Where De Turkey?
Greetings, worthless hunk of slime....er, friend. As you can see, we're having some problems in locating the turkey. He escaped the kitchen of the Swedish Chef in a broken-down yellow Yugo last night. He is to be considered armed (with a baster) and dangerous. He's about 18 inches tall, bug-eyed, smelly, ugly, and extremely hepped up on smack. (Not to mention the lower half of his body is plucked completely bald.) If you happen upon him, flee imediately, for he is likely to eat your kidneys. He's a very sick bastard. The sooner he is brought into custody, the sooner we can eat him and make society safe once more. If you have any information on the whereabouts of this foul villain, please contact us here. Thank you. You may now go back to biting your toenails.
