Raw Rant for April 29th, 2002
Raw is live from Buffalo New York
The man with a different color of hair every week(Jeff Hardy) vs Super Mullet (Eddy Guerrero)
What the hell is with Jeff's body paint? Eddy starts off with a double leg takedown. Hip toss by Jeff, hip toss by Eddy. European uppercut by Eddy. Running sleeper takedown by Jeff. Head scissor takedown by Jeff. Dropkick to the knee by Eddy. Take notes kids! Uppercuts in the corner by Eddy. Couldn't they find someone worth fighting Eddy Guerrero? Suplex by Eddy. Missed slingshot by Guerrero. Suplex that I think was supposed to be a brainbuster. Eddy goes up top but gets superplexed. Jeff delivers a jawbreaker. flying forearm by Jeff and then he hits his double leg crotch drop. Jeff goes up top and tries a swanton but misses then he hits a corkscrew moonsault but the ref is down. Guerrero with a clothesline and he goes for the IC title and nails Jeff with it then hits the real five star frog splash for the win. 1 1/2 *.
Footage from Backlash and Raw with Austin and Flair is shown just in case we forgot.
Austin is backstage and tells a stagehand to tell Flair to meet him in the ring....now! JR asks the question, is Austin coming out here now? I think that is what he just said genious!
Austin is pissed and wants to tell a story. It is a story about a sombitch with a bald head and a goatee. He goes over some crap from last week about Bradshaw. Now he cries about the Big Show. Damn these what chants gotta stop, they make Austin's promo so lame. Austin calls out Flair to get a match with Show. Out comes Flair. Doesn't appreciate Austin telling the fans he had something to do with Show joining the nWo... yada yada yada. Flair denies the match of the decade that everyone wants to see because he is on a promotional tour in India...What???? Tonight Hall and X-Pac vs Austin and Bradshaw. Didn't we almost see that last week? Flair makes himself the special ref? Can they not have any fresh feuds? Austin has been feuding with the nWo since before WM. Man they are hurting for talent. That was a 13 minute bunch of talking we could have done without.
Booker T is shown working out backstage but Goldust distracts him. What the hell are they doing with Booker?
Booker T vs RVD
Kicks and chops in the corner by Booker. Spinning back kick by RVD followed by a second one. Attempted hurricurana by RVD which is turned into a powerbomb by Booker. Spinning heel kick by Booker followed by a sleeper. Botched stepover heel kick and rolling thunder by RVD and Goldust makes his way out. Goldust accidently hits Booker and RVD hits his version of the 5 Star Frog Splash for the win. 1/2 *. Wow Booker is really going downhill in this fed.
Ah Planet Stasiak is backstage, what a breath of fresh air......not! He is fighting Brock Lesnar tonight, oh this should be fun!
Brock Less Than Par vs Plantet Stasiak
Stasiak takes down Brock. Like that will last long! Spinebuster by Brock. Brock runs Shawn into the ring post. Shoulder thrusts, and a belly to belly overhead suplex by Brock. Gutwrench followed by that move that has no name. Spinning powerbomb that apparantly knocked out Stasiak so the ref stops the match! Why is that no one else's powerbomb knocks people out? Oh yah is Brock ever going to get a pinfall victory? DUD!
Flair is on his cell with someone but Debra walks in and Flair wants Debra to tell Austin he is telling the truth. Debra slaps him and says DTA....oohhh original!
Austin & Bradshaw vs nWo
Austin stares down Flair. Bradshaw starts with a beatdown on X-Pac. Big boot to X-Pac. Clothesline in the corner. X-Pac with a spin kick and a tag to Hall. Hall and Bradshaw trade chops in the corner. Tag to Austin. Austin works on Halls arm. Mudhole stomping on Hall. Tag to Bradshaw. Suplex to Bradshaw on Hall. Running clothesline in the corner by Bradshaw followed by a neckbreaker. Tag to Austin. Knee lift by Austin, tag to X-Pac. Suplex by Austin. Austin whips X-Pac into the corner twice. Tag to Bradshaw. Bradshaw with a fallaway slam. Dropkick to the knee by X-Pac. Tag to Hall. Fallaway slam by Hall, tag to X-Pac, wow look at the contiuity of this tag team! X-Pac works on the leg of Bradshaw. Hey aren't the APA split up? Why does Bradshaw still have the APA tights? Tag to Austin. Back body drop by SCSA. Lou Thesz press. X-Pac hits a spin kick and Austin his a spinebuster on X-Pac and Hall. Stunner to X-Pac for the three, but wait X-Pac's foot was on the rope, but Flair did not see it. Very boring match. 1 *. Totally pointless and repetitive stuff.
Out comes Taker. Nice sweatshirt covered by a leather vest Taker. Beginning to look a lot like HHH and his leather jacket covered by a jean vest. God can these promos get any more boring? Out comes Hogan. Taker tells him he is going to beat down Hogan like the bitch that he is so Hogan does the only logical thing and nails him. Taker runs.....again pointless drawn out filler type stuff.
Hey JR just said Lita broke her neck on the Dark Angel shooting. If she really did, then how did they finish the shoot? Maybe it was just after the shooting of the last scene but come on what are the chances of that? I think JR is holding something from us!
Bubba vs Jazz
What the hell is this? This HC title is just destroyed! I am not even touching this match. This match really exposes wrestling. Steven Richards interferes and wins the HC championship. Did we really need to watch Jazz in this match if Stevie was just going to come out and win the title anyway? Why put us through that? Some comedic relief in the match by Bubba but just some terrible stuff.
Regal cuts a 1980's style promo backstage about facing Hogan tonight.
Flair makes a match for next week for the nWo vs Bradshaw & Austin & Flair himself. Wow this feud just keeps getting better and better doesn't it!
Goldust vs Spike
Goldust with a clothesline outside the ring. Spike with a facebuster. Goldust with an attempted shattered dreams but stops and punches away on Spike. Booker comes out and hits an axe kick on Goldust, Spike hits the Dudley Dawg for the 3. DUD. Wow now Booker T and Goldust can have a feud that will lead to nowhere!
Hogan vs Regal
Why the hell is Regal getting a title shot? Who did he beat? Hogan plays his belt like a Ge-Tar on his way to the ring and sings his entrance song as usual! Regal grabs a mic and asks Hogan to join him for a spot of tea. I hope Regal poisoned the tea and it kills Hogan. Hogan drinks the tea and he faints...ah don't get your hopes up everyone, I am only kidding. Hogan spits the tea into Regal's face. Some garbage ensues on the outside and HEY THE MAT'S ARE STILL SHINY! Taker enters and punches away on Hogan. Hey he swerved us, he ran away from Hogan earlier, I thought he was scared! Man he fooled all of us! Taker totally destroys Hogan. Taker nails a chokeslam and leaves Hogan a bloody mess in the center of the ring!
This Raw was filled with a bunch of pointless, and filler type stuff that they need to avoid if they want their ratings to increase. I enjoyed the RVD vs Guerrero match even though Eddy carried RVD but it was watchable. The Austin, Bradshaw, Flair, and nWo saga is just getting repetitive and needs to come to an end, otherwise they will lose everyday viewers such as myself.
Until next time.....I am the Net Detective
