The Beginning of the End

The Walker’s hair blew wildly in the hot gale coming off the walls as they rumbled. She dare not release her hold on the man’s hand or look away. So many strange things had happened already, she didn’t want to imagine what would be next. The dark seemed to be raidiating from where they stood. Not consuming them and taking them with it, more like wrapping them up and keeping them safe.

The rumbling behind the walls increased and the Walker thought back to her days in Sunday school. That seemed like lifetimes ago. Hell the shit throwing monkeys seemed like it never even happened. In Sunday school she was taught about the apocalypse and the coming of the end.

The first indicator of that end was the breaking of the seventh seal and the angels returning for their final fight with the anti Christ. She could only think the sound, the heat, the light she felt could only be indicators of something of that magnitude. Another thought pops through the whirlwind. Ok if this is the end of it all, is this still a dream? I mean I don’t think monkeys would sit around farting and laughing but you never know. Hell I could have a massive tumor and I’m laying in a coma in a hospital somewhere, and all this end of the world stuff is just a blood vessel about to bust.

The Walker shakes her head clearing her wild thoughts again. End of the World or busting blood vessel, either way some shit was gonna go down and it wasn’t gonna be all unicorns and rainbows. The Walker looked around. The gravel was bouncing like chattering teeth and all the little annoying bugs and birds made their way to higher ground. The mood in the room definitely changed.

All of the sudden a sound like a thousand horns blasted through the air and the ground went from a soft rumble to an all out, ear splitting, shattering sound. The Walker looked at her partner and he was just standing there looking straight ahead like he had the whole time. She almost wanted to wave a hand in front of his face or put a mirror under his nose, anything to make sure he was still alive.

The Walker took in all that was happening around her and took deep breaths to calm herself. Dark clouds around them had gotten darker and the shafts of light were brighter and that is where the trumpet sounds were coming from.

She wanted to shout to him that the middle of nowhere in front of a crumbling wall was probably not the best place to stand and then they would run to wherever those little jester things went to. Who is she kidding he wouldn’t move, she wouldn’t run and the arch angels would blow them up where they stood, because you know end of the world and all.

All of the sudden the strange man’s hand tightened on hers and he glanced at her and in an almost whisper said “It has begun, they are coming.”

The Walker’s head spun to look at him eyes wide. A minute ago this guy was dodging human feces, because hey what was an end of the world story with out a little poo, and now he is like creepy talking. That was a great Stephen King impression but I need a little more information. There are a lot of theys. We have the three stooges, the three muskateers hell the wright brothers. All of those guys were theys. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to meet Schemp though.

The walker couldn’t even get her thoughts together when four horses with riders appeared through the shafts of light.

“One Two Three and Four. Four men on horses. The World ending. Not good, Hi apocalypse my name is Ash….”

Hi there Johnny! I don’t think you and I have been properly introduced. I met your little running buddy Tommy when I first got here but you, I would remember you. Ghetto Webster would be hard to forget. Do you still have a bed time and a moral at the end of each episode or are you past that. From what you threw out earlier good ol Webster has moved on to more adult topics. I would have figured Webster would be like a Congressman or something but here he is hat side ways grill in full effect slangin rock.

Big guy I’m a wholesome Chicago girl remember. I wouldn’t ever be the name of some cheap ass cut with Drano through your mama’s granny panties stuff. I would be pure china white homie. Get outta here with your chemistry set stuff.

Now that the unpleasantries are out of the way I’m going to lay this out short sweet and slow because if your anything like Tommy this might take awhile for you to process. You don’t deserve to be in the same area code as me, much less the same ring. When I was a fetus. Just a few cells squishing together, I still could have whipped your ass. I thought you had oozed out of here a few months back but nope here you are! Stank weed and OE smell in full effect. Let me give you some friendly advice. All the young guys now a days are using this stuff called AXE on the days they don’t feel like cleaning up.

If I were you I would heavily invest in the product. Bonus points, the commercials say it really attracts the ladies. Maybe not ones as classy as myself or gutter trash like Jenny Myst, but anything would be better than that thing you had grinding on you. I mean how many teeth did she really have?? Me and Lycana had a bet going, did she live down river from a nuclear power plant or under power lines?? Get back to me on that when you can.

In closing Left Hand and Queen of Ashes (that’s me) GOOD. You and Tommy Wish and your gutter hoes BAD….VERY BAD!! Oh and please get back to me on that whole nuke plant or power lines thing…I got a fiver riding on it and rent is due. I’m sure you know how that is…AMIRITE?