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DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) In a move that has stunned the wrestling world, Armory Wrestling Express promoter Bill Gargle has announced plans to make his promotion "more radical and awesome." The Whirl is proud to have brought you this news before anyone else. Promising "a revolution in sports entertainment," Gargle detailed a several-point strategy which he believes will "show how radical the A.W.E. is, and how we're the best. And how we're too awesome, and gonna shut everyone else down." Speaking during lunch at a local eating establishment, Gargle showed our reporter several paper napkins on which he and "the rest of the A.W.E. team" had written their ideas. "Chad came up with the idea of this brainstorming session," Gargle informed our reporter, "and since it's the new year, we know that no one else could be as radical as the A.W.E." "First, we thought that it'd be cool if we, like, had matches that were so that you could only wrestle in the ring, and not bring in any weapons or anything," Gargle announced. "It's totally a groundbreaking idea, and we think it'll prove how radical we are." Gargle also mentioned the use of colored lights and "those champagne bottle things that shoot out streamers when you pull the string" as possible enhancements to the A.W.E. experience. "We were also thinking about putting them two dots over the 'A' and the 'E', so that we'd be the Ä.W.Ë. That'd be cool." "I honestly don't know what you're talking about," said Mrs. Selma Gargle, Promoter Gargle's Mother, when we called and asked about the historic brainstorming meeting. "I allowed Bill's friends to come over here for a while last evening, and they went down in the basement and were drinking soda and talking." At this point, an unidentified female voice was heard urging Mrs. Gargle to punish Promoter Gargle for bothering the Whirl press pool with "his stupid wrestling stuff." Promoter Gargle assured our reporter, "The A.W.E. is the most radical promotion in the world. None of the other companies are even close." The other companies were unavailable for comment. |
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