LSW DARK CARNIVAL - 8/27/02
Buster Payne vs. Hardcore Wreck vs. Chris Cortez
Joel – “The following match is the finals in the Witchdoctor Invitational. It is a cage match being fought under first blood rules. Introducing first, being accompanied by Jake Briggs, Buster Payne.”
Buster Payne and Jake walk out.
Guido – “Are you ready for some blood to flow?”
3D – “This match is gonna be the SHIT! One big bastard, a wanna-be hardcore ass-wipe, and this boyband flake who has amazed us all with one of the best fucking records in the federation right now.”
Guido – “Everybody stand up and thank that asshole Syd for that.”
Joel – “...and coming to the ring, standing 6 foot 3 and weighing in at 257 pounds, Hardcore Wreck.”
Hardcore Wreck heads to the ring.
Joel – “...and finally, being accompanied by his manager Syd, the “One Man Boy Band” Chris Cortez.”
Cortez and Syd walk out to the ring. Chris demands a microphone before entering the ring.
Chris Cortez – “Well, well, well people. Once again, you are quite undeserving, but I will provide yet another performance for all you Gothic freaks as soon as I win this match.”
“Voodoo” by Godsmack hits the PA. Jayce Salazar walks out to ringside and sits with Guido and 3D.
Jayce – “What’s up, fellas?”
Guido – “Nothing here, my man.”
3D – “Me! I smoked about 3 joints before the show. I’m fucking flying right now.”
Chris Cortez finally enters the ring. The ref shuts the door and calls for the bell. Cortez and Wreck both start beating on Buster. They both then whip Buster to the ropes and catch him with a flapjack. They then look at each other. All of the sudden, Wreck and Cortez dash for opposite sides of the cage. Buster gets up and notices Cortez and Wreck climbing the cage. Buster heads to the cage door and the ref lets him out. As Cortez and Wreck both hit the floor, they head to the ref, both making their case for being the winner. Buster walks up to the two of them.
Buster – “Hey you dumb shits. FIRST BLOOD? Not the escape rule.”
Buster then grabs Cortez and whips him into the cage. Buster turns around just as Hardcore Wreck is reaching for him. Wreck suplexes Buster through the announce table.
Guido – “Watch it bitch! You almost took my fucking leg off doing that.”
3D – “WHOA! I must be tripping. Did a man just come flying through this table?”
Syd sneaks up, out of sight of the referees, and hits Buster Payne with a chair. Jake Briggs sees the attack and goes to intercept Syd, but it is too late. Buster is already bleeding. Chris Cortez and Hardcore Wreck are back in the ring now exchanging punches. Hardcore Wreck then charges Cortez to clothesline him, but is sent into the cage by a drop toe hold from Cortez. Cortez crawls over and rakes Wreck’s face across the cage for good measure. The ref sees Wreck bleeding, and calls him out of the match. The ref starts looking around to see where Buster Payne is. He sees Jake Briggs trying to revive Buster at the broken announce table. The ref walks over and sees Buster bleeding profusely. The ref calls for the bell.
Joel – “The winner, “The One Man Boy Band” Chris Cortez.”
Jayce gets up from the announce table with a mic in hand and gets into the ring with his Bloodsport Title belt.
Jayce – “Chris, you have shown great courage and experience as a fighter. *cough, cough* bullshit *cough, cough* Since I must leave tomorrow for Chicago, then I right now abdicate this title and award it to you. Ladies and gentlemen, your NEW LSW Whatchamacallit Champion, Chris Cortez."
