As the Boeing soars over the Eastern United States, gradually getting farther and farther north, Ichabod stares out the window into the void. As white pockets of moisture dart past him, Ichabod sees in each a face... here the face of the fickle B-Pac, who at one moment respects, at another hates, then back to respect. A man who was a wise guy, then became serious, then tried to act insane, then became a wise cracker again. Here, the face of Skid Marks, a man who still fails to impress, a man who if he could smoke a whole joint without coughing would celebrate it and then brag about it in every television spot he was ever in over the next five years. Here, the face of Wafer, a man who is struggling to earn the respect of his fellow wrestlers, but fails to see that when you walk with monkeys and talk with monkeys, people think you are a monkey.
There was a time when I would try everything in my power to deflate the ORS. When I'd go so far as to challenge every member, and then basically live in the gym for weeks until the match. In that time, I even pulled some of the shiftiest, most underhanded shit, things that would make a traitor shake his head, in order to knock the feet out from under any member. In that time, beating even one member of the ORS meant something, it meant you were really something.
In those days, the names of Nison, Justin Payne, Lobster, Fatdaddy Cain, and mostly Wafer, were names you wouldn't dare laugh at. Challenging the ORS was serious business, and if you did it, you had better be damn well prepared to possibly have your ass handed to you.
Ichabod shakes his head and laughs with little humor.
Not anymore though. These days, you have Skiddy, the Al Bundy (i scored four touchdowns in one game like forty years ago, but I'm still a slob) of wrestling. You have Karma Chameleon over here, Nov... I mean B-Pac, who doesn't know who he is or what he wants for more than a month at a time. Shit, next month he's going to be black and try to start a Nation of Domination or something... except of course, he won't be the leader... no he'll hate Smokey and then ol' Skid Marks will become the leader of the Nation 'cause he visited one of Karma Chameleon's rallies and the rest of the Nation didn't.
Wafer, this crowd you are running with these days is the shits. Look at Justin Payne over there, fighting his ass off and still holding respect from everyone whether they admit it or not. Thats your ORS, he always has been. Not these two spotlight junkies. Its time you kicked them to the curb and showed me you can still build a successful ORS, because being one of the few men who actually know what that stable is about, I'm frankly dissappointed.
The plane runs into some turbulence, and the stewardessess run around trying to calm people. When she comes over to Ichabod, he stoically asks for headphones. He plugs into the station he is quite sure they will be playing on the plane (as this is the way wrestling for WOW works) WOW 24/7 Recap. Ichabod reclines while the pilots work through the problem, and closes his eyes.
It isn't long before Karma Chameleon's whiney voice plays into the system, and Ichabod rolls his eyes under his lids.
Karma Chameleon"with Ichabod cutting promos that consist only of a cute little collage of ORS promos... and then, when Steve is talking, you can't hear him talking... only Ichabod talking back to him. Hey, maybe Ichabod needs to check Steve's mic out next time... but I'm sure he has better things to do like ride around Myrtle Beach all day / everyday. Now move outta my way, you freaky little bastard."
Ichabod furrows his brow as he tries to figure out what the hell Karma is talking about.
Ok, I'm trying to figure out what the hell Karma is talking about. Steve never had a mic, he's in a hospital for Chrissakes. Wait, what am I gettin upset about? It took you this damn long to hear me say I'm not SAM, how can I expect you to hear what Steve was saying in his weakened condition? What a joke. Karma, you'd do best to just keep your mouth shut, because unlike you, I hear every little word you say, and each one is like a shovel, with crap clinging to it, that's digging your grave. Who do you think you are? I'm going to bury you, you little shit. You're picking on some damn kid with make up on, wasting not only your time, but the time of every listener and viewer that had to sit through that little pointless exchange. Nothing that went on near or in China 1 was important in anyway whatsoever. But I guess thats the way it goes; if you have an unimportant man in a match, you're gonna have unimportant promos.
Ichabod listens in once more. They play some of Gazinya's stuff, Justin Paynes, Wicked and Chandra, Deidre, then some from Triple X and Cheapshots. It sounds like Cheapy is having some trouble, and there may be some problems for him outside of the wrestling scene. Ichabod speaks again while it cuts to some other people's promos.
Alright Cheapy. I'm sorry this is going on, but keep your head up. I want you and X both one hundred percent for that match. The three of us are on the same team for a reason, because we overcome our obstacles and move up every chance we get. You can over come these things that are going on, even if there are two Cheapshots look alikes running around, one calling himself Christian and the other one with facepaint on. I don't want any excuses on Monday... not like I expect you to give me one, but I don't want to think in my mind, "Gosh, the only reason I'm the undisputed champion is that Cheapshots was distracted with things going on in his life." I know you can and will get past this, so make me proud, and show up ready to throw down for the greatest thrill ride of your life. What this fuckin choad is pulling on you, its nothing in the big scheme, nothing. Its just another Skid Mark playing games because he's jealous. Do not let them get to you. Show 'em your best, C, and then get your ass to the Staples Center so we can show our asses in that coddamned ring!
Skid MarksWhat is it, you need to put mine and the rest of The ORS as well as The Elite's promos straight into yours to make just one promo from you? Are you having problems thinking of things to say, thinking of things to do? Apparently you do, as you've been driving around in the few moments that DOESN'T consist of all of our promos. I never knew a monster truck got that great of gas milege. You surprise me every day Ichabod. Thinking you can defeat the man you lost to not even a month ago. Use the same excuse that B-Pac helped, its the same ol' tired line. I never asked for his help, I never ask for anyone's help. B-Pac came down on his own agenda. Whether it be to just be there to kick your ass when you looked like you were already getting it kicked, or just to hurry the inevitable up, and rid the rest of the crowd, the world watching on hand of a match that was over before it started.
Skid MarksI never knew a monster truck got that great of gas milege. You surprise me every day Ichabod.
Damn so far it looks like you and Karma said the exact same thing about me. And you say I'm the one running out of ideas? Karma's promo, at least the part about me, is like a carbon copy, or a paraphrase rather, of what you said. At least I don't sit here and say to you exactly what Cheapshots says. Damn man. And by the way, Chameleon, I was in Myrtle Beach this week for like a day. Damn you really don't pay attention to anything but Skids promo's do you? Will you pay attention when I cram my fist down your damn throat? No, you're more worried about getting Triple X on the outside of the ring so you can get in that "one good beatdown," when really what you are doing is getting him out there so you can use weapons. You're a punk, you know that?
Skid MarksThinking you can defeat the man you lost to not even a month ago. Use the same excuse that B-Pac helped, its the same ol' tired line. I never asked for his help, I never ask for anyone's help. B-Pac came down on his own agenda. Whether it be to just be there to kick your ass when you looked like you were already getting it kicked, or just to hurry the inevitable up, and rid the rest of the crowd, the world watching on hand of a match that was over before it started
Damn dude... damn. Not only are you a washout clinging to old successes, but you're insecure too. You bring up B-Pac's interference more than I do. The reason its so used up is because you've made it a point to pound it into everyone's heads that he had no effect on the outcome of the match. Get over it man, it happened, its over, I'm still not impressed.
The stewardess collects the headphones and other things the passengers have in order for the plane to land. As it does, Ichabod abruptly stops talking and notices a little Korean man wearing a FREPO T-Shirt. He just shakes his head, hoping to God that the guy is not going to walk up to him and present him with the award too.
Ichabod walks through the airport terminal where X was not long ago. As he goes to the counter, he waits while the throwers bring in a kennel. Ichabod opens the cage and out comes the pomeranian he kicked just a few days back. The airline attendant looks at him oddly.
What? I felt sorry for the little guy. I'm going to name him Darren. Hey, whats up with that crowd over there?
WOW television, buddy... seems Cheapshots last one has got everyone in a tizzy, eh?
A tiziay? What the fuck?
The announcer on the television is sitting trying to do his best Ralph Lillard impression, with a little still shot beside his head.
Ok, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to play that one again, so you can see what may be the most valuable promo on the market right now, and its value may increase tenfold after Ring Wars. See what I mean for yourself.
Ichabod watches as Cheapshots is bound to a chair and threatened, and also Triple X seems to be in danger. The promo plays out and Ichabod's eyes go big round. He rushes over to the desk.
Where is the hotel Triple X is staying in?
I'm not allowed to give oot information aboot passengers, eh?
Look you hockey playing shit, I don't care about Passin Jersey. I'm... I'm Triple X's partner... you know who I am, now give me the damn name of the hotel.
The attendant types into his computer and finally gives Ichabod the name of the hotel. Ichabod lifts his only bag of luggage onto the counter and unzips it, taking out a six pack, two packs of Newports, and a box of Scooby Snacks.
See that this bag is delivered to the hotel I preordered, along with twenty cases of Icehouse in a bottle, and four cartons of Newports. Come on Darren, lets go!
Ichabod rushes out the door as "Darren" trots after him. He hails a cab and gives the cabby the address.
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