked. “Ancient to tell you the truth. Now I can give advice and actually know what I’m talking about. But good too. Like, now, I can tell what kind of girl I really want. I can start thinking about things, like settling down, what I want to do with the rest of my life. I can slow down, and enjoy things. The first twenty-seven years were just getting here.” He replied, all the while holding tighter to Win. “You make a good point. God, I always thought by the time I was this age I’d be married, with a couple of kids. But my life is just starting. I got a long way to go before I can slow down and enjoy things.” Win replied. “You do what makes you happy.” “I know, and I will. I just don’t want to miss out on all the good things, like marriage, family, I know they can be good things. Not all people walk out on their kids.” Win said patting his hands, now firmly planted on her stomach. “Mm,” AJ nodded. “So, how much did you like your birthday present?” Win asked turning around. “Very, very much.” AJ said leaning down and placing a small kiss on her lips. Win cradled his head in her hands and drew his face towards hers again and deepened the kiss. AJ felt his body drain of strength as he stood there clinging to Win. His head was reeling and he stepped backward trying to steady himself. But then he noticed it was Win pushing him, back towards the room. Every time they stopped moving for a moment and he thought he’d finally regain his balance she’d push a little more. “Win, Win, hold on a second.” He finally got a chance to breathe. “What’s the matter?” she asked. “Are you sure?” he asked. She nodded. “Can I make love to you?” he asked. “I think you’d better.” She replied closing the terrace doors and pulling the curtains closed. She returned to him in a wave of wonderful smells, lilies, apples and some kind of candy. AJ took his time. He wanted to savor every thing about Win, and he loved saying her name as he traveled the length of her clothed body with his hands. Taking her hands and pulling her up to meet his gaze he said, “I love you Winifred.” “And I love you back.” They fell into their night, the stars and the inky blackness of a moonless sky enfolding them.
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