+Intent25-27+

AJ woke up still in Win’s lap, her hand in his hair and the other still on his back. He lingered for a moment, realizing that she was asleep and listened to her soft and easy breathing. He closed his eyes tight for a moment, thinking he might be dreaming and snapped them open again. But she was still here with him, still touching his chest, still holding him to comfort him. He savored this thought, smiling brightly to himself for the first time in a long time and slowly pulled out from under her arms. Her body lay limply against the padded headboard as her chest rose and fell gently. He stared at her, noticing the freckles along her cheeks, her soft brown eye lashes, her carved and lovely cheeks. The delicate lips he so wanted to kiss sat there staring back at him, taunting him as she slept.

The backs of her hands now lay pressed against the sheets and he looked closely at her wrists. They bore scars, numerous ones. Old track marks from her heroin days and haphazard gashes across her wrists, both of them. She’d tried to kill herself, at least once. He felt a piece of himself fall off the high wall he’d placed it on. Win was weak too, she could not pick him up all the way by herself, she’d need his help too.

Quietly he climbed out of the bed and stretched, he felt much better now, strong and relaxed. The idea that Win had stayed with him, had come running when he heard he was sick was enough to make him want to fly.

He put a hand up to his mouth and checked his breath, he cringed at it and thought he should brush his teeth.

By the time he was dressed, Win was stirring. She looked around for AJ for a minute and when she found him she asked,

“You feeling better?”

“Yes, and it was all because of you.” He said sitting down beside her, but she still looked worried.

“Come here, let me see,” she replied putting her hands on his forehead and his face, feeling his temperature.

“Are you sure you’re feeling better?” she asked as her hands slid down his neck, checking the temperature there also.

“I told you I feel fine, you don’t have to worry.”

“I have to worry, you were really sick, what happened? You were fine when I saw you at breakfast yesterday? What did you eat?” she asked, still concerned.

“I just got a case of the nerves is all. About that talk I’m supposed to give on Friday.”

“So that’s what it is,” she said relaxing and smiling.

“Yeah.”

“So what’s the matter, why are you nervous.”

“Well, I’m not nervous anymore, I’m not doing it.” He replied. He expected her to smack him, yell at him, at least give him a dirty look.

“Okay,” she said simply nodding her head.

“You’re not gonna try and get me to do it?” he asked surprised.

“Nope, it’s your decision, you’re a big boy, if you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to.” She got up out of the bed and went to the bathroom. When she came back out, he was still sitting on the bed stunned.

“You think I should do it?” he asked.

“I’m not qualified to give that answer.” She replied, walking around the room and picking up his clothes that he had strewn around the place and folding them into a neat pile on the bed beside him.

“Not qualified, you were a drug addict too! What would you do?” he asked turning to her. She couldn’t be sure of his expression because he was as always wearing his sunglasses.

“Honestly I have no affinity to speak in front of a large group of people who I do not know.” She replied.

“So you wouldn’t do it either.” He said nodding his head.

“I didn’t say that. I just said I wouldn’t stand up in front of a bunch of strangers and speak. If I knew who it was, if I’d met the people at least, it wouldn’t feel so awkward.”

“So you’d rather explain what you went through to an audience of the crew and the guys as opposed to a crowd of strangers?” he asked.

“Exactly.”

“I’m not doing it,” he said again.

“Like I said AJ, you can do what you want.”

“Then I’m not doing it.”

“Good, now change the subject, you’re getting annoying.” She replied. She didn’t act angry that he wasn’t going to do the talk, besides, she said she wouldn’t do it either. She couldn’t possibly be mad at him.

“Cause if you want me to do it, I still wont.”

“AJ!” she said exasperated, throwing down the T-shirt she was folding, “this is just one of those things that you will have to decide on your own. Don’t throw guilt in this. If you do it cause you feel guilty, you’ll regret it later. You decide what you, and what’s comfortable to you and that’s all that matters.” He sat quiet for a moment, realizing that he had indeed tried to get her to make him feel guilty enough to do it. But he still didn’t feel confident enough, he still would not do it.

“Now if you’d stop giving yourself a pity party I’d tell you something that would make you very happy.” She said coyly. He looked up at her quickly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I thought about it, and decided, I want to go home with you to meet your family.”

“You’re kidding?” he asked.

“No I’m not, just when you asked me out there, in front of everyone, it took me by surprise is all. I would love to meet your family.” She replied. He jumped up and threw his arms around her waist, spinning her in a circle.

“That is the best thing I’ve heard come out of your mouth in two days!” he said when he put her down.

“I can’t wait to tell my mom, she’s so excited to meet you.” He said with a large goofy grin.

“You’ve told her a lot about me then?” she asked.

“The very first night I met you, I called her and said, ‘Ma, this is the one.’”

“That’s very sweet, but cut the crap, what did you really say?”

“Oh okay, I said that I had met the most incredible, funny, and beautiful woman, and there was one drawback, she had a rat for a pet.” Win laughed.

“Sorry, he comes with the package, love me, love my rat.”

“And what if I do?”

“What if you what?” she asked suspiciously.

“Love you?”

“Easy boy, we ain’t getting that far yet. You gotta take me home to mama first.”

The next two weeks towards the big break went smooth. AJ cancelled his talk at the school without a guilt trip from Win, but he did feel bad after he did it. Even that could not damper his mood about Win coming to stay with him for two weeks, to meet his mom. This would be the real test, if his mom liked her, then she was definitely for real. He’d known enough girls that had dated him just because of who he was. He’d read that stupid book by one of his ex’s “Loving AJ” and still shook his head at the thought of it. He already knew Win was different, but his mom saying it would seal the deal. His mom always knew.

The last concert was in Nevada and then they would head to LA to make all final arrangements and plans in their home base of Holly Wood. AJ had already reserved a flight for Win, him, and to his displeasure, Jack the rat, to Maryland where he had just bought his mom a house on the shore.

Win was on the crew bus with Red, Daemon, Steve and their assistants. Jen was sitting beside her as they listened to their instructions about the break.

“We’ve got a concert the night after we get back together, so be ready to jump right back into work.” Daemon chorused for a third time. Jen and Win, as well as the rest of the assistants sat with glazed eyes. Why couldn’t she have gone on AJ’s bus? Or how come he couldn’t have ridden on her bus. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

The bus swayed dangerously sending papers and notebooks careening to the floor off the table. Red grabbed the couch for support and finally the bangs stopped and the bus jolted to a stop.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!” Red screamed jumping up and running to the front of the bus. The doors snapped open and the driver popped out. Win looked out the window and saw AJ’s bus also stopped a few yards away. She looked closer. There were several tires popped on the bus.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN SIX FUCKING POPPED TIRES! WE DON’T HAVE THAT MANY SPARES!” Win heard Red screaming. Daemon closed his eyes and shook his head.

“Great, fabulous, just frigging fabulous.” He said standing up and going out the door. Slowly, everyone filed out of the bus to look at the damage. The crew bus was sitting lopsided on its two unpopped tires and AJ’s bus was down to only three tires.

“What the hell could have caused that much damage?” Steve asked. He and Daemon walked over to the road they had all just careened off of and looked around. In the mean time AJ was rushing over to Win grabbing her up into a bear hug.

“You okay beautiful?” he asked.

“Yes AJ, I’m fine, but your going to break my ribs!” she laughed.

“Oh, sorry.” He replied loosening his grip.

“There was glass all over the road, big chunks of it too.” Daemon said rubbing his head.

“So how did the rest of the tour get through this?” Red asked.

“The rest of the tour took the long way around, they had to drop off four people in Las Vegas.” Daemon replied.

“Convenient,” Red snapped.

“It’s not like it would have been any better if four buses and how many vans were also stopped. Look, we’ll just call for help.” Daemon replied pulling out his phone.

“Shit, no service. Everyone check your cell phones! We need one that works!” Daemon called. Everyone tried, but it was the same, no service, although that did not surprise Daemon, here they were in the middle of the desert, there most likely was not a tower for considerable miles around.

“I’ll use the radio Dae!” Alex called trotting back into the bus.

“OH MY GOD!” Everyone turned when they heard the scream. Kevin came pelting out of the bus towards the crowd of people.

“Brianna’s water just broke!” he said.

“Oh shit,” Daemon replied. “Oh my God,” Win replied.

“And she wants you,” Kevin said looking directly at Win.

“Me?” Win’s eyes went wide.

“Yes, now come on,” Kevin grabbed her hand and led her to the bus.

“Alex, we need an ambulance, right away!” Daemon screamed running into the bus.

Inside the guys’ bus Win found Brianna half sitting, half laying down on the couch, trying to stay calm, but Brian wasn’t making matters any easier. He was pacing up and down the small hallway, furiously pounding his phone to make it work. Win was nervous enough without Brian and she was sure that he was making poor Brianna even more scared and nervous.

“Get him out of here.” Win said shaking her head at Brian. Kevin nodded and dragged Brian out of the bus.

Win sat down beside Brianna and patted her leg.

“How are you doing sweetie?” she asked.

“Been better, not pregnant, oh, oh, oh!” Brianna screamed clutching her stomach.

“OH that was a bad contraction!” she moaned. Win’s eyes went wide.

“You’re having contractions already?”

“That was the third one. Oh my god, here comes another one.” Brianna’s screams were so loud that everyone outside the bus heard them. Win got up and yelled out the door,

“Daemon! We need that ambulance, now!”

She ducked back inside and got Brianna something to drink.

“There’s, the, there’s the baby book, in Brian’s bunk, look in there.” Brianna said pointing down the hall. Win jumped up and searched for the book. When she found it she brought it back and searched through it till she found emergency delivery. She read each passage quickly, her eyes widening with each word she read.

“We can’t get anyone here for another three hours,” Daemon said coming into the bus.

“Oh no,” Brianna moaned. The tears were building her eyes.

“Daemon! Get out! She doesn’t need to hear that!” Win yelled pushing him back out the door. She went back to the book and started making preparations in case the baby came sooner than three hours. She followed the book’s instructions, which still didn’t make her feel any more confident in what she was doing.

“Winifred?” Brianna asked, the tears falling steadily now.

“Yes sweetie, what is it?” Win asked tenderly.

“I’m scared, what happens if this baby comes before the ambulance gets here?”

“Oh don’t you worry, you and the baby will be fine.” Win said, trying to reassure Brianna as well as herself.

Fifteen minutes later Brianna’s contractions were coming every five minutes. Win did her best trying to keep Brianna comfortable while reading snippets here and there, hoping to God she wouldn’t have to do this.

Two hours drifted by. Brian popped in and out, but he only seemed to be making Brianna more nervous. Win helped Brianna with her Lamaze breathing, she’d worked once for three weeks in a community center as an assistant to a Lamaze coach and knew a little about it. She found it hard to remember everything she’d learned, that had been four years ago now.

As the minutes passed Brianna’s contractions became closer together and more powerful to the point that she was screaming. The ambulance was still an hour away.

“Win, I got a doctor on the phone, he wants you to,” Brian said running in, but Win just grabbed the phone from him. She spoke to the doctor on the other line but Brian was fretting around and disturbing Brianna. She put the phone on her shoulder and screamed,

“Brian, get your ass over here and just help Brianna, help her sit up! Kevin! Get in here!” Brian did as he was told sitting down and pulling Brianna into his lap to hold her up. Kevin rushed in and listened to Win’s instructions.

“The baby is coming now, it’s not going to wait, okay, okay doctor, I’ll do it.” Win spoke into the phone. Meanwhile Brianna screamed to Kevin.

“Get the camera, we don’t want to the baby to miss this.” Kevin did as he was told.

“Oh big help,” Brian snapped. Kevin juggled the video camera and the regular digital camera.

“Brian, just shut up, Brianna, you need to get ready to push, okay, three big ones, I’m gonna count to ten and then I want you to push,” Win counted and on ten Brianna screamed as she pushed.

“I see the head, I’m gonna count again,” Brianna pushed a second time.

“You’re almost there, Brianna, come on.”

“I can’t, I can’t.” she cried.

“Yes you can Brianna, this baby needs you! Now push!”

“I can’t do it!”

“Honey, come on, you’ve come this far, you can do it!” Brian encouraged.

“Brianna, look at that ring, look at it, you wanted to show that to your baby one day, I dove to the bottom of the dumpster to find that ring so you could show your baby, now push!” Brianna pushed one more time and cries were heard outside the bus.

“It’s a girl, a perfect baby girl.” Win said lifting the baby to Brianna’s arms.

“Oh Brian, look at her, just look at her.” Brianna cooed. Brian was sitting in astonishment, staring at his wife and baby.

Win stood up and walked out of the bus, finishing her talk on the phone with the doctor before handing the phone over to Brian.

Everyone had gathered around the bus as Win emerged, covered in blood.

“She’s fine, it’s a girl,” she said walking towards her bus. A great cheer went up and sirens were heard in the distance. The bus was empty and she proceeded to the bathroom to scrub off her hands. She changed her clothes and returned to the door of the bus just in time to see Brianna, her new baby girl and Brian being shut up in the ambulance.

She looked down at the ground and watched the ambulance pull away.

“Hey! Here you are! The woman of the moment!” AJ said bounding up to the bus and pulling her down. He picked her up in his arms and carried her over to the group.

“Here she is!” he said putting her down in the circle.

“Way to go Win!”

“You were incredible!” “What a way to take charge!” Win was spun around among her fellow crewmembers, all patting her on the back and congratulating her.

“Looks like you’re one of the family now!” Nick chimed in hugging her. But she’d never felt so far away from these people before, she’d never felt so alone in her life.

They arrived at the hospital by nightfall. Everyone was anxious to meet the new baby and see how Brianna was doing. Brian met them in the waiting room, beaming from ear to ear.

“She’s just fine, absolutely fine. Both are perfectly healthy and happy. Ah, Win! Thank the lord for you!” he said wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly.

“What would we have done without you!” he exclaimed.

“You’d have kicked into parent mode and done it yourself.” Win replied nervously.

“No, you were the difference, you really were. Come on, Brianna wants to see you.” Brian said leading her forward.

“No, really, you’re family should see her first.”

“No, besides, they won’t be here till tomorrow morning. Come, she’s been asking for you.” Brian pulled her into the room gently, but forcibly at the same time.

Brianna was in bed holding the baby in her arms. When she looked up and saw Win she smiled.

“Oh Winifred, I can’t thank you enough.” She sighed. Win gave a nervous smile.

“Well, uh, you’re welcome. But you did most of the work.” She said tugging at her shirt.

“Here, come hold her.” Win approached the side of the bed timidly, looking at the bundle of blankets that was the baby.

“Brian, here, give her the baby,” Brianna said handing the baby to Brian gently.

“Here you go Win,” Brian said placing the baby in her arms. She looked down into the child’s face, watching her sleep peacefully. She was definitely Brian’s child. She looked just like him. Her head was covered in light blond fuzz, resembling her mother. She was undeniably beautiful. She looked up and saw Brian taking her picture, she smiled as much as she could and he clicked again.

“She’s lovely.” Win replied.

“We talked it over and decided on a name.” Brianna said smiling, Brian taking her hand in his.

“What is it?” Win asked looking up.

“Winifred Grace.” Brian replied. Win did a double take.

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“Winifred, we’re naming her after you.” Brianna replied.

“Oh, you don’t want to do that, really.” Winifred said hastily, handing the baby back to Brian.

“Why not, you’re her Godmother,” Brian replied rocking the baby.

“I’m not her Godmother, you should have one of your close friends be a Godmother.” Win said scared.

“Win, you dove to the bottom of a dumpster to find my wedding ring, you delivered my baby, how much closer of a friend do you want to be?” Brianna asked reaching for her hand, but she started walking slowly towards the door.

“Really, you don’t want to name your baby after a former homeless drug addict, and you don’t want me looking after her.” Win replied. Brian handed the baby back to Brianna and headed Win off at the door.

“Winifred, you’ve done some wonderful things. We want you as a part of our life. We want you to be our child’s grandmother, and we want her to be named Winifred. Please, don’t push us away.” Brian said putting his arms around her again and pulling her close.

“Okay, sure.” Win replied still unsure.

“I’m gonna go get something to eat, you guys enjoy. Congratulations.” Win said patting him on the back and waving to Brianna. She went out the door, letting him go and walked quickly away from everyone. A few minutes later she looked around and found herself at the nursery. She stopped and looked through the glass, watching the nurses attend to the babies. She couldn’t believe that less than five hours ago she had helped a woman deliver her baby.

As she stared at the babies she wondered. Which of these babies would end up with good loving parents like Brian and Brianna, which of these babies would end up in orphanages? Which of these babies would die within the next year? Which of these babies would have to endure the pain of no family or no love? She felt a hand on her shoulder. “Which one would you want to take home?” AJ asked.

“The one that needs a home.” She replied.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Today just brought a lot of things back.” She replied.

“Like what?” he asked carefully.

“Just when I held the baby, right after she was born, I wanted to know, who, who could ever hurt a child. Who could abandon a child, looking at them and not seeing that they were needed?”

“I don’t know beautiful.” He said moving behind her and encircling her waist with his arms. She could feel the tears burning in her eyes.

“What I really want to know is how was I different from any of these babies, how was I different from Brian and Brianna’s baby? What did I do to be thrown in a dumpster?” She didn’t want to cry the tears blurring her vision. But when AJ turned her around and hugged her to his chest she started and couldn’t stop. “Oh beautiful, you were one of those babies, you deserved good parents, they just couldn’t see it. But now you have people to care about you. I care about you, and I would never, never allow anyone to hurt you.” AJ said holding her tightly to him. Win clung to him, her tears still spilling on his shirt.

“No matter what happens, I will always care about you Win, always. Don’t you ever forget that. You have a family now, you have me. And no one can take me away from you.” Win cried even more at that. She hated crying, it made her feel weak. She didn’t like feeling weak but AJ was strong, and as he held her, she felt for the first time in seven years, safe. She looked up at him.

“I soaked your shirt now,” she said. He laughed.

“That’s okay. I don’t mind. Come on, lets go to the hotel, get something to eat and get some rest. Tomorrow, we fly to Maryland. Where you can meet another member of your family.” He replied touching her nose. He used his sleeve to wipe away the rest of her tears.

“No more crying, I don’t have a dry spot left for you to cry on.” He said, making her laugh again.

“Thank you.” She said.

“For what?”

“For being my family.”