I don't live off Budweiser, beer nuts and spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections,
I won't drive to hell before I ask for directions.
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
And I know how to put the dammed toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your but,
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my bear gut.
And I don't go around "reajusting" my crotch
Or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see, I'm just not that kind.
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over, you can't see 3 inches of crack.
And what's on my mind doesn't leave with my comb
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know...I've got far too much pride!
And honestly think it's a priviledge for me
To have these two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I won't tell you my wife just doesn't understand
Sticking my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
You can forget about all that old penis envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruse for chicks,
Join the hair club for men, or think with my dick.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a "man" like you!
Written by Barb Colo of Greensboro, North Carolina
