Name: Josh
What We Call Him: Fatass
Born without: The desire to ever stop eating
Likes: Food
Hates: Not food
DOB: ?
INFO:
Josh's mother was not the most fertile woman, as a result
josh was a drain baby. Thrown from the womb and flushed
down the toilet at 2 months presumably to die, this
bloody mass of tissue we like to call josh was raised
by a group of 4 turtles and a rat in the sewers under
manhatten (sp?). After being raised in the ways of the
ninja for 12 years by his ninja master (the rat) he and
his turtle friends started fighting crime and eating
pizza 24-7, until one sad day, josh was kicked out of the
group for his compulsive gambling habit. From there he went on
to be a very successful lawer/canibal. Defending clients
he liked and eating others he didn't seemed to be his
calling in life. He used to always say "boy there's
nothing better than a big heapin helpin of fried human
entrails!", despite the amount of buisness he lost when
he placed that quote in the paper as an ad for his
law firm (Eli, Allen, Thompson, Billingham, Alderson,
Billingbutt, Ignus, Ethan, and Stratford), (EAT BABIES)
he never gave up his beliefs. But on May 1st of 1985, he
went too far by stating "boy if i had a dollar for every
person i tourtured and ate, i'd have 94783649785 dollars!"
, that was the last straw for the consumer. He lost all
his stock holders and his company collapsed, his attempt
to remedy the situation by saying "did i say 94783649785 dollars?
i meant 8787495872349759824769826792 dollars!" only worsened
his position. Things started looking up though when
corey found him selling his body on the street in jersey
and she fucked him for a quarter and asked him if he played
drums. He then fucked her for the same quarter and said, "yes, why?"
she offered him a job playing bongos in a local night club,
and he accepted. Then one night 25 years later the night club exploded and josh
fell into someone elses womb on accident, and he was
born again, and raised as a country boy in Braxton
WV. But then aleins kidnapped him and he was forced to
play in the SUPER COOL pop-punk band Cryptorchid Chipmunk,
and then he ate the aleins, and that brings us up to last week.