Wooo! Or Wooohooo! Another day, another dollar. Wait, that's not the phrase at all I'm looking for! Oh well. Folks, this wonderfully not so elaborate scene opens in what appears to be a backyard. That's right, a backyard. The sun has set, our lighting provided not by PROMO MAGIC but by a nearby porch light. The grass is dead. The wind blows intensely as flurries dot across the camera. And in the midst of it all in this wooden fenced backyard is a wrestling ring. But this isn't that ultra awesome well built one you see every night at Outlaw Championship Wrestling's Saturday Night Stampede...
CHEAP PLUG! CHEAP PLUG!
Now where was I? That's right. This is more comparable to something you might see on "Backyard Wrestling Championship Organization Federation" or BWCOF.
Camera Guy Not Doing his Job: "NEVER heard of it!"
Really? Oh well. The camera guy picks the camera back up and we can see it's in the process of being built. We can see a man, lightly shivering in a winter coat, beanie and some jeans as he continues to stable on a ring apron. We zoom in as he finishes up, dropping the cold staple gun to the ground as he lifts his face to glare at the camera. Zoom in for mug shot! It's Tommy Drake!
Tommy: "Reh, Reh Really?"
Tommy looks in a not so humorous mood in this hella cold weather. I wonder I why. Oh well. The certified hero dashes inside through the porch door and we cut to inside a beautiful kitchen of sorts. White cabinets, a flower like wall papering and the sweet smell of cookies fills the room. Yup, you guessed it. It's T Drake's grand folks place. Tommy quickly strips himself of his coat, tossing it off view. Where it lands, we don't. He rubs his hands, trying to warm them as he appears to be in a pretty casual lil sweater. The kind you buy at gap and where to formals and those days you want to look pretty.
Tommy: "Oh so pretty man?"
And witty, and ga...Ok, I'll get back to work. Tommy sorts through various materials on the kitchen counter, namely a plate of chocolate chip cookies, a glass of milk and a note reading in bold text "Gone Dancin" Granny and Gran Dad. Tommy gives a warm lil chuckle as he takes the materials to a lovely lil table. He pulls out the chair. He sits down. He places his stuff down as the camera slides to right in front of him. He speaks up holmes!
Tommy: "Y'know, T Drake was strollin on over to St. Paul the other day, wanting to get some piece and quiet while he trained at his grand folks place, but they ask me one question since I'm so close to my old home, The Cee Cee Dub. They ask "Oh Innovata of Innovation, Certified Badass, so one, so forth, why did you make a jump to OCW? Why not go to Japan with Rune and Jono?" I respond simply. A promise holmes. This fellow...I don't know his name. But he's a legend of sorts. Kind of lives in the San Antonio area. He called up and said only two words. Ok, so he said a ot more than that man. But I came to OCW because I know that down here there is something promising here. Something that lies over the winter sunset. And why do I feel it's not the world title?"
Intuition? Man, I love that song. Oh well, keep on man. Tommy sips that milk. It's good fer him!
Tommy: "But I figure this lil tag match is the first step forward. A brand new start for me! Me! And well, that other Drake fellow. Now D Char, Drake C, whatever I feel like calling you. I'm extending a formal hello to you. I'm Tommy Drake. Or T Drake. I'm the Innovata of, and get this INNOVATION. I'm tha World's Numero Uno Certified badass! And most of all, I'm a Minnesota NORTHERN STAR. Now I know what you're thinking pal. How I know I have no clue myself. You're thinking that well, I'm an egomaniac who must be insane with all those crazy catch phrases. But you see potential. I know that because unlike the rest of the world, I watched your promo. I respect you know you're whole right to want to play me. I mean you are a poker player after all. You have that whole "I'm bluffing..or am I" thing going on and I think that will be one of the major strategical keys to us winning against Devon and Brett Rivers. Actually I'm lieing....OR AM I?! Huh?! Huh!? You don't know do you?"
Judge: "I know!"
Tommy sighs, taking a glance as the Judge, whig, gavel and all has appeared to enter the Drake house hold.
Tommy: "C'mon man. Stop interrupting my promo's. That aint fly with the certified badass! Your still unwanted holmes."
Judge: "I know when I'm no longer wanted. COURT ADJ.."
Tommy just glares sternly at the judge who gulps and runs off view as Tommy shakes his head. Man, must suck to have fanatics stalking about. Especially ones in judge robes.
Tommy: "Now Brett and Devon. I know deep inside your lil minds, your so confident. Standing behind your big bad words, just like Derek Steel does each and every week. The only difference is he actually intimidates half the people he faces because he's hideous and manages to speak clearly. I mean come on, who's intimidated by a guy who mumbles? T Drake isn't. You see, when I saw that lil house show promo, you ranted about all these tag team accomplishments, about you have no faith in your partner. But look at yourself. You just won the title last week! And you won it because y'know, I was feeling helpful. I mean really, their isn't much my certified words can say to this date of destiny that hasn't well already been said. I mean I HATE to be humble but you fellas just can't compare to the innovata of innovation. Devon, you'll deny it but you know when you are on your last leg, that your time is up holmes! You can see bits of your short little life of what..19 years? You mean that number of yours? Well those 19 years will flash before your eyes so quickly it aint funny. Then you'll fall on a knee. Then you'll see me. I'll be runnin at yah. I'll leap up on that knee. I'll leap off of that. Then like a wicked deja vu you'll taste the certifier holmes. Then what Devon? Then what? No world title shot. No tag team title to fall back. No bridge to jump off I'm pretty sure. And aure as hell no teeth after a hit like that."
Tommy takes a cookie, and lifts it up into the overhead light. Slowly he tears it apart, just looking at it as he ponders. His eyes filled with intent.
Tommy: "While on the topics of guys who can't compare, let me address a special bud of mine. Hey Derek, how you doing out there? Pissed as usual? Damn, that must suck man. Your momma told you not to worry bout spilt milk too man? Same here! T Drake is loaded with all sorts of certified sayings man. And as for the whole being black thing and some other guy..umm I don't see the connection. I mean, sheez I just like to rap a lil. There is nothing wrong with that right? I mean a certified badass such as myself who from gauging the crowds reaction has no need to make a name, since I think they know it well enough. But c'mon steel, lighten up a lil! You go on with this tough spiel about how I think I'm important? Me, think I'm important? Now that's just silly. I know I am. And you can ask those folks Cannon Storm gets his profit from. Y'know, they crowd. They'll agree with good ole T Drake. I mean, I don't try to carry myself on the merit of being a TWF Tag Champ. It's just a nice lil thing on my resume. You see Steel, you assume man. That's not cool. You know the saying, I'm sure your abusive mommy taught you that one too? Wait, she didn't? Oh, let me tell yah it then. You assume, you make an ass out of you and me. Well Steel, you sure did look like an ass last Sunday, if I say so myself."
Tommy slowly takes one half of the cookie and places it in his mouth, munching with a bit of content and dropping the other onto his place piled atop the rest like the king of the hill holmes! Man, I feel so Gangster!
Tommy: "Now, I'm not going to lie and say that if and when we meet in that world title rumble that you won't be a brick wall. All I'm saying is that I have every intent of leaping over it. You see, you can try can crush the Northern Star's certified dreams, whatever they maybe. Maybe it's a gold. Maybe it's glory. Maybe it's just a wanderlust. But you really can't. What you taught Devon and you know yourself I feel, not assume is lacking compared to the certified, super starified, cookie eatin, Devon beatin, wanderlustin, gunbustin guy I am. Look at me man, my eyes are open wide, and seeing clearly. I'm not blind. Maybe it's you who needs a sight check? A certified collision with my boot? Nah, I'll save that for later. Point a side. Fate isn't inevitable, it's open. They say that's how the cookie crumbles. Sooner or later Steel, you might understand that lil saying you mommy probably forgot. Or maybe she didn't but you did holmes. Maybe it's time you opened your eyes and saw that the cookies crumblin and T Drake's standing tall. Maybe..."
Fade to Black