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Page Five

Jokes, Jokes, and more Jokes

In no particular order, arrangement, or category

Let he who....
Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and
approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.
"This woman was found committing adultery and the law says
we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.
"Wait," yelled Jesus, "Let he who is without sin cast the
first stone."
Suddenly, a huge stone was thrown from out of the sky,
crushing the woman instantly.
"Aw, c'mon, Dad...," Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"

Hurry!
He loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the
ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next
hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.
So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the
dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait.
He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a
little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.
He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a
bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?'
"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a
minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

Raffle Prizes
Jon, Brian, and Amanpreet were in the pub enjoying a few
quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the
weekly raffle. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was
for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn,
they each won a prize.
Jon won the first prize: a whole year's supply of gourmet
spaghetti sauce.
Brian won the second prize: six month's supply of extra-long
gourmet spaghetti.
Amanpreet won the sixth prize: a toilet brush.
When they met in the pub a week later, Amanpreet asked the
others how they were enjoying their prizes.
"Great," said Jon. "I love spaghetti."
"So do I," said Brian. "And how's the toilet brush, 'Preet?"
"Not so good," Amanpreet confided. "I'm going to have to go
back to paper."

Carpet Layer
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He
stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No
sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he
said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and
flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said,
handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the
hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my gerbil."

The Frog and the Hamster
=--=
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The
bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says,
"You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you
something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"
The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."
"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster.
He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar,
across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing
Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.
The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like
that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the
drink and asks the bartender for another. "Money or another miracle else no drink", says
the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on
the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch.
A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers
him $300 for the frog.
The guy says "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives
the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender
says to the guy "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing
frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."
"Not so", says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist."

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