6/1/01-Live from the Bradley Center in Milwaukee, WI!!!
(The NFWA logo appears on the screen then fades into darkness. The FNS theme song/opening video plays on the screen and the camera opens up to the live crowd in the Bradley Center, cheering and holding up signs as dozens of pyro rockets shoot up from the ring and crash into the rafters. When the pyro stops, the camera pans the crowd, holding up signs such as "Sixers suck" (Asshole), "Tristram is my father", "Show me the money" and "WHO FARTED?! DAMMIT!!!" The camera cuts down to the commentary table where Vince Johnson and Delaware Dave are seated)
VJ: Ladies and gentlemen…welcome to Milwaukee, WI!!!! The home of the NBA's Milwaukee Bucks, and now home to the NFWA FRIDAY NIGHT SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!! I'm Vince Johnson alongside Delaware Dave, and we've got some great action here tonight on the Slam!
DD: Yeah, that's right! Tonight, Panther and the Dynasty have made sure that we will see the end of Ice Cube!!
VJ: Yes. Right here tonight Ice Cube will go to battle not once, but twice. First he must go 2 on 1 with Glacier and Ice Cube, the Natural Disasters, then he must come back out here to defend the NFWA Title against Krazed! The Dynasty is trying to punish Ice Cube here tonight.
DD: No doubt about it. I'm positive Panther hasn't forgotten that little Ice Breaker on Chyna last week, and nobody hits Chyna and gets away with it!
VJ: Also tonight our very own Prez Firestorm will be in action as he goes one on one with Lightning in a bull rope match. Lightning finally broke his silence this week, and he is furious with the Dynasty because of their attack last week on the Slam.
DD: Yeah, he came out here and ran his mouth a little bit, but he never gave us a clear answer. He never actually admitted to being in cahoots with Ice Cube. But I promise we're gonna find out the answer here tonight, when Prez Firestorm beats it out of him!
VJ: Ladies and gentlemen…let's get down to the ring for our opening match!
Diamond Vs Grant "Neep" Turner
("Rollin" by Limp Bizkit hits over the PA system and the crowd boos loudly as he walks down the aisle to the ring. When he gets to ringside, he climbs upon the ring apron, climbs into the ring and waits in a corner with a sinister smile on his face. The music dies down and "Black Diamond" blasts over the PA system. The crowd cheers wildly as Diamond appears on stage accompanied by "J-Dogg" Johnny Gunn and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. They walk down the aisle to the ring, and when they get there fireworks shoot from the ringposts as Diamond poses for the crowd. The pyro stops, the music dies down and referee Doug Peterson calls for the bell)
Ding Ding Ding!!!
VJ: Well here we go! Intergender action here tonight as Diamond goes one on one with the awesome Neep!
DD: Intergender action?! HA! Vince, don’t be foolish! You and I both know that Diamond is the biggest transvestite walking the face of the ear…
VJ: Will you be nice?!
DD: NO!
VJ: Idiot. Here we go! We've got a lockup in the center of the ring…WHOA! Neep with a nice go-behind…double leg takedown on Diamond…and he turns her right into a bow and arrow!
DD: HAHA! What wrestling ability by the Neepster!
VJ: Right now Diamond may be having 2nd thoughts about giving up the Women's Title.
DD: Neep is about to break her in half!
VJ: Diamond is desperately trying to find a way out of this hold…wait a minute! Diamond shifts her weight…Neep's shoulders are down…1…2…Neep about to break out of it! Diamond back to her feet first…she's got Neep by the hair…Neep with a double leg takedown…into a figure-four…Diamond with a small package…1…2…kickout by Neep! Neep back up and tries for a clothesline but Diamond ducks…Neep hits off the ropes and misses with another clothesline…Diamond with an elbow catches him right on the jaw! Neep is reeling!
DD: C'mon Neep! You can't let yourself get outwrestled by a broad! Watch out!
VJ: Neep staggers into the ropes and Diamond sends him flying over the top with a brutal clothesline! This crowd is going crazy! And Neep can't believe what's transpired so far in this one!
DD: Damn right! I can't believe this lousy official is letting Diamond get away with this flagrant cheating!
VJ: She is not cheating. Neep is gonna try and take a quick break on the outside. Try to catch his wind…oh boy!
DD: Uh oh. Did you see that look he gave Stephanie?!
VJ: Alright now! This is getting out of hand now! C'mon…damn it he shoved Stephanie down! That son of a bitch…he's got her leg now!! Leave her alone damn it! Leave her…J-Dogg from behind just blasted Neep with a clothesline!!!
DD: DQ!!! DQ!!! DQ!!!!
VJ: Johnny Gunn just blasted Neep with a clothesline from behind, and now he's tearing into him with hard right hands! He has Neep by the hair…OH!!! Gunn sends him hard into the ring stairs!
DD: This is no fair! Somebody get that little idiot out of here!
VJ: Gunn tosses Neep back into the ring…Diamond off the ropes with an elbow drop right into the chest of Turner! She hooks the leg…1…2…Neep got the foot on the rope! My God she almost got him!
DD: Vince, I can't believe you can sit out here and actually condone this random ringside violence against Neep. I mean…if this was Delaware we woulda hung his ass by now!
VJ: Johnny Gunn has definitely been a big time factor in this match…hey wait just a minute! It's Panther! Panther and Chyna are headed out here…OH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! CHAIRSHOT RIGHT TO THE BACK OF J-DOGG!!!!! PANTHER JUST BLASTED JOHNNY FROM BEHIND!!! What is the meaning of this?!
DD: Well you saw what the little faggot did to Neep! Panther's just trying to make sure we have some law and order around here!
VJ: J-Dogg is down and Panther hit him again! And again! OH GOD! He just jammed that chair right into the throat of J-Dogg! Law and order my ass! He's trying to injure J-Dogg! He's gonna break his neck just like he did in the GFW!!! This isn't right damn it!
DD: Would you shut…what in the world?!
VJ: Diamond! Diamond with a slingshot crossbody over the top rope onto Panther!!!! Diamond is all over Panther!
DD: that's the CEO you idiot! HAHAHA!
VJ: Chyna from behind! Chyna…she just wrapped that chain around the throat of Diamond! She's choking her out once again!!!!! Diamond is being choked out…Panther once again has that chair and he's wrapping it around the head of J-Dogg! That's how he snapped his neck last time! Don't do it! Don't…we've got officials out here now and they're trying to pull Panther and Chyna off of Diamond and J-Dogg! My God…they're literally having to drag them away from ringside! My God Panther…he's snapped! Diamond and J-Dogg are out of it on the floor…thank God those officials were able to get out here before any further damage was done to those 2!
DD: Oh…they ain't out of the woods yet! They still got Neep to deal with!
VJ: Neep just went out to the floor and now he has Diamond! He tosses her back into the ring, and I feel bad for Diamond!
DD: HAHA! Not as bad as she's gonna feel after this!
VJ: Neep picks her up by the hair…GUT BUSTER!!!! Damn it! Diamond…she was already having trouble breathing after Chyna wrapped that chain around her throat, and she just got whatever wind she had left in her knocked out by that move! Neep picks Diamond back up…once again! Gut buster!
DD: Vince, how many times is she gonna have to get her ass whipped before she realizes that this is a man's game? There's no way a woman can ever beat a man!
VJ: Yeah? Well she was doing pretty good before Panther and Chyna came out here! Neep has Diamond up again…she's out on her feet! Diamond…BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX BY NEEP! He almost drove her through the mat and now he's headed up to the top rope!
DD: HAHA! He's gonna put the finishing touch on her! Right here!
VJ: Neep climbs to the top…FLYING ELBOW!!!! Right into the heart of Diamond!
DD: If that chest wasn't big enough before, it's gonna be bigger after that move!
VJ: You pervert! Neep just signaled for the end! He may be going for what he calls the Highland Havok! He has Diamond's leg…
DD: Here we go! This is it…what the..
VJ: Diamond with a headscissors! She just wrapped those legs around the head of Neep…Dave put that camera down! Diamond with the little energy that she has left is trying to squeeze the breath out of Neep's body….uh oh!
DD: Look at the power of the Almighty Neep!
VJ: Neep…what strength! He's lifting Diamond off the canvas…he may take her over into a powerbomb…NO! Diamond takes him over with a huracanrana into a pinning combination…1…2…Neep rolls through! Neep rolls through…what's he going for…SHARPSHOOTER!!!!!!
DD: HAHA!!! It's all over now!
VJ: He just turned the former Women's Champ over into the Sharpshooter! Diamond is in the center of the ring! She's nowhere near the ropes. Is she gonna tap out?!
DD: She has to! She has to!
VJ: Diamond is writing in pain…Stephanie just climbed onto the ring apron and now she's got the attention of referee Peterson!
DD: Turn around you idiot! She's tapping! She's tapping out!
VJ: Diamond…wait a minute! J-Dogg is in the ring! J-Dogg…Neep sees him coming and tries for a right hand…J-Dogg blocks it…OH NO!!!!!
DD: THE DOGG'S BITE!!!!!
VJ: J-Dogg with the Dogg's Bite on Neep! He's out like a light! Diamond throws an arm across the chest…1…2…3!!!! Diamond has done it!!!
DD: NOOOO!
Ding Ding Ding!!!
Announcer: Here is your winner: Diamond!!!!
DD: What the hell kinda bullsh*t is this?!
VJ: Diamond with an assist from J-Dogg has just pulled out a victory over Neep! We've got Kid Money headed out to the ring…Diamond, Gunn and Stephanie make a quick escape! I cannot believe what we've just seen!
DD: I cannot believe those dumb ass officials didn't let Panther break his damn neck when he had the chance! Neep got robbed and you know it!
VJ: What a way to kick off FNS! Diamond…
(The cameras cut backstage where the door busts open and a man wearing REALLY baggy jeans,a baggy fubu jersey,a du rag and some goggles and some gold chains walks out...the camera focuses in and the crowd bursts into laughter as they relize its Blaze!!!!! He stops a referre,and begins to talk..)
Blaze:HEY BABAY! WHUTS UP MY DAWG!?!? IM KID GAME! WHOOHOO! I WILL KICK ALL YO AZZEZ!AND IF YOU WANT TO YOU CAN SUCK ON MY 3 INCH BALLS BAYBAY! OO ITS SHOW TIME NOW HOMES! CATCH YA LATA!
("Kid Game" takes off down the hall...cameras cut back to the announcer table,where Vince and Dave arte laughing there asses off!)
VJ: (laughs) What the hell?!
****Commercial****
( "Kid Game" walks out with sparkling gold glasses on and a pink hat with a purple feather stickin out of it! He climbs into the ring and blows kisses to the crowd,he then pulls out a 1865 revolver and sticks it towards the ring announcer table and holars "Dave get yo azz up heya!", Delaware Dave starts to laugh and walks into the ring! An interview starts!)
DD:*lol*...Well Kid Game what are you doing here tonight?
KG:Im here to let all the lil boys..er,all the Ho's know Im open fa bid'ness! I am a pimp and I have a revolver in my ahnd,and I got my dick in the other baby! And right here right now,Im issuion an open challenge to anyone seein as how I make 15 every five min's!And you know what!?!? Im the best wrestler and there aint shit anyone can do about baby!And that big macho tough guy Blaze...aint he great!?!? He is the best damn wrestle...
(Kid Game is interrupted by Kid Money's music in the back ground! The crowd and everyone else bursts up lauhging as Ralphus comes out wearing a "Game:2-0" t-shirt and a red thong!)
KG:LOOK EVERAY BODAY! ITS THE TWO DOLLAR WHORE!!! HAHA! GET YO FINE AZZ DOWN HERE BABY!
(Ralphus's entrance is short lived as out of NO WHERE Kid Money comes at him with a chair!Kid Game quikly goes from KG to Blaze! Blaze jumps out and runs after Kid Money!Kid Money has a chair and bashes Blaze in the haed with it! He goes wild untill the least person you expect runs down with another chair! TRISTRAM whacks Money in the back and beats the hell outta him!Sean then helps Blaze to his feet and hands him the other chair! Angel runs down also and picks Kid Money up...Tristram and Blaze at the same time deliver a chair shot to the head of KM!!)
VJ: Tristram…why the hell did he come out here?! He and Blaze just did a number on Kid Money and now he's headed to the back!
DD: I can't believe this Vince…this is crazy!
VJ: Money is busted wide open…Blaze is picking him up by the hair…what in the world is he gonna..boot to the stomach…SPITFIRE!!!! HE JUST DRILLED KID MONEY WITH THE SPITFIRE!!! HE IS OUT LIKE A LIGHT!!!!
Angel:We got 3 words for you......
Blaze:...AINT..I..GREAT!?!?
( The "Play this" plays over the PA system)
VJ: Sweet Baby Jesus! Blaze is bleeding profusly,is he gonna be able to compete tonight!?!? But more importantly,Kid Money just got his ass kicked,will be able to aswell!?!?
(The camera cuts back to the Dynasty's office, where we see Panther, Chyna and Tina sitting on a sofa. The door opens and we see Prez Firestorm, Trish Stratus, Squirrel and Rage walk into the roof. El Scorcho walks in behind them, carrying all of their luggage.)
Rage: Uh…El Scorcho…set that stuff down over there!
El Scorcho: Over where?
Rage: OVER THERE!!!! (Rolls his eyes/notices Squirrel giving him an evil look) What the hell is your problem?!
Squirrel: Nuttin.
Rage: Ok then!
Panther: Look, can everybody PLEASE just calm down?! Tonight is gonna be a BIG night for the Dynasty. (Smirks)
Trish: Oh boy! What are you up to now?
Panther: Well Trishy…for starters there's Lightning and Ice Cube. Ya see…last week, I called both of their asses out to the ring and I told them I wanted answers. I wanted to know were they in cahoots…or not. Well we since I can't get a straight answer out of either of em, I say tonight all the questions stop? Tonight we start making our own answers.
Firestorm: What do you mean?
Panther: What I mean is that tonight, whether their in friends, enemies, I don't give a rat's hairy ass…tonight we're simply gonna take them out! Period. Firestorm…that bull rope match you got with Lightning later on?
Firestorm: Yeah?
Panther: Make sure that piece of sh*t doesn't leave that ring breathing. And as for Ice Cube…(laughs) I've got something planned for him. Just wait.
Firestorm: Ok good. Lightning's ass belongs to me!
Panther: Oh yeah…and guys…don't be surprised if we see a new member of the Dynasty here tonight.
VJ: A new member of the Dynasty?! Who…who could it be?!
****Commercial****
NFWA Rewind:
NFWA House Show 5/30/01
Squirrel - So, if there is anybody that wants to make a name for themselves you can just walk your little happy ass down that ramp, climb in this ring, sign this contract and get your ass whoopin…How bout some body that's been here a while.(pause)If nobody wants any now, I'll take this contract back there and nail it to the wall. That way anybody that can work up the courage can sign it and we can have this match on FNS this Friday. Just to make it a little more interesting whoever signs it can decided what kind of match it is
(The tape ends and the camera cuts to the hallways outside of the Dynasty's locker room, where we see the unsigned contract nailed to a wall)
VJ: Well ladies and gentlemen, there you see it! Squirrel has made an open challenge to anyone on the NFWA roster! Will we find out who is opponent is tonight?
DD: Screw that, can you believe what Panther said before the break?! We might see a new member of the Dynasty here tonight!!!! This calls for a celebration!! (lights up a blunt)
VJ: Oh Lord.
X-Treme Title: Rage (Champion) Vs Freak
(The lights go out and the sound of a twisted laugh is heard over the PA system as the laugh stops lights begin to flash on and off as the arena goes dark again white pyros begin to shoot off and We Give No F*ck by ICP hits the PA system. Freak steps out from behind the curtains and begins to make his way to the ring. At ringside, he makes 3 circles around the ring before stepping over the top rope and entering the ring. The lights return to normal, the music dies down and "My Way" blasts over the PA system. The lights go out and red and orange strobe lights flicker around the arena. A HUGE explosion goes off on the stage and Rage walks out carrying his I-C Title over his shoulder and his X-Treme title around his waits. When he gets to the ring, Rage climbs to the top rope, raises his belts into the air and soaks up the boos from the crowd. The music dies down, the lights return to normal and the ref calls for the bell)
Ding Ding Ding!!!
VJ: Here…(starts coughing) Damn it Dave! Will you…(cough) put that thing out?!
DD: (Blows smoke in Vince's face) Keep running your mouth and I'll shove this foot up your Canadian ass!
VJ: Ya know…nevermind! I'm not even gonna waste my time on you this week! Rage and Freak! This is Rage's first match since his…return from the dead last week!
DD: I gotta tell ya, that was the single greatest plan I've ever seen in my life! Did you see the look on Ice Cube's face?!
VJ: All they did last week is prove once again that the Dynasty is nothing but a bunch of sick bastards! Rage will meet Ice Cube at Maximum Carnage, but first he has to get by Freak here tonight! Rage and Freak lock up…Freak has a huge size advantage over…WHOA!!!! He just tossed Rage across the ring! Look at that look on Rage's face!
DD: It's ok! It's ok! Just keep cool…and calmly kick him in his nuts! Hard as you can!
VJ: Stop it! Rage is back up in Freak's face! He's talking some serious smack…OH!!!!
DD: HAHA! Speaking of serious smack!
VJ: Rage just slapped the taste outta Freak's mouth! Look at that arrogant, cocky son of a…OH!!! Freak has Rage by the throat!
DD: Oh no! Get away Rage! Get away! AHHHHH!!!!
VJ: OHHHH!!!! Freak just tossed the X-Treme Champ up and over the top rope! What a move by Freak and damn it will you listen to this crowd, Dave?!
DD: NO!!!
VJ: They're going crazy of Freak! Hey wait a minute! Rage just grabbed out pitcher of kool-aid! Look out Freak! Turn around…OHHHHH!!!!
DD: HAHA! Stupid bastard must've forgot this match is X-Treme!!!!
VJ: Rage just shattered that glass pitcher…there's glass and Kool-Aid everywhere! And damn it, you know purple is my favorite flavor! I was gonna drink that sh*t!
DD: Shut up and call the match, skankhole!
VJ: This crowd is all over Rage as he puts the boots to the back of Freak! Rage just rolled out to the floor…where the hell is he going?!
DD: I dunno…uh oh?! Do you see what he has, Vinnie?!
VJ: Rage just rolled out to the floor and he's got…
DD: STEEEEL, Vince!!! STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
VJ: Rage is in the ring with a steel chair! Freak is trying to get back to his feet…rage with a swing and a miss…Freak catches him by the throat again…Rage…LOW BLOW!!! DAMN IT!!!! He just blasted Freak with that damn chair!!!! Right in the face!
DD: Ya know…if that skankhole actually had a set of brains they woulda been knocked out by that shot! I love it, Rage!
VJ: Rage with another shot to the head sends Freak staggering into the ropes!!!! Freak is in some trouble right here! Rage charges in with that chair…OH! Freak got the boot up!
DD: NO!
VJ: That chair just went right back into the face of Rage! Freak has him by the hair…RAGE JUST WENT UP AND OVER THE TOP! He just launched the X-Treme Champ into orbit, and I've got that feeling, Dave! Tonight could be Freak's night! Can you imagine what a win over Rage could do for Freak's career?!
DD: C'mon Rage! You cannot let this idiot get to you! Do it Dynasty style! Do something damn it!
VJ: Freak follows Rage to the floor…Rage is trying to reach for that chair…
DD: OH NO!!!!!
VJ: Freak is standing on the hand of Rage! Freak…he has the chair!
DD: No! Get away Rage! Get away!
VJ: Freak has that chair! Rage is crawling to get back to his feet! Freak…OH GOD WHAT A SHOT!!!!! Freak just blasted Rage right in the head with that chair!!! The Champion is out…and Freak just signaled something to this capacity crowd! He's headed underneath the ring!
DD: He's trying to hide!
VJ: He is not! He's getting…HE'S GETTING WOOD!!
DD: Oh no! Not WOOOD! Anything but WOOOOOOOOD!
VJ: You're a jackass! Rage is busted open and Freak is setting up that table on the floor! This could be the end of Rage's X-Treme Title reign! Right here in Milwaukee! Freak has Rage now…Rage has something in his hand! Freak is setting Rage up for what looks like a powerbomb…here it comes…OH!!!!!!!!!!!!
DD: HAHAHA! Did you see that!?
VJ: Freak…he was gonna powerbomb Rage through that table but Rage just blasted him right in the face with something…those are brass knuckles! Rage just nailed him right between the eyes with brass knuckles! Freak may be out! Rage has him by the hair now…what's he gonna do?!
DD: I know exactly what he's gonna do! Ice Cube, pay attention! At Maximum Carnage the exact same thing is gonna happen to you!
VJ: Rage has Freak by the hair…TOTAL ANNIHILATION---OH!!!! THROUGH THE TABLE!!!! TOTAL ANNIHILATION THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!
DD: HE JUST SNAPPED HIS NECK IN HALF, VINCE!!!!
VJ: Rage hooks the leg…1…2…3!!! It's over!
Ding Ding Ding!!!!
Announcer: here is your winner, and still NFWA X-Treme Champion: Rage!!!
DD: HAHA! You see that, Vince?! Is there any doubt in your mind that this man is the next NFWA Champion!
VJ: That remains to be seen!
DD: Oh c'mon! Look at that! The average man would be dead after taking the beating Rage just took from Freak. But being the mighty man that he is, he sucked it all up, took everything he had and totally annihilated him! I can see Ice Cube pissing his pants right now!
(Camera cuts back to the parking lot where we see Krazed entering the building)
VJ: Well you say that Rage will be the next World Champion, but I'm sure this man has something to say about that! The odds are in his favor, and tonight Krazed will go one on one with Ice Cube for the World Heavyweight--IT'S THE DISASTERS!!!!
DD: HAHA! What the hell?!
VJ: The Natural Disasters…out of nowhere! They just blasted Krazed!!! Iceberg…BIG SPLASH TO THE RIBS OF KRAZED! Krazed is being decimated in the locker room…wait!
DD: Hey…is that Colby from the IWW?!
VJ: It is! Iceberg with another splash to the ribs of Krazed! Glacier has him by the hair now…what the hell…he's holding…OH GOD! Colby…he just bashed Krazed right in the head with that cane! Krazed has just been destroyed! My God! What else is gonna happen tonight on FNS?!
****Commercial****
(The camera cuts back to the hallway outside of the Dynasty office where we see Squirrel walk up. He takes a look at the open contract that's nailed up on the door)
Squirrel: Hey! (Reads the contract) "Lightning…Type of Match: A me kicking your ass down this hallway match...." What the hell…OH!!!!
VJ: IT'S LIGHTNING!!!! LIGHTNING!!! LIGHTNING SIGNED THE CONTRACT, AND NOW HE IS DOING A NUMBER ON SQUIRREL RIGHT OUTSIDE OF THE DYNASTY'S OWN LOCKER ROOM!
DD: Panther!!! Firestorm! Chyna!! Somebody help Squirrel! Oh no!
VJ: Lightning slams him headfirst into the wall! Lightning has Squirrel by the hair…LIGHTNING BOLT!!!!! Squirrel just felt the Lightning Bolt! Here comes referee Al Gore…Lightning makes a cover…
DD: Hey wait a minute! This isn't a match!
VJ: 1…2…3!!! Lightning…he's just pinned Squirrel in the hallway!
DD: You idiot! This isn't a damn match…what the hell is going on?!
(Lightning hog ties Squirrel, pulls out a sticker reading "The Streak" and puts it over his mouth)
VJ: I don’t know what else to say about that other than Lightning has just made a fool out of Squirrel!!!!
DD: He's gonna pay for that! Just wait!
Women's Title: Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley Vs Kammy
VJ: Coming up next we're gonna have a Women's Title Match .. Between Stephanie McMahon and the lovely newcomer, Kammy!
DD: Yeah, yeah .. Who cares .. We might see puppies!!! HAHA!
VJ: Will you shut the hell up, you pervert?!
DD: Well, I guess I can for now!
VJ: Good!
("No Chance" hits, and a few pyro's shoot off. Stephanie McMahon walks out, followed by J-Dogg. They walk to the ring, and Steph goes inside, with J-Dogg on the outside. "What Kammy Wants Kammy Gets" hits, and Kammy walks to the ring. She slides in, and walks over to Stephanie.)
Ding, Ding, Ding!!
DD: Puppies! C'mon! WHOA!! Kammy just shoved the Billion Dollar Princess to the ground! Uh oh .. Stephanie's back up in her face .. Kammy pushes her again .. OH!! What a slap by Stephanie! Kammy with a slap!
(Path is shown on the PantherTron, watching the match.)
VJ: There you see Path .. Spear by Stephanie!
DD: CAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGHHHHTT! Stephanie is pulling the hair of Kammy!! Look at these two women go!
VJ: Stephanie is on top of Kammy slapping the life out of her!
DD: How can oyu slap the life out of someone?
VJ: Shut up, you know what I mean! Kammy reverses it! She's nailing Stephanie with slaps of her own! Kammy is dragging Steph around the ring by her hair! Stephanie tripped up Kammy .. Kammy fell flat on her face!
DD: I think her breats hit the mat first! That must hurt!
VJ: Is that all you think of?!
DD: Basically, yes! Stephanie has Kammy up .. Shot to the stomach of Stephanie .. DDT by Kammy! C'mon! I didn't even see any puppies yet! I want puppies! Kammy off the ropes .. That no good bastard!
VJ: As Kammy was going off the ropes, J-Dogg tripped Kammy .. SHe fell on her face again!
DD: I think I should go check on her ..
VJ: I don't think that will be necessary .. Path just walked out on the stage! He has a chair!
DD: Uh oh .. Kammy is looking at him with a smile on her face .. She likes him .. She really likes him! Clothesline from behind on Kammy!
VJ: Here comes Path .. J-Dogg doesn't see him. Path just spun him arond .. What a shot! He nearly took his head of .. My god what a shot! Path is on the apron .. He tossed the chair to Kammy! Path is on the apron distracting the referee ..
DD: Kammy gave Stephanie a chair shot! The Billion Dollar Princess got STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLL!!!!!! What a shot! The ref is turned back around now .. Cover by Kammy .. 1,2,3!!! Kammy won! She won the Women's Title!
Ding, Ding, Ding!!
DD: I'll tell you wait it is. You see, sometime in a young man's life, there comes a time when…
VJ: That's ok.
DD: Aww, c'mon!
(Camera does a split screen in the locker room where we see Kid Money walking to the ring with a look of determination on his face)
DD: Uh oh! Here we go!
VJ: Up next, Flaming Table Match! Blaze goes 1 on 1 with Kid Money! Stay with us!
****Commercial****
(The scene opens in the hallway outside of the Dynasty's office where Squirrel is still tied up after Lightning's attack. Panther and Chyna happen to be walking up at this time)
Chyna: Honestly I don't know why you're paying so much attention to J-Dogg anyway. You know they're only doing this to piss you off.
Panther: (Takes a sip of Sprite) You don't get it, it was a year ago this week I snapped that man's neck and put him out of wrestling for good. He wasn't supposed to come back! He was supposed to be gone for good!
Chyna: I know, but…(notices Squirrel) oh my God!
(Panther and Chyna run over to Squirrel and untie him. They help him back to his feet)
Panther: (To Squirrel) What the hell happened to you?!
Squirrel: What happened?! What happened?! WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU GUYS?!
Chyna: We went…
Squirrel: I don't give a damn where you went! But while you 2 were out doing whatever the hell you were doing, I'm back here getting my ass kicked by Lightning!!!!
Panther: Lightning?! Lightning did this to you?
Squirrel: That's what I said! I can't believe this sh*t!
Panther: Well ya know what…don't even worry about it, cuz Lightning's gonna get his here tonight! I promise!
Squirrel: Yeah, well he'd better! (Turns to walk away)
Panther: Oh, hold up! I'm not done with you yet! Get your ass back here!
Squirrel: (Turns and faces Panther)
Panther: Now you listen to me…if you EVER catch you talking to either one of us like that again…I promise I will make your life a living hell! You got that?!
Squirrel: (Mumbles something)
Panther: What?!
Squirrel: My bad! I'm sorry!
Panther: OK.
(Panther and Squirrel shake hands before he and Chyna head back into the Dynasty office. Squirrel looks angry as he walks away)
Flaming Table Match: Kid Money Vs Blaze
(The camera pans the ringside area where we see dozens of tables surrounding the ring. Sitting on the steel stairs are 2 cans of lighter fluid. "Kid Money" blasts over the PA system and the crowd boos loudly as he appears on stage w/ the Million Dollar Babe. Money sends her back to the locker room before he walks down the ramp to the ring. He walks over to the timekeeper's table, grabs a steel chair and climbs into the ring as the music dies down. "Play This" blasts over the PA system and a fire explodes from the stage. The crowd gives a mixed reaction as Blaze appears from the locker room and poses on the stage with Angel. Kid Money hops out of the ring, charges up the ramp with the chair and takes a swing at Blaze)
Ding Ding Ding!
VJ: Whoa!!!! Money just tried to take Blaze's head off with that shot!! BLAZE WITH A SPEAR!!!!!! My God!! Blaze is all over Kid Money on the stage! The match is on!!! The only way to win this match is by putting your opponent through a flaming table!
DD: Oh, I can't wait to see Kid Money put Blaze through that table! This is gonna be great! C'mon Kid!
VJ: Ever since Money missed that chairshot he hasn't been able to get out of the starting blocks! Blaze has that chair…WHACK!!!!! Right to the back of Money! Sounded like a gunshot going of…OH!!!! There's another one!
DD: C'mon Kid! Bust a cap…OH OH!! LOOK!!!
VJ: HE'S GOT A GUN…OH SWEET MOTHER OF BASIL WHAT A CHAIRSHOT BY BLAZE!!!!!! I can't believe that idiot Kid Money actually pulled a gun out on national TV! What the hell is the matter with him?!
DD: Why do you care? I do it all the time, and you don't say sh*t to me.
VJ: That's cuz you ain't got no damn sense!
DD: "You ain't got no damn sense". Why don't you learn how to speak English! Asslick!
VJ: Blaze has that chair…he's measuring Kid Money…OH WAIT A MINUTE!!! The Million Dollar Babe just came back from the locker room and drilled Angel with a spear!!! The Babe is all over Ang…
DD:
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHT!!!!!VJ: We've got a catfight ladies and gentlemen! Angel and the Babe are tearing into one another! Look at Blaze!
DD: Oh ho! He may be a pissdrinking faggot, but he at least he's a pissdrinking faggot with good taste! Oh boy! I seep panties!!!
VJ: Would you shut the hell up?! Kid Money from behind…THE KASH KICK!!!!! He just caught him right in the back of the head and now Blaze is down! Kid Money…he's got the chair now!
DD: Here we go! Break his damn bones!!!! YES!!!!!
VJ: Kid Money with a hard shot to the back of the head of Blaze! There's another! Blaze is being absolutely lit up by those shots from Kid Money! Money has him by the hair now…a bulldog?
DD: On the steel stage! STEEEEEEL!
VJ: I think that's exactly what he's gonna do! Kid Money…he's going for the bulldog…oh my…Blaze catches him in the air…oh my…OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX OFF THE STAGE AND THROUGH THE TECHNICIANS TABLE!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE…
DD: They're both dead!!!!! This is great!!!
VJ: Oh my goodness. Blaze is trying to get back up…oh my God Kid Money is out like a light! If that table had been on fire this match would be over right now!
DD: Yeah, but it's not, so Kid Money still has a chance to get back up and beat the hell outta this idiot!
VJ: Blaze is getting back up, and that's a good sign. He's on his knees…
DD: Figures. That man lives on his knees.
VJ: (Gives Dave a mean look) He's on his knees and trying to pull himself back up top his feet…officials have managed to separate Angel and the babe on the stage and watch Blaze! Blaze is putting the boots to Kid Money! He's…he's stomping a mudhole in his, as someone else would say!
DD: Kiss my ass!
VJ: No thank you! Blaze has Money by the hair and he's dragging him back to the ring! This will actually be the 1st time that this match has been in the ring tonight! Blaze just tossed Money into the ring and where's he going?!
DD: Oh no! He's getting the WOOOD!
VJ: He is doing just that! Blaze is setting the table into the ring…Money is back to his feet! How in the hell…OH!!!!!! He just baseball slide that table right into the face of Blaze!
DD: HAHA! He just knocked the sh--OH MY GOD!!!!!! What a move!
VJ: Slingshot Swanton Bomb over the top rope onto Blaze on the floor! Kid Money…how is he standing after what just happened to him on the stage?!
DD: He's not standing!
VJ: Shut up! Money…I gotta give him credit. He's crawling over to that can of lighter fluid…Angel is headed down here! Angel is on her way down to help her man…OH JESUS! Money just sprayed that lighter fluid right into the face of Angel What the hell is wrong with him?! Blaze from behind…HIGH KNEE TO THE BACK JUST SENT MONEY AND ANGEL CRASHING INTO THE STEEL STAIRS!!!
DD: her head hit right off the stairs, Vince!
VJ: Angel got the worst of that exchange right there! Blaze is over there to check on his girl…DAMN IT!!! Kid Money just blasted him right in the head with that can! MILLION DOLLAR DREAM!!!!!!! He's got it slapped on on the arena floor!!!!!
DD: HAHA! Nighty night Blaze!!!
VJ: If he puts Blaze out with this hold he won't be able to defend himself! Blaze is desperately trying to fight this hold…wait a minute…OH!!! Blaze just charged forward and both he and Money go crashing headfirst off the ringpost! The hold is broken…
DD: DAMN WHAT A MATCH!!!!
VJ: Both men are out of it on the arena floor! This is a great match!
DD: Hey…wait a minute! Here comes that slut Kammy!
VJ: Huh? The new Women's Champ is on her way down to the ring for whatever reason. She's made it clear to the whole world that she doesn't like Kid Money!
DD: What the hell is she doing?! She just picked up a chair…OH! She just tried to hit Kid Money!
VJ: The Million Dollar Babe from behind just snatched that chair out of the hands of Kammy! OH!!! PATH!!! Path from the locker room just blasted Kammy with a clothesline! Path has that chair now…Kid Money and Blaze are both getting back to their feet…OH!!!!!! Path just blasted Kid Money right in the dome with that shot! Money is out! He is out! Blaze is in the ring with that can of lighter fluid…
DD: Vince…do something about this!
VJ: I ain't getting in there! Blaze is setting up that table! Kammy and Path just tossed Money back into the ring…Blaze just lit the table ablaze! The table is burning! This is gonna be the end of…
(A lightning bolt strikes the stage, "Ride the Lightning" blasts over the PA system and the crowd goes crazy)
DD: Son of a bitch! NO!!!!! No!!!
VJ: It's Lightning! Lightning is headed out to the ring…and he's got a chair! OH DAMN!!!! He just blasted Path with a shot to the head! Kammy tries for a kick but Lightning caught it…he spins her around…LIGHTNING BOLT!!!!!! Lightning just drilled Kammy, and now it's just he, Blaze and Kid Money in the ring! What is going through Lightning's mind right now?!
DD: He doesn't have a mind, Vince! He's crazy!
VJ: Blaze just asked Lightning " What the hell are you doing here?" OH! Lightning with a boot to the stomach! He just picked Blaze up into a fireman's carry…OH MY GOD!!!!! LIGHTNING ROD THROUGH THE FLAMING TABLE!!!!!!!! This match is over!!!!
Ding Ding Ding!!!
Announcer: Here is your winner: Kid Money!!!!!
DD: HAHA! Old bolt breath actually did something right for a change!!!!
VJ: Lightning…I can't believe this! Why?! Why in the hell did he do that?! He has a mic…
Lightning: You want to piss on my cousins career, you want to be Mr. Big guy and piss on 1 mans dedication, well then I say piss on you you son of a bitch....(unzips his pants)
VJ: Oh no! he wouldn't do that! Not on National TV…HE JUST PISSED ON BLAZE!!!!!
DD: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! THAT'S GREAT!!!
VJ: I cannot believe…Lightning! Lightning has just got payback…no! Don't shake it! My God! Dave you're enjoying this way too much! I can't believe Lightning…Path is back in the ring…LIGHTNING BOLT!!!!! Lightning Bolt on Path…Kid Money is back to his feet…Lightning with a boot to the stomach…WHAM!!!!!! A LIGHTNING BOLT FOR KID MONEY!!!!!! The streak continues here tonight ladies and gentlemen!
DD: I bet Blaze is gonna be pissed off when he wakes up…he sure as hell got pissed on, didn't he?
VJ: What a night this has been!
****Commercial****
(The scene opens up and Kammy and Path are in their lockeroom, they are making out...)
Kammy: Did you hear something?
Path: Nah, now go lower
Kammy: Yes master
(All of the sudden the door gets bust open and Ice Cube is standing there)
Kammy: You in my lockeroom! What the hell! Path! Do something!
Path: Don't worry sweetheart! I'll take care of...
(Just as Path is saying that Ice Cube Ice Breaks him)
Ice Cube: Uh oh! Lover boy is OUT COLD!!! Hey, why don't you come with me!
Kammy: Someone help me! Police! Fire! Earthquake! Help!!
Ice Cube: Hah, scream for help in the NFWA? Your on your own here bitch..Let me show you around!
(Ice Cube drags Kammy out of the room and they go into the kitchen)
Ice Cube: This is the kitchen, and this is..THE GRILL!!!
(Ice Cube slams Kammy's left half of her face on the grill and when he lets it up its all burnt)
Kammy: My bueatiful face! No!!
Ice Cube: Shutup hoe, we're not done yet!
(Ice Cube then drags her into the mens bathroom..Guys taking a leak look back and aww in amazment)
Ice Cube: Meet the URINALS!!
(Ice Cube takes Kammy's face and shoves it in each urinal while he flushes them...)
Kammy: No!! Not fair!
(Ice Cube then goes to the garage...He opens a limo door..Throws Kammy into it..As he does that Path comes from behind with a chair but misses...Ice Cube then Ice Breaks the chair into Path's face..he then throws Path into the limo too...)
Ice Cube: Drive till you RUN OUT OF GAS BITCH!!
Limo Driver: Yes sir!
(Ice Cube laughs hystarically while the limo drives off..)
Ice Cube: You see Kammy, I don't like trash talking rookies..I taught Kid Money..And now I taught you..And Path, I had no beef with you..But thats too bad now I guess, because you fucked with me...And now..YOU FELT THE ICE!!!
DD: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
VJ: That's hideous!! That dirty rotten son of a bitch! How dare he…
DD: That was the greatest thing…HAHAHAHAHA!! That was almost as good as Lightning pissing on Blaze! HAHA!
VJ: I don't know who's worse, Ice Cube or the damn Dynasty!
(Cameras cut to the interview area where we see Rosie Sanchez standing with Colby and the Natural Disasters)
RS: Guys, Colby…what the hell is going on? Why did you attack Krazed earlier tonight?
Colby: Well it's this simple…
VJ: OH!!!!! Lightning just snatched that cane out of Colby's hand and nailed him right in the head with it!!!!
DD: Damn it! I was just starting to like that idiot! Watch it Glacier!
VJ: Glacier catches a shot right to the head! Iceberg misses with a clothesline…Lightning has him by the hair…HOLY SH*T!!!! God…all 600 pounds of Iceberg just went flying through that window!!!!! My God!!!! The Natural Disasters are scheduled to do battle with Ice Cube next…but what condition will they be in?!
****Commercial****
(The scene opens up in the medical area where we see Krazed's head getting stitched up after the attack from the Natural Disasters earlier in the evening)
Handicap Match: Ice Cube Vs The Natural Disasters
("Assassins" by ICP blasts over the PA system as the crowd gives a mixed reaction (mostly boos). The lights go out, red, yellow and purple lights shine over the arena and silver fireworks go off on the stage as Ice Cube walks out onto the ramp. The camera cuts back to the Dynasty's office where we see Panther, Chyna, Tina, Firestorm, Trish, Rage and El Scorcho watching. The camera cuts back to ringside where we see Lightning step off the ramp and hide behind the stage. His music dies down and "You could be Mine" starts up over the PA. The lights go out, flashing blue and white spotlights roam the arena and snow falls from the rafters as a battered Glacier and Iceberg walk out onto the stage and down the ramp to the ring)
VJ: Ladies and gentlemen…just before the break the Disasters were victims of an assault by the former World Champion Lightning.
DD: I'm starting to wonder.
VJ: About what?
DD: Well…ain't it funny that Lightning decides to do his little attack right before the Disasters are about to fight Ice Cube?
VJ: Not really. Lightning has been attacking people all night long!
DD: Please Vince. You'd actually be smart if you weren't such an idiot! This proves it! Lightning and Ice Cube are in cahoots!
VJ: I don't know about that…look out!!!! Lightning just came out from hiding and he just ambushed he Disasters on the ramp!
Ding Ding Ding!!!
DD: Why would you ring the damn bell before they get to the ring?!
VJ: Ice Cube just shoved Glacier into the guardrail and now he's all over Iceberg! Ice Cube is gonna try and get this match ended as quickly as possible so that he can go---oh!!!! ICEBERG RIGHT INTO THE STAIRS! And again! And again! Ice Cube is taking it to Iceberg at ringside! Here comes Glacier to help out his partner…OH!!! He ran right into a hard shot by Cube!!!!
DD: My God…what the hell is that he hit him with?!
VJ: I dunno! He hit him with some kinda staff! Ice Cube tosses Glacier back into the ring! He climbs to the top…
DD: HAHA! Here we go!
VJ FLYING ELBOW DROP!!!! RIGHT INTO THE HEART!!!! Cube hooks the leg…1…2…Iceberg with a splash…HE MISSES!!! HE JUST SQUASHED HIS OWN TAG TEAM PARTNER!!!!
DD: You idiot!!!
VJ: Glacier…he has just been flattened! Iceberg is checking on his partner…and now Ice Cube appears to be having the time of his life in there!
(Camera cuts to the floor, where we get a close-up of the "staff" that Ice Cube used to hit Glacier)
VJ: There's another look at that…
DD: Hey wait a minute! Doesn't that staff look familiar to you?
VJ: It does…is that Colby's cane?! It is! That's the same cane that Colby used to KO Krazed earlier on!
DD: Yeah, and it's the same cane Lightning used to KO Colby right before this match! There's the proof! Right there!
VJ: That doesn't prove anything!
DD: Well how'd he get that cane?!
VJ: I dunno! You know he's a damn thief!
DD: (gasps) I'm telling him you said that!
VJ: Please don't! Ice Cube is posing on the ropes…this crowd is booing him out of the…watch Iceberg…OH! He just squashed Ice Cube in the corner!!!! Iceberg caught him off guard…Belly to belly suplex!
DD: And that's a WHOOOOLE LOTTA BELLY on Iceberg!
VJ: Why don't you grow up?! Iceberg off the ropes…elbow drop into the chest! He hooks the leg…1…2…Cube got his foot on the ropes. And this is exactly what Ice Cube didn't want to happen!
DD: Hey look! It's that idiot Blaze again!
VJ: I sure hope he got a shower! Why is he out here?!
DD: he must be trying to get revenge on Lightning! See…he's an idiot but even he's smart enough to know that Lightning and Ice Cube are in cahoots!
VJ: Blaze just climbed up on the ring apron…Iceberg was getting ready for the Freeze but he just turned his attention to Blaze…wait…Blaze shoved Iceberg off the 2nd rope--RIGHT INTO THE ICE BREAKER!!!!!!!
DD: What the hell?!
VJ: Glacier is back up…Blaze just grabbed his ankle…cover by Cube…1…2…3!!!!!
Ding Ding Ding!!!!
Announcer: here is your winner: Ice Cube!!!!!!
DD: What the hell is going on here, Vince?!
VJ: I don't know! Blaze just grabbed Colby's cane and he's in the ring. He just went face to face with Cube…
DD: What in the hell is going on?! What the…
VJ: THEY'RE ATTACKING THE DISASTERS!!!!!! ICE CUBE AND BLAZE ARE ATTACKING THE NATURAL DISASTERS!!!!! This is an absolute assault!
DD: Wait a minute! Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on?!
VJ: I don't even know! Here comes Colby from the locker room! Colby is out here to help his tag team…he's in the ring…Blaze just nailed him in the ribs with that cane…ICE BREAKER BY CUBE!!!!! Ice Cube and Blaze have just laid out the Disasters…they're shaking hands!!!!!
DD: What the f*ck?!
VJ: I can't believe this!
(Camera cuts back to the locker room where we see Downcast, Leena and Jevona on their way out to the ring. Downcast is talking to someone on his cell phone)
DD: Well ladies and gentlemen, up next! It's Blade Vs Downcast! High Incident match! 40 ft Scaffold, the 1st person to get knocked off must go through flaming tables in the ring! Stay with us as FNS continues!!!!
(The camera cuts back to the locker room where we see the Natural Disasters and Colby talking to Panther, Chyna and Firestorm)
VJ: Hmmm…I wonder what the Dynasty and the Natural Disasters are talking about?
DD: Huh?! Nosey bitch! You been playing too many games of Smackdown!!!!!
VJ: Jackass.
Kid Money is seen walking to his locker room.. he is about to open the door... but instead the door swings open and cracks him in the face...
Kid Money: Ohh.. you son of a bitch! (he punches the door)
DD: ...did he just talk to that door?
VJ: I think so!
DD: Wooooow.....
He walks in his room, pretty frustrated. The door shuts behind him...and the lights are off...
Kid Money: Who turned out the lights??
The turn on, and Rage is standing behind him.. he has brass knuckles on...
DD: Haha! It's Rage!!
Rage turns him around...
Rage: Hey faggot!
Kid Money: What the f-OHH!
Rage punches Kid Money in the stomache with his brass knuckles.. Kid Money loses his breath.. then Rage punches Money in the face.. the brass knuckles are still on. Kid Money falls to the ground. He is holding his stomache and blood is pouring out of his nose...
VJ: M-my God! Rage has just assulted Kid Money in the back!
DD: Haha! Kickem while he's down Rage! Break his ribs!!
The camera cuts to Neeps locker room. Neep just saw what happened on the moniter... and is going to help Kid Money...
Neep: Rage is a dead man! He's DEAD! He dosen't f*ck with Chas Inc. and get away with it....
He leaves his locker room, grabbing a lead pipe on his way out. The camera follows him around the corner...
DD: Uh oh!
VJ: Neep is going try and get some revenge on Rage for what he did to Kid Money.. UH OH!!!
DD: Hell yea!
El Scorcho is standing around the corner, leaning on the wall...
El Scorcho: Going somewhere?
Neep: YOU MOTHER-- (he swings the pipe at El Scorcho.. but El Scorcho ducks)
El Scorcho: Im not your mother! (punches him in the gut) IM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!!!
El Scorcho grabs the pipe off of Neep, and tosses it away. He grabs him by his neck with both hands and begins to choke him... hard.....
DD: Neep has been cut off!
VJ: Look at his eyes! They are going to pop out of his head!
DD: Haha! This is great! Kick is ass El Scorcho!
El Scorcho picks Neep up off of the ground.. and double chokeslams him to the hard concrete floor below... Neep is out cold...
DD: THAT WAS THE DUN DUN DUNNNNNN SCORHINATOR! HAHA!
VJ: Dun..Dun.......Dun?
DD:..yea!
VJ .....riiight.
The camera switches back to Kid Money's locker room, where we see Rage still attacking Kid Money. The whole locker room is ruined, as if Rage has been beating him all over the room. Rage is about to deliver Total Annihilation when the Million Dollar Bride walks in....
MDB: Oh my god! What are you doing!?!?
Rage: What the F*CK does it look like?
MDB: (walks over to Rage) You...you....YOU ASSH*LE!!!
Rage: (smirks) Ya think?
MDB: I KNOW!
Rage: (grabs her by the hair and pulls her over to the bench. He bends her over his knee and takes off his belt) THIS SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU A LONG TIME AGO....skank..
VJ: What in the world is he doing???
DD: THIS IS GREAT!!!!!
Rage starts spanking her with the belt, you hear each *THWACK* and the Million Dollar Bride starts to cry....
VJ: What is wrong with him!? He made her cry!
DD: It's about time someone set that women in her place!
Rage gets up, and pushes her off.. she stumbles over to Kid Money, sobbing, to see if he's ok....
Rage: Hah, I think you liked it too much.... slut.
MDB: (crying) YOU B*STARD!
Rage: I'm not done with that pile of sh*t yet!
Rage picks him up by the hair.. and gives him Total Annihilation.. he starts to laugh and spits on him.. then walks out. He sees El Scorcho...
Rage: Take care of your business?
El Scorcho: Better believe it!
Rage: Hell yea! Lets go..
***** COMMERCIAL *****
NFWA Slam of the Night:
In High Gear: 5/29/01:
(The camera cuts to the parking lot, where Downcast is arriving. It then shows Blade on the roof.)
Blade: Hey, bitch, I am more than fifty feet away!
(Blade then picks up a flare gun, and shoots Downcast. He catches on fire.)
Blade: What are you gonna do now?!
(The camera cuts to the parking lot, where Downcast is arriving. It then shows Blade on the roof.)
Blade: Hey, bitch, I am more than fifty feet away!
(Blade then picks up a flare gun, and shoots Downcast. He catches on fire.)
Blade: What are you gonna do now?!
PP: Oh my God! Somebody call the police!!!!!
***Slam of the Night ends***
TV Title High Incident match: Downcast (Champion) Vs Blade
(BOOM!!!!!!! A huge pyro blast shoots in the air as " One Step Closer " blasts over the PA system and Downcast comes out with the cops and his two lovely ladies Jevona and Leena. The crowd is booing as Downcast is wearing a ALLEN IVERSON JERSEY IN MILWAUKEE!!!!!!! When they get to ringside, Downcast climbs up the huge scaffold. In the ring we see 3 rows of stacked tables. When Downcast reaches the top of the scaffold, the music dies down and "Last Resort" hits, and the lights go out. Blue, Red, Green, and Purple pyro's shoot off. Flashing red and yellow lights flash over the arena as Blade head down the ramp to the ring. When he gets to ringside, he attempts to climb up the scaffold, but he is attacked by the cops that accompanied Downcast to the ring)
VJ: Hey wait just a minute!!! Those police officers are attacking Blade on the floor! What the hell is going on here?!
DD: HAHA! Whoever thought police brutality could be a good thing?!
VJ: Blade is being brutalitized…I mean brutalized on the floor by those 5 cops…look up on the Scaffold! Downcast is laughing! Downcast is laughing!
DD: HAHA! This has to be the greatest…NO!!! You donut eating idiots!
VJ: One of those cops took a swing at Blade, missed and took out another cop! Blade has one of their nightsticks…WHAM!!!! Down goes another cop!!! There's another shot and another one goes down! Blade with another shot, and he's taken out the cops! He has taken out all of Downcast's backup!
DD: Damn it… BRUTALITY!!!! BRUTALITY!!!!!!!
VJ: Stop screaming brutality, you idiot!
DD: Ok…RAPE!!!!! RAPE!!!!!!
VJ: Stop it!! Blade just pointed up at Downcast…HERE WE GO!!! He's making the climb…the table in the ring have been lit! This match will be underway as soon as Blade gets up there!
DD: Downcast…as soon as he gets up here I want you to…
VJ: Blade is at the top!!!!
DD: RUN!!!!!!!
Ding Ding Ding!!!
VJ: This fight is on! Downcast charges Blade and catches a right hand to the jaw! There's another…Downcast is teetering over the edge!!!!
DD: Don't say that!! Hold on Downcast! Hold on…OH!!!
VJ: Blade with another right hand…Downcast is staggered! He's gonna fall! He's gonna..LOW BLOW!!!!!
DD: HAHA! Now that's the way ya do it!!!!
VJ: Downcast…DDT!!!! That scaffold is rocking back and forth…man! This crowd is loud tonight!
DD: That's cuz they love to see their hero Delaware Dave in action! Best damn play by play man in the biz!
VJ: You're not the play by play man! You're color!
DD: Oh, so us colored folk can't be play by play men?! Is that what you're saying?
VJ: YOU'RE WHITE, IDIOT!!!!!
DD: I am?! Oh yeah. That's right.
VJ: (Buries his face in his hands) Stupid. Anyway, Downcast is choking Blade on the scaffold…Downcast is trying his hardest to shove Blade off…
DD: Careful Downcast! You don't wanna fall off yourself!
VJ: Blade is trying to choke Downcast now…both of these men are trying to get the other off of that scaffold! Downcast has Blade by the hair…OH!!!!! Blade with an uppercut to the groin of Downcast now! Turnabout is fair play!
DD: C'mon Downcast!
VJ: Blade is getting back to his feet…right hand to the head of Downcast! There's another! And another! Blade has Downcast in some serious trouble…
DD: Hey, wait a minute! It's Squirrel!
VJ: Huh?! Squirrel is on his way out to ringside! I wonder…wait a minute! Panther said earlier tonight that there was gonna be a brand new member of the Dynasty…could this be it right here?!
DD: Oh my God…it makes sense now!
VJ: What?!
DD: Downcast is Rage's tag team partner…Rage is a member of the Dynasty…Downcast has to be the newest member of the Dynasty!!!!
VJ: What?! Oh my!!! Could Downcast be the newest member of the Dynasty?!
DD: Well if he don't watch out, he may be the newest member of the burn unit at the hospital…look out!!
VJ: Downcast just got blasted with a hard right…he fell off…NO! Downcast caught the edge of the scaffold! Downcast is literally hanging onto the TV Title by the skin of his teeth!
DD: He is not!
VJ: Blade is standing over Downcast…Downcast is trying to pull himself up…Squirrel is climbing the scaffold!
DD: Huh?! This could be it right here! He's gonna make the save…DID YOU SEE THAT?!
VJ: Downcast with a low blow on Blade! My God this is the most low blows I've ever seen in a match! Downcast pulls himself back onto the scaffold…he's putting the boots to Blade now! Downcast has Blade hooked up now…
DD: HAHA! Here it comes…OH NO!!! Not again!
VJ: Downcast was going for Total Dispear but Blade countered with a low blow! Downcast is reeling after that shot…OH GOD…OH…OOOOOOOOHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!!
(Crowd chants "Holy sh*t, Holy sh*t" in the background)
VJ: SWEET SON OF A BITCH I CAN'T BELIEVE WE JUST SAW THAT!!!!!! THAT LOW BLOW SENT DOWNCAST BACK INTO SQUIRREL, AND SQUIRREL JUST FELL 40 FEET DOWN THROUGH THE IRISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!!!!!! MY GOD HE'S DEAD…
DD: Look at Blade and Downcast! They can't even believe it!
VJ: Squirrel…he's taken some sick bumps before but I've never…whoa! Blade from behind…he just clotheslined Downcast! He's got his legs now…oh no! He wouldn't!
DD: He's gonna slingshot him off the scaffold!
VJ: Oh my God he wouldn't! Blade is gonna sling…Downcast manages shoves Blade away…OH WAIT A MINUTE..WAIT….OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! BLADE JUST FELL 40 FEET THROUGH 8 FLAMING TABLES!!!!!!!!!
Ding Ding Ding!!!!
Announcer: here is your winner, and still NFWA TV Champion: Downcast!!!!
VJ: Downcast…he just barely won this one! He barely won!!!! How the hell did he do it?!
DD: It's all about the Dynasty baby! The Dynasty!
VJ: We've got firefighters in the ring with fire extinguishers…my God we need some EMT's out here!
(Camera cuts back to the locker room where we see Panther, Chyna, Trish and Firestorm talking)
Panther: You remember what we talked about earlier!
Firestorm: I know! I'm gonna take his ass out!
Panther: Damn right you are!!
Trish: Who's the Alaskan Pride?!
Firestorm: Me!!!
Trish: Who's the Prez?!
Firestorm: Me!!!
Trish: And who's gonna destroy Lightning here tonight?!
Firestorm: MEE!!!!!!!!!
Trish: Damn right!
Chyna: Ok, Rocky. Get you big ass out to the ring! You're next!
(Firestorm punches the wall and heads out to ringside)
VJ: Up next, it's the bull rope match: Lightning Vs Firestorm! Don't go away!
****Commercial***
(Cameras cut back to the locker room where we see Rosie standing with Downcast)
RS: Downcast, congrats on your win, but the whole world wants to know who's the newest member of the Dynasty. Is it you?!
Downcast: Well Rosie…
(Suddenly Blade walks up and snatches the mic)
Blade: Hey Rosie…you wanna know who the newest member of the Dynasty is?!
RS: Yeah…but…
Blade: Shut up! Downcast…
(Downcast shoves Blade and suddenly Squirrel appears out of nowhere and bashes him in the back of the head with a trashcan! As Jevona and Leena scream in horror, Blade begins to Stomp Downcast as Squirrel continues to work him over with the trashcan. Blade then holds up Downcast so that Squirrel can hit him with the Nutt Shot. Blade then grabs the mic again)
Blade: Like I was saying. Rosie, you wanna know who's the newest member of the Dynasty?! Well he's right…here!!!! (Throws up the Dynasty sign to the camera and walks off with Squirrel)
VJ: OH MY GOD!!! Blade…Blade has just joined the Dynasty! Downcast has been brutalized! I can't believe it!
Bull Rope Match: Lightning Vs Prez Firestorm
(Fire engulfs the stage, orange lights flash over the arena and the crowd and "Rollin (Urban Assault Vehicle)" blasts over he arena. The crowd boos loudly as Prez Firestorm walks out onto the stage accompanied by Trish, Panther and Chyna. As they begin to walk down the ramp, J-Dogg and Diamond suddenly appear from the locker room with steel chains)
DD: What in the world?!
VJ: IT'S DIAMOND AND J-DOGG!!!! Diamond and J-Dogg from behind have just attacked Panther and Chyna…this is payback from earlier tonight!!!
DD: SECURITY!!! GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT THESE IDIOTS!!!!
VJ: Firestorm and Trish are trying to help out--OH!! J-Dogg just hit Firestorm right in the chest with that chain!! J-Dog..OH MY! Panther just grabbed the other end of that chain and used it to low blow J-Dogg! Diamond is hammering away on Chyna…Panther catches her from behind with a clothesline!
DD: It's crazy out here!
VJ: You ain't kidding! Panther and Chyna are all over Diamond now!!! The former Women's Champ is being mugged on the ramp…J-Dogg!!! Double clothesline by J-Dogg just sent our CEO and his head bitch flying into the crowd! Diamond…she's headed out there after them!
DD: Oh my God! Vince, you know how these idiots in Milwaukee can get!!!! They cannot fight into the crowd!
VJ: Well they're doing it, and J-Dogg is following them out there! Panther, Chyna, Diamond and J-Dogg are trying to kill each other…OH!!!!!
(A lightning bolt strikes the stage as "Ride the Lightning" blasts over the PA system. The crowd cheers as Lightning runs down the ramp with the bull rope tied to his wrist and begins assaulting Firestorm)
DD: Oh no!! This was a damn set up!! Get up Prez!!!
VJ: Lightning is all over Firestorm on the ramp! And it looks like Firestorm hasn't recovered from that shot to the chest by J-Dogg! Lightning has that bull rope…he just tied the other end of it around the neck of Firestorm!
DD: He's trying to string him up!!!
VJ: Lightning…he is doing just that! He's dragging Firestorm to the ring…we've got barbwire covering the ringposts…Firestorm looks like he's turning blue!!!
DD: Jonathan…get off your lazy ass and help the Prez cheat--I mean get Lightning under control before he fires you!
VJ: Yeah…you were right the first time. Lightning is pulling on that rope…Firestorm's eyes are about to pop out of his head…
DD: Watch Trish…HAHA!
VJ: Trish just dove on the back of Lightning…she's scratching and clawing away at Lightning…OH! Lightning just dumped Trish on her ass!!!
DD: Oh no! maybe I should massage it for her!
VJ: I don't think so. Firestorm is in the ring now…OH!!! Big clothesline just floored Lightning! Firestorm…he's pissed!
DD: You've done it now, Lightning! You went and pissed him off!
VJ: Firestorm just took that bull rope from around his neck and put it on his wrist. He picks Lightning up…Irish whip…BIG BOOT!! Right on the jaw!
DD: He knocked his face off!
VJ: He damn near did! Firestorm! He's red hot in there! He just mounted Lightning…he's hammering away upon him with huge right hands to the head! Lightning is getting his clock cleaned in there! Firestorm has snapped!
DD: Yeah, and right now he's fixing to snap Lightning's damn neck!
VJ: Firestorm picks Lightning back up…oh my! LOOK AT THE STRENGTH!!!! FIRESTORM HAS LIGHTNING UP FOR A GORILLA PRESS SLAM!!! WHAT A MONSTER…whoa!
DD: He dropped him.
VJ: Firestorm…he still appears to be suffering the affects of that shot to the chest…
(Firestorm clutches his chest and falls to his knees.)
DD: Huh…is he alright?
VJ: I…I don't…Insane from the crowd…OH!!!!! He just bashed Firestorm in the back of the head with a chair!!!
DD: Who the hell does that idiot think he is?! Get him out of here!!!
VJ: Firestorm is hurt…Firestorm…something's wrong.
(Firestorm begins rolling around on the mat clutching his chest. Referee Jim Jonathan attempts to hold Lightning back as Trish checks on Firestorm. Delaware Dave and a host of EMT's come out to the ring to check on Firestorm also. The sceen fades to black)
****Commercial****
(The scene opens with the camera on commentary table where Vince Johnson and Delaware Dave are seated with worried looks on their faces)
VJ: Um…ladies and gentlemen…I don't know what to say about what just went down before the break. Firestorm…the match has been stopped, he's been carried out of here on a stretcher…we don't have any word on his condition but…I don't know.
DD: This is weird Vince. I've never…I've been in this business since 1991…10 years and I've never seen anything like this.
VJ: You were in the ring with him…did he try to say anything? Did he…
DD: He was trying to say something…I don't know he like…almost gasping for air. I think something's wrong with his chest…seriously wrong.
VJ: Well folks…we'll keep you updated on Firestorm's condition…if we hear anything before the end of the night we'll let you know.
World Title: Ice Cube (Champion) Vs Krazed
(A HUGE pyro blast goes off on the stage as "The Truth" by Beanie Sigel blasts over the PA system. Flashing red and blue lights swarm the arena as Panther and Chyna walk out onto the stage. They motion to somebody from the locker room and Tina walks out wearing a referee's shirt. Her hair is dyed while with black streaks)
VJ: If we could get back to action…not to be coldhearted or anything, but as they say, the show must go on…and here comes Panther, Chyna and Tina! And why is Tina wearing a referee's shirt?!
DD: You wanna know why?! It's cuz she's the referee!!!
VJ: I…can't believe Panther would do this! This is yet another attempt to screw Ice Cube…
DD: You don't know that! You think Tina forgot what Krazed did to her at Danger Ground. You think she forgot that?
VJ: Good point.
(When they get to the ring, Panther gives Tina a kiss on the cheek as he and Chyna head over to the commentary table with Vince Johnson and Dave. The music dies down and "Let's get it" blasts over the PA system. The crowd goes crazy as Krazed walks down the ramp to the ring. He steps over the top rope, poses for the crowd and "Assassins" blasts over the PA system. The crowd boos as Ice Cube marches down to the ring with the World Title belt. When he gets there, he slides into the ring and blasts Krazed with a right hand. Tina calls for the bell!)
Ding Ding Ding!!!
VJ: Well here we go! This matchup is underway! Ice Cube is hammering away with right hands to the side of the head of Krazed…Irish whip by Cube…Krazed with a reversal…Ice Cube off the ropes and Krazed just floored him with a big boot! He gets back to his feet and Krazed runs through him with a clothesline!
DD: Man! Ice Cube is bouncing around the ring like a basketball!
VJ: And speaking of basketballs, Panther…
Panther: Don't go there!
VJ: (laughs) Ice Cube is in the ropes…Krazed blasts him with a clothesline and sends him flying over the top!! Krazed is a house of fire!
DD: Hey Vince…shut up! Panther, Chyna, allow me to welcome you to my table. What's up.
Panther: Not much.
VJ: Well Panther, I'm actually glad you're out here. Can you tell us what kind of condition Firestorm is in?
Panther: Don't worry about him. He's gonna be ok.
VJ: Well when he was getting carried outta here he didn't look ok. How can you be so sure!
Panther: First of all, uncross your damn eyes before you talk to me! Ya heard me?!
VJ: What?!
DD: You heard him you lazy-eyed baboon! Uncross em!
VJ: (Sighs) OK… That better?
Panther: No but that'll do. Now, why am I sure? Cuz like I said last week, I'm P-Diddy, the man with all the damn answers! If I say he's gonna be alright, he's gonna be alright. I mean…damn it, I blew him up in a damn building and he came back. What's a little heart attack gonna do to him?
VJ: A little heart attack?
Panther: I said don't worry! He's cool!
VJ: Ok!
Panther: And uncross your eyes! Damn it!
DD: Vince, you're gonna keep messing around and Panther is gonna fire you again!
VJ: I sure wouldn’t want that! Ice Cube back into the ring…thumb to the eye of Krazed! Ice Cube backs Krazed into the corner…he's working him over with right hands. Boot to the midsection…Tina just grabbed ice Cube by the hair…he just took a swing at her!!!
DD: Is he crazy…SPEAR!!!
VJ: Krazed just speared the champion out of his boots! He mounts him and he's hammering away with right hands!
Chyna: Illegal use of the fist! Get him Tina!
VJ: illegal…oh please! Tina is trying to pull Krazed off of Ice Cube…Cube with a low blow sends Krazed down! What a cheap shot by Ice Cube…and I think Tina saw it!
Chyna: She's legally blind.
VJ: Is she?! Good for her! Ice Cube is getting back to his feet…RIGHT HAND!! Krazed staggers back to the buckle! Cube mounts him now…here we go…1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…KRAZED HAS CUBE…POWERBOMB!!!! RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING…1…2…KICKOUT!!!!!!!! Ice Cube somehow kicked out of that! And Krazed is complaining about a slow count.
Panther: His dumb ass can't even count in the first place so how would he know?
DD: Right!!! I told ya Panther was the man! I mean is the man! And Chyna's his bitch! (Chyna slaps him in the back of the head) OW! Ok sorry!
VJ: Krazed and Tina are arguing…Tina just flipped Krazed off! He just…Krazed swings and misses…ICE CUBE WITH AN INVERTED BULLDOG DRIVES HIM TO THE MAT!!!! What a move by the champion! He's measuring Krazed again…CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!!!!!
DD: OHH! He knocked his head off with that one!
VJ: Ice Cube is on a roll! He's climbing to the top rope…FLYING ELBOW DROP!!! My God, NOBODY does that move like Ice Cube! NOBODY!
Panther: Almost nobody!
VJ: Oh, I'm sorry Panther.
Panther: You should be!
VJ: (Sighs) Ice Cube is calling for the end! He's measuring Krazed…the big man is getting back to his feet and he gets nailed with the ICE BREAKER!!!!! This one is over…1…2…3!!!!
Ding Ding Ding!!!
Announcer: Here is your winner, and still NFWA World Champion: Ice Cube!!!!!
DD: No!!!!
VJ: There you have it ladies and gentlemen! Panther…despite your plot! Despite having to wrestle 2 matches in one night, despite having Tina as the official, Ice Cube has survived and he is still the World Heavyweight Champion!!!!!!
Chyna: (evil smile) Uh…sure he's still the champ…but what makes you think he survived. (Drops her headset and she and Panther leave)
VJ: What’s that supposed to mean? Ice Cube…
(Camera cuts back to the locker room area where we see Lightning entering his dressing room. He opens the door and he's hit in the face with a fireball by Blade, who's waiting inside)
DD: HAHA! Did you see that Vince?!
VJ: Lightning has just been nailed right in the face by Blade! Right in the face…Squirrel from behind with the sledgehammer to the back of Lightning!
(Squirrel shoves Lightning into the room and he and Blade lock the door. We hear a bunch of crashes inside the room)
DD: Can you believe that Vince?! Panther said it would happen…we're seeing the destruction of Lightning!!!
VJ: My God, Lightning is being assaulted by Squirrel and the newest Dynasty member Blade. And now back at ringside, Ice Cube is headed back to the locker room…is he going to help out Lightning?!
DD: He must be…cuz they're in cahoots!
VJ: I don't know what's going on here, all I know is that Lightning is getting his ass kicked back in the locker room! Where is Ice Cube going?
(Before Ice Cube can get backstage the lights go out)
DD: Now what?!
VJ: This is getting crazy!!!
(The lights are out for about 40 seconds. Suddenly a single red spotlight shines on the stage where we see Rage throw fire into the face of Ice Cube)
VJ: Oh…NOT AGAIN!!!!! Oh my God! For the 2nd week in a row Rage has just shot a fireball into the face of Ice Cube…
DD: What the hell is that on the stage?!
VJ: Is that…that's a casket! That's a casket!!! Rage, Panther and Chyna are up there too…Rage just shoved Ice Cube into that casket!! He just shoved him into the casket!!! Panther's got some more of that lighter fluid…he wouldn't!
DD: Oh my gosh!
VJ: Rage is spraying the World Champion with lighter fluid…this is going too far! This is going way too far!!!! Don't do this Rage!
(Rage pulls out an axe and begins chopping a hole in the casket right over Cube's head. He then climbs on top of the casket with a match in one hand and the World Title belt in the other)
VJ: Wait a minute…he wouldn't! C'mon Rage! Don't do this! Don't!
DD: Burn Baby Burn!!!!!!
VJ: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
(Rage drops the match into the hole and stands back as flames begin to shoot out. The crowd boos loudly as "My Way" plays over the PA system and the screen fades to black)
©2001 NFWA Productions, Inc.