TITLE: Godless (1/?)
AUTHOR: Stasia
E-MAIL: slashgrrl2001@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Matt, Jeff, Jay or Chris.
They belong to themselves and WWFE. I'm not implying
they'd act this way or do these things, nor do I hope
to profit from this story. Just keep repeating, "it's
all in her imagination."
DISTRIBUTION: Ask, please.
RATING: PG-13. Vaguely implied m/m, language, implied
violence. If these things are a problem for you,
please don't read this. NC-17 to follow.
SUMMARY: There is something very wrong with Jeff
Hardy. When Jay disappears, others begin to take
notice, and Matt is desperate to keep his secrets.
CHARACTERS: Jeff and Matt Hardy, minor appearances by
Christian and Chris Jericho, aka Jason Resso and Chris
Irvine.
NOTE: This isn't a particularly pleasant fic.
Consider yourself warned. Inspired by the Dandy
Warhol's song "Godless"
"He didn't come home last night, Matt. He didn't
call, he didn't leave me a message. He just didn't
come home."
Matt gritted his teeth. "Chris, Jay is a grown up.
He's probably just holed up somewhere, nursing a nasty
hangover. Did you try his cell phone?"
"Only about a hundred times." He sounded like was
ready to launch a city wide search for his lover.
"It's just not like him Matt. We always let each
other know if we're not coming home. I can't even
remember the last time he stayed out past midnight."
He knew what was coming. He'd heard it a thousand
times before, and every time he was expected to give
them some answer. Matt couldn't explain what happened
to Jay anymore than he could tell Chris why the sky
was blue. "I don't know what to tell you. If I hear
anything."
'He was with Jeff. I-" Chris seemed to be choking on
his words, and Matt wondered if he were crying. "I'm
not stupid. I know what kind of stuff happens when
you run with him. Did he come back to the hotel last
night?" Matt didn't say anything. "Did he?"
"No." He glanced at the undisturbed bed next to his
own messy one. "No he didn't."
"Jesus." Chris's voice disintegrated into broken
syllables. "I'm going to go look for him. If you
hear anything, call my cell."
"You're overreacting.," was all he said, knowing it
was no use. Chris loved Jay more than anything in the
world. There was no way he'd let his baby wander
away.
"I don't think I am. I used to spend a lot of time
with your brother, remember? I have a pretty good
idea of the way that sick fuck's mind works. Short of
calling out the Coast Guard, there isn't much I could
do that would be overreacting."
"I just don't see how roaming the streets of New York
until all hours is going to help. None of us know the
city that well, and you're just going to go around in
circles. Just stay put. He'll come home."
"No way." The connection snapped and buzzed, and white
noise droned over his voice. "Like I said, if you
hear anything, let me know. If Jeff comes home."
"If I see him I'll tell you. Good luck." Matt ended
his call and tossed it onto the bed. "And to think I
really believed that the last one would really be the
last time. I hope you've covered your tracks, or at
least come up with some kind of excuse for where you
were last night?"
Jeff stepped out of the bathroom, wearing only a pair
of baggy black pants that clung precariously to his
hips. He was still damp from the shower, toweling
himself off, then squeezing the excess water out of
his hair. Matt glared at him as he hitched himself up
on the bar and picked idly through a bowl of fruit
he'd ordered from room service earlier.
"I'm sorry Matty," he said, meeting his brother's dark
gaze with emerald eyes. Dead emeralds, Matt thought.
Nothing living sparkled there. How was it possible
for anyone to have eyes so incredibly cold and
lifeless?
"You should be. Chris is tearing apart the city
looking for him. You'd better hope he doesn't find
him."
Jeff selected an apple and studied the gleaming red
skin for a moment before sinking his teeth into it,
chewing thoughtfully. "I'm not sorry about that. I'm
sorry I worry you." He took another bite. "And he
won't find him."
Matt watched him curiously. He swung his legs against
the bar, contentedly munching his apple. Small drops
of water beaded his shoulders and dripped onto the
wooden surface of the bar. Everything about him was
cold; eyes like the first frost on late September
grass, hard, sharp features cut out of ice, skin
glazed golden that looked like it might be cold to the
touch. He was often remote like this, lost in his own
little world. Since he'd been a child, Matt had
watched this process. The building desperation,
growing from a slight uneasiness around people to a
crippling inability to function. Choosing another
one, casual at first, then encompassing more and more
of their time. And then claiming all of it. A calm
always followed the storm, and Jeff would be content
for a month, a few weeks. Sometimes only a few days.
"Jeff.it's got to stop."
He looked up, finishing his apple. "You know I
can't."
"Please." He went to him, taking the core away and
tossing it into the trash. "I don't want anything to
happen to you, angel."
"Nothing is going to happen to me. And if it does, I
don't care." He brushed back Matt's dark hair,
letting his fingers tangle in the waves, twisting it
almost painfully.
Matt pulled back and retreated to his bed, sitting
nervously on the edge. "Then for me. Stop for me."
Jeff laughed, tossing him his towel and walking to his
suitcase, rifling through it's contents. "I told you,
no."
"Jeff." Matt stared at the towel, stained an ugly
brownish red.
He shrugged on a black sweater, smiling sweetly at his
brother. "If I wasn't going to do something for my own
sake Matthew, what the hell makes you think I'll do it
for yours?"
next chapter godless chapter 2
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