People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just
like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the nothing...
Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer.
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
To beer, or not to beer, that is the question.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore!
Beer: Nature's laxative.
Beer: If you can't taste it, why bother!
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Seven beer are a steak / Seven beer, give them here / Seven beer are a steak / And with it a cold beer!
--old German song
Beer is good food.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
One more drink and I'd be under the host.
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
Draft beer, not people!
Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat.
My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time.
--A Wolverine is Eating My Leg
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
You don't like jail?
Naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in there.
It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
No, it's quite conventional, really. Beer tastes better when you're naked and chained to a wall. It's as simple as that.
I'm dependant on alcohol? Dosen't the sky need the stars? Dosen't a sea need a shore? Dosen't a smile need a face? Dosen't a drunk need a drink?
Sometimes you play to win, and sometimes you play to drink.
Twelve-hour workdays, 12-packs -- coincidence? Aw fuck this, let's drink.
I hate those cheeky fuckin' Kidneys man - give you nothing but grief and misery. Only thing worse are those bastard livers.
--Ryan R. Scripps
Religions change; beer and wine remain.
High tolerance my ass! I got so shitty last weekend that I started yelling at people that I was a human being with feelings and emotions too, then I tried to convince my floor that THEY were all drunk and I was sober, then I made three sexual advances on other men. Tolerance my ass...
He looks better and better with every beer.
Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
I like to drink to the sound of crashing Zima bottles, preferably full ones.
Alcohol is our friend, and it's about time we had more friends over.
Two fifty for a hot dog / and a buck and a half for a beer / happy hour, happy hour, happy hour is here...
--"The Sausage Meister"
Besides, if the devil's urine gave you that good a buzz, we'd all be lined up outside hell's outhouse with mugs for dippin'!!!!!