101 Things NOT to Ask/Say to the President during a Visit to the White House


1. You need a breath mint.
2. What's your dog's name? (referring to Chelsea)
3. Get away from me.
4. Oops! I just broke Mrs. Lincoln's vase!
5. You belong on The Jerry Springer Show.
6. There's broccoli in your teeth.
7. Hey! You're that funny guy on Saturday Night Live!
8. Are you on Viagra?
9. You're a groovin' guy in a funky way.
10. You're a smelly guy in a stinky way.
11. Hey there, groovy chic!
12. Hey, buddy ol' pal, remember me?
13. Didn't I just see you yesterday with that Monica girl in the back of the movie theater?
14. Isn't that suit a little too small?
15. You need to seek professional help.
16. What are the three colors on the American flag again?
17. Give me the death sentence.
18. What's your name?
19. Arkansas is a hick state.
20. You look like Socks the Cat.
21. Did you get that suit at the Five 'n' Dime?
22. I just spilled Coke on the presidential rug!
23. Hey, Billy, toss me a brewsky!
24. Who are those losers? (referring to his Secret Service Agents)
25. I gotta wedgie. Can you give me some help?
26. This food tastes like crap. (at dinner)
27. Hello, Mr. President. I is (your name here).
28. I am a terrorist.
29. You look like Ellen DeGeneres.
30. Who the hell are you?
31. Haven't we met before?
32. Whoa! I saw you at Pizza Hut the other day!
33. Anarchy!!
34. You should really cut back on those chocolate bars.
35. (Stick your thumb between your first and middle fingers) I got your nose!
36. BLAH! (toss your cookies all over him)
37. I can't believe this! I just met the first female president!
38. I'm the one who blew up the post office.
39. Can you come to our next family barbecue?
40. You talk like Garth Brooks.
41. What does this button do? (in his private helicopter)
42. Is that your head, or did your neck blow a bubble?
43. Two guys walk into a bar and..... (tell a cheesy or disgusting joke)
44. Didn't I see you on America's Most Wanted last night?
45. You got the stuff?
46. Chelsea was a little drunk last night.
47. I swear I saw Hilary and Al Gore together yesterday.
48. Quit playin' games wit' my mind, foo'!
49. (yawn) This is boring.
50. I think Buddy (the First Dog) is choking on a pork chop.
51. I didn't vote for you.
52. Aw, man! Bill! Stop passing all that gas!
53. You're worse than Kenny G on the saxophone.
54. Look at all this junk. (Throw away all his important, top secret papers)
55. Wait! I thought Bill Gates was the president!
56. You mean that wasn't a port-a-potty?! (referring to an antique wardrobe closet)
57. We're under attack!
58. When are you going to blow up Iraq?
59. I could really go for a Cuban cigar right now.
60. Na na na na na na.....Gettin' jiggy wit' it.
61. You smell like stale Cheetos.
62. Man, you're a hick.
63. I brought my rottweiler along to play with Socks the Cat.
64. Your picture belongs on a beef jerky package.
65. Do you actually work?
66. Why is this place called the White House?
67. Daaah! Chelsea's trying to eat Socks again!
68. You don't seem very mentally stable.
69. I like to eat cockroaches!
70. Ohhh, I get it. You're the President of the United States, not of Billy's Chili.
71. So how does it feel to be First Lady?
72. BURRRRP!
73. You sound like a walrus when you laugh.
74. I want cheesy poofs!
75. You better go call the cows in, Billy.
76. Why is your name Bill Clinton?
77. Why did you name your kid Chelsea?
78. Who asked you to be president?
79. You look like a squashed banana.
80. Last night's chili is not agreeing with me.
81. Oops, I think I just accidentally on purpose pushed you into the pool.
82. Since when do you get to tell me what to do?
83. You look like you could be about 65 years old.
84. Eeew! Did you make that funky smell?
85. Are you sure you know what personal hygiene is?
86. Where have all the cowboys gone?
87. I know you're hiding something from us Americans.
88. The truth is out there.
89. Woo! I just hacked into the governmental computers.
90. You are such a nerd.
91. Yo quiero Taco Bell.
92. It smells like moldy cheese around here.
93. I hate you.
94. I love you.
95. This is a bunch of tree-huggin' hippie crap!
96. Why are you wasting your time with all this governmental crap?
97. Are you sure you know what you're doing?
98. I seem to have an itch. (while scratching your nose with your middle finger)
99. Look! Monica Lewinsky!............Made you look!
100. You are the enemy.
101. You call this art? (while smashing a pricey painting in half)



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*You are listening to Cool to Hate by The Offspring*