Who in the plaid fuck do you think you are?

I don't know what kind of rinky dink fucking backyard mudshow you are used to coming around in, but this unacceptable.

This is...this his hilarious cause it works for my plans. Thanks Pierce for proving my points about this place in one fell swoop. None of you really care about stopping me as long as you get your licks in with your pathetic rivals that only these fucking fans care about. Quite frankly, it was insulting, but then again this whole federation is insulting so in this case I'm gonna let it slide. Stay in your lane and get ready to find other employment and we will be good. Speaking of things that felt good.

Who enjoyed the criminal getting handcuffed? No? Just me? I wonder why? It's funny isn't it Knox. You get to do all of this bullshit big bad talking about how you're going to hurt me and yet you get yer chance and can barely even get your hands on me at all. You are so lucky that Vengy stuck his nose where it didn't belong or we'd be down a world title con...con...HAHAHHAHAHHAHA...I'm sorry was I suppose to take you or this fucking belt seriously? No one in the history of pro wrestling has so why should I start and give it legitimacy. In other words Knox I hope you win it because I definitely dispute it because aint no fucking way a place like this has a legit world title.

Speaking of legits, let's talk about someone who legit showed some courage. Vengy, I'd say I'm sorry ,but the fact remains that you knew what you were getting yourself into when you decided to try and stop me from finishing off Knox. And I know now the "genius" is thinking that because I showed kindness to you that I may not be as bad as I wanna be. Let me clue you in on something "hero", and I want you to really pay attention so have Sam explain it to you. THe next time you try to stop me I'm gonna turn you into a living muppet and pull your tongue out of your head the hard way. I could have finished off Knox, but I didn't because I want him to know that no matter what he is...curtain jerker...midcard...number one contender...world champion..he's fucking powerless to stop me. As for you...

You've always made my kids laugh...they really don't like professional wrestling like you'd think they would, but aside from watching my matches I've seen them support you over the years. When I said you were a good man I meant it, because we all know I'm not. Do not get in my way again, or my kids are just gonna have to get over it. Because I will destroy you...and your fucking friends to. This is not a threat. This is a promise. So think of a number...a big number Vengy...and I'll pay it. I'll pay it. You quit UGWC. You go somewhere else...and I don't destroy you with this place. I think I'm being more than fair.

Speaking of someone's probably calling not fair...

I was wondering when I was gonna get around to both of you. Zane Scott and Alan "Vain" Wallace. Two men I have not really ever faced in my memory and if we did well...it wasn't really worth remembering was it? Now I know this is gonna upset you Al, but I'm gonna talk to Mr. Scott first because he sorta is a bigger deal being a grand slam champion and all. You understand. You wanna talk to the lesser of the opponents last because they are easier to get riled up then. Go ahead. Tell me you aint mad. Now...Zane.

So Zane...Who the fuck are you?

What?

Is this one of those do your own research things? Am I suppose to know who the fuck you are from all the years of sacrifice and triumph on UGWC television? Pretend for a moment, that no one knows who the fuck you are, because I sure as fuck don't. And I'm being honest when I say this. I'm not trying to psyche you out or anything like that, but in the grand scheme of the professional wrestling world...no one outside of this fucking place knows who the fuck you are. Wait, lemme guess, "well you're about to find out". No. No, I'm not. Because your small town local boy mind still has it in his head that I am here for titles. Bitch...I got a storage unit FULL of fucking titles, hall of fame awards, tournament trophies, and everything else...I think I even have a emperor of ultraviolence crown in there. I'm coming up on 25 years in the business soon, and I can honestly say this to you. I don't give a fuck about your titles. I don't care that you are a grand slam champion. I don't care that you have a big dick.

That last one was to see if anyone was paying attention.

You see it doesn't matter. I can tell the bookers are trying to derail my mission, but the truth is...it's not working. They threw me into a fourway match and I triumphed because everyone thought I was gonna play by the rules. The question is are you gonna play by the rules? Not likely. See...I'm the third wheel in this date and I don't like it. Not because I don't have a chance of winning...nah...that definitely aint it Zane. What it is is that you and Al are gonna be making goo goo eyes the whole time cause like everyone else...Zane Scott is gonna ignore the threat in front of him and focus on the possible future.

That possibility blinds guys like you. See, I could talk about how you both overdress, over indulge, over expense yourself to show that you are the best of the best. Let me tell you something from marrying into money. When I married my now ex-wife I had just earned ten million dollars off of a DVD set that I got residuals off of. I was the shit in my mind. I went out and I bought my first tailored suit, got my hair fixed up, and even had a few of my scars hidden under a layer of makeup. I am not a good looking man but I'd make it a passible four...eight cause I'm rich right? Wrong. I go meet her at her folks place and there is a party. The folks introduce me and the moment I notice a look. We've all seen that look. No, I mean it. We, as in wrestlers, know that look. You know that look we get on our faces when some new guy comes into the locker room and smells like rotten cheese and you are hoping to god that he cleans himself before you wrestle him only to find out his gear smells like a brewery full of chain smokers? Yeah that guy. That guy was me. That whole thing was humbling because they were never gonna accept me into that world because I tried to be something I thought I could be instead of being myself. Fast forward to the last five years. I walk into the room everyone lights up. Everyone wants to talk to me. Everyone wants to be around me. Everyone knows I belong...and I don't care.

Because that world only cares about appearances.

Get a billion dollars and no matter hw you look people still wanna be you...do you wanna be me?

I didn't think so, because you got a bit of a brain Zane. Let's be honest. It's easy to stay in the pond when the whole ocean is gonna gobble you up. That smell that I described though. That look. That's what everyone thinks of this place. Aside from other stars who made their names elsewhere what do you guys have? Peirce, you, and Al...really...that's it.

A dwindling roster.

A pathetic show.

Oh but we have record breaking...it's easy to break a record when no one is competition for you. Where is the risk? UGWC doesn't take risks. If UGWC took risks...My mission wouldn't be happening.

See, I'm gonna tell you a secret. It's a big secret that you're gonna need to make it outside of here when this place is gone Zane. I'm telling you this because I feel a bit bad taking yer home and leaving you flapping in the wind while the shitstorm hits you in the face. So here is the best advice you're gonna get.

Be risky. Do something no one else is doing. Do not be afraid of failure. See, right now in this match your goal is to get a win over Al. To keep those title dreams alive, but that title is just that, a dream. And it's hard to hold onto a dream isn't it? But you see that's okay. That's your speed. That's your mentality. That's your modus operendi. You fit. You make it work. If anyone says UGWC they think of you. That's the image. That's the persona that is Zane Scott. For what is Zane Scott without his precious world ti...HAHAHAHHAA..

I'm sorry you still think having the belt makes you the champion. What did the guy who took it from you unscrew your manhood along with it and carries it around in a pickle jar?

You know they say you and Al are kind of vain and egotistical folks but to be fair I gotta say I walked in here like I owned the place since day one and I have been a champion since coming here.

Oh what's that?

Not understanding?

Does not compute?

Error Four O' Four?

JC has mentioned it before, but here it is again for you slow mother fuckers. Even if I lose, I still win.

Think about my matches. I've lost how many? Three. One by DQ...which is a joke. One by a guy who actually beat me well, and one by a kid who got lucky with a quick shot that I proved is not as good as he fucking thinks he is...have fun with the superhero Ezra.

But in all of that how have I lost?

Ohhh you lost a match...well yeah...it happens. So what? You wanna know how many mother fuckers I retired that have victories over me? Wayyyyy to many. Losing a match isn't the point. Losing a title isn't the point. Come here...real close...

It's never losing the fucking war.

And if you two keep playing this game of "THE WORLD TITLE" shiny object ADHD shit...you're both gonna fail the place you claim to love so much.

But what else can I expect from the grand slam guppy...

Get ready to swim with a fucking shark.

We fade in on Trent Steel sitting, again in his loft, as he looks across from Tanya Hernandez trying very hard to keep his poker face. Pretty much Trent's just wearing his relaxed clothes again. It's like the guy doesn't care or is trying to impress this author, but he's trying to seem informal. It's almost like watching an alien trying to pretend it's human. Tanya looks over at Trent and makes a smirk.

"So...what's on your mind?"

"According to most people ultraviolence and barbwire prices in bulk."

"That's actually something I wanted to touch on today, not necessiarly for purposes of this chapter but...why did you get a reputation for hurting people like you have?"

"You mean why in the late nineties and early two thousands did I start adding barbwire with wristlocks? Everyone else was. It was sort of the times. The eighties and early nineties were roided out morons who couldn't pronounce the word the properly and my time starting out was more about how much punishment you could hurt someone with."

"But you took it further than a lot of people."

"People pushed me."

"I don't think that's it at all. There is something else here."

"...Which incident in particular."

"Jason Blood."

Trent sighs as he reaches over and pulls out his silver cigarette case. He starts to lite one up before he stops himself.

"Do you mind?"

"Nah...I'm far enough away I think."

"So...Jason. I mean, you've got a lot of the background about us. How we joined up as a tag team and my now ex-wife, his sister, was our original manager. I had a large family. Many brothers. Hell, even a twin, and none of them have ever clicked with me like Jason has. Other people have clicked like that as well. JC, Draco, etc. But that was the first person I could actually open up to because I had to really try hard to keep my temper in check since..."

"The incident."

"Yeah, when I told Jason and Jennifer about it they didn't judge me like I thought they would. I mean, it's really one of the things that has defined my life. We worked hard, partied hard, and evetually we got my first of many championships."

"So what's that like for a professional wrestler to get their first title?"

"To a lot of us it's an affirmation that all the hard work was worth it, but that's never been the case with me. I never saw myself as a world champion in the classic sense especially back then. To be honest I was still conflicted about rather I should give up and go to culinary school..."

"Really? You were gonna be a chef?"

"It's the only other thing I am good at other than beating the crap out of people."

"You'll have to fix me something sometime then mister five star."

"Heh...sure."

Ther eis a akward moment between the two. Tanya goes back to the subject at hand while Trent just looks at his lite cigarette, still not taking a drag yet.

"So to you the title wasn't important?"

"Not as important as it was to Jason or Jennifer. They had more to prove with their grandfather not approving of them going into the business. Their dad and their mom's father did not like them back then. It was a whole big thing. Definitely didn't like me either at the time, but that night we won was probably the happiest I had seen Jason and Jennifer...then the car wreck happened."

"This is when Jennifer went into the coma right."

"Yeah and that's the first time I snapped."

Trent finally takes a drag and for a moment he shifts away from who he's been acting like to more of the demenour we see on the shows. Colder. More calmer. Content in a way.

"So you fought your best friend in a steel cage because you blamed him for the acident?"

"No...I blamed him for not getting hurt. The driver died on impact apparently. I got hurt. Jenn got messed up. Jason and his now wife Amber got some scrapes but that was it. So when I came back I started beating the hell out of Jason. Here he is his sister is on tubes in the hospital and what am I doing? I'm making him feel my pain. So he decided to put us in a steel cage match. I beat the ever loving hell out of him until the ring was almost drenched with our blood. Then I got something special fo rhim. I set a barbwire bat on fire. I could have just hit him once in the face, but you gotta understand. Out of the two of us Jason was the handsome one. Jason's whole identity was a rich boy with a beautiful face. I wanted ot take his identity. I wanted to take his life and leave him living to suffer thru it. So I slammed the bat there...and I kept i tthere till they pulled us apart."

"..."

"It took years of plastic surgery to fix. Jason wrestled under a mask for years after that. Not once did he ever come looking for revenge really. He came to try to knock some sense into me, but by then he finally realized something. I wasn't the partying fun guy that he knew. That was my mask. He got to see the real me. Just like you're getting to see right now. My whole life, ever since the incident, everyone thinks that I'm alright. That I am okay. That I am fine. I'm not fine. I'm pissed. I'm infuriated. I'm fucking god damn angry...and it doesn't go away except in that ring. I'm not a wrestler because I want some title. I don't need it. I don't need your accolades. Your cheers. Your hope. I aint no damn role model and I never claimed to be. I'm the person who should get beat up because I'm a bad person...and if I'm going to go down I'm taking every mother fucker down with me because that is what needs to be done with someone like me."

"You're not that evil Trent..."

"...I know who and what I am Tanya."

Trent puts out the cigarette and we see him shift back into this persona he has for himself talking to this author.

"I think personally you are hiding a lot of things about yourself because you don't think people will see you in a good light. You're so used to people talking bad about you that if you show any deviation from that you are doing something wrong."

"I think you're looking for a bright spot in an abyss."

"So we'll see whose right then?"

"I suppose."

"And I think the fact that you paid for Jason's reconstruction yourself speaks volumes..."

"Yes...it's called paying for them. And I'll keep doing tht because I will keep inflicting pain."

"Maybe you'll inflict some joy along the way instead."

"There's that hopeful optimism..."

We fade out as these two continue their debate about the goodness in the soul of a man with none left...

Hello Al. I gotta say, I'm really tempted right now. I don't think you realize just how easy it would be for me to rush some plans in this match. I mean, your bookers got the bright idea to add me to a match with two of the "big boys", but truth be told...the opportunity that something "bad" could happen would be just too sweet to pass up. After all it's just business. I mean, you understand right?

But damn do I really wanna break both of your fucking ankles.

Oh shit, I'm not suppose to talk about that kind of stuff without you noticing. Silly me. Whoopsie doodle. I mean, if I took you out what would happen. oh yeah...I guess it'd be Matt Knox or a replacement taking over that title. Maybe it's that fucking thuganomics guy right? That's the only other person not really having a match right now right? I mean with such a great federation full of wrestlers and challenges it's no wonder your mcwrestler that you are got to be world champion four times. And that would matter if this place had any standing in the world.

Face facts pigeon. You're the captain of a fucking dingy. This is Gilligan's Island and you're the skipper I guess.

No one around for miles. No one to care. I mean the real funny part to me is that you guys think that you're big shit, but in reality you are just a fart in the wind. The UGWC is nothing more than a waste. Nothing really changes. I mean just look at your own precious world title history that it's the same people over and over and over again. You won four times, that means you lost three. So does that mean that you aren't that good anymore or does it mean that you just had your turn with the whore and needed to pass her around.

By the way the best person to manage this whore of a title would be Lucy.

But so that's what this is between you and Zane. He wants his forth reign now and you guys are playing pattycake for it?

I mean I'd say I'd be intimidated to be in a match with two heavy hitters like you, but I feel like I'm fighting two McWrestlefaces...

To me this whole thing is just a bust really. Right now I could fuck up your god damn little plans. End your fucking reign right the fuck now, but JC wants to make sure that good ol' Knox gets put in his place so I guess I have to play nice. I know. You're a "great technical wrestler" and Zane is "a grand slam champion".

Remind me to whack the fuck off to this later because obviously you guys are part of the mutual masturbation society because quite frankly I don't see the hype and I have seen all the hype before kid. This whole vain thing is just really fucking stupid. You show off. Zane shows off. It's like I'm looking at a double mint commercial except that both of you look like Frank Stallone.

You see if it weren't for JC I'd just go ahead and take you both out. No. Honestly it's what I want to do. A good ol' one two knockout punch to the upper level of this fucking place that has nothing going for it. You're kind of to blame for that. What you wanna be the world champion, but you don't wanna be the leader. I mean to me quite honestly Gideon is more of a threat to me than you ever will be. I know. Blowhard right. Yeah, except you guys are playing shoots and ladders and I'm playing chess. I know. You're gonna write me off. You're gonna talk shit about me. You're even gonna make some good points.

I am an asshole. I'm a fucking prick. I'm a anarchist when it comes to the system because that's what works for me. You two keep doing this dance over and over again and what really is left fo ryou after this decade or so. Where else are you this good? Have you even tried? Are you scared like Zane? Are you afraid to fail? Are you afraid to be laid bare in front of the world for the loser that you are.

You know how I know you don't really make sacrifices here. You still have your wife.

You aren't really that devoted to this...but maybe just maybe I can fix that.

You need some proper motivation Al...

I'll be glad to help you with that by tearing your soul apart...

Come on second guppy...chomp chomp chomp...