CONTINUED:

GEORGE
(continuing)
Hey, Bobo, wanna play a game?

Bob nods enthusiastically.

GEORGE
(continuing)
Okay... Look up!
(Bobo does)
Look down!
(he does)
Now look at Mr. Frying Pan!

Bob looks straight ahead and slightly puzzled as George smashes him in the face with a frying pan, sending him crashing to the ground. George helps him to his feet. Bob is not a happy clown.

GEORGE
(continuing)
Uh-oh. Bobo fall down go boom! Upsy daisy... Say, what's wrong, Bobo? Oh, I bet I know. You're hungry, aren't you?

Bob honks his horn in response as he rubs his sore nose.

GEORGE
(continuing)
Well, I know just what you want. Clowns and kids alike can't resist the mouth-watering, lip-smacking taste of Mrs. Hockenburger's Butter Cookies. Right, Bobo?

As Bob honks and nods cheerfully, George accidentally picks up a box of Yappy's Dog Treats. He takes a handful from the box and shoves it in Bob's mouth. Bob's look quickly turns to puzzlement.

GEORGE
(continuing)
That's right! After lunch, after school, just about any time is the right time for Mrs. Hockenburger's. And hey, mom! They're nutritious, too! Just look at how much Bobo here likes 'em.

Bob now looks disgusted, but he tries to force a smile. George shoves another handful into Bob's mouth.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED: (2)

GEORGE
(continuing)
Mmm, that's good. It's Mrs. Hockenburger's Secret Recipe that keeps you comin' back for more. It's the big cookie with big cookie taste that you just can't say "no" to!

George forces another "cookie" into Bob's mouth, while Bob shakes his head "no".

GEIRGE
(continuing)
And don't forget, kids, there's a nifty surprise inside every box! Whenever you...

George looks at the front of the box and suddenly discovers his mistake.

GEORGE
(continuing)
What? Uh oh! Uncle Nutzy must have picked up the wrong box! Ha ha ha... Bobo's been eating Yappy's Dog Treats!

Bob covers his mouth and runs out of frame.

GEORGE
(continuing)
That's right! Yappy's Dog Treats, the dog biscuits favored by clowns and dogs alike. Your dog will love that real liver and tuna taste...

O.S. we hear Bob making HORRIBLE RETCHING SOUNDS. George does a take in Bob's direction and looks back into camera.

GEORGE
(continuing)
...with just a hint of cheese.

39 INT. DENTIST'S WAITING ROOM - DAY

We see ELAINE, a warm, likable woman in her mid-thirties, sitting behind a receptionist's desk in the office where Teri works as a dental hygenist. Teri enters.

TERI
Mr. Dolan? Would you step inside please? I'll be right with you.

Mr. Dolan exits as Teri approaches Elaine.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

TERI
(continuing)
Any more today, Elaine?

ELAINE
Nope, he's the last one. So, where's George taking you for your birthday?

TERI
(French accent)
Cafe Parisian.

ELAINE
Ooh... big night, huh?

TERI
Yeah, my parents are even flying out. We've been planning this for weeks.

40 INT. U62 MAIN ROOM

Geroge is at his desk, trying to get through an enormous amount of work. He grabs a piece of paper and starts to write a note.

41 INT. DENTIST'S OFFICE

Mr. Dolan is reclining in a dentist's chair as Teri cleans his teeth. He is watching a TV which is suspended from the ceiling.

ANGLE ON TV SET

Pam is interviewing a man wearing a hunting jacket and a baseball cap.

PAM
We're talking with Mr. Earl Ramsey, President of the local chapter of the American Gun Association. Mr. Ramsey, would it be correct to say that your organization is against gun control?

EARL
Gun control is for wimps and Commies. Listen, let's get one thing straight. Guns don't kill people... I do!

PAM
I see. Well --

Suddenly a "Special Bulletin" logo appears on the screen.

GEORGE (V.O.)
(official-sounding)
This is a special bulletin from the U62 newsroom. Hi, Teri, it's George.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

ANGLE ON TERI

She does a slow take to the TV.

GEORGE (V.O.)
(continuing)
I'm really sorry, but I've got a lot of work to catch up on here, so I'll meet you and your folks at the restaurant, okay? I love you...

Still staring at the TV, she loses control of her equipment. We hear Mr. Dolan's muffled cries of pain.

42 INT. U62 MAIN ROOM - CLOSE ANGLE ON MONITOR

VISUAL                    ANNOUNCER
A son is consoling        (calm, reverent V.O.)
his mother as they        Are you tired of sloppy
walk through a            cut-rate funerals? You've
cemetary. Around          tried the rest, now try
them we see assorted      the best...
arms and legs sloppily
spilling out of
gravesites.

STILLS- the "Plots R      The "Plots R Us" Mortuary
Us" Mortuary, the         Service. Remember, there's
parking lot, the          always plenty of free
salad bar.                parking, and don't forget
                          to visit our new salad bar.

ANGLE ON GEORGE

George is bleary-eyed, buried in the paperwork at his desk. He is distracted by this commercial.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
(continuing)
"Plots R Us." Eternal peace... at affordable prices.

PHILO (V.O.)
(filtered)
We now return you to the Channel 62 "Beverly Hillbillies" marathon, still in progress.

MAJOR FANTASY SEQUENCE - BEVERLY HILLBILLIES MUSIC VIDEO

George nods out and the entire scene dissolves into a combined live action/computer animation fantasy sequence, revolving around a musical parody of Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing." In this high-energy MUSIC VIDEO, we see George as a rock star in a live concert performance, INTERCUT with various 'Beverly Hillbillies' shots, seen in both animated form and vintage TV clips. Visually, this will be an exact take-off of the award-winning "Money For Nothing" video.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

CLOSE ANGLE ON GEORGE

Stanley is gently shaking George. Bob is at his desk, busily punching the keys of his calculator. George wakes up.

STANLEY
George... hey, George... I finished polishing all the doorknobs. Is there anything else you want me to do?

GEORGE
Uh, no, Stanley... that's all right. It's getting pretty late. Why don't you call it a night?

STANLEY
Aw... do I have to?

GEORGE
Yeah. Go on. I'll see you in the morning.

STANLEY
Okay, see ya.
(beat)
Hey, George?

GEORGE
What is it, Stanley?

STANLEY
Well, I was just wondering... if you were travelling in a vacuum at the speed of sound and you screamed... would you go blind?

BOB
Hey, guys, I'm trying to work here, do you mind?

STANLEY
(thinking)
No... no, I don't mind, go right ahead. It's all right with me. Is it all right with you, George?

43 INT. CAFE PARISIAN

Teri and her parents are all dressed up, sitting in a fancy French restaurant. Teri fidgets nervously while her father, who is obviously starving, nibbles on a breadstick.

WAITER
Would you care to order now?

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

Teri's father picks up a menu and points.

MR. CAMPBELL
Yes, I think we'll have the -

MRS. CAMPBELL
No, thank you. We'll wait.
(to Teri)
Are you sure he knows what restaurant we're at?

Teri remains silent.

MRS. CAMPBELL
(continuing)
Well, I'm sure he'll be here any minute.

Another awkward silence. Teri is starting to do a slow boil. Mr. Campbell leans over toward a nearby table.

MR. CAMPBELL
Excuse me, are you going to eat those breadsticks?

44 INT. U62 ANGLE ON GEORGE AND BOB

Bob hits the keys of his calculator, and the tape spits out the final calculations. He studies the tape for a few seconds.

BOB
Well... I've got good news and bad news.

GEORGE
Okay... gimme the bad news first.

BOB
Well, given our present financial situation, compounded by on-going fixed expenses and outstanding invoices, I figure this station will be flat broke by the end of the week. Not only can we not afford to pay the staff, we can barely afford to keep the lights on in this place.

GEORGE
(beat)
What's the good news?

BOB
I lied. There is no good news.

George sighs heavily, looking completely dejected.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

GEORGE
I never should have taken this job. I should have known it would turn out like all the others. You know, for a short time there, I really thought this was going to be different. I just don't know anymore. At least I've still got Teri.

George freezes and a look of panic comes over his face.

GEORGE
(continuing)
Bob, what time is it?

BOB
Nine thirty.

GEORGE
Oh no...

George lunges for the phone. As soon as his hand reaches the receiver, it rings. He tentatively picks it up.

GEORGE
(continuing, quietly)
Hello?

45 INT. CAFE PARISIAN

Teri is in a phone booth near the front of the restaurant.

TERI
(fuming, into phone)
George Newman... you're a selfish, thoughtless, insensitive creep. And as far as I'm concerned, you can forget all my birthdays from now on... because we're through!!

She slams the phone down and leaves the phone booth.

46 INT. U62 - ANGLE ON GEORGE

He is frozen with the phone next to his ear, listening to the dial tone.

47 INT. U62 STUDIO - DAY

It's the next day, and another edition of "Uncle Nutzy's Clubhouse." Uncle Nutzy looks like he's bottomed out.

GEORGE
(disgusted)
Okay, kids... where do you want to go?

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

The kids don't react, looking bored as always.

GEORGE
(continuing)
That's right. To Uncle Nutzy's Clubhouse. And boy oh boy are we gonna have fun today. We're gonna have so much fun... we'll forget about how miserable we are and how much life sucks and how we're all going to grow old and die someday.

KID
I wanna go home.

GEORGE
Shut up, you little weasel.

Bob enters the studio studying a piece of paper.

GEORGE
(continuing, to camera)
Okay, it's time now to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a poor coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner, who mocks him and laughs at him as he is repeatedly crushed and maimed. Hope you enjoy it.

We hear the o.s. sound of the CARTOON STARTING. George leaves the set and approaches Bob.

BOB
Hey, George, listen... how about if we told the staff we have a temporary cash flow problem, and stall the people we owe money to for five or six months...

GEORGE
Forget it.

BOB
What do you mean?

GEORGE
Let's go. I can't do this anymore.

George walks off the set, as Bob follows.

BOB
Hey, where are you going?


48 INT. MAIN ROOM

GEORGE
I think I need a drink.

BOB
George, what are you talking about? You don't drink.

GEORGE
Yeah, I know, but I've been meaning to start.

BOB
Well, wait a minute, what about the rest of the show?

George stops, does a quick scan of the room, and sees Stanley, who is watching the monitor as he mops the floor. He is totally engrossed in the cartoon. George approaches him.

STANLEY
(to monitor)
Look out! Look out! Look out! Oh no... this is terrible...

GEORGE
Hey, Stanley.

STANLEY
Yeah, George?

GEORGE
How would you like your own TV show?

STANLEY
(thinks)
Sure.

GEORGE
You're on.

Stanley leaves and enters the studio. Bob approaches George.

BOB
What are you doing? Are you crazy?

GEORGE
Bob... it doesn't matter anymore. It's over. Come on.

49 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - DAY

George and Bob are dejectedly walking down the street. They are stopped by a tambourine-playing Hare Krishna with his hand outstretched.

(CONTINUED)


CONTINUED:

GEORGE
Sorry, I gave at the airport.

BOB
Tell you what, George. Let's start fresh. Go into a whole new business. Maybe we could borrow some money from your Uncle Harvey...

GEORGE
Oh. Right. We just flushed his TV station down the toilet. I'm sure he'd be happy to lend us some money.
(beat)
Maybe we could get our old paper routes back. Oh yeah, I forgot.
(beat)
Or we could move to Guam. I hear it's pretty nice this time of year. I wonder if they've got cable...?

50 INT. LOCAL BAR - DAY

George and Bob enter a crowded local bar. The bartender is on the phone as thet approach.

BARTENDER
(into phone)
Yeah, we're watchin' it... yeah, the guy's great... Okay, talk to you later.

He hangs up the phone as George and Bob sit down at the bar.

BARTENDER
(continuing)
What can I get ya?

BOB
Beer.

GEORGE
Blueberry daquiri.

The bartender nods and exits frame. After a pregnant pause, Bob tries to make conversation.

BOB
So... I guess Teri's never gonna speak to you again, huh?

George shoots Bob a dirty look and turns away.

(CONTINUED)


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