chapter 17
Jeff turned and
looked at her walk in pain. Guilt struck his body and he dropped his gaze before
he got of the trampoline and went after her.
When he reached
her he stepped in front of her, stopping her in her tracks. She avoided his gaze
and stared down to the snow, which sparkled in the moonlight.
“I’m
sorry.” He whispered. Leah didn’t lift her head. “Please, I never meant to
hurt you now or never. I kissed you for a reason. Then when you didn’t feel
the same way, I…I went mad. I was crushed. When you left it was like a part of
me was lost and I didn’t know how to find it, you.” Jeff left the tears
slide down his cheeks. “Since I watched you walk out of that hotel room my
world has fallen to pieces. Nothing was worth it anymore. I gave up on me. I
gave up on ever seeing you again, holding you, touching you and…kissing
you.” Jeff turned away from Leah as he cried. The warm tears of his eyes
stinging as the fell down his face.
Leah slowly
lifted her head. Her eyes focusing on Jeff’s back. “I know you never meant
to hurt me. I’m sorry I hurt you. I had to leave Jeff. No matter how I felt I
couldn’t go into another relationship straight away and I got scared, and when
I get scared I run.” Leah wiped away her tears and continued. “The morning
after I found myself back in my house. I was alone…until Simon came home. He
beat me. I wasn’t surprised. I had been waiting for it the whole day. He went
out and I cried and cried and cried. I wanted nothing more to be back where I
had been, where I felt safe and cared for. That was in your arms Jeff. I know I
messed things up but I can’t change the past but I want something from you and
I just need to know if you want it from me too.” Leah said as Jeff slowly
turned to face her. This time Leah’s tear filled eyes met with Jeff’s. “I
want to know if you still want me here, if you still care for me and if...in
time you still want to try us.”
Jeff took a deep
breath. “I still want all those things Leah. Please never doubt that. I have
lay awake so many nights wishing you where in my arms. I wanted to know if you
were ok. But no matter how long I prayed I never got an answer and know you’re
here and you’re not ok. I’m so sorry Leah.”
“Jeff please.
It’s not your fault.”
“It is.”
“No Jeff.
Please never think that. But what about you? You’re not ok either. You’re
hurting, I can see that. I want nothing more than to stop it Jeff but I don’t
know if I can.”
“You can
Leah.”
“How Jeff?”
“The same way I can stop you from hurting.” Jeff said softly as he took a step closer to Leah and slowly and carefully lifted his hands and ran them over Leah’s shoulders, pulling her carefully against him. Leah lifted her arms around Jeff and held onto him as if her life depended on it. Jeff’s hold on Leah tightened as hers did on him. His arms around her felt right. She knew she was safe, she knew Jeff would protect her and she prayed with all her heart she could protect him.
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