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 DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) In a move that has stunned the wrestling world, well-known sometime internet columnist and suspect in the mysterious murder of Don Tennant, James T. Moonshine is now under suspicion in the mystery-shrouded death last evening of legendary broadcaster Jack Buck. The Whirl is proud to have brought you this news before anyone else. "Uh, yes," said Sergeant Richard York of The Police Department in a phoned interview with a member of our staff, "We received a call late last evening from an unnamed informer that James T. Moonshine had apparently admitted some sort of involvement in the passing of Mister Buck." Jack Buck died at approximately 11:08 pm local time after what his relatives characterized as a "lengthy hospitalization." The obviously grieving and irrational Joe Buck, son of the legendary broadcaster characterized his father as having been "in and out" of a coma for some time before his death. We at The Whirl, however, believe our informant, who, after calling The Police Department, also called our press pool with this scoop. "You can quote me on that," said our informant upon informing us that she had overheard Moonshine quite some time ago saying that he, "was gonna reach for one of them cold, frosty Budweisers, or an easy-drinking Busch Light. Is what he said, see. Or something like that. It made me sick." Through logical conjecture one can easily see how this is a damning statement in which Moonshine implicates himself in the mysterious death of Buck. "I don'ts know nothin' about it," said Moonshine's nearest neighbor, Pearlie Blackpowder, when we sent a guy around. "See, I ain'ts been seein' him around much lately. Naw. All I knows is when he comes and goes in that ole bus that he has over there at his place." Miz Blackpowder added, "Wudn't surpise me, none." Locals indicate that Moonshine lives alone and drives a large vehicle. He is obviously therefore guilty of murder. James T. Moonshine was unavailable for comment, as nobody seems to know where he is. He's probably on the run. |
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