THE WORLD'S FINEST WRESTLING NEWS SOURCE
June 3, 2002 Edition
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Latest Poll:
JTG was seen to stay out past midnight on Friday night. Is he cracking up?

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The Terror, promoter of
the banned TWO concern,
in an undated photo.

DATELINE FLASH! - (TWW) In a move that has stunned the wrestling world, the town of Squalid Falls has banned the TWO within city limits.

The Whirl is proud to have brought you this news before anyone else.

Our on-the-spot reporter tells us that a referendum was passed by unanimous vote in the town hall last week which refuses entry to the Terror Wrestling Organization or any of its media within the town, located upstate.

Most town residents seemed uninformed of the referendum.

"I'm sorry, dear, I don't know about it, so I really can't say," said Grace Tripp, 87, as she came out of the local FoodWay. "I'm not even sure what a TWO is."

Town councilman Ferd Grapeman told our reporter that the proposal for the ban was introduced by a local woman who appeared and angrily demanded that the motion be considered during the most recent council meeting.

"Really, in all honesty, we just passed the thing to keep her quiet. We realized that there wasn't a snowball's chance that the TWO was going to be visiting our town for a show, anyway. Our only venue is the grange hall, and that sits just on the other side of the incorporation line out on Route G."

The ban apparently prohibits the Terror Wrestling Organization from entering the city limits, as well as from distributing literature. The official referendum reads, in part: "The Terror Wrestling Organization and its constituents are prohibited from engaging in their dishonourable hate crimes anywhere within my city. And I won't have them disseminating any of their garbage here, either. It makes me sick."

Councilman Grapeman said the referendum was adopted exactly as it was dictated to the council. "We knew better than to try and stop her."

Councilman Grapeman did inform our reporter, however, that "We did manage to get her to drop the part about setting up signal jammers around the perimeter of the town, to keep residents from receiving TWO programming," citing the high cost of erecting the jammers, and the very real possibility that by the time they were constructed that the TWO would have since ceased operations.

"She said that since the TWO was doomed anyway, she didn't want us to spend any money on account of it."

The Terror was unavailable for comment.

Name: Granny "D" and Baby Stuckey
Age: 70 and 0.3
Hometown: S. Stubbville
Favourite Wrestler: Timouthey
Favourite Whirl Feature: We love Mogreasha. We both can't stand Terror. Poor Stuckey cries whenever he hears the name.

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