Tuesday Night Thrashing
Umberto: Hello all and welcome to Tuesday Night Thrashing. WE have a great card tonight so let's get right to it.
Our next match is scheduled for one fall introducing first weighing in at 170 pounds and standing 6'0. The Crow. (Hear to stay plays as The Crow comes down to the ring. The crowd is booing. He walks slowly to the ring.) And his opponent weighing in at 255 pounds and standing 6'3. Carlos Sanka. (She Bangs plays as Carlos comes down to the ring accompanied by his manager Mr. Coffee. The crowd is booing them even louder than Crow.)
Crow starts out the match by nailing Carlos with right hand after right hand. It backs Carlos into the corner. Crow chops Carlos with a series of chops Carlos is staggering from the chops. Crow picks him up and places him upsidedown from the turnbuckle. Crow takes a running start and rams a knee into the gut of Carlos. Carlos lands flat on his face. Crow picks him up and nails a super kick. Crow goes for the cover. 1...2.. kickout. Crow is really pissed. He gets right in the face of the ref. Carlos takes this opportunity to go over and drop kick Carlos in the back but it knocks Crow into the ref and the ref goes flying to the outside. Mr. Coffee comes up to the apron. The crow gets up and goes over to coffee telling him to get down, but as he does Mr. Coffee throws a cup of hot coffee into his face. Crow yells out in pain. Carlos rolls up Crow. 1......2.....3....4.....5...the ref is still out cold. Carlos is upset he goes to the outside and pulls the ref in. Carlos works on reviving him but as he does that the crow puts on the wings of death. Carlos is tapping out, but the ref is still dazed. Finally the ref comes to senses and calls for the bell.
The winner of the match The Crow.
Umberto: Good match Crow gets his first win in the HAW. Let's go to the next match.
Our next match is for one fall. Coming to the ring being accompanied to the ring with Jacob Merk, standing 6’0 tall and weighing in at 212 pounds Gunther S. Ackerman!!! The crowd doesn’t know how to react.
And his opponent, weighing in at 200 and change, and standing 5’5.……Zaz Tiger. The fans begin to boo loudly. The tiger seems hurt by there negative reaction.
The match is all about Gunther. The German one starts out with a Power Bomb. He picks up Zaz and does yet another Power Bomb. Zaz is in pain and rolling on the ground. Gunther gets behind Zaz and puts him in a sleeper hold. The ref gets a two count but before the third, life comes back into Tigers arm, and he holds it up. Ackerman frustrated with the long count claps his hand at the pace he thinks is right. Zaz gets to his feet, but before he can accomplish anything, Ackerman delivers a swinging neck breaker, much to the delight of the crowd. Zaz now is crawling backward begging for mercy. He acts like he is praying for Gunther to leave him alone. But the German Giggilo is having none of it. He grapples with Tiger and the result is a Overhead Belly to Belly suplex landed by Gunther. The unrelenting S. Ackerman goes right into the Boston crab. A smile edges across his face, as he seems to be enjoying doling out pain. Zaz has actually passed out from the pain. Gunther takes this time to go to the top ropes. He jumps off and comes down with an axe handle smash. Ackerman gets up and signals for the Rasen Furie. It’s a hard technical move. He puts Zaz in a sharp shooter, rotates 180 degrees, and applies a choke hold. Zaz has nothing he can do. He holds out for a few feeble moments, lets out one more gasp, and taps out. Gunther keeps applying the move, seeming to not notice the bell has been rung. Finally he lets go, looks at the motionless corps, and walks back to the lockers.
Stan: Wow….Now that was nothing but a good old beat down. I haven’t seen more of a spanking sense Hector Dragoncox’s S and M video. Looks like Zaz is on his way out folks.
Umberto: Holly crap boys. The German boy looks like a house of fire out there. He is built like a brick shit house to boot.
The next match is scheduled for one fall introducing first weighing in at 210 pounds and standing 6’1 Beast of BoBsville along with his manager Sledgie. (Tear Away plays as Beast comes down to the ring carrying Sledgie. He fakes taking a swing at some of the fans at ringside who are booing him.) And his opponent weighing in at 249 pounds and standing 6’3. Mr. Pink. (Run like Hell plays as Pink comes down to the ring, he takes off in a dead sprint at Bob.
Pink slides into the ring and tackles Bob. He starts pounding on Bob’s face. The ref grabs ahold of Pink and pulls him off of Bob, this gives Bob the chance to get up and grab ahold of Pink. He picks Pink up and powerslams him down. Bob flips off the crowd then proceeds over to Pink. He goes to grab his right leg but Pink is playing possum, he uses his left foot and plants it deep into Bob’s groin. Bob lets out in a tremendously painful cry for help. Pink gets up he sees the mic that was left by the ring announcer he picks it up.
Pink: You got your friend Sledgie. Well I brought a friend with me. Wedgie.
Pink goes up behind bob and grabs his underwear and proceeds to pull it up as far up Bob’s ass as he possibly can, Bob is again bellowing out in pain from the pressure put on his balls. Pink finally lets go but its solely because he ripped the elastic right off the underwear of bob. Pink picks up Bob. He hits a body slam. Pink goes over drops a leg over the neck of Bob. Pink lifts bob to his feet. Pink sets him up for a chest slap but bob sees it coming and pokes Pink in the eye. Bob rolls up Pink. 1……2…… kickout. Bob gets up and puts a headlock on Pink. Bob appears to be choking Pink but the ref can’t see Bob is concealing it very well. Bob releases the hold and lifts Pink up clotheslines him down to the mat. Bob hops up to the top rope and nails a drop kick. Bob is calling for Sledgie. Bob goes over and grabs Sledgie. He is getting ready to nail Pink with it but the ref grabs it and rips it out of the hand of Bob. Pink takes a suicide dive and nails both Bob and the ref knocking the ref out cold. Bob goes to pick up Sledgie but Pink sees it coming and clotheslines Bob and Sledgie nails Bob right in the face. Pink grabs ahold of Bob and pulls him into the corner. He props him up and puts Sledgie on his balls. Pink goes to the opposite corner and he takes a running start and does a baseball slide into Sledgie and it propels Sledgie deep into Bob’s groin. Bob again yells out in pain. Pink isn’t finished yet. Bob is now on his back Pink grabs Sledgie and goes up to the top rope and jumps off and drives the end of Sledgie into the groin area again. Bob’s eyes begin to go into the back of his head. He can’t get to his feet because of his swollen nuts that appear to be the size of bowling balls now. Pink wakes up the ref and puts the pink slip on Bob. Bob is out cold. The ref lifts his arm..1… it falls to the ground. 2…… it falls again..3……it falls and Bob is out. The ref calls for the bell.
The Winner of the match Mr. Pink.
Umberto: Jesus Bob’s balls are destroyed. Thank goodness some members of the medical team have made their way to the ring to check on Bob. They have wheeled him to the back on a stretcher. This doesn’t look good for Bob. Let’s see if Harry can catch up with them.
Harry: Hey come back here let me get a word with the ole balls of steel. Bob. How’s it hanging buddy?
Bob: Harry, didn’t you see what just happened my balls are the size of your glasses.
Harry: Damn skippy they are you outta put a couple ice cold buudweisers on those. Alright boys wheel him in. Hey you come here a second (harry calls for a EMT). How’s it look doc you think you can save his nuts?
EMT: Well harry we should be able to but you never know, he is out for 2 weeks for sure.
Harry: Ah god the pussy. Harry takes harder shots from French hookers on a nightly basis.
EMT: Well Harry that’s not good for you.
Harry: Holy Cow are you kidding nothing gets Harry hotter than nut shot by a French maid, god I love a squirmier. So you’re saying 2 weeks on Bob huh.
EMT: Yeah should be back in 10-14 days.
Harry: alright back to the ring.
PA: Our last match of the night is Nic O Time vs. Krillen Kage. This bout if for one fall.
Coming to the ring first, Standing 7’1, and weighing in at 350 pounds, KRILLIN KAGE. He comes to the ring waving to the crowd. Getting a smattering of boo’s and applause.
PA: And his opponent, standing 6’6 and weighing in at 275 NIC O TIME. NIC walks to the ring with his eyes fixed on kage.
The match starts out at fevered pitch. Nic O Time is hell bent on pushing the advantage. He lands five punches to the kisser of Kage. Kage wipes the blood from his face, and flicks it at Nic. Time gets blood into his eye and bends over in pain. Kage takes the advantage and DDT’S Nic into the canvas. Kage continues the offense with a body slam. Nic is really reeling now. He grabs his back and yells to the rafters. The crafty Nic O time grabs a Krillin Kage doll out of his pants. He raises the doll slowly into the air. Just before he crashes the plastic down, a Mattel™ reprehensive grabs the kage Barbie out of his hand. The rep shakes his finger at O Time, and walks out of the ring. Nic O time is throwing a fit. He gathers himself, and blindsides Kage with a kick to the chin. Krillin drops to the ground like a leaf. Nic picks Kage up and bull dogs him down. Nic begins showing off to the crowd. This allows Krillin to get to his feet. He twirls his opponent around, and bear hugs the air out of Nic. N. O. T delivers a few punches to the ribs of Kage and Krillin lets loose of the hold. The two men grapple and Nic gets the advantage. Out of the blue, with a surge of power, Nic O time executes a dangerous pile driver. The crowd ew’s in amazement. Then out of the crowd walks EL Diablo. He is obviously drunk. He begins making rude gestures to the crowd. He stumbles over the railing and stands just outside of the ring. He takes one last swig of Jose Cuervo that polishes it off. EL Diablo points at Kage, showing the crowd that he is aiming at the massive beast. Back in the ring to two men are once more in a grapple. Diablo winds back and throws. The bottle hurls into the ring, smacking Nic O Time square in the balls. The crowd winces with pain. Nic O time falls to the ground and begins convulsing. Krillin Kage who seems to be amazed by the events, shakes his head and goes for the cover. 1.…..2.……3!!!
Stan: That’s it, the match is over. What a weird ending to this match. El Diablo just hit Nic O Time right where it counts. These eyes have never seen that before!
Umberto: Well folks, that is all for tonight. We hope you enjoyed this evening as much as we did. Don’t forget, tip your waitresses on the way out, and please throw away all your trash!!
