Jeff entered the room, holding his breath.  He was afraid to breathe in, afraid he'd inhale the smell of death.  His green eyes looked around the room in fear.   He was afraid of what he might find.  His eyes focused on a dark figure laying on a white hospital bed.  He quietly approached the bed and stared down at the figure laying before him.  Her dark hair was spilling around her face.  Her usually flushed face was white and drawn.  Her usually chocolate brown eyes were closed, her lashes resting delicately on her pale cheek.  Jami had always been thin, but now she was nothing more than bones.  Her skin, just weeks before had been tan with a healthy glow to it.  Now, it was white and lifeless, giving her a china doll look.  IV's were attatched to her hands along with monitors attatched to other parts of her body.  He thought back to the day Tasha and Adam had gotten married.

 

Jeff stood at the front of the church, alongside Matt, Adam, Jay and a few of Adam's friends.  Jeff watched as bridesmaids slowly walked up the aisle towards them.  Finally Jeff caught sight of Jami coming up the aisle.  Her hair was piled on top of her head, adorned with tiny white rosebuds.  She seemed to float towards them dressed in lavender.  Jeff smiled to himself, thinking about what Jami would look like walking down the aisle on their wedding day.

 

Later that night Jeff held Jami close as they danced under the dark, starry night.  They were at Adam and Tasha's wedding reception, dancing with their friends.  Tasha and Adam were preparing to leave and Jami and Jeff were enjoying the last dance.  Jeff held her tightly, running his hands up and down her back.  He could feel her spine thru the thin fabric of her dress.  He pulled her close, enjoying the feel of her in his arms.  He felt her arms tighten around him, crushing her body against his.  "You know I love you, don't you?" he whispered into her hair.  He could hear the smile in her voice when she replied, "Yeah, I believe I heard that rumor."  Just then Adam and Tasha entered the porch area.  Adam yelled for everyone's attention, "Okay single ladies!  It's time for the bouqet toss. Gather round!" Jeff turned Jami around and gave her a small push towards the group of gathering women.  "Go get 'em tiger." he growled as her, grabbing her butt as she walked away.  She turned to him with a look of shock and he just smiled at her innocently.  Moments later she returned, her face red and the flowers clutched tightly in her hands.

                                                     ***

Jeff sighed as he gazed down at Jami's still form.  Her thick framed eyes fluttered open.  Her brown eyes were dull and he could tell she was struggling to get her eyes to focus on him.  Finally he saw recognition in her eyes and she smiled  up at him.  He was amazed at how her face came to life when she smiled.  "hey baby, How are you feeling today?" he asked her.  "Great, let's go dancing." she whispered before disolving into a coughing fit.  Worry clouded Jeff's eyes. "Jeff, stop looking at me like that. I'm not dead yet." Jami joked.  Jeff gulped, trying to swallow his tears.  He remembered their first vacation together.

 

"Come on Jeff, get away from the computer! Come outside and enjoy the day with me! We came to Texas to enjoy ourselves, so come on...let me enjoy you." Jami grinned at him.  Jeff looked up from the computer and saw her smirking at him.  She was standing in the doorway, watching him with amusement.  Her brown hair was pulled off her face in a high ponytail. She was dressed in a blue two piece swimsuit with a see-thru sarong tied at her waist.  He struggled not to laugh as she stamped her foot impatiently.  Jeff turned to look out the window at the beautiful Texas landscape.  he turned back to Jami but found her no longer standing in the doorway.  Instead she was standing right in front of him.  She glanced at the computer before hitting the save button and shutting it.  Jeff went to reach beyond her to open it but she hopped up on the table and sat on the computer.  Her smirked at her, standing.  Then he grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder, stalking out the door and into the sand outside the house.  Then he dumped her onto the sand, falling down next to her.  Jami giggled as Jeff started to rub his hand over her ribs. "Knock it off Jeff...seriously...Jeff....JEFF!" Jami shrieked.  She jumped up and took off running down the beach, into the water.  She stood in water up to her thighs and grinned at him.  He walked into the ankle deep water, "Jami, come out...I'm still dressed. I can't go in after you!" Jeff told her.  A confused look crossed Jami's face, "what?" she yelled.  Jeff sighed and stepped a bit farther into the water.  "I said..." he started to yell but was cut off when Jami ran at him and tackled him to the ground.  She laughed hysterically as Jeff sputtered and flailed around the water.  "Oops, my bad."

 

Jeff remembered that vacation well.  He and Jami had had so much fun, they had never wanted to come home again.  But they had.

                                                     ***

Jeff looked down into Jami's eyes and he felt like the walls were beginning to close in on him.  His eyes darted around the room.  Jami looked up at him, confused.  "Jeff, baby, what's wrong?" she asked.  He shook his head quickly and bolted out of the room.  As the door slammed shut behind him, he slumped against the wall out in the hallway, fighting back tears that were threatening to fall.  He didn't want to lose her, he couldn't live without her.  He thought back to the other time he thought he'd lost her.

 

"Jami....Jami....hello....are you even listening to me?" Jeff asked as Jami started off into space.  They were sitting in a diner in Jami's hometown.  they had just come from Jami's church and she had been acting funny ever since then.  She was just sitting there, playing with the straw in her drink.  She looked up at him and there was an emotion in her eyes that he couldn't read.  "your thinking about him, aren't you?"  Jeff asked her.  Guilt colored her face as she knew immediently who 'he' was.  Her ex boyfriend, Lee.  Anguish clutched Jeff's heart. "Do...do you still love him?" he asked.  Jami looked at him, different emotions racing across her face.  "It's not as simple as that."  she sighed.  "yes it is." he said.  "It's just not that black and white!" Jami repeated.  Jeff looked at her sadly.  "Listen...I was in love with him, and he will always have a part of my heart. I guess..in a way...I will always love him." before she could finish the sentence Jeff jumpe dup from the table and stalked outside.  Jami quickly got up and followed him.  She stepped outside and shivered, it was dark and overcast outside.  It was also pouring down rain.  Jami saw Jeff standing in the rain, leaning against a light pole.  the rain ran down his hair in rivers.  Jami stepped out into the rain, laying a hand on Jeff's shoulder.  "Jeff, please. Don't be upset. Please talk to me." Jeff turned to her, "How can you tell me you love me...when you still love him?" he questioned.  Jami placed her hands on either side of his face, "I do...that's how. I lovED him, but I am in love with you.  You have my heart and my soul." Jami cried to him, the tears mingling with the rain drops running down her face.

                                                        ***

Jeff placed his head in his hands as he rocked back on his haunches.  'Oh God, what am I going to do?' his mind cried out.  He saw a pair of feet stop in front of him and he looked up.  Tasha and Adam stood in front of him, looks of pity on their faces.  "Jeff, how is she?" Tasha asked.  Jeff shook his head sadly and Tasha turned and entered the room.  Adam crouched down next to Jeff. "How are you holding up man?" Jeff shook his head again.  "I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I really don't." Jeff admitted to him.  Adam nodded. "I can't imagine what you are going through.  I don't even want to imagine living a day without Tasha." Adam confided.  "man, she's like the air I breathe! What am I going to do when I can't breathe anymore?" Jeff asked, desperation creeping into his voice.  A few moments later Tasha returned to the hallway.  "Adam, go ahead and go see her. I'll talk to Jeff." Adam disappeared into the room.  Tasha knelt in front of him, "Jeff...Jami told me you ran out of the room earlier. What happened?" Tasha asked.  "I...I just freaked out. I got scared. I ran." he told her.  "Jeff, I don't want to be cruel, but Jami has very little time left.  You can't afford to be scared rigth now."  Tasha replied.  Before Jeff could say anything to her, Adam walked back out of the room.  "Jeff man, you better get in there. It doesn't look good."

 

Jeff felt like he was going in slow motion as he walked into her room.  He could hear her breathing becoming labored.  Her eyes turned toward him and he could see her fear. "It's okay baby. I'm here. I love you." he told her, grasping her hand.  Jami struggled to smile. "Jeff, I love you. Are you going to be okay?" He thought for a moment, and he could see the pain in her eyes.  she need reassurance that he'd be okay so she could let go.  He nodded.  Jami nodded and closed her eyes.  He felt her grasp on his hand tighten before it loosened completely.  He bent his head and cried.