One Last Breath

Please come now
I think I'm falling
I'm holding on to
And all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape

"David, I need to go to the ER."

He was in their bedroom when he heard those words. He looked up from his laptop, brown eyes crinkling in concern as his one month pregnant wife came walking out of the bathroom. He set aside the laptop, swinging his legs over the bed and stood up. "Amara?" Her name was a question, his gaze taking in the way she held both hands over her stomach.

"I'm cramping, David." She said softly, tears brimming in her eyes. "And bleeding."

"I'll get the car started." He said instantly. Panic was the first thing he felt like doing, it was whelming up in him but somehow he fought it down, refusing to succumb to it even for a second. It was most likely something minor, they'd read on countless websites and in books that some spotting and minor cramping was normal in the early stages of pregnancy.

No doubt Amara just wanted to make sure everything was alright, just to be on the safe side.

Amara nodded, already sliding on her shoes, wincing at some pain only she could feel.

God, let everything be alright.

I yelled back when
I heard thunder
But I'm down to
One last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

"We need more blood, Mrs. Bautista."

Amara looked tiredly at the RN, noting it was a new woman, apparently shift change had come and gone. She'd had so much blood taken already she wasn't in the best of moods. "What for?"

"Amara..." David said in a warning tone, knowing she was tired and worried, quite likely to rip someone's head off at the moment. Not to mention Amara had never been fond of hospitals to begin with, not a good combination.

She held up a hand to silence him. "Well?"

"We want to test your RH factor."

"I'm RH negative, I told the doctor that when I first got in here."

"You did?"

"Yes. Where IS the doctor?"

"I'm right here." The doctor, a short; squat woman who was all to like J.K. Rowlings description of Umbridge stepped in the room as well. "What's wrong?"

"I'm RH negative."

"You positive?"

"No, negative."

David shook his head at the sarcastic response.

Hold me now
I'm six feet
From the edge
And I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Bautista, right now... we really can't tell you much of anything." Dr. Cole said blandly after another hour's wait. "Both the outer and internal ultrasound are showing us nothing much. Basically, what I seen was a sac."

"That's good, right?" David asked, feeling Amara squeeze his hand.

"Well, it means that your wife is definitely pregnant, or was."

Amara let out a ragged breath.

"But I'm not seeing a baby forming, nothing but the sac. This could mean she's not as far along as was originally thought or... nothing ever formed, or the baby died -is dying-."

The couple was silent for a few seconds, Amara looking like she was about to go into full blown hysterics while David just balled his fists, clenching and unclenching them.

"None of this is certain?" He finally asked in a hushed voice.

"Her HCG levels are in the 4,000 area. If they go up in a few days, everything is fine. If they go down, she'll miscarry. So, in two days, you need to come back in for another HCG level test, we'll need to take fresh blood and you'll have the results the day after or so." Dr. Cole looked at the couple, sympathy on her pallid face, finally replacing the clinical expression she'd worn throughout the entire ordeal. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

I'm looking down
Now that it's over
Reflecting on
All of my mistakes
I thought I found
The road to somewhere
Somewhere in His Grace

That night David and Amara went straight to bed, not saying a word as they climbed under the down comforter. He lay on his back, arms folded behind his head, staring at the dancing shadows on the ceiling. Automatically, he slid one arm around her shoulders when she rested her head on his chest, her own arm splayed over him.

"If this is God's will..." He said softly.

"Why would God do this? What's the divine plan?" She demanded, softly but harshly.

"Maybe He's testing us, Mar."

"Take your god and shove him up your ass." Amara snarled, rolling away from him, presenting her back.

David stared at her through the dim moonlight, watching her shoulders shake and knew she was crying. He wanted so badly to reach out and just pull her to him but knew she'd never allow it.

Why us?

I cried out
'Heaven save me'
But I'm down to
One last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

They were both quiet the next morning as they drove back to the hospital for Amara's bloodwork. The silence was so unbearable David finally turned on the radio, leaving it on the country station she had set it on. He didn't care, just something besides this dreadful quiet.

In and out, that's what it was. The RN was nice and pleasant, she didn't mind Amara's sarcasm or David's gruffness apparently.

The ride back home was filled with tension all over again.

Once home, Amara immediately headed for the kitchen and began doing dishes.

David groaned quietly, raking a hand over his hair and followed her. He felt her stiffen then relax when he wrapped his arms around her. "Talk to me, Mar." He whispered in her ear.

"About what?"

"You know what."

"What do you want me to say, David?"

"Whatever's on your mind."

"I hate this." She sighed, not even fighting the tears that were overflowing her eyes. "I hate it, there's a life inside me dying and there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

"It's my baby too, how do you think I feel?"

"You're sure as hell hiding it a lot better then I am."

"What do you want me to do, Amara? There's nothing I can do but hope to God you'll be alright. We can try again, baby. This hurts but it's not the end of the world."

She pulled away from him. "It might as well be."

"There will be other babies."

"But what about this one?"

Hold me now
I'm six feet
From the edge
And I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

"Mrs. Bautista, this is Dr. Predon."

Amara put her cell phone on speaker phone, watching as David stepped closer to her. "Yes?"

Both their faces fell within the next thirty seconds. All they heard was:

"I'm sorry to tell you this..."

Sad eye follow me
But I still believe
There's something left for me
So please come
Stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's
Something left
For you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Another appointment was set up, this time to confirm what everyone already knew and decide how best to handle it. Amara fell into silence. David tried to cheer her up but it was so hard to do when all he wanted was to break down himself.

There would be other babies, they could try again. This was out of their hands, nothing could be done. He was a practical man. He didn't see what moping around was going to do besides make matters worse. It wasn't that he didn't care or wasn't hurting because he did care and he was hurting.

"Damn it, Mar. You're not the only one hurting." He finally snapped when she'd blown up on him for the umpteenth time. "I'm feeling this just as much as you are, but you don't see me biting everyone's damn heads off!"

"What do you want me to do, David?" Amara demanded, whirling around to glare at him. Her hazel eyes were full of tears -which was the normal these days- as well as fury. Fury for who or what was anyone's guess. "Unlike you, I can't just go on pretending nothing happened. I'm sorry, but I can't close myself off."

"I'm not asking you too, damn it. But don't shut me out!"

'Would you like me to smile through my tears, David?" She flashed him a cold smile. "I can do that if it makes you feel better."

"Do whatever you have too. Just remember it wasn't only your baby that was lost, Amara." He whispered heartbrokenly. "It was mine too."

Hold me now
I'm six feet
From the edge
And I'm thinking
Maybe six feet
Ain't so far down...