The Left Is Always Right

The air smelled a curious combination of sulfur and copper. Her long hair was swept across her face by a warm wind coming from columns of fire, which not only darkened the sky with smoke, but caused ash to fall like snow coating everything her murky brown eyes could see.

Her raven black boots crushed the stone and, something else, as she walked with a determined step to ward her unseen goal in the distance. The wind blew some forgotten headstones clear and though worn if you looked close you could see names. Names of those already forgotten. What names you may ask? The names on the markers are as unimportant as the worn markers themselves.

A little further down the road the owner of the black boots, which are slowly being covered in road dust and ash like the landscape itself, comes across a wolf with bright eyes focused on the carcass of a dove which it has just devoured. Up ahead it focuses on a raven softly squawking like the one in Poe’s favorite piece. The woman chuckles, Never more indeed you little thing, never more indeed. The wolf seems to gesture acknowledgement of our boot wearer and sweeps her snout across the way drawing group of wher attention to a man drowning in a river whose waves sound not like a sweet stream, but more like a endless flow of babbling nonsense. The man reaches out asking to be saved but the walker makes no effort to do so.

Her journey continues and she comes across a whisp of a woman trying to grab a crown from a set of pikes that vaguely look like the links of a chain link fence or even a steel cage. She looks to one side and seeing a ladder she props it up claiming the crown as her own. In the distance, on the wind, the woman hears wailing and carrying on as though somewhere far away a woman is wailing in the middle of a tantrum. The holder of the crown slams the object to the hard ground below where it shatters into a million pieces carried off into the wind.

Further along the path her boots carry her around a bend where she sees a group of baboons flinging crap at one another chattering back and forth. A few of these have writing pads and pens and, in the midst of their writing pass gas, and the whole group breaks out into cackles of laughter. One comes out of the underbrush yelling and screeching. The others run, trashing all they have done only to have to rebuild it later. Most likely with more feces.

Another group of animals breaks over the horizon. It is a group of wild dogs screeching and barking to each other. It looks like they are fighting with each other, but it isn’t until she gets closer she sees what the object it is they are fighting over. It looks to be a few scraps of tin foil and discarded metal! The dogs are growling and snapping as though these little bits are the most valuable things in the world. The walker looks to the side only to see piles of gold, silver and jewels being neglected, collecting the ash falling from the sky.

Cresting the next hill, the walker comes upon a man in black robes surrounded by a circle of what can only be described as court jesters. These fools hop from one leg to the other hurling human feces toward the man in black robes. What is it with this strange land and feces, she wonders to herself. The feces bounce harmlessly to the ground, the man hardly noticing when they come close to him as the chunks are poorly thrown in his direction. A glance toward the walker and a few words uttered by the man send the group of jesters running in every direction, squealing like pigs.

The man in the robes takes the walker’s hand as they now stand together in front of a door to a great castle. Once her hand is placed in his we see the dust blow away in circles and a great rumbling can be heard from the castle walls and the very ground they stand on. A look of approval comes across both their faces as the golden sun filtered through the ash laden sky sets putting the land into darkness.

The question left in our minds, dear Reader, is what will happen to the walker now? Surely her journey will not end when a wall such as this one begins to crumble in front of her…

Now comes the time where the ladies of the Left Hand are fed some choice meat. Finally we get to share the ring with true giant killers. I mean one of them just beat Raven and Cent, two hall of famers!! The other guy has held a belt for God’s sake! Finally no more curtain jerkers for these ladies. They are actually mid show material now. Movin on up as the song says.

What’s that? He won the Super Heavy Metal Weight I Talk More than you Belt? It might have been the Sneak Up Behind You and Pin you Belt? I’m not sure either but I know it was one heck of an accomplishment because everyone was falling all over themselves telling him how great he was. Heck he came outta no where right?? You say that belt doesn’t mean shit? I’ve heard that too.

The other guy? Yeah he is walking around talking shit to everyone that will listen because he beat two HOFers. He didn’t do it by himself I’m sure and now a circle of protection is around him so tight I’m surprised the guy can even breathe. How does he take a crap or rub one out being surrounded in the circle of gold all the time? Things to ponder.

You can’t even brush this glorious one to the side for a moment with out the circle tightening around him and he calls out “No me first that guy sucks! I’m right here look at me!!” and once you do pay attention to him and wait with your breath held for something out of this world to happen, what actually happens? Piss runs down his leg and he disappears. I will give the dude one thing though he does know his music.

Guys, this is our feeling out period. Our hey look at me period. It’s where if we were all guys we would probably whip out our dicks and talk endlessly about whose is bigger while gently touching the guy next to us. Thank God Lycana and are ladies. Well as I thought it leaves the two of you to jerk each other off and then pat each others back with the clean hand, well at least I hope you use the clean one.

See you all next week and like always this episode of The Left Hand is Always Right was brought to you by the Coalition to Burn This Place to the Ground LLC.