They call it.... "This One Time, a Chicken....", but i think it should be titled, "This one time I wrote a fucking lame-ass story then i shoved a tampon in my nose (a used tampon)", so yeah.... that's the new title.... here it is.... I always knew it would turn out like this...me curled up on a slightly used towel, writing my "last words" on a cardboard pizza box with a pretty purple pen (my last words being...what I have just said, i guess) The chinese were bound to find me sooner or later (actually I'd rather it be later but lifes funny like that) Jesus doesnt exactly like me, I wouldnt expect him to, after what happened last summer with those nuns and that damn bald man-hes a crafty one...uh never mind. They were dropping from the ceilings...punching and kicking (the ninjas I mean...didn't I mention there were ninjas? Ok well there were.) I knew there was only one thing to do - trade in my 9mm for some thread and a toothpick then magiver my way outta there!! -hah uh yeah youd like for me to do that wouldnt you?! No way man, I fucking ran, ran like fucking hell!! The End -NO WAIT theres more!!!!! When Uncle Sam found out about the attemt of my assasination, he sent out the calvery. There was really cool chase scene music and a strange Mexican man who was confused by my english. "Hot plate" he studdered. I backed away. "Hot plate? there is no plate" - "hot plate" he announced, "what fucking plate?!" I was now becoming bothered my this man and his (heheh) "hot plate" What ever that means. (if you know what I'm trying to say -uh huh i think you do) -what I'm trying to say is that I know what hes trying to say...that by plate he meant that the senator had escaped with the princess (his daughter) and was about to hop a Greyhound to Malasia. Anyway, I didn't care, I just wanted him to give me that damn plate of chicken he was carrying> so i lunged. "OUCH!" to my surprize, the plate was hot. "Hot plate!" the mexican protested. "enough with the damn senator!" i shouted and stuffed the boiling chicken breast (uh huh yeah thats right...i said "breast") into my jeans pocket and continued to the whore house to find my mother. As I rounded the corner "momma" then BLAM! he was back. "what the hell?!" "hot sauce" he whispered. Oh yeah, I was confused, but it looks as though I wasn't alone in that department. "whats your problem?!" "hot sauce" he gasped then placed a bowl on the table. Woah-table? where the hell did that come from?! Suddenly, they were everywhere...I was surrounded by little Mexicans! -Dropping from the ceiling, punching and kicking. "Ouch!" ....the sauce was hot. The calvery? Uncle Sam? Hot sauce? the odd behavior of the senator...it all made sense... I was in a mexican restaraunt. by nicole and missy now wasn't that some shit, you better have fucking liked it or i'll fucking kill you assholes, i loved it, i printed it off and put it one my wall, i blew it up so every letter is like a foot tall, so it's like wallpaper, yeah.... biotch.... thanks for the story submission nicole and pissy.... i mean missy.... no.... i mean pissy.... haha.... sucker....