TITLE: Guy Talk (1/1)
AUTHOR: Raquel, ME!
EMAIL: EmotionlyUnblncd@aol.com
DISCLAIMER:  I don't own any of the wrestlers, Vince does.  They are being used without permission, so don't sue!!
DISTRIBUTION:  It sucks, why would you want it?? ROFL
RATING: eh, PG-13
CONTENT: Comedy, if I'm lucky LOL!!   This is my first attempt at humor.
SPOILERS: None
SUMMARY:  Lance Storm is sick of the "guy talk" in the locker room.  Don't hate me if it sucks, Krissy made me send it!!!! ::hides behind Krissy::
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       It had been a very long day for Lance Storm.  First his plane had been delayed, and then the rental company couldn't find the car he'd reserved!  The whole fiasco had caused him to be late for the SmackDown! taping, and he hadn't had much time to warm up for his match.
       His match.  Just the thought of it made him groan as he limped to the dressing room.  He had somehow let the writers convince him that a hardcore match against Bradshaw was a GOOD thing.  All he wanted to do now was take a long hot shower and maybe stop by the massage therapist.
       But when Lance opened the door to the locker room and heard all the guys in heated discussion, he knew his night was about to get longer.
       The first voice he distinguished was Jason's, with that ever-present bragging tone in it.  God knew Jay was one guy who didn't have to act much on-air.  Lance couldn't help but overhear what they were talking about.  He knew he'd have to get past them to get to the showers, so he rolled his eyes and shut the door behind him.
       "Dudes," Jay was saying, "you'll never guess what my latest girl did last night.  She surprised me in my hotel room in the tiniest, sexiest teddy you can imagine and proceeded to screw me senseless.  I literally passed out!"
       The other guys laughed heartily, then Rob hushed them so he could speak.  "You think that's something worth bragging about?  I'm tellin' ya Kendra went crazy last night!  She handcuffed me to her bed, and blindfolded me!  It was so erotic, man.  The things that girl did with her mouth..."
       The guys looked at him in disbelief.  Adam looked questioningly at Rob and asked, "You're still hung up on that chick?  You've been talking about her for like 2 weeks now, she's a slut!"
       Rob grinned widely, "Hell yeah, and she's MY slut!"
       The rest of the locker room just groaned and told him to shut up already.  Adam grinned his signature grin, saying, "Well I can't really blame him, ever since I discovered Krissy, I haven't looked at another woman's anything!  Sure, she's not really... kinky, but the emotion and passion she puts into it blows my friggin' MIND!"  He glanced over at Matt and his grin turned sly.  "You know what I'm talking about, don't ya Mattie?"  Matt just smiled and nodded, not one for details.
       Now it was Jeff's turn to grin.  "You want to talk about emotion and passion?  You evidently haven't seen Kalli.  I think I'm in love!"
       "Uh, Jeff?" Chris asked, obviously confused.
       "What??"
       The reply came a bit hesitatingly.  "Didn't she kiss Matt a week or so ago?"
       Jeff looked very indignant.  "Well... well... YEAH but she's into ME, not MATT!"
       Chris just laughed.  "Hell, it's not a big deal anyway... but even you and Kalli isn't real emotion.  Melly's having my baby, now that's love!"
       Laughter came from everyone at that remark.  Adam and Jeff started singing an off-key duet of  "You're having my baby, what a wonderful way to show you love me", getting all the words mixed up.  Chris just blushed and laughed it off.
       Shane McMahon's eyes were sparkling as he spoke for the first time.  "Emotion, passion, I have all that and a bag of chips, boys.  My chick had me in a threesome with Stacy after that Lingerie Match at No Mercy.  Cat o' nine tails included.  'Nuff said."  With that he just smiled mischievously as everyone hooted and hollered their comments.
       When everyone started to calm down, Chris turned to Paul, who had been suspiciously quiet through the whole thing.  "Hey, earth to Paul!  Why aren't you interrupting with your latest escapade with Lindsey??"
       Paul sighed and looked up.  "Steph caught me with her, red-handed."
       Everyone gawked at him in astonishment.  "What?!?" said Chris, "I thought you were super careful about that, man!"
       Paul nodded, "I was careful!  I thought Steph was asleep upstairs... I couldn't help myself.  She sneaked up behind me, and demanded to know what was going on.  You should have seen the look on her face when I had to explain and SHOW her.  She was thoroughly disgusted with me."  He sighed again.
       The other guys looked down, not knowing what to say.
       Lance Storm finally pushed past them all to his locker and grabbed his shower stuff. When he made his way back through them he turned and stared at them all, sitting there, bragging.  He couldn't take it anymore.

       "Damn it, you fucking perverts, you need to get over this whole damn FAN FICTION thing!!!!" he screamed at them.

       The rest of the guys stared at Lance until he turned, fuming, and went into the shower area.  When they heard the water turn on, they looked at each other in shock.  Matt finally broke the silence with one of his trademark smirks.

       "Ignore him guys, he's just upset because he's never in one.  Not even SLASH."


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