Tuesday Night Thrashing 6-25-02
(Fireworks go off inside the filled to capacity Pepsi Center in Denver Colorado. Loud music pulses, and the crowd is at a fevered pitch. The Camera is twisting and turning, getting glimpses of the signs being waved by the fans. The public address system cuts in.
Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to the FIRST ever Tuesday Night Thrashing!
(The crowd goes nuts and the announce team walks to the ring side booth.
Stan Ballick: Well good evening sports entertainment fans. I’m your host Stan Ballick, and sitting beside me is the ever popular Umberto Parerra.
Umberto: Hola me amigo’s! Looks like we have an exciting card for you tonight. The deck is stacked, the table is set, and we are locked and loaded!!!!!
Stan: I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Along with us two, we will also have behind the scenes updates by Harry Carey once again. So without any further adieu, lets get onto the first MATCH!
Ring Announcer: Hello fans and welcome to the first ever Tuesday Night Thrashing. Our opening match is scheduled for one fall introducing for weighing in at 325 pounds. Maxwell House. (She Bangs plays as Maxwell house comes down to the ring. The crowd booing Maxwell vigorously. Ring Announcer: And introducing his opponent weight in at 240 pounds Hades. (Funeral bells ring. Suddenly the lights go out, and the barking of dogs can be heard. In the entranceway is the silhouette of a man standing next to a dog which seems to have more than one head. The light behind the silhouette goes out, and after a few seconds, all lights go back on. In the middle of the ring, Hades is standing ready. ..)
Hades attacks Maxwell right out of the gate. Maxwell is reeling from the massive right hand blows, but Hades can’t get the big guy off his feet. Hades backs him into the corner and attempts to Irish whip him into the opposite corner but he can’t budge Maxwell instead Maxwell throws Hades into the corner. Maxwell comes charging in but Hades ducks out of the way and Maxwell nails the buckle. Hades rolls him up. 1…2… Maxwell kicks out. Hades puts Maxwell in a sleeper, he’s trying to wear the big man down. Maxwell looks like he is about out. The ref picks up his arm and drops it.1. He picks it up again. 2.. one more and Maxwell is done. The ref picks it up but no dice Maxwell still has some fight in him. Maxwell gets to feet and backs Hades into the ropes and throws him into the opposite ropes. Hades comes off and gets nailed by a big clothesline from Maxwell. Hades gets right to his feet, and gets promptly nailed by a big right hand that knocks him to the ground. Hades rolls to the outside. Hades looks upset. Maxwell is upset that Hades went outside and Maxwell goes over to him to give him a piece of his mind. Hades grabs Maxwell’s legs and pulls him to the outside. Hades throws Maxwell into the guard rail. Hades picks up Maxwell and drops him on his neck on the guard rail. Hades tosses Maxwell back into the ring. Hades goes for the cover. 1…2.. kickout by Maxwell. Hades get up and gives Maxwell a side suplex. Hades then locks on a boston crab on Maxwell. He really applying a lot of pressure on Maxwell. Maxwell though has too much strength and he does a push up out of the crab that forces Hades to release the hold. Maxwell is noticeably limping. Hades looks to take advantage of this and sweeps the leg of Maxwell. Maxwell goes down to the mat. Hades picks up Maxwell and hits a German suplex into a pin. 1….2….3
(The winner of the match by pin fall Hades)
Umberto: Wow that was a fantastic match Hades has successfully taken out 2 of the members of the Coffee House of Pain.
Stan: Yeah he has looked impressive. Its time now for our second match of the night. This should pack a lot of punch. It includes two of our brightest starts. El Diablo, and Nic O Time. Barbie’s vs. booze. Wet back vs. Back woods trash. It has all the ingredients for a winner.
PA: (Ghetto vet starts playing) Introducing first, coming to the ring with a fifth of Cuervo, standing 7’1 and weighing in at 348 pounds. ELLLLLL DIABLO!!!
El D swaggers to the ring. He takes a swig of tequila and starts posing for the crowd.
PA: (Asshole begins playing) And his opponent, standing 6’6, weighing in at 275 pounds, and being accompanied by his Barbie’s, NIC O TIME!! (The crowd cheers with glee, and Nic O Time seems moved by the swelling support.
The match starts off with both men glaring into each others eyes. Nic O Time steps back, flips his mullet tail, and begins gesturing to El D that he needs to lay off the hard grain liquor. The angered Diablo begins a series of right hands to the face of Nic. Nic steps back, wobbles, and falls to the canvas ala Rick Flair. El Diablo goes to his corner, takes a swig of Mexican Magic in a bottle, and turns around, only to be met with a boot to the face. El D falls to the ground and spills the remaining 5 ounces of Cuervo. Nic O Time picks El Diablo up, grapples, and Pile drives El Diablo. Nic O Time walks away from the battered EL, and begins hawking his Barbie’s to some kids wearing NASCAR shirts in the front row. El Diablo sneaks up on Nic, grabs his arm, and throws him into the ring steps. He picks him up walks Time over to the Spanish announcer table, and Powerslams him through the structure. (The Crowd Pops loudly. El Diablo throws Nic O Time into the ring. On his flight through the bottom rope, Nic O Time grabs a fist full of Barbie’s. El Diablo steps over the top rope and slowly walks over to the seemingly dead Nic. El D then tosses Nic O Time into the turn buckle. He picks him up and military presses time. Diablo goes to the front of the motionless body, and puts Nic in a head scissors. Time yells out in agony. El Diablo seems not to notice this and continues the scissors. El D comes to his feet and begins kicking Nic over and over again in the head. He picks Nic O up and sits him down quickly with a sharp head butt. Nic O time once again lay on the ground writhing in pain. El Diablo drags him over to the turnbuckle, and lifts him onto the top rope. He is signaling for the Hellride. Just as he begins the move, Nic O Time hits him on the chin with three Barbie’s. El D falls to the ground in a heap. Nic O time picks up El D and gives him the “Times Up”. Nic goes for the cover, but before he lets the ref make the count, puts the El Diablo Action figure on top of El Diablo, and makes the ref make the count. One…..Two…..Three….
NIC O TIME WINS!!!
Stan: Sweet irony. Can you believe that? El Diablo was actually covered by a figure of himself. That might be the most unbelievable ending to a match I’ve seen in a loooong time.
Stan: Our third match of the night should be fought hard. Two daunting forces will square off in the ring.
Umberto: It should be hot. The Crow was an excellent movie.
Stan: I’m not sure what that has to do with anything, but lets get onto the show.
PA: (Hear to Stay begins playing) Coming to the ring, weighing in at 170 pounds, and standing tall at 6’0. The CROWWWWWWW!!!!
PA: (Superbeast blares) And his opponent, standing in at 6’4, and weighing 270 pounds Warpath.
Warpath walks to the ring with a steady gate, and a look of hatred in his eyes.
The bell rings and The crow starts off the match on the offense. He fires Warpath into the ropes and delivers a clothesline that would make any drier jealous. Warpath fires back onto his feet acting like no damage was done. The crow once again fires Warpath into the ropes and this time gives him a hip toss. Warpath staggers to his feet and shakes his finger at The Crow. The crow tries again to send Path into the ropes, but this time is met with a hard left, which sends Crow to the ground. Warpath picks him up and then executes German suplex. He picks up Crow again and executes the same move once more. Warpath not wasting any time then delivers a chest chop. Warpath gathers his breath, and when he looks up, he is met with some Sweet Chin music. Warpath drops faster than Vanilla Ice’s career. The Crow climbs the ropes and jumps off and delivers a Five Star Splash. Crow goes for the cover but only gets a long two count of it. The two men rise, but before Crow can do anything, Warpath strikes with a Russian leg sweep. He then slides to the ground and puts The crow in a sleeper hold. He holds it in place for a few seconds and then drops Crow as if bored. Crow grabs his throat, grasping for air. He begins to get up but before doing so, he is met with a mid-air Warpath, finishing off a missile kick. Warpath is feeling it. He senses the end is near. He calmly walks over to a corner of the ring and sits on the ground, waiting for the beaten Crow to rise up. Crow slowly regains power and climbs to his feet. He is dazed and seems to have not a clue where he, or his opponent are. Warpath grabs The crow and carries out a spinning implant DDT.(His finisher) Both men fall to the ground. The Crow begins to convulse. Warpath leans over and goes for the pin. 1….2….The crow kicks out. Warpath is stunned. He climbs to his feet and gets on the top ropes. He jumps and lands a perfect moonsault. He pounds the ground in jubilation of his own success. The ref slides into position and goes for the count. 1…..2…..3……
And your winner is……… WARPATH!!!!!
Umberto: What an impressive win for Warpath. Crow really fought hard, but I think that sneak attack by Warpath on saturday had taken its toll on Crow.
Stan: I have word that Randy Tony is making his way to the ring.
(Randy enters the ring with mic in hand)
Randy: I would like to come out here and thank RWB for "beating the goodness" into me. I understand now the errors of my ways. I want to change my actions, and the first thing I want to do is to show I am a changed person so I would like to tag up this saturday and we can show the world that 2 good guys can't get beat.
(RWB steps out to the ramp)
RWB: Randy, I would like to accept your offer of tagging up. I feel that you're right us 2 as a team of good guys will be unstoppable.
(RWB leaves the area and Randy leaves smiling)
Ring announcer: The next match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first weighing in at 212 pounds. Sweetness. (sweetness by jimmy eat world plays as Sweetness walks down to the ring accompanied to the ring by Elana) And his opponent weighing in at 308 pounds. Dark Angel Genesis. (eltric by white zombie plays as Genesis walks down to the ring very very slowly. Sweetness is waiting for genesis to get to the ring he is starting to get impatient with Genesis’s slow walk.
Sweetness exits the ring and goes after Genesis. Genesis sees him coming and decks him with a powerful right hand. Down goes Sweetness. Genesis picks up sweetness and sends him flying over the guardrail. They start to fight up into the fans trading punches. Genesis drags Sweetness into the pretzel booth they start fighting in the booth. Sweetness grabs a cup of pretzel bites and throws them at Genesis while genesis ducks but in ducking allowed Sweetness to hit him with a spear. Sweetness picks up genesis and dunks his head in the pretzel butter dip. Genesis struggles for air and finally hits sweetness with a back elbow that allows himself to get air. Genesis picks up Sweetness and slams him through the icee machine. There is blueberry icee all over everyone around. Sweetness and Genesis again trade punches as they exit from the pretzel booth. They are now in a crowded hallway. Sweetness grabs a trash can and smashes it over genesis. Genesis is now bleeding from his right ear. Genesis finds a crow bar and jams it into the ribs of Sweetness. Sweetness goes down to both knees Genesis picks up Sweetness and Powerbombs him hard onto the concrete. Genesis goes over to a storage closet looking for something while Sweetness slowly gets to his feet. Genesis has found a sledgehammer, he takes a wild swing at sweetness but he ducks the swing and hits a back kick to the face of genesis. Sweetnees picks him up and drags him outside. They are fighting in the pouring rain. Sweetness throws Genesis down a flight of 12 stairs. Genesis gets up they have made their way to the street and finally ref’s have come flying out of the building they are attempting to break up the fight. They finally break up the fighting and separate the 2 men.
(Match is ruled no contest)
Stan: Well folks, its time for the main event! We have two living legends about to face off. Enrique Vasques, and Hector Dragoncox. Lets go down to Harry Carey for some last minute thoughts.
Harry Carey: Cubs win, Cubs win, I’m excited. These two have been squabbling over Mrs. Vasques, and Hector going Nipple to Nipple in some adult movies. I personally have 43 of the 45 installments. I can’t wait to see these two. So lets all sit back, drink an ice cold Budweiser, and enjoy the match!
PA: Coming to the ring, and accompanied to the ring by Mrs. Vasques, Standing 6’1 and weighing in at 220 pounds ENRIQUE VASQUES
(Bad Medicine hits and Enrique/Mrs. Vasques step from behind the curtain. The two of them walk far away from each other, but Enrique pretends not to notice and waves to the fans.
PA: And his opponent, walking to the ring with Ruben the monkey, weighing in at 285 pounds and standing 6’8, HECTOR DRAAAGONCOX.
The crowd is in a frenzy, and they don’t seem to be playing favorites either way.
Ding, Ding, Ding.
Hector starts out the match with a cheap shot to the balls. The crowd boo’s and applauds at the same time. Enrique is shaken up and takes refuge in the corner. Hector starts playing to the crowd, and waving at Mrs. Vasques. The now enraged Enrique grapples with Cox and applies an abdominal stretch. Hector yells out in Spanish. He then gives a quick elbow to the ribs of Vasques. This gives Hector just enough time to give him a bulldog into ring post. Once again Hector begins blowing kisses and flirting with Mrs. Vasques. Enrique gathers himself turns the stunned Cox around gives him a sharp DDT. ( Just as the two start to grapple, the lights go dark, and Spanish music of some sorts is heard playing. When the lights come back on, the Mad Beaner is standing in the middle of the ring with a tuxedo on. He walks over to the ref and hits him in the head with a grilled stuft burrito. The ref is knocked out cold by the force of the three cheeses, beans, rice, beef, and tomato concoction. Both Enrique and Hector seem confused. Beaner walks over to Hector with his hand extended for a shake. Hector walks over to him but is met with a boot to the face. Enrique laughs and he gestures for the mad one to come over to his corner. The two meet at the center of the ring and raise hands, only for the Beaner to pull a green card out of his pants, and sock Vasques over the head with it. Mrs. Vasques gets into the ring, kisses Beaner on the mouth, and the two of them walk out hand in hand. The ref regains his wit and begins a slow count of both wrestlers. They both slowly stager to their feet. As Enrique glances over to see his wife gone, Hector takes advantage. He walks over to Vasques and puts him in the “Anaconda”. Vasques struggles at first but begins to weaken. The ref raises his arm once, and it drops down . The raises his arm twice, and it drops down. He raises it a third, but before he can let go of the arm, Ruben the Monkey flies in off the top rope, and gives Hector a missile kick. Vasques goes for the pin. 1…2…3…Hector gets up. He clotheslines Enrique and starts after Ruben. Ruben begs for mercy, but Hector is having none of it. He lifts Ruben above his head and drives him down to the canvas with a powerbomb. He picks him up again, but before he can deliver a second, Enrique knocks hector in the head with the Grilled stuft burrito left by the Mad Beaner. Hector scrambles out of the ring and starts walking up the ramp. (Bad Medicine cranks back up and Ruben and Enrique raise each other’s hands to the rousing applause of the crowd.
PA: Your Winner is ENRIQUE VASQUES!!!!!!
Stan Ballick: WOOOOW, what a match! That had more turns than a f1 track. We saw decite, love, hate, glee, and sorrow. What more can you ask for?
Umberto: Unbelievable Stan. Those two men gave 100 percent. It all came down to a mexican and a monkey. Who would have thunk it?
Stan: Well folks, this has been a production of the HAW. We hope you enjoyed the card as much as we did. Join us again on Saturday, and tune in each week on Tuesday for thrashing. For Umberto, Harry Carey, and all of us here at HAW I say, “Catch you on the flip side.”
(The TV fades off of the two men, pans over the massive crowd, and wipes to black)
