+ Phone conversations last 30 seconds
+ You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
+ A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
+ Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
+ You can open all your own jars
+ Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight
The following are from a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the crash impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And
in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old is your son--the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you ?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.S
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the
voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled
down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem,
Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am
pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congrat
ulations.
What do you think you're going to do with the
money?"
John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get
that drivers' license."
Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh,
don't pay attention to him -- he's a smartass when he's drunk
and stoned."
Brian from the backseat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get
far in a stolen car!!!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and
Amanpreet's muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
