Ichabod pulls over to a Krispy Kreme and walks inside. It is filled with cops, of course, and the explosion is already being broadcast on their radios. Ichabod shrugs and walks in, taking a seat near a television. It is of course tuned to WOW television, for which Ichabod is thankful. He was damn tired of hearing some narrating announcer describe the actions of the speaker as the promo played. Now he'll actually get to see the movement of the speakers.
Ichabod orders a coffee black and a dozen coffee cakes. Quickly, someone brings the coffee and cakes. While Ichabod eats, Dick appears on the screen as everyone in the restaurant turns to watch with interest... except Ichabod. Ichabod just continues eating as if nothing has changed. But soon, Ichabod realizes Dick actually has a lot more than usual to say... perhaps twelve times what he usually says in his promos.
Dick X was right...maybe we'll just all team up on you in the beginning...maybe we'll just hurt you so bad that they have to take you out of the match and let the real superstars compete! Wouldn't that hurt your new found ego?
Ichabod nearly chokes on his donut cakes. He turns and looks at the screen and almost bursts into a fit of laughter. Instead, someone taps him on the shoulder, and he turns to see a Morty look alike with crumbs in his mustache. The fat cop looks at Ichabod seriously.
Sounds like he's talking about you, Chief.
Looks like it.
So its going to be three on one for as long as you're in there.
I wouldn't have it any other way. Dick can make some deals with the Elite, offer to let them bang some crackwhore in his next movie, together or separately, or whatever, to get them to help him try and last more than five minutes in the ring with me, I hope he does. I hope the Elite goes along with it. Hell, that way, not only will it sting that I'm still the Undisputed Champion, but it'll really hurt to know he couldn't take me out with Trip and Cheap's help. Good grief, it seems like these guys are just trying to set themselves up for a more embarassing and dramatic loss on Malice. Is it really that bad for those guys, knowing that the only way they can get any interest from the fans is by losing so badly that they have to feel sorry for them? Well, I'll give them that, if its what they really want.
Ichabod is about to go back to his coffee when, to his great surprise, Dick says something interesting.
Dick It seems as though you think your onto something with this monster truck mumbo dicko but, the fact of the matter is...that is a borrowed gimmick! How? Maybe your just not as coherant as you think...Nester was using that gimmick since day one! Yeah that's right, you stole that from Nester...god only knows why?!! Just like your you stole your Ichaname!
Oh this is rich. He admits that I've been around longer than the NDE, but then he says I stole the monster truck thing from Nester. Funny, the Revelation has been operating off and on since 2000, using "Down With the Sickness" as their theme music, yet Nester couldn't have stolen that from us, right? Riiiiii-ght.
Dick Now I know that my thing is porn and I'll be damned if you ever catch me watching cartoons but, I was just in that electronics store. I was browsing, looking around...I came across the video section and I don't know what came over me but, "The Dick" scanned over the Disney section. Yeah that's right, Dick was looking at Disney...but, what I found won't shock you...it sure as hell shocked me. Now I'm sure you have plenty of time watching the Disney network in Harmony Trailor Park but, "Ichabod and Mr. Toad?"
Dick squints his eyes and shakes his head.
I thought you had more class than that...I thought you had more originality than that!
You act like this is the first time I've ever heard that one. How many before you have talked about my name as if I'm some character out of Sleepy Hollow. Get your facts straight, by the way, Ichabod and Mr. Toad is a spinoff you dumb shit. I've said it before and I'll probably have to say it again in the future for others who want to call me out on my name. I was named after the man in the Bible. How senseless is it of you to think that because I share a name with some invention of Washington Irving's that I took my name from that. Your name is Richard, and under your logic I can say you took that name from anyone named Richard. Why not go with Richard Lionheart of England. Max Voltage knows who I'm talking about. The gay king? Oh yeah, you had to have stolen your name from him, he suits you.
Dick doesn't stop there, but keeps on shooting his load all over the camera.
Dick Well you'll sure as hell give a damn if I don't resign my contract Your less than nothing to me! Just some redneck from the trailer park that needs his facts straight!
Wrong again, chump! I'll never give a good damn about you. I don't care if you were the World Champion, if you become King Karnage next year, if you are the next Gladiator, or even if you do the impossible and take my belt, I'll never, ever give a blue fuck at a rolling stone about you, about LDE, about your meaningless "free agent" campaign. You are a shit stain on Cheap's underwear. You are nothing and you'll always be nothing. No one cares about you anymore, guy. You're yesterday's news, you're a one time headline in the local papers, you're a fucking T-Shirt at Gadzooks that gets pulled within a week's time. You, Dick, are a walking, talking, dirty joke, a running gag that everyone stopped laughing with and started laughing at.
The promo ends as another begins from Dick. Ichabod walks slowly closer and closer to the screen as the LDE tears up some trailer park with a rental monster truck. A smile curls his lips cruelly as he steps up onto a chair right in front of the mounted television. Finally, the goofy looking Dick appears.
Dick With President James now in control, there is a whole new set of rules! A whole new game to be played and I'm going to exploit that game and use it to my advantage! I'm going to take every single rule and bend it...I'm going to twist it and then you will see why they call me "Slick" Dick!
Ichabod grasps the television and talks right to it.
You talk of new rules like they matter, Dick. Rules, rules, rules, always your rules and regulations, you and everyone else, details and ideas, and pitiful nothing that means nothing at all to me. I follow no code but my own. You can bend and stretch and twist and clean and jerk the rules all to your liking. Me, I break the rules. I always will, and as slick as you may be, the Undisputed Title will prove to be more slippery, sliding out of your grasp the first and probably last time of your life. I'll show you what I think of your rules!
Ichabod rips the television from its hold and flings it across the restaurant. It shatters through the picture window on the far side of the restaurant and lands hard, sparking while it skids across the street, coming to an abrupt stop after tilting against the curb.
As everyone stands there stunned, Ichabod turns and steps out through the window and walks toward his truck. The policemen snap out of their shock and race after him with guns drawn. By the time they bumble out of the door in Keystone fashion, the Monster is already barrelling away.
|
