30MC 69 IS MORE THAN A NUMBER - 11/30/01
Howard Butz: We’re ready for our main event match and some
help here from Lars. As always, it’s a pleasure ...
Lars: Pleasure is my middle name.
Howard Butz: Right. Anyway, we’ve got Weed facing the self proclaimed leader
of 69 Degrees, Chris Cortez.
Lars: What a horrid little man. Just another distraction and bad influence for
those darling young boys, Kenny and Corey.
Howard Butz: Any thoughts on the last match?
Lars: Had Kenny been under me ...
[Lars gets a faroff look in his eye.]
Howard Butz: Lars? LARS!
[Lars snaps back to reality.]
Lars: Sorry, I was lost in thought for a second there. Sweaty, undulating young
bodies and all ...
Howard Butz: Right. We’ve got Weed in the ring and here comes Chris Cortez.
Lars: BOO! HISS!
Howard Butz: Dillon?
Dillon Diamond: Should be a good match-up. It more or less depends on Weed’s
condition.
Howard Butz: Looks like Cortez has something to say.
Lars: BOO! HISS!
[Moving to the ring, Cortez quiets the crowd as he pulls his headset into place
to address them.]
Chris Cortez: Tonight, I’m going to hit you with my soon to be released
single. Music please.
[Posing in the center of the ring as the music starts, Cortez does a little
dance step before belting out his tune.]
Chris Cortez: A! E! I! O! U! A! E! I! O! U!
[Looking at his watch, Morgan moves to the center of the ring and calls for the
bell as the music comes to an abrupt halt.]
*** Ding *** Ding ***
Dillon Diamond: What gives?
Howard Butz: I think Jake heard enough. Thank goodness.
Lars: Chris Cortez ... bad. Jacob ... good though he looks a little soft around
the middle.
[With the fans laughing, Morgan raises Weed’s hand in victory.]
Howard Butz: What’s this? Morgan disqualified Cortez.
Lars: Cortez ... bad.
Dillon Diamond: He can’t do that. Can he?
Howard Butz: You’re always telling me how he’s the head ref.
Lars: You said head. Say it again!
[Leaving the ring, Morgan is stopped by Cortez. After a Cortez complaint, Morgan
nonchalantly pulls his little red notebook from his back pocket.]
Jake Morgan: Rule #35 states ... “any deviation from the scheduled
programming leads to a DQ.” Weed wins by disqualification.
[Shoving past Cortez, Morgan leaves for the back. With Weed up on the ropes
celebrating and Cortez pouting, they are joined by Orly Diaz, who rushes out
from the back.]
Howard Butz: Orly Diaz talking to both men. I’m not sure what’s going on in
there ...
Dillon Diamond: Are you ever?
[Stepping back, Diaz calls for the bell.]
CHRIS CORTEZ
versus
WEED
*** Ding *** Ding ***
Howard Butz: Looks like Diaz is calling for a match between Cortez and Weed.
Lars: Cortez ... bad.
Locking up, the smaller Cortez is pushed up against the ropes where he takes a
knee to the gut. Weed opens up with knife hands which give way to punches before
Diaz breaks up the action in the corner. A whip across the ring by Weed ends
with a running knee that flips Cortez through the air, putting him down.
Howard Butz: I think Weed seriously dislikes Cortez’ music.
Dillon Diamond: I don’t think he’d know good music if it bit him on the
backside.
Following a suplex, Weed starts to climb the ropes.
Howard Butz: Weed going to the top ...
Jumping off, he corkscrews his body, landing with a splash and hooking a leg.
Dropping to the mat, Diaz slaps out a count.
Howard Butz: ONE! TWO! WHO IS THIS?!?!?
Darting out from the back, a big man wearing a chicken mask pulls Diaz to his
feet. Whipped across the ring, Diaz is lifted into the air and planted with a
ring shaking spinebuster. With the deed done, the masked assailant dashes off
for the back.
Howard Butz: One guess who that is.
Dillon Diamond: Chicken Man?
Howard Butz: Get real, Dillon. You know as well as I do that was ...
Getting up from his seat, Lars grabs up his folding chair.
Lars: Cortez ... bad.
Howard Butz: LARS! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!?!?
Sliding into the ring with his chair, Lars sets it up before pulling Cortez into
a standing head scissors. Flipping him up into the air, Lars holds him up high,
his face buried in Cortez’ crotch for way too long before falling forward and
crushing the chair.
Howard Butz: OH MY GOD! LARS JUST PLANTED CORTEZ INTO THE CHAIR!
With Diaz down and Weed watching the unmoving pair of Cortez and Lars with his
face still buried in the 69er’s crotch, they are joined by Jake Morgan. Diving
into the ring, Morgan slaps out a count.
Howard Butz: MORGAN’S BACK! HERE’S A COUNT! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Dillon Diamond: Of course, he is. He’s the referee!
*** Ding *** Ding ***
