+Intent16-18+

The concert went off without a hitch, there were no mal functions and Win had a blast watching the guys perform. She loved their music, and she couldn’t help singing parts of songs as she helped with the take down of the set. Daemon caught her doing a little dance and singing the chorus to “My Beautiful Woman”.

It was midnight when Win was heading out to the band bus with some of the crew. She spotted Jen whom waved her inside and showed her the bunk across from her own.

“All yours, for the rest of the US tour.” Jen said pulling the curtain back. The bus rumbled to life and was already pulling out of the parking lot as the two other crewmembers that stayed on the band bus, Gina and a guy named Lennon, climbed into their bunks.

Jen said goodnight and closed her curtains. Win was just about to crawl into her own bed after shoving Jack in first for safe keeping when her phone rang. Quickly going to silent it, she dashed out to the kitchen area and flipped it open to answer.

“Hello?” she asked as she sat down at the table and slid so she could lean against the window.

“Hi beautiful,” AJ answered.

“You’re gonna have to stop calling me that, or I’ll come to expect it.” Win replied laughing.

“I like calling you beautiful, it’s either that or Pretty Winnie. You choose.”

“Okay, I’ll go with beautiful.”

“I thought you would.”

“Oh so you know my every thought now do you?”

“I’d like to.”

“I bet you would.”

“How’d you enjoy the concert?”

“I, loved it. I really did. You guys are amazing!”

“Why thank you. I was on a little better form, considering I had you watching.”

“Why would that matter?”

“I wanted to make a good impression.”

“I already thought you were good when I saw you this morning, you don’t have to do anything to impress me.”

“I don’t?”

“No, If you are yourself I’ll like you much better than an act. Which reminds me, take off the sunglasses.”

“How would you know if I’m wearing sunglasses?”

“I said take them off.”

“I’m not wearing them.”

“AJ.”

“Okay, okay, I took them off.”

“See, I was right! Ha!”

“All right, you won.”

“Yes I did, so what are you doing now?”

“Oh I’m eating a sandwich, the rest of the guys are in the back watching a movie. Brianna’s asleep in Brian’s bunk.”

“She really shouldn’t be on tour while she’s pregnant, it’s too much stress for her.”

“Brian’s trying to get her to go home tomorrow, his mom is supposed to staying with her. We have alternate dates for everything so Brian can go home when he needs to.”

“Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep?” Win asked.

“Oh I’m always on a high after the show.”

“Do you really like doing it? I mean, performing.”

“There’s nothing like it in the world, I wouldn’t give it up for all the money on the planet.”

“Sounds like your passion.”

“It is. I’ve always loved the stage the,”

“The attention. You love the attention.”

“Yeah, that is a bonus. But I like attention, and affection from you better.”

“Better than being on the stage with all those girls screaming for you?”

“I feel as good with you as I do performing, and that has nothing to do with the screaming girls.”

“Really now?”

“Yes really. But you love that you are getting all the attention from me.”

“I don’t know how to handle it, I’ve never had anyone pay as much attention as you do to me.”

“You’ve never had other boyfriends?”

“Of course I have, not many granted, but a couple. The relationships didn’t last.”

“What are we calling ourselves then?”

“Huh? Damn, you want that already, lets just say were friends, intent on something more.”

“Okay, I can deal with that for now. We have only known each other for three days. When can I kiss you?”

“Damn, another one, you don’t waste time. When I say you can. Not now, not tomorrow.”

“What about the day after?”

“AJ!”

“Okay, okay, didn’t hurt to ask. I miss you.”

“Do you always move this fast?”

“Why? How fast am I moving for you?”

“To me, this feels like the speed of light. I was already getting lectures from Jen on how hard it was going to be to be with you, cause of the fans and such.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push, we can just be friends.”

“It’s not just you AJ, I haven’t been letting things stay slow myself, and I just don’t want to screw anything up.”

“I agree with that too.”

“I’m getting tired, maybe we can see each other tomorrow.” Win replied.

“Yeah, maybe we can go out to a club or something?”

“Oh AJ, no offense, but lets just stay in and watch a movie or something, I’ll be too tired to go out dancing.”

“Sure, that sounds okay. You can always come back to my room and we can make out for the rest of the night.”

“Ha ha AJ, very funny.”

“It was worth a shot.”

“You keep using up your shots and before long the target is gonna be dead.”

“Ouch! Now that hurt! I get at least a hug tomorrow for that.”

“We’ll see. Good night AJ.” Win whispered.

“Night beautiful.”

As the tour wore on Win fell comfortably into her routine. She loved her job, save for her boss Red who tried to make life unbearable. Since AJ had taken an interest in her and put a demand on her time, Red had become angrier with her. He seemed more vindictive than ever the closer she and AJ got.

Closer indeed they had become. It had been a month, and despite the childish ways of the rest of the crew, AJ and Win had become an item. AJ ran himself ragged just to spend time with Win. Some nights he even stayed after the concert and helped her pack up her stuff and then slept in a spare bunk on the band bus.

Now Win still hadn’t given AJ that kiss, and he was relentless in the pursuit of it. He continually asked her when he could kiss her on the lips, but on that count she remained silent. Even though AJ wanted that kiss, it was driving him crazy, and it made Win all the more interesting. The chase was just part of the thrill. He disliked girls who just fell into arms because he was who he was.

It had been two months since Win started the tour, and for the first time in five years, she felt as if her life was going to turn out okay. She had friends, and for the first time in her life since Elizabeth died she felt among family. Everyone ate together, hung out together and joked around. She was beginning to feel as if she belonged.

Brian had not gotten Brianna to go home and consequently she had been making everyone nervous. Win was worried that Brianna would go into labor early with all the stress of going from venue to venue, riding on the bus and sometimes having to sleep there. She was also driving Brian insane, but he was good about it. Three or four times a day Brianna would burst into tears and sometimes in the middle of the night. Brian would often have to run from somewhere to comfort Brianna until she stopped crying. Kevin had flown his wife Tessa in to give Brianna some company.

It was early one afternoon when Brian returned from his room to the dining room of the hotel they were staying in that night to eat his lunch. It was the fourth time that morning Brianna had paged him, and he wasn’t in a mood to be reckoned with. Win, AJ, Gina, and Evan were all eating when Brian plopped down at the table.

“Now I understand that it has to be hard carrying another human inside of you, but how many times a day can you cry over cold toast, or how wonderful it’s going to be to have a child.” Brian said holding his head in his hands.

“Tessa not helping any?” AJ asked.

“A little, but she always wants me when she’s crying.” Brian replied.

“Only a little longer Brian, and then it’ll be the baby crying all the time.” Win remarked.

“Thanks for reminding me.” Brian replied sulkily.

“What’s on the agenda for this afternoon?” he asked yawning.

“Nothing, Dennis said the last appearance backed out at the last minute, so we’re free until the concert.” AJ replied.

“Nice.” Brian replied laying back in the chair.

“Hey Win, guess what I found out!” Daemon yelled trotting up to the table.

“What?”

“The hotel we stop at tomorrow night is having a live karaoke night, band and all. So we finally get to hear you sing!”

“Oh fabulous!” Win replied sarcastically.

“Come on, I want to hear you sing!” AJ said grabbing her side so she laughed.

“All right, all right, I will.” Win replied.

“Now?” AJ tried again.

“No! AJ, stop it!” Win exclaimed laughing.

“You love it when I tease you, admit it, other wise you’d be bored.”

“Oh knock it off, I’m gonna be sick,” Daemon said pretending to vomit. AJ snaked his arms around Win and kissed her on the cheek.

“If he didn’t tease me, we wouldn’t have any thing to talk about at all.” Win remarked twisting away from AJ’s arms.

“We have more in common than that,” AJ retorted.

“Just what exactly?” Win asked with raised eyebrows, one elbow leaning on the table.

“Well, we’re both working on the tour, and,”

“Eh, try again, you sing, I work. You are the reason any of us have jobs.”

“We both sing,” he tried again.

“Eh, wrong, I sang, you sing.”

“Ouch, Win, you are mean!” Gina laughed.

“All right, enough with the technicalities. We like the same kind of movies, talking on the phone, we both love getting attention.”

“Ham, that is just what I am gonna start calling you. Cause you are just a big fat ham.” Win said shaking her head and going back to her lunch.

“What? It’s the truth, isn’t it?” he asked laughing. She put down her fork and turned to him.

“Ham just doesn’t seem to fit, I’ll just call you pig, a big, fat, oinking pink pig.” Everyone at the table had their ribs cracking, trying not to laugh.

“Pig? You’re going to call me pig?” he asked staring at her.

“Miss Piggy would fit just as well, what do you prefer?”

“What did I just walk myself into? My girlfriend is gonna call me Miss Piggy.” AJ asked turning back to the table. The table erupted into laughter.

“AJ.”

“What?” he asked turning to look at her.

“Did you actually think I was serious?” He looked at her, with his mouth gaping open. She grabbed his side and he jumped up so fast he knocked over his chair.

“So you’re ticklish, this could work to my advantage.” Win said with a devilish smile.

“Don’t even think about it,” AJ said edging away.

“Oh I’m thinking it, now what you gonna do about it?” She asked threateningly as she stood up from the table.

“Come on Win, don’t, really.” He said panicked, backing away.

“Is he for real?” Win asked looking back at the table.

“Yeah he is, when he annoyed us we’d gang up on him and tickle him until he was out of breath.” Brian replied.

“This is definitely going to work to my advantage.” Win replied taking a step towards AJ.

“What? I’m not going to do anything.” She said innocently, but before she could take another step he’d turned on his heel and sprinted towards the elevator.

“Oh this is gonna be fun.” She said sprinting after him.

Now she had to figure out which room he would probably go to, his, or hers. If he really wanted to get away from her, he’d be in his own room. If he wanted to play, he’d be in her room. But he might double back, just to fool her.

She took the next elevator up and went to the hall of his room. The door was closed, but that didn’t mean he was in there. Win went down the hall to the corner away from the elevator. She hid herself so she could see his door, and waited.

It was approximately ten minutes before he showed up and slowly Win crept up behind him as he opened his door. She padded silently behind him and just missed the door as it swung closed. AJ threw his keys down on the side table and walked towards his bed.

He turned around and Win flew at him. She attacked his sides as he backed up and tripped over his own feet, just catching the edge of the bed. He tried desperately to push her hands away as he laughed, his glasses flying askew.

“Please Win, ha ha, come on, stop it!” he couldn’t stop laughing.

“You give up?” Win asked, still tickling him.

“Yes! Yes! I give up! Please, I give up!” he shouted. Win rolled off him and sat up on the edge of the bed while AJ lay panting, one hand over his heart.

“You, scared, me, to death.” He said in between breaths.

“That’s a good thing right?”

“I don’t know, let me get my breath.”

“So the guys used to really gang up on you?”

“Yeah, I was the second youngest in the group, they loved to do that to me. But nowhere as fun, as when it’s a pretty girl, especially you.” He replied sitting up.

“I bet you did like that, despite the fact that you were screaming like a little girl.”

“Excuse me, what was that you called me?” he asked standing up and putting one knee on the bed.

“Oh that’s right, you’re the ham,” Win replied as he placed his other knee on the side of her hip, forcing her backwards. He inched his knees forward, leaning down, each of his hands taking one of hers and intertwining their fingers as he fell forward.

“Hi.” He said grinning. His nosed touched hers. He brushed his lips along her cheeks, nose, chin, forehead and down her neck. As he worked his way down her neck and back, his grip on her one hand loosened and she was able to pull her hand free. When he felt her hand on his neck, he felt encouraged and pressed a little into her neck, moving in closer, placing his hand on her hip. She felt his heart pounding against her chest. His lips moved back up her neck up her chin. He was about to kiss her lips when Win turned her head, and he kissed her cheek instead.

He picked his head up and looked at her face that was turned away from him.

“Not yet, sorry AJ.” She said. He didn’t move though, he waited for further explanation. He felt he’d been so close, and to be denied now, actually hurt, he felt cheated.

“AJ, come on,” she said and squirmed a little. He climbed off of her and sat on the bed as she sat up.

“It’s not you, honest,” she said looking at her feet.

“Is it you then?” he asked.

“I don’t want to push it, things are going good.”

“Okay, okay. I want to be affectionate with you, and yes I want to be intimate with you, I’m not afraid to admit that. I just want to know why you keep pushing it away. You seem to want me, then you don’t, I just want to understand why is all.”

“AJ, I had several relationships where I just fell in love with the idea of love. Believing that a kiss is love, sex is love. I’ve fallen in love so many times, but just with the idea of it. I want to be in love with you, not your kiss. I’m sorry I’ve been so stupid about it.”

“That’s okay. Now that I understand it doesn’t feel like I’ve been rejected.” Win looked over at him suddenly.

“Oh AJ, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close to her.

“I’ve been so stupid about the whole thing.” She whispered in his ear.

“Just be honest with me from now on, about everything, okay?” asked pulling his arms tighter around her.

“I will.”

Win had spent the rest of the evening avoiding AJ, hiding in the bus with a book held in front of her face, staring the words but not really seeing them. She felt incredibly stupid. After leaving AJ’s room she ran as far and as fast as she could, away from him. Honesty. That’s what he wanted about everything, honesty. He’d been honest with her, he’d told her about everything that had gone on in his life, but she couldn’t be completely honest with him. He might understand that she’d been homeless, that she was an orphan, that she had no family, friends or money. But there were other things that he just might not understand. She couldn’t risk him finding out, if he did, she might lose him, she might lose the life she had, the life she always wanted and finally had.

The concert went smooth that night and when AJ offered to help Win she told him just to go to his bus. He argued with her but she was adamant that he get some rest. In fact Dennis had spoken to her to convince AJ to get some sleep because he was working too much. He left with a sour glance at her but she breathed a sigh of relief.

Sending AJ away had put an extra burden on her. She had a lot left to put away, but focusing on her work pushed him out of her mind for a while. Jen and the rest of the band crew were behind on their stuff that night as well considering they were down on four members, leaving a grand total of two, Jen and the other manager Steve. Win finally finished all her duties and offered Jen and Steve some help. They agreed and she started by carrying out the guitars to the trucks.

An hour later the last thing to do was put the grand piano in the truck, and that was going to be a task in itself. A special heavy-duty ramp had been constructed so that the piano could be pushed into the truck, but it took at least five people to heave the thing up, of course Win didn’t know this.

Steve, Jen, and Win pushed the piano out of the back venue door and to the foot of the ramp. “Hey Win, go do a sweep to make sure we didn’t forget anything.” Steve said as he beckoned Jen over to him.

“You two sure you gonna be okay with that thing?” Win asked skeptically.

“Oh yeah, we’ve done this a thousand times before, go on, we’ll be ready go right after this.” Steve replied. Win gave him a sideways glance and returned to the arena to make sure nothing was left behind. It only took her a minute to see that they had everything and went back out to the truck.

She walked over to the side of the ramp, to make she was out of the way and climbed up into the truck to help pull the piano in when she heard the faintest noise. She looked down at the ramp and saw the wood starting to warp under Steve and Jen’s feet. She jumped back down on the ground and looked under the ramp, then realizing the extra support had not been put under it.

“Jen, Steve, the ramp is cracking!” she yelled over their struggling groans. Win climbed back up into the truck and saw the bottom of the ramp falling away. The piano was close enough so she grabbed Steve and Jen’s wrists and yanked, forcing them to let go of the piano and scramble around the sides of the piano and grab the sides of the truck. The piano rolled back and crashed where the rest of the ramp should have been.

“Shit! Now what?” Steve asked.

“We pick up the pieces and get on the bus. There’s nothing we can do now.” Win said jumping down out of the truck and gathering splintered wood. They boxed up the wreckage and the broken ramp, throwing everything into the truck and going to their bus.

“Daemon is going to have a fit!” Steve yelled as they walked.

“Steve, the ramp wasn’t fixed. Who set it up after the show? The extra supports weren’t under there.” Win replied.

“Still, that’s an expensive piano, that was Kevin’s piano, not just any piano.” Jen remarked as they got on the bus.

“Ouch, that’s gonna hurt.” Win replied.

“Well, no sense in crying over a smashed piano, we’ll tell him in the morning.” Jen replied climbing into the bus, Win and Steve following behind her.

Jen and Steve said good night and headed to their bunks, but Win was standing stock-still. Jen and Steve must have been too aggravated to notice, or had become accustomed to his appearance on the bus because they walked right past AJ who was sitting at the kitchen table. She tried to act natural and walked past him saying.

“I thought you were going to sleep on your bus with Kevin, Brian, Nick and Howie?” she asked as she pulled the curtain on her bunk to check on Jack.

“I changed my mind, I decided I wanted to sleep here.” He said as he sat, leaning back on the window of the bus.

“Then you better get some sleep, it’s late.” She replied as she climbed into her bunk and pulled the curtain closed.

The curtain snapped back open a second later and AJ was staring down at her.

“I think we should talk, don’t you?” he asked.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because yesterday you were fine and today you are acting like something’s up.”

“Nothing is up, go to sleep.”

“No, get up, we are going to talk.” He said firmly.

“Fine,” she said getting up and pushing past him to the kitchen. She plopped herself down at the table and laid her hands out in front of her as if she were inspecting them. He sat down across from her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing is wrong.” She replied, still staring at her hands.

“Don’t lie to me.” Once he said that she pulled her hands in her lap and looked at him, leaning back into the seat.

“AJ, I’m starting to care for you, a lot, so much that it’s scaring me. You are such an amazing person. I’m just waiting for the bottom to drop out. It always has.”

“I’m waiting for you to just to say I’m not worth it, I mean, we are so different, I mean just look at you, you’re famous, you’ve got it all figured out. I don’t even know you, and we’re already talking like we’ve been together forever.”

“So you want to give up?” he asked leaning back, surveying her through his sunglasses.

“I don’t want you to get involved with someone you might not want to be with after you find out a few things about me.”

“What are you afraid to tell me?” he asked concerned.

“AJ,” she said looking away from him pained.

“Is it that bad?”

“Yeah, its that bad.”

“What’s it about?”

“Let me just say that you’re addiction to cocaine and alcohol was a mere five minute childhood phase compared to what I did.” She said, still not looking at him.

“You did drugs?”

“That’s an understatement.”

“What did you take?” AJ asked roughly, his throat was dry.

“Pills, valium, ecstasy, weed, adderoll, tranquilizers, anti-depressants, cocaine, smack, angel dust, crack, my drug of choice, heroin.” As the list grew AJ shifted uneasily.

“I spent the first three years out of the orphanage staying as stoned as I could, trying to forget, who I was, and the situation I was in. I finally hit rock bottom when one of the choir singers found me shooting up in the bathroom before practice.”

“What happened?” he asked. “They offered me help, and I took it. I spent five days locked in that church basement, waiting for the drugs to leave my system.”

“You still hitting it?” he asked.

“No. I stopped that day, and never looked back. It was the most excruciating pain I’ve ever been through. I can’t even think about doing that again. I wasted three entire years of my life, three years that I could have been closer to something besides living in the streets.”

“So that’s what you’ve been afraid to tell me?” he asked.

“Look, if you want to just forget that we were even thinking about getting serious.”

“Did you forget that I went into rehab? Rehab for cocaine and alcohol addiction?”

“No, of course not.”

“How could I be mad at you for something I’m guilty of as well?” he asked. She kept looking out the window and didn’t answer him. “I thought you’d want someone better than that.” She finally replied. He got up and slid in beside her.

“How long have you been clean?” he asked.

“Almost four years.”

“Then you are better than that. Win, I know how much it hurts. The guilt never goes away. But we can go through it together. But most of all I don’t care what you did, where you came from, it doesn’t matter to me.”

“AJ come on,” she replied, staring out the window.

“Do you want me to break out into ‘As Long As You Love Me’ right now, I know it’s corny, but I’m not above corny.” She laughed, turning to face him.

“Now that’s my girl,” he said hugging her.

“Come on, lets get some sleep.” He said sliding out of the booth. He headed down the aisle to the bunk he slept in when visiting the band bus but Win grabbed his hand.

“Hold on a second.” She took Jack out of her bunk and stowed him in the empty one before crawling into her own.

“Come on.” She waved him in and he grinned as he climbed in beside her.