This was always your favorite holiday, but not because of all of the pretty lights and decorations. It was for what it represented. The kindness of others toward others. The giving and the sharing of gifts.
The love.
That's when I think I loved you most, on Christmas Day. Your deep chocolate eyes sparkling first thing in the morning. You were like a little kid on Christmas morning, and your enthusiasm that early in the morning was definitely not appreciated by me at all.
Christmas had always been just another day to me until I spent them with you. Your sheer joy of opening the presents, but not really caring what they were, was infectious, and soon I learned to love it just as much as you did.
We were so happy then. So completely in love. All was bliss. All was full of love.
And then it happened, as it often does- another man entered the picture, and our balance was thrown off shift. Not that we didn't love each other, it's just that I think I deluded myself into believing he had something for me that you never really could give me.
To this day I'm not real sure what that 'something' was, but I'm still here with Hunter now instead of with you where I should be.
Where I want to be.
But you can't always get what you want, can you?
You know, I still remember our first Christmas together. We had been dating for almost a month. We were still in the shy, almost giddy stage of dating, and I was so worried about getting the perfect gift. You told me that us being together was the only gift you needed, but I didn't see what you were saying then.
I just wish I still didn't.
I want you to know that on this day, our day, I love you more than all those presents I ever gave you could show. More than all the hollow cards and gifts could ever express.
I may not love you tomorrow, and I probably didn't love you yesterday, but I want you to know that today I love you more than all those presents I ever gave you could show. More than all the hollow cards and gifts could ever express.
More than the false words and broken promises he gave me meant to me then. And no matter how much of a twisted evil bastard he continues to make me into, I will always have something Hunter can't take away from me.
This day will always be ours, yours and mine, in my heart.
Merry Christmas, Shane.
