Rating: R

Spoiler: None

Disclaimer: The characters dont belong to me, they belong to themselves and their respective companies. This is purely fiction. The song Something I Can Never Have is owned by Nine Inch Nails.

I sit on the bed, the bed we used to share. A single tear escapes from my eye. Nothing matters anymore, nothing since you left me.

I still recall the taste of your tears

You came to me, I still remember that night in perfect clarity, you came to me. Tears running down your face, i tried to kiss them away, but you wouldn't let me. Something was bothering you, you wouldn't let me in.

Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore

I start chewing on my lip, wanting the pain to distract me, begging, pleading for it to distract me. But it doesn't, how can anything touch me anymore now that you have gone?

Come on tell me
Make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And I'm starting to scare myself

I need you Matthew, I need to hear you again, need to touch you, need to feel you. I never knew I depended on you this much. Why did you leave me? I did everything you asked me to, everything.

Make this all go away
You make this all go way
I just want something
I just want something I can never have

Perhaps that wasn't enough, please...I need to know Matt. Why did you leave me? What didn't I do right? What did I do wrong? I'll change Matty, I promise, I'll make it right between us like it used to be. Please come back, i'll do anything...anything.

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
This is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart

I remember our first time together, I hadn't been with anyone. Some would have said you took advantage of me, that I was innocent, but I wasn't was I Matty? You made sure of that. You made sure I depended on you, you broke me along time ago, without me even knowing. You were my spirit, you were my soul and without you I have none.

I just want something I can never have
In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be

I used to laugh, I used to smile, that all changed when you left. I don't do anything do I? I sit here, I do my job, but I don't enjoy it anymore. Being so close to you, yet so far away..it's slowly killing me. This room that we shared, this house we own, you hardly come here now do you? When you do it's to flaunt you latest lover.

Come on tell me
Make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And I'm starting to scare myself

I need you Matty, I never knew how much I really did. I love you, you have my heart, you have my soul...Why did you leave?

Make this all go away
You make this all go way
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have

Everyday at work is a reminder of what I can't touch, what I can't have. I slowly uncurl my fingers, the fingernails having dug into my palm. But I didn't feel it. I feel nothing now that you are gone.

Think I know what you meant
That night on my bed
Still picking at this scab
I wish you were dead
You sweet and Perry Ellis
Just stains on my sheets

You just had to fuck me one last time didn't you? Leave me with a lasting reminder if what I can never have again. Do you know that I have never touched this room since? Do you even care?

I could take the easy way out, but then I would never get to see you again would I? I would never rest, not without you. Do you know how much I need you? Do you care?