Risk all that is dear, and the dividends will be big...

"Tick tock, tick tock.  It's 4:30 in the morning, and I haven't slept a wink.  All I can do is stare at the blasted clock.  The person who invented the concept of time should be drug out into the street and shot.  No, check that, the person who invented the concept of time should be drug out into the street, pistol whipped for a while, get cow manure tossed on him, then get shot in both knee caps, shoulders, elbows, ankles, hands, and any other joint you can think of, and THEN killed.  Time moves so god damned slow.  Of course, if I didn't have something to do next Thursday, time wouldn't be going so slow, but I do have something to do, don't I?"

"Did you know that I'm a 20 to 1 long shot to win the Television Title? Of course, those aren't professional odds, as Vegas doesn't allow betting on any event where someone knows the outcome.  That's why I couldn't put my money on Denzel Washington winning the Oscar.  But, there are people around the country that will still take bets on pro wrestling, and those are the general odds I'm getting.  That's to win the whole thing, my odds of winning even the first match are only slightly better.  Of course they are, did I really expect something different? Did I actually think that with one match, I would be considered a top contender? To be honest, yeah I did, but I see how wrong I was there. But that's ok, because everyone else is going to be more wrong than I am."

Excerpt from X's Journal  08/23/02

I love this bittersweet existence we call life...

[Life is funny sometimes.  Sometimes it makes us feel great, like not a thing can go wrong, while at other times it kicks us in the nuts repeatedly, but only after knocking us as low as we can go first. X has been to the top of the mountain, and to the lowest valleys, and everywhere in between.  It was "Macho Man" Randy Savage, who at the time was still the "Macho King" who said "I've been slithering with the snakes and soaring with the eagles, and everywhere in between, ooh yeah, dig it!" and that applies here.  But the difference is the mountain being climbed.  This is only the beginning of the journey, should X make it to the top of this one, he knows he will have to climb down the other side and begin climbing the bigger mountain, all the while fighting off people who want to pull him off the mountain. How can you find comfort in knowing that you're only in the middle of the pack?]

[You can't.]

[It's a shame that greed is the driving for some people...all right, MOST people. Vincent Insane included.  He just can't leave well enough alone.  He has the CWO World Title, yet he wants more.  He's not satisfied sitting on the top of the biggest mountain in the world.  He has to rule the smaller mountain as well, and rule it with an iron fist.  That's the only reason he hasn't bowed out of this tournament. But even the mightiest of rulers will fall, and so too will Vincent Insane's reign as CWO World Champion.]

[But not now.]

[For once, it isn't about the CWO World Title.  For once, the main championship isn't even on the card.  This night will be about the Television Championship, and it will quite possibly be the last time the TV Title gets this much exposure.  Once it is decided who will be champion, he will be relegated back to the mid-card on Chaos, and the occasional main event on UnCut.  That is, unless the champion has something to say about it.]

[But can anyone change the way things will be before they even become that way?]

[X doesn't proclaim to be a prophet. He doesn't have a crystal ball in which to see the future.  But he can feel it in his gut that this is the way it will be, unless he does something about it.  He knows the extent of his own ability, he knows that when given the chance, he will entertain the crowd like no other.  Not Vincent Insane, not Steve Decot, not JT Chisom, or DeZ, or John Miller, all great men only in their own minds.  It isn't about what they think...it isn't even about what X thinks...it's about what the fans think.  What the fans find entertaining.  The fans and the fans alone will make or break your career, whether they boo you or cheer you, the more heat you get, the bigger the star you are.  Is X a star?]

[You're about to find out.]

[One match, three men. And that's only the beginning.  A second match, with two men, just moments away from winning it all, laying it all on the line and leaving just a little bit of themselves in the ring when it's all said and done.  X thinks he can win, but everyone else will proclaim themselves the winner before the match happens.  How can X be so sure?]

[Call it a hunch.]

We all wear masks…

"One time, about 4 years back, I was in the city, it's not really important which one, and I saw a homeless man, with no legs.  I couldn't help but stare, I was just a young man of 19, and was curious about everything.  Though he was dressed in tattered clothing, with his gray hair a matted mess, he wore a smile on his face, being sure to offer a big thank you to anyone who dropped even the smallest denomination of change into his wrinkled paper cup.  I dropped a quarter into the cup, and feeling I had done my civic duty, I turned and began to walk away, when the man said to me "I lost them in 'Nam".  I turned around, and dumbly asked "Lost what?".  He smiled at my apparent ignorance and indicated the two stumps below his waist."

"I sat next to him, because I didn't know what else to do, and he proceeded to tell me about his experiences in the war, his family life before the war, and even what it was like to go through losing your limbs.  He talked for hours, enthralling me with his tales of his life, and I hardly noticed the people walking by, some dropping money in front of us.  Then he looked at me and said, "I've been going on and on about me, why don't you tell me about yourself?"  I looked back at the man, thought for a moment, then stood up, dropping the change that had been tossed into my lap into his cup, and said, "No thanks", and walked away, not looking back."

"I suppose that's when I realized how guarded I was about my own life.  About how I viewed private and public life as two very separate entities.  It wasn't long after that, that I began to wear my mask in the ring.  My mask is my escape, the haven I have when I need to get away. It keeps my personal and my public life separate. X is public domain.  When I'm in my mask, I welcome anyone who wants an autograph, a picture, just a minute of my time, because in my mind, X belongs to the people.  But when the mask comes off, and make no mistake about it, it does come off at some point.  I'm just plain old...well, if I told you my name there wouldn't be a point to wearing the mask, would there?  We all wear masks, I'm just lucky enough to work in a business where I can physically wear one and not have to worry about it, a lot of people don't have that luxury."

I'm so happy it feels like a Koala crapped rainbows in my brain...

[The little things are what people over look the most. As Dennis Leary puts it, "Happiness comes in small doses. Happiness is eating a chocolate chip cookie, or smoking a cigarette, or a 5 second orgasm.  That's it.  You cum, eat the cookie, and smoke the cigarette, and go to bed, end of fucking list." X is a little thing, and people will be over looking him come next Thursday, both figuratively and literally.]

[Go ahead, he doesn't mind.]

[In fact, X wants you to over look him.  He wants to see the look on everyone's face when he advances in the tournament, then wins the title.  That look of frozen shock, and for his opponents, terror, when he has his hands raised, and they hand him that leather and gold strap.  They can make it into a new Master Card commercial...priceless.]

Why ask a question when you won't like the answer?

August 24, 20002
10:28 AM
Massachusetts, The site of Summer Madness

[Inside a parking garage, X sits on the back of his rental car, looking out at the arena where the CWF's Summer Madness PPV will take place this upcoming Thursday night.  Dressed in black jeans, and a simple white t-shirt, his mask really stands out.  Not only because of the simple fact that he wears a mask, but because it is a newly designed mask.  Bright yellow, with a smiley face on top.  It makes you expect X to turn around at any moment and say "Have a Nice Day".  He continues looking at the arena for the longest time.]

X- You have to begin at the beginning, no matter how you look at it.  And that right over there, is my beginning.  No one wants to admit it, but they're all waiting to see what I can do on the biggest stage of the world...a Pay Per View.  They see me as an expendable risk worth taking.  If I shock the world and actually win, they can claim the credit for "discovering" me.  If I fall flat on my face, they can say "At least we gave him a chance", and be done with me.  So either way, they're not to blame for what happens.  I am.  And that's just the way it should be.  We're all responsible for our own actions.  We make our own decisions whether we want to believe that or not.  I chose to make the challenge for the TV Title tournament.  I chose to step into the ring with Azazel. And now I choose to continue on this path to see where it takes me.  

[X gets off of his car, and steps out onto the ledge of the parking garage, seemingly at ease with the fact he's over 6 stories in the air.]

X- Guys, let's talk about this.  After all, we're all fighting for a common goal here.  The Television Title.  But who needs it the most? Vincent Insane? Hardly, he's got his precious world title.  Steve Decot? No, he's got enough momentum and name recognition behind him that he doesn't need the title.  JT Chisom? JT himself has proclaimed that he doesn't need a title to put the "C in CWO".  DeZ? No again, the man can live on name recognition alone for the rest of his life, he has nothing left to prove.  John Miller? Well, he needs it pretty badly, but not as much as I do.  All of those men are established "stars", me, I'm on the proving ground right now.  It's my turn to step into the spot light.  My turn to make it big.  But needing it, just isn't enough.  I know that, and they know that.  We all WANT the title, no questioning that, and who wouldn't? But what it all boils down to is who is going to do EVERYTHING they can to get it?  Well, I've said it before...one letter says it all...X.  What makes me different from all of those men left in the tournament, is the fact that I have no qualms about doing anything in or out of the ring.  Want me to put someone through a table? Fine.  Want me to hit someone with a chair? Fine.  Want me to climb up the big screen at the top of the stage, 40 feet up in the air and then jump off onto everybody? Hand me a ladder to get to the bottom of the screen and get the hell out of my way.  The time for talk is growing short, and I've barely heard a peep out of my opponents.  It doesn't surprise me, it upsets me.  They don't think I'm important enough to talk about.  That's all right by me, but they're all going to learn a lesson come Thursday.  You can bet on that.