Maniac Mutants



Gambit peered out into the hallway, the sounds of Wolverine snoring from the den echoing off the walls. "He's out."

"All right, I'm off then." Rogue rose unsteadily into the air, stifling giggles as she flew out the door.

Wolverine woke up with growl, he sniffed the air around him. "Jack Daniels.... and... What the hell is that?" His eyes focused on something pink dangling just in his line of vision. "AHHHHHHHHH!"

"I tink he woke up." Gambit gasped, covering his mouth to keep from laughing.


"Yeah, he's awake." Rogue said, grabbing Gambit round the waist and flying out the window. "We'd better find a place to hide while he rants and raves."

Rogue landed on a balcony just over the kitchen, they quickly dropped to their knees so they could lean over and look into the window below.

Wolverine stomped into the kitchen, claws out, his eyes narrowed intently.

Gambit began giggling uncontrollably at the sight of Wolverine's oddly bushy hair now pulled into pigtails, held by fluffy pink bows.

Wolverine tilted his nose up. "Those sons o bitches..." He hissed, catching scent of his prey. "Seems like Gumbo and Rogue been hittin' the bottle again." Just then, he caught sight of himself in the stainless steel stove's surface. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Everyone in the mansion paused what they were doing before shaking their heads. Wolverine was in one of his moods apparently. They all pitied whoever had set him off.

"ROGUE! CAJUN! I'LL RIP YER GOD DAMN HEADS OFF!" Wolverine screamed, rubbing his face frantically. It was no good, whatever kind of make-up they had used to paint him up as a girl was NOT coming off. Deciding to rip off the offenders heads before worrying how to get the stuff off, he took off running at top speed.

By now Rogue and Gambit were long gone, Rogue having flew them to the nearest place with a 24 hour fax machine.

"If he's upset now," Rogue grinned, watching as Gambit started feeding their various papers into the machine. "Wait till he finds out we sent everyone a copy of how purty he looks."

Gambit flashed her a smile. "You know m'petite, I tink Wolvie's new look suits him. Kinda makes him look a bit more... feminine."

Back at the mansion, Wolverine had given up his search, the two had obviously fled the building and he wasn't about to track them down with this gunk on his face. Plotting his revenge, he cleaned up and headed back to the den to finish his nap. He halted when finding Jean, Cyclops, Jubilee, Kitty, Beast and the rest of the team all gathered around something laughing their heads off.

"What'd I miss?"

They turned to him, everyone's face going blank except for the occasional twitch of the lips.

"Nothing Logan," Jean said quickly, stuffing something behind her back. "Why?"

"What do you got there Red?" He asked quietly, approaching them warily.

"Nothing, honestly." Jean tried to smile but instead burst out laughing.

"Hey... what happened to your new look?" Jubilee choked out, unable to hold back.


Jean held out what she was hiding, doubling over with laughter.

Wolverine took one look at the picture, actually going red at the sight of himself dressed as the transvestite hooker from hell. Without saying anything, he turned and ran from the room at top speed.

"Imagine his horror when he finds out how many copies are laying around." Beast gasped, wiping tears from his eyes. "I daresay Logan will..."

"Get his panties in a twist?" Scott finished.

Their laughter followed Wolverine as he headed down the drive to the gates.

"I'm going to kill them!"


Scott heard the voice long before he seen the woman. It was a low rough voice, a bit on the husky side. It sent chills down his spine, damn but she sounded sexy!

He then seen her, she was standing with her back to him, casually flirting with some guy at the bar. Her rather muscular legs were encased in tight leather pants that flared out at the calves. Scott felt his mouth go dry, that leather looked painted on, the way it hugged her... He shook his head. "Remember Jean." He whispered.

"Remember who darling?" The woman had turned to him.

Scott found himself looking into the bluest eyes he had ever seen, framed by long lashes. He tore his gaze from them, scanning the rest of her, his eyes widening behind his visor. She had a lush mouth, painted in a rosy hue, her lips forming a small 'o' as she surveyed him in return.

Scott then looked away from her face. She wore a black long sleeved shirt that molded to her unbelievably perky breasts. He glanced back up now taken with her black hair that cascaded around her shoulders in spirals.

"You just going to stare at me all night handsome?" She asked, smiling seductively. "Or are you going to buy a lady a drink?"

"What? Oh yeah, yeah, sure." Scott turned to the bartender. "I'll have a scotch on the rocks. You?" He turned his head to his mystery lady.

"I'll have the same,” she purred.

Scott smiled at her. "So, do you have a name?"


"Loraine..." He echoed.

"Yes handsome?" Loraine flashed her dazzling smile at him, accepting her scotch from the bartender with a nod.

Scott shook his head, downing his scotch.

Several Hours Later...

"Loraine... d'ya wanna go back to mah hotel room witsh me?" Scott slurred.

Loraine took his arm, letting him lean on her. "Lead the way."

Scott grabbed a handful of her butt. "Mmmmm..." He moaned loudly. "You're gonna give me some of that right?"

"Anything you want darling." She purred, snaking a hand into the front of his pants.

Scott grinned. "You're makin' me hot."

"It's going to get better,” she promised, her blues eyes narrowing. "Much much better."

The Next Day

Scott made his way into the mansion the next day with the hangover from hell. He had woken up alone in his bed with a blue bra next to him. He had frowned, trying to remember the night's events. Then it had hit him: Loraine.

"Jean can never find out about this." He had told himself, wondering if his mental blocks would keep out his telepathic girlfriend.

"Hey Scott!" Jean ran down the stairs, into his arms. "How was your trip?"

"Fine. It was all right." He told her, cracking a smile.

"That's good. We're all in the rec room. I had to go change, Jubilee snorted pop all over my clothes." Jean grinned good-naturedly.

Scott allowed her to lead the way, his head and heart pounding each step of the way. "Hello everyone." He greeted, standing in the rec room doorway.

Rogue, Remy and Logan were shooting pool, Ororo and Hank reading. The rest seemed to be concentrating on a game of Twister.

"Rack em." Logan crowed from the pool table. He looked up and caught Scott's eye.

Scott frowned, feeling a moment of deja vous as he stared into Logan‘s blue eyes.

"I'll be back, I'm going to go grab a beer." Logan sauntered past Scott. "Hey Scooter."

"Logan." Scott nodded, his eyes searching Logan's.

Logan leaned in close to him and whispered, "Loraine had a great night pretty boy." He batted his oddly long eyelashes before walking out.

Scott gasped, covering his mouth to keep from puking. "Oh My God!"

"Scott? What is it?" Jean asked, rushing over to his side worriedly.

Scott took one look at her before passing out.

Remy shared a look with Rogue. "So... how much do we owe Wolvie, chere?"

"Five hundred." She replied carelessly, leaning over to sink the eight ball. "I win."