101 Steps to Becoming Mentally Insane


1. Make loud noises.
2. Bark at passing cars.
3. Steal from Target®.
4. Burn paper and eat it.
5. Repeatedly hit yourself in the head.
6. Pretend to be a coyote and eat your neighbor's kids.
7. Shovel the driveway in the summer.
8. Wear a bright orange hat with coffee stains.
9. Insist your name is O'Grady Mulligan.
10. Use a solar-powered flashlight.
11. Hunt squirrels at three o' clock in the morning.
12. Listen to Kenny G.
13. Honk and wave to strangers.
14. Take the Pace® bus just for the fun of it.
15. Watch reruns of M*A*S*H.
16. Kiss the check-out lady at the grocery store.
17. Hug a tree.
18. Sing a Michael Jackson song to the garbage man.
19. Pretend you can speak Spanish by adding an "O" to the end of every word.
20. Paint pretty flowers on your house.
21. Hold a conversation with the dishwasher.
22. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio and talk into it.
23. Watch Pinky and the Brain.
24. Have an accident in your pants in a forest across from your house.
25. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
26. Brush your teeth with Rogaine®.
27. Ask a teacher to sexually harass you.
28. Eat broccoli snaps.
29. Ask yourself questions in public.
30. Ride your bike in a circle until you puke.
31. Skip around your neighborhood.
32. Make a guest appearance as a slab of beef on Oprah Winfrey.
33. Play a hick tune on your geee-tar.
34. Video tape yourself eating cheese.
35. Pick your nose in the car at a stoplight.
36. Write a letter to Elvis.
37. Tell everyone you play the dog on The Simpsons.
38. Sit in a trash can.
39. Laugh when you look in the mirror.
40. Change your name to Snarp.
41. Eat candy with the wrapper on it.
42. Laugh like a chipmunk.
43. Fall in a hole.
44. Insist you know E.T.
45. Slide down the stairs on your butt.
46. Talk like Kerri Strug.
47. Put your shoes on before your pants.
48. Style your hair like Chelsea Clinton.
49. Take a picture of your camera with your camera.
50. Mow your lawn with scissors.
51. Go swimming with Free Willy.
52. Join the Spice Girls mailing list.
53. Drink out of the toilet.
54. Dress up like Nardo DiCraprio. (Yes, for those of you losers who don't know what I'm talking about, I mean Leo DiCaprio!)
55. Wear big snowpants in June.
56. Ask Tara Lapinski to the prom regardless of your sex.
57. Tie a plastic bag around your head.
58. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
59. Talk like Jackie Chan.
60. Drive to your next door neighbor's house.
61. Name your pet Turdy.
62. Go to internet sites like this.
63. Be Yanni for Halloween.
64. Buy an Elton John CD.
65. Foget the number for 911.
66. Put on a sombrero and take your dog for a walk.
67. Wear a paisley shirt.
68. Suck up socks with a vacuum.
69. Take a picture of the garbage man.
70. Shake hands with your school janitor.
71. Invite the plumber over for lunch.
72. Make screeching noises at Pizza Hut.
73. Get drunk on non-alcoholic beer.
74. Frolic in a forest with an antelope.
75. Make sweet love to the chef.
76. Get a tattoo of Burt Reynolds on your back.
77. Run down the street in Wonder Woman underwear.
78. Burn your cousin Chester's house to the ground.
79. Eat dinner at Chicken Hut.
80. Reserve a table for two at a restaurant; one for you; the other for your imaginary friend.
81. Sell your toenail clippings to passing cars on the corner.
82. Have an argument with yourself.
83. Run into a wall at top speed.
84. Poke yourself in the eye, say, "ow," then do it again.
85. Spit out your gum in the trash can, dig it back out, and put it back in your mouth.
86. Sing a song about frogs and ants at Wal-Mart.
87. Put on baggy pants and start rapping.
88. Smack yourself across the face and scream, "How could you?!!"
89. Get jiggy wit' it in the bathroom.
90. Run down the street chasing after Elvis.
91. Try to shoplift a table from K-Mart.
92. Bleach your hair, put on makeup, and join Hanson.
93. Go bungee jumping without the cord.
94. Tell everyone your father is Godzilla.
95. Ride a lawnmower across the country.
96. Speak in Caveman for a day.
97. Greet everyone by saying, "Hey, groovy chic."; even guys.
98. Wear sunglasses after the sun sets.
99. Eat your homework after you finish it.
100. Complain your left foot hurts while holding your left hand.
101. Read The Tara Lapinski Book to Ice Skating.


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*You are listening to Rocky*