I'm sorry for bailin' out on ya. I'm sorry for actin' like a damned bastard to ya. I'm sorry ya love me. I'm sorry I ain't the man ya need. I'm sorry I'm the man ya want. Hell, I'm even sorry yer a miserable, sadistic fucker, and that ain't even my fault.
But ya wanna know what I'm really sorry for? Wanna know what keeps me up at night and keeps my mind distracted in the ring? What I sleep, eat, and breath? Well, I'm gonna tell ya, Christopher, 'cause I ain't never told ya before, and I think it might help ya understand why I do the things I do to ya.
I love ya. That's what I'm the sorriest for. Don't make much sense to ya now, but when I'm done breakin' it down, it'll make perfect sense. At least I hope it will, 'cause then maybe you'll be able to walk away from me and stay away from me this time.
If I didn't love ya, I'd be able to just drop ya and let you live yer life. Ya deserve a happiness and stability I just can't give ya, Christopher. Ya know it, I know it, and still ya stay with me.
Why?
I dunno, maybe ya think I'll wake up one day and decide that I'm not a delusional bastard, and be all cuddly and talkative and nice to ya. Maybe ya don't care how fucked in the head I am. Maybe yer just too stupid to see this boat was sinkin' way 'fore it even got in the water.
Nah, yer a lot a things, and stupid damn sure ain't one of 'em.
I tried to change the way I am to ya, and I just can't do it. I've always been an asshole, and I'm always gonna be an asshole. Never gonna like goin' to the movies and holdin' hands and all that shit. Never gonna send ya flowers or buy ya gifts when I know I fucked up to make it all right.
And I damn sure know I ain't never gonna be able to show ya how much I love ya any more than I already have 'cause I don't know how to do it 'cept through fuckin'.
So maybe it is my fault yer a miserable, sadistic fucker, after all. I ain't never shown ya nothin' but fuckin' and fightin' and I guess I just figured ya'd know I love ya.
I'm a dumb bastard sometimes, I guess.
Just wanted ya to know all that. Just wanted ya to know I'm sorry, for everythin' I am, everythin' I ain't, everythin' I wasn't, for what I turned ya into, and for ever lovin' ya to begin with.
Hell, I'm sorriest for not tellin' ya when it mattered.
