Raw Rant for May 13th, 2002
Raw is live from Toronto Ontario Canada....What? I live in Toronto and had no idea that it was here....it isn't like I wanted to go or anything though!
Brock Lesnar is out to start a handicap match
Brock Lesnar vs The Hardyz
Jesus finish this feud with the Hardyz already. Jeff attacks Brock to start off but Brock begins his squash. Jeff dropkicks Brocks knee or thigh...whatever. Lesnar hits a Belly to Belly Overhead suplex. Heyman spits alot when he talks! Lesnar continues his squash on Matt. Matt tags in Jeff and he hits a jawbreaker that takes three tries to hit. Poetry in Motion follows. Hardyz hit a double flapjack and then a leg drop and splash from the top and the ref counts two as Heyman pulls out the ref. Lesnar is DQ'd for his first singles defeat. Lesnar pulls Jeff back in and hoists him to the top rope but Matt makes the save and hits the Twist of Fate and Jeff hits his Swanton. Heyman gets on the mic and challenges the Hardyz to a match at Judgement Day between Lesnar and Heyman....What the hell is that?
DUD!
Flair shows up backstage to explain to the nWo why he had to fire Hall. They head towards the ring. Flair babbles on and on and makes a match between himself and Hogan for the Undisputed title.
Hogan shows up on his bike backstage.
Stasiak vs Eddy Guerrero
RVD comes out to sit at ringside and not do commentary, thank God! Stasiak starts off with the offence, oops I just got a phonecall....Actually Eddy wins with a five star frog splash. RVD attacks Eddy afterwards. Eddy asks RVD who he thinks he is, so RVD comes back with the always popular phrase...."Oh that's easy..I'm R-V-D" DUD. What the hell is the point of having a one minute match?
Austin cuts a backstage promo on Flair and Judgement Day. Austin accidently calls Flair a bleach blond blue haired bastard. Blue Haired???? He isn't that old!
Why the hell am I still watching Raw? This is so boring!
A Day in the life of Tommy Dreamer?????? He shaves his tongue, brushes his teeth with the same toothbrush he brushed his dogs teeth with, and drinks toilet water, what is the WWF coming to? Dreamer looks like that guy on Trailer Park Boys!
Terri vs Molly
Does anyone actually care about these matches? I know I don't!
Ric Flair vs Hulk Hogan
Lil Naitche is the ref for this match! Hogan comes out on his bike, I guess he can't walk down that really really long ramp anymore. Jesus there is over 100 years in that ring right now! Why the hell does Flair wear his knee pads on his shins? Shoulder block by Hogan. Flair goes for a chair but little Naitche grabs it and pushes Flair. God how much stalling can there be in one match? Flair chops Hogan but he no sells. Chops and punches in the corner by Hogan and Flair does his old man flop! Flair goes to the top but gets tossed by Hogan. Flair nails Hogan with a low blow. Flair hits some more punches and some more chops and Hogan's bandana finally comes unglued from his head. Flair tosses Hogan outside and Hogan recovers and hits punches and chops and throws Flair back in the ring. Hogan nails a back body drop. Flair attacks Hogan's knee. Hogan blocks a knee drop and locks in the figure four on Flair. This is a no DQ match why does Hogan have to break the hold when Flair reaches the ropes? Flair with chops but Hogan Hulks up. Hogan hits the boot and a leg drop but X Pac breaks up the count. Hogan nails him out of the ring and Show comes in but Bradshaw makes the save. Flair tries to lock in the figure four on Hogan but Austin comes out and nails Flair with a stunner....God forbid Hogan should cover him then, no he has to hit his legdrop to get the win. Holy Overbooked ending Batman! 1*
Trish Stratus & Bubba Dudley vs Jazz & Steven Richards
This match is for the Hardcore Title and Women's title, however that works! Steven comes out to Jazz's music....Wow what a legit champ he his! This is just a terrible idea for a match, and this is what is supposed to draw ratings? Credible, and Crash get involved but Bubba hits Credible with a guitar. Richards and Bubba leave the ring and Trish hits her bulldog to win the Womens title because we all know we can't lose in our hometown right? DUD!
Austin faces a new member of the nWo tonight in a lumberjack match! Man they have to kill this nWo angle. Now that Hall is gone, actually ever since they arrived in the WWE it hasn't really taken off.
Booker T is backstage wearing a lumberjack costume....Now that is some funny stuff!
X-Pac & Show vs Bradshaw
Does anyone really buy Bradshaw as a legit main eventer? God will these feuds ever end? For trying to make Bradshaw a main eventer, why doesn't he have a match at Judgement Day? I think I will just post the outcome to this match because I am really bored and I am falling asleep. Yawn, Show chokeslams Bradshaw twice and X-Pac covers him for the win, pretty boring stuff. -1*
Austin vs ???????
Austin takes on the newest member of the nWo. Hmmm who could it be? Steiner? Michaels? Jarrett? Yah what are the chances of that happening? Nice hand picked lumberjacks you got there Flair! Credible, Crash, Bossman, whooo doesn't get better than that! Out comes Austin and the lumberslacks attack! Flair introduces Booker as the newest member of the nWo. What the hell did Booker T do to deserve this treatment? First they pair him up with Goldust and now he gets to hang out with these losers? Ok I give up, read my retirement speech. Austin wins with a rollup. Austin tries to leave but Arn Anderson attacks him from behind on the ramp and throws him in the ring and the whole nWo except for Booker T, who knows why attack Austin as it fades to black. 1*
Well with nothing higher than a 1* match, what is my motivation to keep watching these shows? They are terrible to sit and watch for 2 straight hours and bore the hell out of me. Maybe I should take Archangels advice and not watch it anymore!
Well until next time......oh wait there won't be a next time, until they start putting on a decent show.....I am the Net Detective!
