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 ||As the scene opens you can see a small podium set up in front of a blue curtain and a row of chairs -- with only one occupied, by Ravyn.|| ||In front of the podium, a row of chairs have been lined up. The chairs range from steel folding chairs to plastic patio chairs to plastic Fisher-Price chairs. Sitting in the chairs are some teddy bears, Slinkee's of varying shapes, sizes and colours, several potted plants, and one scared reporter from a small local newspaper.|| ||After several minutes of waiting, "Anti-Pop" by MGB kicks out from a small stereo, and soon after the song starts, one of the speakers stops working. Weezle emerges from behind the curtain, with Tree in his hand and Slinkee wrapped around his neck, and kicks the stereo, causing the cd to skip and the other speaker to stop working.|| BAH! Stupid stereo... ||Weezle makes his way to the podium as the lone reporter looks on in confused wonder.|| Thank you... thank you all for showing up here today. I know that because of my absence from the "formal" uWf conference it must have been hard to re-arrange your schedules. ||The reporter, confused as to who Weezle is, raises her hand and begins to speak.|| Ummm... what is the uWf? Who are you? And where's the PeeWee hockey game I was called to cover?! I'm terribly sorry if you've been mislead. I gave Tree specific instructions, but, ummm... he's a "special needs" child. Hey! I know what that means... I'm not stupid... It's ok Tree, we all know you... you're special... you're a special little tree. Yay! Now, moving on, I will first address my absence from the uWf's press conference. Due to a scheduling problem, Tree feeling ill, Banana having a brown spot, Slinkee getting rust-proofed, and Ravyn getting cured for chlamidia-- Hey! -- I was unfortunately unable to attend. So, if anyone has any questions they wished to have asked during the first conference, feel free to ask now. ||The reporter sits still, and, of course, the plants, Slinkees and teddy bears are unable to raise their hands.|| Please! One at a time! ||The reporter starts getting a little scared, and starts looking for a way to leave.|| Yes... you in the back... ...Uh huh... ...Uh huh... ...Well, I can answer that quite simply... yes. Anymore questions? Ok, you... shoot away... ...Very good question. While she does seem to have some sort of issues when it comes to when, I would like to get her in the sack. ||The reporter, feeling quite uncomfortable, raises her hand.|| Yes... you there. What the h-- Not you! You... beside there... ||Weezle points to a plastic rainbow-coloured Slinkee.|| ...Wow... never expected that one... But I can answer that one simply too. Soon... soon enough. Then you'll see.... hehehe... Can I a-- No! Wait your turn... Now, what were you saying? ...Good point... ...No, not really... ...Yes, she is kind of butch, isn't she... ...Nah... I should be fine. But thank you for your concern. Now, seeing as the uWf's first show is upon us, I guess I'd better talk aboot that for a moment. First Grandmaster Glynn... I think... Well, ummm... okay, on to Zodiac. Runner of mouth and First Lady of Wrestling. Blah blah blah... me so good... blah blah blah... Goddamn Weezle is hot... everywhere I go it's the same ol' song and dance. Well the dance sure ain't gonna be as fun as the Macarena! First... I'll, umm, hit you... yeah... then I'll hit you some more... Yeah!... Then TREE will hit you, YEAH!! THEN... then I'll give you the Banana Slamma! YEEEEAH!! Then it'll be time to pick up the tab and go home... wait... except for the rumble. Okay, it'll be time for, umm, a pee break, yea, then the dance will start again. Then Tree will clear house. So... who are you? DAMNIT! I am the greatest Canadian wrestler EVER!!... Wait... okay, I'm the second greatest Canadian wrestler, behind Brendan Campbell. Ah, I got it... I'm the greatest wrestler ever from Ottawa! Yea, there we go. And... what is the uWf? HAVE YOU NO RESPECT WOMAN?!?! The uWf is ze greatest wrestling federation... EVER!! Hey... didn't you used to be in the OWF? ...Ok, uWf is tied for ze greatest wrestling federation... now get out of here. *under breath* Yes! Now... to conclude... As much as I would like to wish all of my fellow competitors the best of luck... well, YOU'RE IN MY DAMN WAY TO THE TOP! So I hope you all have a good weekend... and get food poisoning. CHIPPI-CHIP CHIRRA!! ||And with that, Weezle leaves... but not before punting the stereo away from the podium.|| Stupid stereo... |
