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Date: 2/8/02 |
20,998 Fans in Attendance |
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(The NFWA logo appears on the screen and fades into the darkness. The scene opens in the VIP room, where we see The scene cuts back to the VIP Room, where we see a huge signs that reads "CONGRATULATIONS" hanging from the ceiling. The camera then pans the room, revealing Ruby, Jewel, Crystal, Crazy Nate, Sparklez, Destiny, Stephanie McMahon, Joanie, and Firestorm (wearing a " PICK ME FOR BEST MAN" t-shirt). Panther and Diamond are standing at the front of the room talking softly. After about 8 seconds, Panther steps away from Diamond and speaks)Panther: Ladies and gentlemen…can I have your attention please? (Lots of talking in the background) Um…can I have your attent…(talking gets louder) can I…can…HEY!!!! All: "Huh?" "What?" Panther: (Holds a finger up to his lips) SHHHHHHHHHH!!!! (Talking quiets down) Now…if I can have your attention for a moment…as many of you know…last night at the MGM Grand, I asked my lovely, beautiful, charming girlfriend Diamond…(taps Diamond on the arm) say hi, Di! Diamond: (Waves) Hi! Panther: (Smiles) I asked my lovely girlfriend Diamond to marry me. She said yes, and right here tonight…LIVE from Las Vegas, NV… Crowd (In the arena): (LOUD CHEEERS) Panther: (Turns to the camera and holds up a finger) SHHHHHHHHHH!!! (Crowd quiets down) Right here tonight…from Las Vegas, NV….WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!! (Everyone in the room claps and the crowd in the arena cheers wildly. The crowd quiets down as Panther continues) Panther: Thank you, thank you. Now because this whole thing was thrown together on such short notice…I just wanna make sure everybody understands what's going down tonight, so I'm gonna run through this one last time! Joanie! Joanie: Yes, Panther! Panther: Me and Di talked it over…and we want you to be the Maid of Honor! Joanie: (Smiles) Really? Diamond: Yeah, really! Panther: That's right. Now I know that you're probably still bitter about me dumping you for Diamond and all…but we still think you would be the perfect choice. Joanie: Wait a minute. You dumped me? Panther: That's what I said! Joanie: That's not… Panther: SHHHHHHHH!!! Joanie: That… Panther: SHHHHHHHHH!! Joanie: (Angry look) Panther… All: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Joanie: (Rolls eyes/pouts) Panther: That's my girl. Now…Destiny! Destiny: (Raises her hand) Present! Panther: (laughs) Cute. Anyway, you're gonna be the flower girl. Now…do you know what the flower girl does? Destiny: Um…(runs over to Firestorm, leaps onto his leg and bites him) Firestorm: OW!!!! HEY!!! Panther: Um…NO! NO! Somebody get her!!!! (Jewel grabs Destiny and pulls her off of Firestorm) Geez…I like her. Now for the Best Man… Firestorm: (Clears throat/coughs) Panther: Diamond and I talked and talked for hours but ya know…we were never able to decide who would be the perfect Best Man for our wedding. So we're gonna take it to you guys. So…any suggestions on who the best man should be? Firestorm: (Raises his hand) Panther: (Looks around the room) Anybody? Firestorm: (Raises hand/clears throat) Panther: (Still looking) Um…no suggestions? Firestorm: (Raises his hand/clears throat/points to his "PICK ME FOR BEST MAN" t-shirt) Panther: (Slaps himself in the head) Oh! Silly me! Firestorm! Firestorm: (Excited) Yes Panther?! Panther: Could you run to the store and pick up a few cases of Kool Aid? We're all out. Firestorm: (Obviously disappointed) Um…sure. Yeah, I can do that. Panther: Good! Thank ya kindly! (Firestorm exits the room as Panther continues to speak. The FNS theme song/opening video then plays on the screen, and the camera opens up to the arena where blue flares shoot up the ramp as red and blue pyro goes off in front of the FNS set. When the pyro stops, the camera pans the crowd, where fans are holding up signs such as "WE'VE GOT HERPES", "Darkest Desires is my love slave", "STEVO, MY BELT CAN LICK YOUR BELTS" with silver studded cowboy belt tapes to the sign, "Diamond and Panther 4ever" and "What kinda name is Kerrboski, anyway?". The camera cuts to the commentary table, where Vince Johnson and Delaware Dave are seated) VJ: WE ARE LIVE!!!!! From the Thomas and Mack Center!!! Thousand of fans have jam-packed this fine facility for another edition of the Mothership! Another edition of the FRIDAY NIGHT SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!! Vince Johnson alongside Delaware Dave, and Dave, what a momentous occasion it's gonna be here tonight! DD: (Sniffles) I know Vince! I still can't believe…I can't…(bursts into tears) PANTHER AND DIAMOND ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!! AHHHHH (buries his face in his hands) VJ: Um…yes. Panther and Diamond will tie the knot here tonight on the Sla… DD; I can't believe this, Vince! Panther…he's so young…so smart…why throw his life away like that?! VJ: They're in love! DD: F*ck love! Panther…wake up you idiot! Diamond is trash! You're the CEO! You cannot marry that…(tears) oh my God, Vince I need a drink! (Slaps a fan and snatches his beer) Gimme that…you idiot! VJ: Stop it! Panther and Diamond will be married, but 1st Diamond must do battle with the dangerous Pandora! We saw what Pandora did to Diamond about a month ago! I damn sure know that Diamond hasn't forgotten about it! It's gonna be absolute hell in that ring tonight! DD: yeah, and speaking of hell…that's exactly where that skankhole Lightning is gonna be headed tonight after Psyko Stevo beats his ass and becomes a Triple Champion, baby! VJ: Well that could very well happen. It's Champion Vs Champion…I-C and TV Titles both on the line as Lightning does battle with Psyko Stevo! No DQ, no Count out! All that, and more folks! Let's get you down to ringside for our opening match!!! The Game Vs Blaze (The lights go out...The fans boo their asses off as they see Blaze's video roll on the PantherTron as his new theme hits..."Revelation" by D12 hits the PA system as a pissed off Blaze walks out onto the stage and heads down the entrance ramp to the ring. He slides into the ring, heads over to a far turnbuckle and raises his arms into the air as the music dies down. The Game's theme song plays over the PA system and the crowd gives a mixed reaction as the lights dim, and he walks out onto the stage. He takes a sip of bottled water, pours it over his head and walks down the entrance ramp with a look of determination on his face. He climbs upon the ring apron, stares into the main camera and flexes as he spits water into the air, as mist falls down around him. The Game climbs into the ring, goes face to face with Blaze and his music dies down. The lights return to normal and referee Alan Cooper calls for the bell) Ding Ding Ding!!! VJ: There's the bell, folks, and this match is underway! Blaze here going one on one with newcomer The Game. And Dave, what do you know about the Game? DD: You mean HHH… VJ: NO, I MEAN THE GAME!!!! DD: Oh, ok! I dunno much about him but if he's anything like this Blaze character he must suck! VJ: I thought you liked Blaze? DD: I did! I mean, he actually did something good when he rid the NFWA of that human fluke-a-thon Johnny Havok! But last week he lost to DIAMOND!!! Of all people, DIAMOND! VJ: So? DD: Well if he hadn't lost that match, Diamond would've lost in the 1st RD! She woulda been shamed outta the NFWA and Panther wouldn't be marrying her tonight, damn it! (Breaks into tears again) VJ: Will you get a hold of yourself?! Collar and elbow tie-up…The Game backing Blaze into the buckle! Referee Cooper calling for the break…will it be a clean one? DD: Not with that dirty ass Blaze in there! OHHH! VJ: Oh! Boot to the midsection by The Game! And another one! The Game burying the boots into the midsection on Blaze, and the Game is in control now! Irish whip…Blaze off the buckle…OOOH!!!! SPEAR BY BLAZE, AND HE IS ALL OVER THE GAME!!!!!!! RIGHT HANDS!!! RIGHT HANDS TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD… DD: Vince, tell these idiots to shut up?! VJ: The fans here in Vegas do not like Blaze! And I don't think they like the Game either for that matter! DD: Vince, screw the fans! It's idiots like them that pushed that damn Panther into marrying to 2 bit slut Diamond! VJ: I thought you said it was Blaze's fault? DD: It is! VJ: (Sighs) It's everyone's fault, isn't it? DD: Damn right. Everybody but me! VJ: (Shakes his head) Blaze with a handful of hair…suplex coming up…BLOCKED BY THE GAME!!!! Blaze once again…the Game blocks it a 2nd time!!! Blaze---OOOH!!! European uppercut by The Game! Blaze…man, Blaze is out of it! Boot to the midsection by the Game… DD: Hey wait a minute! VJ: Oh! The Game!!! The Game hooks him up! Oh my…PEDIGREE!!!!!!! BLAZE HAS JUST BEEN PLANTED!!!! There's the cover…2…3!!!!!! Forget about it! Ding Ding Ding!!!! Announcer: Here is your winner: THE GAME!!!!!! VJ: The Game…one move, Dave! One move was all it took, and the Game walks away with the big victory! What a win that was for the newcomer!! DD: Yeah, Vince! That one…that just came outta nowhere Vince! VJ: Blaze didn't even see it coming, and the Game pulled this thing out! A big win for… ****BUZZZZZZZ!!!!! BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!**** DD: What the hell?! VJ: Ladies and gent… ****BUZZZZZZZ!!!!! BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!**** 
VJ: Ladies and gent… DD: Vince, what the hell is this crap?! That's the 2nd week in a row this has happened!!! VJ: I dunno…I really don't know Dave! (Sighs) Well… (The camera cuts back to the Black Blood locker room, where we see Psyko Stevo pacing back and forth clutching the NFWA TV Title belt. He has a psykotic look in his eyes and is shaking slightly as he begins to speak) Stevo: Tonight is the night, guys! Tonight is the night! What’s that?! (Puts his ear up the TV Title belt) Nervous?! What the hell are you nervous for?! (Pause) I see! Well…there's nothing to worry about! I already told you, there's no way I'm gonna let that bad, bad Lightning get his evil hands on you tonight. No way…trust me! I love you way too much to let him touch you…I love you too much to let him hurt you like that! I…(suddenly turns to the X-Treme Titlte, which is lying on the sofa) what?! (Pause) No!!!! No!!! No I don't love him more than you, Mr. X-Treme Title! I…(to the TV) NO!!! No I don't love him more than you!!! Will…(to the X-Treme) STOP IT!!! BOTH OF YOU! STOP FIGHTING!!! STOP FIGHTING!!!! OH MY GOD!!! OH MY!!! STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!! (Stevo rushes over to the sofa, snatches the X-Treme Title belt and clutches it to his chest, He then falls to the floor and begins to roll around, holding both titles to his chest as tightly as he can. The camera then cuts out to the parking lot, where a Ford Lightning SVT pulls up to the arena, and out steps Lightning with the I-C Title) DD: Vince…did you give Psyko Stevo Canadian? VJ: What?! Well ladies and gentlemen…there you see Lightning. Later on tonight, he will do battle with Psyko Stevo! It's Champion Vs Champion! Title for Title! Stay with us, folks, as FNS continues!!!! ****Commercial**** (The camera cuts back to the VIP Room, where we see Panther and Joanie sitting around watching the show on TV. Diamond is getting ready for her match against Pandora) Diamond: Man…Panther, who the hell keeps putting those ads up? Panther: I dunno, but listen…I just got a great idea for our wedding tonight, babe. Diamond: Really? What's that? Panther: Well…you know how the bride has her song…ya know! (Singing) "Here comes the Bride…ya da da da!" You know how it goes, right? Diamond: Yeah, what about it? Panther: IT'S SEXIST!!!! Joanie: What?! Diamond: How? Panther: Well damn it, why does the woman always get her own song? Did it ever occur to you broads that maybe us guys want a song of our own? Huh? Did it? Diamond: (Smiles) Well sweetie…I guess I can see where you're coming from. Panther: Good. Diamond: Yeah…well…you have any songs in mind? Panther: I'm glad you asked! Listen to this! This is hot! (Panther runs over to a nearby stereo and presses the play button, as "Area Codes" by Ludicris begins to play) Panther: (Dancing/singing along) "I'VE GOT HOES…I've got hoes….IN DIFFRENT AREA CODES!!!! AREA CODES!!! HOES…" Joanie: (Stops the tape) Panther: (Smiling) Well… Diamond: (Gives Panther a mean look) NO!! Panther: AWW!! C'mon, babe! Diamond: No!! Panther: C'mon Di!!! It's a good song…Joanie, tell her it's a good song! Joanie: (Shakes her head and looks at Panther like he's a fool) Panther: Aww…J…Di… Diamond: You're lucky I love you! (Kisses Panther on the cheek) I'll be back. (Diamond leaves the room, leaving Panther and Joanie alone. The camera cuts out to ringside for the next match) The Magdra Vs The Rocker (The lights go out as "We Ride on Our Enimies" by 2Pac plays over the PA system. The crowd cheers as the Magdra walks out onto the stage and heads down the entrance ramp to the ring. He slides under the bottom rope, and begins pacing back and forth in the ring) VJ: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Mothership, and right now we're being joined by Kevin Taylor. Hello, Kevin. KT: Vince…wassup, Dave? DD: You do know it's Friday, right? As in FNS! KT: Yeah…so? DD: This is FNS! My show! Your show is Gear! You have no business being out here! VJ: Dave, be nice! Kevin, why are you out here? KT: Well…like Dave said, I'm the host of In High Gear…but we haven't had a Gear since mid-December…and…it gets lonely back in the locker room, ya know? So I thought I'd come out here and commentate with you guys! That's not a problem, is it? DD: Oh Kevin…of course it is! Get the stepping, bitch! VJ: Will you stop! Kevin, you're welcome to join us anytime you want! (The Magdra's music dies down and the lights go out, as "Points of Authority" blasts over the PA system. Pyros explode everywhere and the crowd cheers loudly as The Rocker walks out onto the stage, glares into the crowd for a moment and walks down the entrance ramp to the ring. Rocker climbs up the ring stairs, steps through the ropes and walks right into a clothesline by the Magdra!!! The music dies down, the lights return to normal and referee Doug Peterson calls for the bell) Ding Ding Ding!!!! KT: OH!!!! FOLKS, THE MAGDRA NOT WASTING ANYTIME!!! LOOK AT HIM GO TO WORK!!!! VJ: Uh…Kevin. KT: THE MAGDRA!!! THE MAGDRA PUTTING THE BOOTS TO THE ROCKER!!!! HE IS BEATING THE LIVING HELL OUTTA THE MAN THAT THE BOYS IN THE NFWA LOCKER ROOM CALL ALYSSA SANDERS' BITCH!!!!! VJ: Kevin… KT: THAT'S RIGHT, THEY SAY HE'S HER BITCH…and remember folks, that's not my opinion…it's just something I heard through the grapevine! Ya know… VJ: KEVIN!!!! KT: What? VJ: PLEASE!!!!! KT: Huh…(laughing) Oh…sorry about that, Vince. This is your show. I'm sorry! DD: Better be, buttneck! VJ: Dave, grow up! Magdra with a handful of hair…Rocker set up in the corner now…AND A HARD KNIFE EDGE CHOP!!!! ONE MORE TIME!!! Magdra lighting the Rocker up BIG TIME! KT: Yes…and while he's lighting up the Rocker, ole Deadly Candy's probably lighting up a couple of nurses in the hospital…(laughs) well…according to the boys in the back, of course. We have no proof that rumor is true. DD: Kevin I'm fixing to slap you to sleep! VJ: Both you guys take it easy over there…OH! Right hand by Rocker connects!! And another one has The Magdra reeling! And another! Magdra's in some trouble now! Rocker…Irish whip…Magdra off the ropes…AND RUNS RIGHT INTO A DROPKICK FROM THE ROCKER!!!! AND ANOTHER ONE! DOWN GOES THE MAGDRA ONCE AGAIN! KT: Magdra spending more time on the canvas than Rembrant! VJ: And watch the Rocker! He's measuring him…AND A BIG CLOTHESLINE SENDS HIM UP AND OVER THE TOP! AND LISTEN TO THIS CROWD GO CRAZY FOR THE ROCKER!!!! KT: I dunno, Vince…from what I can hear these fans here in Vegas seem to like the Magdra more. I'm not too sure. DD: Figures they would. That damn Magdra's supplying coke to half these idiots out there. VJ: Dave, will you stop?! DD: Hey, wait a minute, Johnson! If I remember right…wasn't Rocker the guy that beat your ass last week, Taylor? KT: I'd rather not talk about that, Dave. DD: Why not…the boys in the back have been talking. KT: I DON'T CARE! I SAID I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, DAMN IT! VJ: Gentlemen, I'm trying to call a match here… DD: Well I'm trying to keep our viewers informed with the inner workings of the NFWA locker room. I can't help it if that locker room stuff happens to include talk of Taylor getting the crap kicked outta him by Rocker… KT: DAVE, I SAID… DD: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU… VJ: WILL YOU SHUT UP??!?!?!?! BOTH OF YOU!!!! God!!! DD: (Brief silence) He started it, Vince. KT: Ahh won't you kiss my ass! DD: Cuz you'd probably like it, ya fa… VJ: STOP IT! Kevin, I think we may hafta ask you to leave! KT: Oh, why is that?! Cuz I insulted your boyfriend Delaware Dave?! Huh? VJ: Excuse me? KT: Oh…I've heard the rumors about you 2! The boys in the back have been talking… DD: Vince, lemme slap him. KT: Oh yeah, slap me so you can get back to playing Mr. Slappy under the commentary table! The both of you are nothing but disgraces to this profession! You put REAL commentators like me and my brother Bob in a bad light!!!! SHAME!!!! SHAME ON THE BOTH OF YOU!!! DD: (Reaches for his gun) VJ: Dave, stop it! Kevin…get outta here! Get outta here right now! KT: Oh! Ok fine! I will! You 2 go back to doing whatever the hell it is you do out there! Fans, you just lost the most entertaining portion of this program! GOODBYE!! (Tosses his headset down and leaves) VJ: Well folks…I'd like to apologize to both the Magdra and the Rocker for that disruption… DD: F*ck them! He called me gay, Vince! VJ: Well…he didn't exactly say that… DD: No Vince! He said I was gay! He deserves to die! VJ: Just…just call the match! DD: Mr. Slappy my ass! VJ: We're really neglecting this match here! This is an excellent contest between these 2 up and coming stars here in the NFWA, as the Rocker sets the Magdra up on the top rope! And folks…it looks like we've got a superplex coming up! DD: Yeah…he needs to throw that idiot Taylor in there and Superplex his dumb ass! And why isn't he going to the back… VJ: OH! Right hand by Magdra! And another one! Magdra trying to fight off the Rocker…OH MY!!!! DOWN HE GOES!!!!!! ROCKER HITS HARD OFF THE MAT!!!! And watch the Magdra now! Magdra up on the top!!!!! DD: Uh oh, Vince! Uh oh… VJ: OH MY!!!! 450 SPLASH---OH!!!!! NOBODY HOME!!!!!!! Magdra hits nothing but canvas!!! And this is the Rocker's chance! This is his chance to close this thing out, Dave! DD: yeah…this is it right here, Vince! This is it! VJ: Rocker off the ropes…Magdra trying to get back to his feet…HEY!!!!!! DD: What the…that little idiot! VJ: Kevin Taylor…he just grabbed the ankle of the Rocker! What the…what the hell is he thinking Dave?! DD: Rocker…turn around you idiot… VJ: OH MY…MAGDRA WITH A DDT!!!!!!! The Rocker has just been planted! And Kevin Taylor…why the hell did Taylor…what the hell has gotten into him? DD: Crack! VJ: Well…(sighs) The Rocker is down, folks, and now the Magdra's headed up top!!! Magdra's headed up top! Rocker hasn't moved since that DDT---AND THERE IT IS!!!!! PHOENIX SPLASH!!!!! PHOENIX SPLASH!!!!! THE COVER…1…2…3!!! THIS ONE IS HISTORY!!! Ding Ding Ding!!!! Announcer: Here is your winner: The Magdra!!!!!!! VJ: the Magdra…give an assist to Kevin Taylor…the Magdra has just won this thing…and look at Taylor! He's smiling! Kevin Taylor is smiling! DD: He must be having a flashback from that time his Uncle Chuck molested his ass as a child! VJ: Stop it! Rocker…valiant effort, but the Magdra picks up the win nonetheless…and what is that damn Kevin Taylor doing now? Taylor's in the ring…and he's got a mic… KT: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHAT AN UNBELIEVABLE MATCH THAT WAS!!!! The Rocker…the Phoenix Splash outta nowhere---BOOM!!! 1…2…3, and the Magdra walks out with an impressive win!!! Ya hear that, Rocker?! The Magdra walks out with the victory!!!! HUH, ROCKER?! Did ya hear that?! Huh?! THE ROCKER GOT HIS ASS WHOOPED BY A BETTER MAN!!!! (Crowd boos loudly) DD: Vince, lemme kick his ass! VJ: You stay put! DD: I'll give you money! VJ: no! Kevin Taylor…in the ring putting the badmouth on the Rocker and---HEY!!!!!!! TAYLOR JUST SLAPPED THE ROCKER!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?! KT: (Laughs) My God…ya know something, folks? Tonight, we just learned a valuable lesson! We just learned right here tonight, that you can't believe EVERY rumor that you hear! I mean…seriously! Now rumors have been running up and down the locker room about the Rocker…calling him…ya know…ALYSSA'S BITCH!!! (Crowd boos) And you should boo, because right here tonight that rumor was proven false! You see…the Rocker's not the Alyssa's bitch….cuz it's damn obvious that after the ass kicking he just received a moment ago…HE'S THE MAGDRA'S BITCH---ooh! VJ: OH!!! MAGDRA'S GOT TAYLOR!!!! MAGDRA'S GOT TAYLOR!!!! DD: HAHA!!!!!! VJ: Ladies and gentlemen…the Magdra has just got a hold of Kevin Taylor…AND TAYLOR GOES UP!!!! KEVIN TAYLOR GOES UP!!!! DD: Vince…this is great! This is great… VJ: AAAAAAAAAND DOWWWWWN!!!! PILEDRIVER!!!!!! THE MAGDRA HAS JUST SPIKED KEVIN TAYLOR, AND THIS CROWD HERE IN VEGAS LOVES IT!!!!!!! ("We Ride on Our Enimies" blasts over the PA system once again as Magdra climbs the ropes and poses for the crowd. Camera cuts to where Scarlet KV walks through the parking lot, when suddenly, 4 police cars surround him) DD: Oh my God…Vince… VJ: Ladies and gentlemen…Scarlet KV…he's being taken directly to jail!!!!! ***Commercial*** ****Moments ago**** VJ: Folks, welcome back to the Slam, Vince Johnson alongside Delaware Dave and I'm still in shock after what we just witnessed before the break! Scarlet KV has been arrested for murder… DD: He got stooged off by Reaver and Venom! Those…those damn snitches!!! How can they do that, Vince? VJ: Well they've done it…and now Scarlet KV…he's headed up to the big house!!! DD: They're gonna pay for that, Johnson! Just wait! ( ****LIVE ACTION**** The camera cuts backstage, where we see Panther and Diamond walking through the hallways towards the ring. Suddenly, they're approached by Firestorm)Firestorm: HEY!!! GUYS!!!! Diamond: Hey Firestorm. Panther: You got the Kool-Aid? Firestorm: EVEN BETTER!!! I GOT THE PRIEST!!!!! Look… (Suddenly, an old man in a tight priest's outfit enters the picture with a cane.) Firestorm: It's him, man… Panther: (Through clinched teeth) I DIDN'T ASK FOR A PRIEST! I ASKED FOR KOOL-AID, DAMN IT… Priest: Panther…my son! Diamond…(bows to them) Panther: (Nervously) Uh…hey…wassup. Firestorm: Isn't he cool? Diamond: I think he's stuck. Firestorm: Wha…oh! Lemme help you there…(straightens the priest out of bowing position) Good as new! (pats him on the head) Panther: So you're the guy that's gonna be marrying me and Diamond, huh? Priest: That is correct, my son. Panther: Cool…cool. Now lemme make something clear to you…wrestling and weddings don't mix! Ya hear that? In the 11 years that I've been involved with this sport, I have NEVER seen a perfect wrestling wedding! Never…Savage and Liz…Stephie and Elian, Parker and Sherri, Angle and Jevona…there has NEVER been a perfect wrestling wedding…until tonight! So ya know what, I need you to do me a favor! There's a gun in Delaware Dave's locker room… Diamond: Panther… Panther: And if ANYBODY!!! I don't care who it is! Anybody comes out there to ruin this wedding, I want you to take that gun… Diamond: Panther… Panther: And shoot the sh… Diamond: PANTHER!!!!! Panther: (Startled) WHAT?! Diamond: (Under her breath) Stop it! Panther: (Under his breath) It's our wedding night! Diamond: (Sighs) My match is up next! Try to stay outta trouble! Panther: Me? Diamond: Yeah you! (Kisses him on the cheek) See you in a bit! Panther: Ok… (Diamond exits the picture and walks out to the ring) Panther: (To the priest) So anyway, take that gun, and go f*cking Robocop style! **BA-DOOM! BA-DOOM!!! BA-DOOM!!!**! Just like they teach you in Sunday School! And… Diamond Vs Pandora ("Pestilent Existence" by Against All Authority blasts over the PA system and the crowd boos loudly as Pandora runs out onto the stage, twirls around (nearly falling off the stage) and rushes down the entrance ramp to the ring. At ringside, she plants a big kiss on the cheek of a man in the front row before sliding into the ring, glaring into the camera and laughing. The music dies down, the lights flash pink, purple and red as "Supergirl" blasts over the PA system and the crowd goes wild. Diamond walks out onto the stage, raises her hands in a diamond shape and…) ****BUZZZZZZZ!!!!! BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!**** VJ: What in the… DD: Not again! (Diamond looks confused as her music fades out and the lights turn a dim red. After about 10 seconds, the lights return to normal, "Supergirl" begins playing over the PA system and Diamond heads down the entrance ramp to ringside) DD: Vince, what the hell is that thing? VJ: Dave, I really don't know. DD: Well you should! You're a broadcast journalist! It's your job to know these things and it's my job as a color man to exploit them for my amusment! And I can't exploit what I don't know, damn it… VJ; HEY WAIT A MINUTE! WATCH DIAMOND… Ding Ding Ding!!! DD: Oh my God, Pandy!!! VJ: Diamond hits the ring and there she goes!!! Right hands!!! Right hands!! Diamond is all over Pandora!! DD: No fair, Vince! No fair!!! VJ: Diamond…Diamond was assaulted a few weeks back by Pandora, and right now that jezebel is finding out 1st hands that paybacks are a bitch!!! DD: Vince, this is not right and you know it! Diamond has…Stephanie, you slut!!! Help Pandy!!!! Help her!!! Yeah! VJ: Stephanie Jenkins…finally stepping in…attempting to pull Diamond off of Pandora---AND DOWN GOES JENKINS!!! DD: HAHA!!! VJ: Diamond just shoved Stephanie Jenkins right on her ass…AND NOW WHAT'S SHE DOING!!! WHAT THE HELL… DD: OOOOH!! STRIP HER!!! STRIP HER!!! VJ: Diamond…ripping off Stephanie's leather belt!!! What the hell is she doing?! DD: I dunno, Vince, but I like it! I like it…I-- VJ: OH!!!!!!! DIAMOND JUST WHIPPED PANDORA RIGHT ACROSS THE BACK WITH THAT BELT!!! DD: I don't like that!!! VJ: And you can bet your ass neither is Pandor---GOOD GOD ANOTHER SHOT!!!! And Pandora is headed for higher ground! DD: Yeah, Pandy! Get away!! The only thing worse than a succubus is strapped succubus!!! VJ: A what?! DD: (Scoffs) Oh really, Vince! READ A BOOK! VJ: Pandora…she's out here over by us, and Diamond's right out here after her! She might come after you Dave… DD: (Hiding behind Vince) I'm not scared of her…OH!! VJ: OH!!!! Diamond with another hard belt shot right across the back!!! And another one!!!! Pandora…those welts building up on the back! Diamond is whipping the hell outta…wait a second! Stephanie Jenkins grabbing the other end of that belt… DD: Finally! It's about time she got off her lazy lesbian ass and did something about this flagrant cheating---DAMN IT!!! VJ: AND DOWN GOES STEPHANIE AGAIN!!! DOWN SHE GOE---HEY DAMN IT!!!! HEY!!!!! DD: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AHAHA…DID YOU SEE THAT?! VJ: PANDORA WITH A CHAIR!!! JUST WAFFLED DIAMOND UPSIDE THE HEAD!!!! DD: What a wedding gift by Pandora!!! Here it comes again, Vince! STEEEEEEEEEEEEL--- VJ: OH DAMN!!!! ANOTHER HARD SHOT ACROSS THE BACK!!!! DIAMOND HAS JUST BEEN LEVELED, AND REFEREE JENKINS HASN'T SEEN A DAMN THING!!!! DD: HAHA! This is great, Vince! Hey, maybe if Pandora wins this match, she and Panther will get married! Can you imagine that wedding! VJ: I don't even wanna fathom that! DD: Well tough sh*t! Cuz it just might happen after this! VJ: Diamond back into the ring, and Pandora with the cover!! The leg is hooked…referee Jenkins is way outta position! DD: Hurry up, you idiot! VJ: There's the count…2…and---NO!!!!!!! Diamond able to get the shoulder up!!!!! Diamond able to get the shoulder up…and Pandora cannot believe it!!! DD: Damn it, Vince! Where's my gun when she needs it? VJ: The last thing we need around here is that lunatic walking around with a loaded weapon. She's dangerous enough already! Besides…I think the priest has it! OH!!! Big boot right to the head by Pandora…AND ANOTHER ONE!!! She's got Diamond by the hair…oh no. Diamond…she's out of it after those chairshots on the outside! Diamond…she's out on her feet…and there's an Irish whip by Pandora! Diamond hits hard off the buckle…and another one sends her to the other side!!!! And ANOTHER ONE!!! Diamond being sent from pillar to post! Pillar to post---AND A SLEEPER HOLD'S BEEN LOCKED IN!!!!! PANDORA HAS IT LOCKED IN ON THE QUEEN OF EXTREME! DIAMOND IS TRAPPED! DD: HAHA! Vince…it's over!!!!! VJ: It could very well be right here! Diamond…she's already out of it after the chairshots! Could this be the end right here! DD: Yes, Vince! Yes!! Panther, if you're watching this, ya might as well get ready to awaken your little wifey with a kiss, cuz I guarantee ya that Pandora is fixing to put her ass to sleep! Right here baby! VJ: The sleeper is cinched in…and Diamond already down to 1 knee! Diamond fading fast…and I would suggest this one is all! DD: Check her, Jenkins! Check her!!! VJ: Diamond doing everything she can to stay alive in this match…my God, Dave will you listen to this capacity crowd!!!!! DD: Tell em to shut up!! Tighter, Pandy! Tighter!!!! VJ: This crowd getting behind Diamond…trying everything they can to pump some blood into those veins…and it's working! It appears to be working! Diamond fighting back to her feet! DD: No!!! No…Pandy----OOOOH NO!!! NO!!! VJ: JAWBREAKER!!!!! JAWBREAKER BY DIAMOND, AND PANDORA WENT DOWN!!!! And this is just the chance Diamond needs! This is her chance to rally back…to spark up an offense against that psychotic Pandora!!! DD: Damn it, Pandy…you win this match and I'll give ya a cookie! Ya like cookies! VJ: Yeah, well she looks like she's a few crumbs short if ya know what I mean! Both women back to their feet…Pandora's right hand blocked…DIAMOND CONNECTS WITH HERS!!!! DD; DAMN IT!!! VJ: AND A FOREARM SHOT CATCHES HER RIGHT ON THE BRIDGE OF THE NOSE!!! Diamond now…Irish whip sends Pandora into the ropes…Diamond waiting on her---AND A HUGE POWERSLAM TAKES HER OVER!!!! This is it! Diamond…1…2…NO! Pandora barely able to kickout!!! Diamond has her once again…boot to the midsection of Pandora!!! And another one!!! Diamond…she is determined not to have her wedding night ruined! She is determined to win this match, and an Irish whip sends Pandora hard into the buckle…and uh oh!!! DD: Oh no, Vince!!! VJ: Diamond…she just signaled to the crowd, and they are on their feet!!! Diamond…you know what we're gonna see here! DD: Oh no…Pandy!!! Pandy…LOOK OUT!!!! VJ: DIAMOND ELBOW!!! DIAMOND ELBOW!!! OH NO!!!!!!! PANDORA JUST PULLED REFEREE JENKINS IN THE WAY OF THAT MOVE! THAT DIRTY ROTTEN…THAT DIRTY… DD: Calm down, Vince! She had no right walking that close to the action! VJ: Diamond checking on referee Jenkins…hey, watch Pandora!!! Pandora's got a knux!!! Pandora's got knux!!! Diamond…look out!!! DD: HAHA---HEY!!!! VJ: OH!! Boot to the midsection by Diamond!!! Diamond caught Pandora coming in, and she's got the knux now!!! Diamond's got the knux! DD: Oh my God, Stephanie! You kamikaze slut…WAKE UP!!!! VJ: WHAM!!!!!! DOWN GOES PANDORA!!!!!! DD: NOOOOOOO!!!!! VJ: Pandora just got her clock cleaned by those brass knux…Diamond with the cover!!! And watch referee Jenkins! Stephanie starting to come to… DD: Stay down, bitch!!! Stay down!!! VJ: 1… DD; NO!!!! VJ: 2… DD: NO!!! VJ: SHE GOT HER!!!! DD: NOOOOOOO!!! Ding Ding Ding!!!! Announcer: Here is your winner: Diamond!!!!! DD: Damn it, Vince!!! VJ: Ladies and gentlemen, Diamond picks up the victory over Pandora…and what about it, Dave?! What a wedding gift for the Queen of Extreme! DD: Oh yeah…she should change her name to the Queen of Extremely Cheating Cheaters, cuz that's exactly what she just did!!! VJ: What?! DD: That's right! If she didn't use those damn knux, Pandy woulda had this match won! VJ: Pandy brought the knux into the match! DD: That's only cuz she knew that Diamond was gonna use em! VJ: What the…that doesn't even make sense! Diamond picks up the win after… ****BUZZZZZZZZZ!!!! BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!**** VJ: What the…now what?! DD: That's that noise again, Vince! VJ: That no… (The arena lights turn a dim red once again as the Panthertron lights up, showing an instant replay of Diamond hitting Pandora with the brass knuckles. The replay plays 2 times, before the arena lights and Panthertron return to normal) VJ: Ladies and gentlemen… DD: What was that all about? VJ: That video…the lights just turned red…wait a second. Stephanie talking to the ring announcer… DD: What the…hey Vince… VJ: Oh no! Don't tell me…hey Steph!!! DD: What's going on? Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen…due to Diamond's use of a foreign object, referee Stephanie Jenkins has reversed the decision!! Your winner, as a result of a disqualification…PANDORA!!!!! DD; HEY!!! VJ: NO!! Hell no, damn it!!! Pandora brought the knux into the match! Pandora brought the knux…damn it, Steph! DD: HAHA! Finally some real justice in the NFWA--- VJ: OH!!!! DIAMOND'S GOT STEPHANIE!!!!! DIAMOND'S GOT STEPHANIE… DD: Hey wait a minute…Vince, she can't do that! VJ: Diamond…she just got robbed by whoever the hell it was that played that video… DD: She has no right, Vince! She cannot do…that's an official! VJ: Diamond…oh my…DIAMOND DROP ON STEPHANIE!!!!!!!! STEPHANIE JENKINS HAS JUST FELT THE DIAMOND DROP!!!!! And Diamond…she's lost it!!! DD: Get outta there, Pandy!!!! VJ: Diamond…we've got officials out here from the locker--OH!!!! Down goes Doug Peterson!! DD: HAHA! VJ: DOWN GOES ALAN COOPER!!! Diamond…Diamond has snapped, folks!! Diamond is assaulting the NFWA officials! DD: Well she can beat up on the stripes to your mom comes home, Vince! That won't change the fact that Pandora is the winner!!! Bow down before the NEW Queen of Extr---WAIT A MINUTE!!! VJ: PANTHER!!!!!! PANTHER…PANTHER JUST TOSSED PANDORA BACK INTO THE RING!!! DD: You idiot…I mean, boss! What the hell's the matter with you?! VJ: Panther…he just tossed Pandora back into Diamond! Pandora was gonna try and sneak outta dodge, and watch Diamond! Diamond's waiting on her! Diamond… DD: Pandy! Look out--OOH!!! VJ: DDT!!!! Pandora has just been spiked…and now look at Panther!!! Panther…he just tossed a table into the ring!!! DD: Oh…Panther…you cannot…Vince, he cannot do this! VJ: He's the CEO, he can do whatever he wants! And right now, it looks like Pandora is fixing to get some WOOOOD!!! DD: Not WOOOD, Vince! Not WOOOOOOOOOOD! VJ: Panther has just setup the table in the ring, and Diamond has Pandora! Diamond has Pandora… DD: C'mon Vince…Panther…will you…she cannot…don't…OH MY GOD!!! PANDY!!! VJ OOOOH MY!!!!! POWERBOMB!!! POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!!!! PANDORA HAS JUST BEEN DESTROYED!!!!! (Panther gives Diamond a BIIIIIIG kiss as "Supergirl" starts up over the PA system. He picks her up on his shoulders and she raises her arms into the air) DD: Vince, get some help for Pandora! VJ: Unfortunately, it will count in the record books as a win for Pandora, but she damn sure doesn't look like a winner! DD: Yeah, but looks ain't important, Vince! All that matters is that Pandora BEAT HER ASS!!! And that sore loser…oh! Poor Pandy! VJ: Well Panther and Diamond…the happy couple headed back to the locker room, and Dave, we all know who the real winner of this match was! DD: Ahh…go suck an egg! (The cameras cut back to the locker room, where we see Team Bruiser walking towards the ring) VJ: Well ladies and gentlemen, don't touch that dial! When we come back, Team Bruiser will be in action against the World Class Superstars!!! Stay with us as FNS continues!!!!! ***Commercial*** NFWA Slam of the Night FNS (2/1/02): DJP: (Bangs on the dumpster) Yeah, how ya like it, Dark?! See, you wanna disrespect me? You wanna disrespect kerrboski? We're World Class Superstars, and this is what happens when you disrespect a World Class Superstar… VJ: What the…what does he mean he'll show…hey wait a minute! Wait…OOOOOOH MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!!!! NOOOOO!!!! DD: OH…OH DARK!!!!!! VJ: THEY JUST SHOVED THAT DUMPSTER INTO THE…THAT CAR JUST SLAMMED…DAMN IT!!! DESIRES WAS IN THAT DUMPSTER!!!! DARKEST DESIRES…OH MY GOD GET SOME HELP BACK THERE!!!!!!!!! (* ***LIVE ACTION**** The camera cuts to the women's locker room, where we see Lisa combing her hair in a mirror. Suddenly, the door opens and Pandora limps into the room. She doesn't look happy)Lisa: (Giggles) Pandora: (Gives her an evil look) Lisa: So, Pandora…got your ass kicked again, I see. (Laughs) What a loser! DD: Who the hell does that bitch think… VJ: OH!!!! PANDORA ATTACKING LISA FROM BEHIND!!!!!! PANDORA…C'MON DAMN IT!!! DD: HAHA!!! Get her, Pandy!! Get her! VJ: Pandora…Lisa trying to fight back…OH MY GOODNESS, DAVE! IT'S ALL BREAKING LOOSE BACKSTAGE! IT’S ALLL… DD: CAAAAAAAAAAAAATFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHT!!!!!VJ: PANDORA AND LISA!!! PANDORA AND LISA!!! OH MAN FOLKS!!! DD: It's crazy back there, Vince!!! (Officials burst into the room and pull to 2 women apart. Pandora is dragged out of the room kicking and screaming as we cut out to ringside for the next match) Team Bruiser Vs The World Class Superstars (The Olympic theme blasts over the PA system and the arena lights drop. Bright gold spotlights fill the arena, and gold sparks fall from the rafters and the crowd boos as Kerrboski and DJP walk out onto the stage with the GNL I-C and TV Titles draped over their shoulders. They raise the belts into the air and walk down the entrance ramp to the ring. They climb into the ring, climb opposite turnbuckles and soak up the boos from the crowd. The music dies down, pyro goes off on stage and "WHOA" by Black Rob blasts over the PA system. The crowd cheers wildly as Rick and Nick Bruiser walk out onto the stage and head down the entrance ramp, tagging the hands of ringside fans on their way down to the ring. They slide into the ring, climb opposite turnbuckles and raise their arms into the air as the fans cheer and take pictures. The music dies down, the lights return to normal and referee Ralph Ericson calls for the bell) Ding Ding Ding!!!! VJ: There's the bell and this thing is underway! Team Bruiser against the World Class Superstars…DJP and Kerrboski… Crowd: FUDGEPACKERS!!!!! FUDGEPACKERS!!! FUDGEPACKERS!!!! DD: Vince…what the hell are these idiots babbling about now?! VJ: These idiots…I mean fans…saying something…not too complementary to the World Class Superstars, Kerrboski and DJP! DD: You idiots…do you realize that those are the uncrowned NFWA Tag Team Champions you're talking about?! VJ: Uncrowned…what about Stevo and T Money! DD: No Vince! They're the technical tag champs! The World Class Superstars are the uncrowned champs! VJ: Yeah…but I'm sure that won't sit well with Black Blood… DD: Stop trying to cause trouble! I made a point, and I'm standing by it, damn it! VJ: Well you do that, it'd be nice to see you stay consistent for a while!!!! DD: First of all, Vince, don't try to get all witty with me! A Canadian trying to be smart is like a basketball player trying to dunk without a ball! It just ain't… VJ: OH!!!! Kerrboski tried to attack Bruiser from behind, but Rick saw him coming! And look at Rick go to work, Dave! Right hands! Left hands! Preppering the jaw!!! DD: CHEATER!!!! VJ: Bruiser now…Irish whip sends Kerrboski into the ropes…Bruiser with a drop down…Boski off the other side…Bruiser misses with a clothesline…here he comes again… DD: LOOK OUT KERRBOSKI!!!!! VJ: OOOOH!!!!!! BRUISER USES HIS MOMENTUM TO SEND HIM UP AND OVER THE TOP, AND KERRBOSKI CRASHES HARD INTO THE ARENA FLOOR!!! And this crowd is loving it! DD: Oh Vince! I think Kerrboski just busted his World Class Ass…Hey!! VJ: Watch Nick Bruiser!!! Nick Bruiser has a chair… DD: hey wait a minute! He can't do---OOOH!!! VJ: OH MY!!!!! BIG SHOT RIGHT TO THE LEG OF KERRBOSKI BY NICK BRUISER!!!! KERRBOSKI IS DOWN!!! HERRBOSKI…AND ANOTHER SHOT TO THE KNEE!!!! Nick Bruiser…damaging the knee of the former GNL I-C Champ, and here comes DJP! Here comes… DD: Watch it, DJP!!! VJ: Oh!!! Bruiser with that steel chair stops him dead in his tracks! DD: Damn it, Vince! They have gotta be disqualified!!! VJ: Rick Bruiser now…tosses Kerrboski back into the ring…oh my!! Kerrboski unable to put any weight on that knee!!! Kerrboski… DD: Vince, this is so unfair…OH! VJ: OH!!!! Big shot to the knee of Kerrboski!!! And another one!!!! Rick Bruiser going to work on that injured knee…and now what’s he doing! Bruiser…he's dragging Kerrboski over to the ringpost! Rick Bruiser…what is he doing, Dave? DD: He's cheating his ass off, and you know it! VJ: Rick Bruiser…oh wait a minute! He is not…Bruiser…wrapping Kerrboski's legs around the ringposts! Don't tell me…don't tell me… DD: NOOOO!!! VJ: FIGURE FOUR!!!!!!!! THE RINGPOST FIGURE FOUR BY BRUISER!!!!! IT'S LOCKED IN!!! KERRBOSKI WRITHNG IN PAIN!!!!!!!!! DD: DAMN IT, VINCE!!! THIS IS ILLEGAL!!! THIS IS ILLEGAL!!!! VJ: OH!!! Right hand by DJP on the outside, and the hold's been broken!!! You're right, Dave! That was not a legal submission hold! DD: Exactly! Those idiot Bruisers should be disqualified!!! VJ: Kerrboski…HEY WAIT JUST A MINUTE!!! Who the…that's… DD: Those are those same guys from Total Annihilation!!! VJ: Those suits…ladies and gentlemen, the suits are back!!! What business do they have out here?! Fans…we've gotta take a quick commercial break! This match will continue when we return!!!! ***Commercial*** (When the break ends, Nick Bruiser has Kerrboski over his shoulder for a running powerslam. DJP tags himself in as Bruiser is carrying Kerrboski around the ring) VJ: We're back on the Friday Night Slam! Vince Johnson alongside Delaware Dave and right now Kerrboski looks to be in big trouble!!! Bruiser's got him up… DD: Um…referee…DJP…somebody do something… VJ: AND DOWN HE GOES!!!! Powerslam!!! Powerslam by Nick Bruiser! There's the cover…HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!!! DJP!!! DJP is all over Nick Bruiser now!!!! Stomping away…c'mon ref!!! What the…did he make the tag? DD: HAHA! Yeah!! VJ: DJP…they're saying DJP made a blind tag and is now the legal man in this match-up! DJP….he is all over Nick Bruiser! DD: And see, Vince! If that doesn't prove that Kerrboski and DJP are World Class Superstars I don't know what will! They've got brains, skills, and… VJ: OH!!! Spinning wheel kick catches Bruiser coming off the ropes!!! DJP with a cover…2…NO! Nick Bruiser somehow able to kickout! DD: Listen skankhole, don't you ever interrupt me when I'm talking about how great Kerrboski and DJP are. VJ: What about your friends…the Great Team Bruiser? DD: Screw them! They didn't get me anything for Christmas last year anyway! C'mon DJP! VJ: Nick Bruiser backed into the World Class Superstars corner…AND DJP with a HARD knife-edge chop!!! And another one!!! And another one! GOOD GOD another one!!! And DJP…oh boy, is this guy in love with himself---HEY!!! DD: HAHA! VJ: DJP has the attention of the ref! Kerrboski choking Nick behind the referee's back! C'mon, damn it! DD: What are you talking about? I didn't see any choke! VJ: I saw it right here! With my own 2 eyes! DD: Well then get your glasses cleaned, cuz Kerrboski and DJP would never cheat… VJ: OH!!!! Facefirst Suplex by DJP!!! There's the cover…the leg is hooked…AND A KICKOUT AFTER 2!!!! And DJP…he can't believe it! He is absolutely livid…OH! Hard right hand to the head of Nick…and the tag is made to Kerrboski! Let's see what he can do now! Irish whip…Nick Bruiser off the ropes…AND HE GETS MOWED RIGHT DOWN WITH A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!!! Kerrboski and DJP are solidly in control…and these fans don't like it one bit! DD: Vince, you keep talking about the fans like they actually mean something! Well they don't… VJ: Wait a minute! Cover…kickout after 1!!! And Kerrboski now…CHOKING NICK BRUISER!!! C'mon ref!!! Kerrboski… DD: LOOK OUT KERRBOSKI! VJ: OH!!! Rick Bruiser into the ring!!! Rick Bruiser…referee Ralph Ericson trying to get Bruiser outta there…hey wait a minute! Watch DJP…Kerrboski holding Nick for DJP!!! Hey ref!!! Ref…turn around! DD: Vince, you damn snitch! Will you shut the hell u---OH!!!!! NO!!! VJ: NICK MOVED!!!!!! DJP JUST CAUGHT KERRBOSKI WITH A SUPERKICK RIGHT ON THE JAW!!! And watch Bruiser now…right hand blocked by DJP…OH NO!!!! TOMIKAZE!!!!!!! Nick Bruiser…he has just been planted…and now both he and Kerrboski are down!!!! DD: HAHA! That's a smart DJP!!! VJ: Smart DJP my ass! He just cheap shotted a man behind the referee's back…and knocked out his own partner on top of that! DD: Look, I'm getting tired of your World Class Bashing! You're obviously jealous of them because they have real hair, and you hafta steal yours from dead squirrels lying on the freeway up in Canada! VJ: Now wait…leave my hair alone!!! Both Bruiser and Kerrboski are down…referee Ericson is putting the count down…he's up to 3…4…if neither man can answer this count, then this match will end in a double count out…he's up to 6! DD: C'mon Kerrboski! Move! Move!!! Move… VJ: BRUISER'S MOVING ON 8!!! DD: OH!!! No!!! VJ: Bruiser…crawling towards his corner! Can he make the tag?! Can he..? Can… DD: Kerrboski… VJ: YES HE CAN!!!!!! THERE'S THE TAG AND IN COMES BIG RICK BRUISER!!!! DD: Kerrboski!!! Get up!!! VJ: Kerrboski hasn't moved since the superkick…and WATCH BRUISER!!! BRUISER'S LOCKING HIM UP, DAVE!!! Bruiser… DD: NOOO! VJ: SHARPSHOOTER ON KERRBOSKI!!! SHARPSHOOTER!!! THIS COULD BE ALL…OH WAIT!!! DJP in the ring…but Bruiser's got him!!! Bruiser's got DJP…DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!!!!!! DJP has been spiked!!!!! And watch Bruiser now! He's got Kerrboski again! He's got him once again… DD: Oh no!!! VJ: Another sharpshooter coming up…YES!!! HE'S GOT HIM TURNED OVER!!!!! The Sharpshooter!!!! Rick Bruiser has it cinched in tight! Nowhere for Kerrboski to go! Nothing for him to do but tap out! Is he…is he…DAMN IT!!! DJP FROM BEHIND WITH A BULLDOG!!! DD: HAHA! World Class Superstars don't tap, Vince! They don't tap! VJ: These guys in suits getting very close to the ring. OH!!! Nick Bruiser back into the ring and he catches DJP with a hard right hand!! And another one!!! Nick going to work on DJP…and here comes Rick now!!! DJP backed into the buckle…AND LOOK AT THIS!!!!! TEAM BRUISER…STOMPING THE HELL OUTTA DJP IN THE BUCKLE!!!! STOMPING…MY GOD, THE ROOF IS GONNA BLOW OFF THIS ARENA, DAVE! DD: Damn it, Vince!!! This is illegal double teaming and you know it!!! VJ: KERRBOSKI FROM BEHIND!!! He just nailed Nick Bruiser…right hand sends him to the floor! Referee's lost control of this one! Rick Bruiser and DJP in the ring…HARD chop by DJP, Rick responds!!! We've got a chopfest…Rick and DJP!! Back and forth---OH!!!!! Kerrboski on the outside…he just sent Nick flying into the ring stairs…WAIT A MINUTE…OH…BOSKI SLAM ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!! NICK BRUISER…BOSKI SLAM ON THE OUTSIDE!!!!! DD: HAHA!!!! Did you see that?! VJ: My God…that sickening thud was Bruiser's head bouncing off the floor…and look in the ring now! DJP off the ropes AND DRILLED WITH A SPINEBUSTER!!!! Rick Bruiser… DD: What in the world?! Vince… VJ: What…one of those guys just climbed into the ring! What the hell… DD: Alright Vince, tell your aunt to get outta the ring! VJ: My aunt…this guy…whoever he is, just rushed the ring! Referee Ericson trying to hold him back, and look at Bruiser!!! Bruiser just locked in an STF on DJP!!!! An STF locked in…referee!!!! Ref…the ref is busy with that guy… DD: Well he's gotta do his job! The man has no business in there! VJ: The man could be costing Bruiser this match!!! And now we've got another one in there!!! Another one of those men climbing into the ring…can we get security out here, please? They're interrupting this match-up! DD: Well---HEY!!!! VJ: OH!!! Rick Bruiser…HE'S HAD ENOUGH, and he just popped one of those men in the mouth with a hard right hand…and there's one for the other guy!!!! Rick Bruiser… DD: Oh my God, Vince! They're civilians! VJ: And they had no right getting into the ring---OH! Double leg takedown by DJP…Rick Bruiser…oh no! Don't tell me…don't…c'mon! DD: HAHA!!! VJ: DJP trying to turn Rick Bruiser over…oh no…LION TAMER!!!!!! THE LION TAMER!!!! BRUISER IS WRITHING IN PAIN!!! DD: HAHAHA!!!! IT'S OVER!!! VJ: It could very well be!!! Bruiser…Bruiser trying to fight it!!! Bruiser…Kerrboski doing a number on Nick on the outside!!!! Rick Bruiser is all alone! He is trapped in the center of the ring! DD: Vince…do you know what a win like this will do for the World Class Superstars?! VJ: Well thankfully, those men being escorted away from ringside by security…and DJP cinching up on the Lion Tamer!!! Bruiser…he may be done, folks! It may be all over!!! Bruiser… DD: Tap, Rick! Tap!! VJ: Rick won't give in!!!! Rick…HE'S TRYING TP FIGHT!!!!! DD: C'mon DJP!!! More pressure! VJ: Rick Bruiser…using that upper body strength…using whatever power he has left in his body to combat this hold…AND HE'S BRIDGING OUT!!! DD: He is not! VJ: Yes he is! DD: IS NOT!! VJ: BRUISER!!! BRIDGING OUT OF THE LION TAMER!!!! CAN HE ESCAPE?! DD : NOOO!! VJ: YES!!!!!! Bruiser…oh!!! Wait!!! DJP…DJP turns him over again… DD: HAHA! VJ: DJP---OH MY GOD!!!!! DJP CINCHING BACK ON THAT HOLD!!! RICK BRUISER…THE LION TAMER LOCKED IN AGAIN… DD: LOOK AT HIS NECK, VINCE!!! VJ: DJP LEANING BACK AS FAR AS HE CAN…AND BRUISER'S TAPPING!!! DAMN IT, RICK BRUISER IS TAPPING! Ding Ding Ding!!! Announcer: Here are your winners: Kerrboski and DJP, the World Class Superstars!!!! VJ: Damn it, I can't believe it! DD: HAHA! Believe it, Vinnie! Rick Bruiser…the Great Rick Bruiser tapping in the ring like a little bitch!!! And Kerrboski and DJP win!!! I love it! VJ: Bruiser…trapped in that painful hold, had no choice but to tap out…unbelievable! DD: What's so unbelievable about it? I told ya they were the uncrowned tag team champions! You need to listen to me more! I'm from Delaware for a reason, ya know! VJ: the World Class Superstars with an upset victory…hey wait a second! Look up on the Panthertron!!! DD: What the…IT'S DARK!!!! Desires: "Listen up. Kerrboski...DJP...you DESTROYED Darkest Desires? (laughs) Now THAT is rather funny. As you can see I'm still standing here...a few bruises, but NO WHERE near destroyed. Alright now, this whole thing started back in GNL. It's always took BOTH of you to attack the 'scumbucket Darkest Desires'...let's end this now. Both of you scums get your asses out here for a little fun...a parking lot match." VJ: Oh my! The challenge has been layed out… DD: is she crazy?! You remember what happened last week, Vince! VJ: Hell yeah I do! And Darkest Desires…what guts on the part of Darkest Desires…and here come Kerrboski and DJP!!!! They're headed out to the parking lot! Oh my goodness, Dave! DD: Dark…ya know I love ya baby, but I think this would be a good time to file for some life insurance. VJ: So much has happened tonight already, and now this!!! Kerrboski and DJP headed out to accept Darkest Desires' challenge… DD: Now c'mon, Vince! They're not really gonna go through with this, now are they? VJ: Well you saw what they did last week, what the hell do you think they're gonna do? (Kerrboski and DJP walk through the hallways, out of a big door leading to the parking lot and face Darkest Desires) Kerrboski: You wanted us? You wa-- ???: AAAAAAAAH!! DD: What the hell---HEY!!! VJ: OH NO!!!!! THAT DUMPSTER JUST SLAMMED RIGHT INTO DJP!!!! DD: Who…STEVO!!!! VJ: OH!!! THAT'S STEVO AND T MONEY!!! AND KAMMY!!!! BLACK BLOOD!!! BLACK BLOOD DOING A NUMBER ON THE WORLD CLASS SUPERSTARS IN THE PARKING LOT!!!! Can you believe it Dave! DD: They did it now, Vince!!! DJP and Kerrboski may be World Class Superstars…but they're not NEAR-PERFECT!!! OH!! VJ: OH MY!!! DESIRES AND KAMMY! WHIPPING DJP AND KERRBOSKI LIKE GOVERNMENT MULES! DD: And they didn't even supply the cheese yet! ***TIRES SCREECH*** What in the world?! VJ: Hey wait…that's that van from last week!!! That black van…Kerrboski and DJP…they just hopped into that van!!!! They hopped into that van…and they're getting outta here, folks!!!!!! DD: Oh my…Vince, who the hell is that?! VJ: I have no clue!!! (The van tears out of the parking lot as T Money and Stevo throw bottles at it. The screen fades to black) ***Commercial**** NFWA Re--- *****BUZZZZZ!!!! BUZZZZZZ!!!!**** --wind Total Annihilation (1/27/02): (Suddenly, Ahmad Itani enters the picture, and he goes face to face with Ice Cube) Ice Cube: What the f*ck do you want? KT: Guys… Ice Cube: what?!?! You got a problem?! Huh? You got something you wanna say to me? Or maybe you wanna get your f*cking ass kicked just like your punk ass friend did earlier. Huh? Is that what you want? Ahmad: (Shoves Ice Cube) Ice Cube: (Smiles) Oh… KT: Guys…c'mon! Guys…(Grabs Ice Cube's arm) C'mon! We've had enough going on here tonight without worrying about… DD; OH!!!! WHAT THE… VJ: ICE BREAKER ON TAYLOR!!!!!! ICE CUBE JUST NAILED KEVIN TAYLOR WITH---OH NO!!!!! NO!!!!! Ahmad with a pipe…he just cleaned Ice Cube's clock with that pipe, Dave!! DD: HAHA! That's a pipejob if I ever saw one Vince! That was great! VJ: Ice Cube trying to give an interview…just blindsided by that…oh God he's busted open!!! Ice Cube has been busted wide open, and Itani has him again!!! Ahmad…he's got Ice Cube by the hair! Ice Cube not even scheduled to be on the card tonight! What's he…what the hell is he…oh no!! No…NOOOOOO!!!!!! HE JUST TOSSED ICE CUBE THROUGH THAT WINDOW!!! DAMN IT TO HELL!!! THAT SON OF A…GET SOME HELP BACK THERE!!!! GET SOME HELP FOR ICE CUBE!!! Ahmad: (Smiling) Friday night…we'll finish this you little BITCH!!! (Walks away) ( ****LIVE ACTION**** We cut back to the locker room, where Ahmad Itani is getting ready for his match with Ice Cube. Suddenly, Lisa enters the room. Magdra's there too)Lisa: Hey, babe. You ready? Ahmad: Yeah. I'm ready. Lisa: Alright…let's go… Ahmad: Wait a second, what do you mean "let's go"? Magdra: She means shut the f*ck up, we're going to the ring, bitch! C'mon… Ahmad: NO!!! Lisa: No?! Magdra: What do you mean no? Ahmad: This is my fight. Me and Ice Cream do this alone! You 2 stay back here! Lisa: Are you serious? Ahmad: Yeah… Magdra: You don't want me out there with you? Ahmad: Naw! Magdra: Oh…aight, I see how it is! It's cuz I'm not Arab?! You too good to hang with me now? Ahmad: Man…(flags) I'll see you 2 after the match! (Ahmad walks out of the room, leaving Magdra and Lisa alone. The camera then cuts to a split screen, where we see Panther and Diamond getting ready in different dressing rooms) VJ: Well folks, what a match we're getting ready to see, but after that it's the big wedding. Panther and Diamond, tonight folks! DD: That is sooo gay!!! VJ: Dave, please! Ahmad Itani Vs Ice Cube ("Tennessee" by Arrested Development blasts over the PA system and the crowd gives a mixed reaction as Ahmad "The King" Itani walks out onto the stage.) VJ: There he is, folks!!!! He calls himself the King…this is his chance to prove it! Ahmad Itani fixing to go 1 on 1 with perhaps the greatest superstar in NFWA History, Ice Cube! This one all started back at Total Annihilation when---OOOH MY!!!!!! ICE CUBE!!! DD: WHAT THE HELL?!?! (The music dies down as Ice Cube rushes from the locker room and clips the knee of Ahmad Itani) VJ: Ice Cube!!!!! Ice Cube is here! Ice Cube is beating the hell outta Ahmad on stage! DD: He's a backfighter, Vince! A backfighter…OOOH!! VJ: OH NO!!!!! ICE CUBE'S KNEE SLAMMED HARD INTO THE STEEL STAGE…AND AGAIN!!!!! Ahmad's I mean!!!! Ahmad getting his clock cleaned before the match even star---WAIT A MINUTE!!!! DD: STAKS!!!!! VJ: OH MY GOD NO!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!! ICE CUBE…ICE CUBE JUST GOT KNOCKED OFF THE STAGE!!!!!!!! STAKS…OUTTA NOWHERE…I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT, DAVE!!!!!! DD: HAHA!!! Did ya see him fly, Vince?! VJ: That's not funny! DD: It is to me! That was great! VJ: Staks from behind knocking Ice Cube off the damn stage!!! Ice Cube hit hard off the concrete… DD: And that just goes to show ya what goes around comes around! That idiot wanted to come out here and attack Ahmad from behind, well he just paid the price. VJ: Ahmad getting back to his feet and Staks is outta here! Officials out here to sort this situation out and…oh. Ice Cube barely moving after flying off that stage! DD: HA! I think he went down…face first, Vince! Can you imagine smacking off that concrete with your face? VJ: That's a 10 foot drop! DD: Exactly! Maybe he's dead! Please tell me he's dead! Wouldn't that be great Vince? A wedding and a funeral all in the same night! VJ: Ahmad with a handful of hair now…drags Ice Cube onto the ramp and it looks like he's gonna take this one down to the ring! Ice Cube…he has barely moved folks! Ahmad Itani dragging Ice Cube's limp body down the ramp…and he tosses him into the ring! Don't tell me… Ding Ding Ding! DD: HEHE! Well, Vince? VJ: C'mon! Not this way!! Ahmad…ya said you wanted to do it 1 on 1, damn it! Don't tell me he's gonna steal this thin---OH!!! SMALL PACKAGE BY ICE CUBE! DD: What the hell… VJ: AHMAD IS HOOKED….2…HE GOT HIM!!!!! NO HE DIDN'T!!! AHMAD KICKED OUT! Ahmad…OH! Big boot right to the face of ice Cube! And another! And Ahmad Itani is all over Ice Cube! All over the former 3-time World Champion! DD: Yeah! I bet he's wishing he died after getting tossed off that stage cuz look at Ahmad! He's pissed the f*ck off now! HEY! VJ: OH! Ice Cube trying to fight back!! Ice Cube…Ice Cube and Ahmad slugging it out in the ring…OH!! Boot to the knee by Itani…and a HARD right to the jaw just knocked Cube right on his ass! And watch this now! Itani drags Ice Cube out to the center of the ring… DD: It's all you, baby! VJ: Spinning toe hold! Spinning to---CUBE WITH AN INSIDE CRADLE! ICE CUBE…2…ONCE AGAIN AHMAD KICKS OUT!!! And once again he's right back on Ice Cube! Hammering away with piston-like rights--GEEZ Ice Cube's in trouble! DD: Yeah…that just goes to show the power of Ahmad! HE DA KIIIING! VJ: Yeah, well give some credit to Staks, why doncha! DD: I will! Anybody that hates Ice Cube is a friend of mine! As a matter of fact, I think I'll invite him to my wine tasting next week. VJ: Oh boy! Ahmad with that leg--AND DRIVES THE ELBOW into the insertion of the knee! And again!!! Why does everybody hafta work the knee nowadays? Nobody ever wants to work an arm? DD: I always preferred the dreaded pinky toe lock of '86! VJ: Ice Cube unable to get out of the blocks for this one! Ahmad Itani now…what's he…what…oh my… DD: Vince!!! IT'S THE STUMP PULLER!!!!! VJ: The…oh my goodness, I haven't seen that hold in years! DD: Old school,baby! Old school! VJ: Ahmad has it locked in…not quite perfect, but Ice Cube is writhing in pain!!! Ice Cube… DD: Vince, I think he said he gave up! He gave up!!! VJ: No he didn't! Ahmad breaks the hold anyway. For what reason, I don't know! DD: That's cuz you don't know nothing! Ice Cube gave up right there, I heard him with my own… VJ: Wait a minute now! Ahmad just rolled Ice Cube over on his stomach! What's he going for…OH! Drives the knee into the back of Ice Cube's knee! And again!!! Ahmad Itani showing impressive wrestling skill…oh my! Itani…oh no!!! He's got the leg locked… DD: HAHA! VJ: INDIAN DEATHLOCK…AND HE CLUTCHES THE HEAD FOR EXTRA LEVERAGE!!!! ICE CUBE…LISTEN TO ICE CUBE SCREAM IN PAIN!!! DD: HAHA! (Singing) Ding dong, the bitch is dead! Which old bitch… VJ: Shut up, Dave! The hold has been locked in…right in the center of the ring! Ice Cube has nowhere to go! There's nothing he can do… DD: Wrong, jackass! He can always tap!! C'mon, Cube, you know you wanna tap! Look at him..HAHA! He's crying, Vince! VJ: He is not! Ice Cube…referee Peterson right there! Can Ice Cube hang on? Will he tap? DD: Yes! Yes! Hey… VJ: Wait a second now!!!! Ice Cube…he's still got fight in him, Dave! Ice Cube…trying to pull himself over to the ropes!!! Trying to get to the ropes…the pain in the leg and the neck must be excruciating! DD: Vince, he might as well just give up, cuz there's no way in hell he's gonna get outta this hold. VJ: I'm not so sure! Ice Cube…getting closer and closer to the ropes!!! Ahmad trying to put more pressure on the neck! Trying to stop Ice Cube, as these fans rally behind the former Riot Maker!!! Can Ice Cube do it?! Can he? DD: No, damn it! He can't!!! He can't… VJ: HE DID!!!! ICE CUBE JUST GOT HIS HAND ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! DD: SH*T!!!! VJ: Ice Cube…much to the delight of this capacity crowd, and Ahmad can't believe it! Ahmad…hey wait a second! Ahmad getting up in the face of the official! DD: Knock him out Ahmad!!! Beat his ass just like ya did Ice Cube!!! VJ: We've got heated words between Ahmad and this official…meanwhile, Ice Cube is recovering!!! Ice Cube using the ropes to pull himself back to his feet!!! Uh oh! Here comes Ahmad now! Ahmad charges in---OH!!!! LETHAL INJECTION!!!!!!!!! DD: NOOOO!!! VJ: ICE CUBE HAS IT LOCKED IN!!! THE LETHAL INJECTION!!! ITANI…ITANI GETS IN THE ROPES!!!!! A VERY LUCKY BREAK BY AHMAD… DD: Damn it, Vince! Make him let go of the hold!!! VJ: Ice Cube…Ice Cube not letting go!!! Ice Cube…referee Peterson right in the face of Ice Cube! Trying to convince him to…and he breaks! Ice Cube breaks the hold! DD: That diabolical bastard! You know he was just begging for the ref to disqualify him so he didn't get his punk ass beaten any worse! VJ: Ice Cube back to is feet now…oh. That leg…I dunno if it was the fall off the stage or Ahmad's attack, but Ice Cube barely able to put weight on that left leg. DD: It was all Ahmad! It was the power of the KIIIIING! VJ: Ahmad back to his feet now…oh!!! Right hand catches Cube on the jaw…ICE CUBE FIRES BACK!!! Oh! Ahmad misses with one of his own---AND WALKS RIGHT INTO AN ICE BREAKER!!!! ICE BREAKER!!!! ICE BREAKER BY CUBE!!!! ICE CUBE IS DOWN AS WELL!!! DD: I don't think he got all of it, Vince! VJ: I think you're right. Ice Cube's knee gave out on him on that Superkick! But the force was just enough to put Ahmad down! There's the cover…Ice Cube…1…2…NO SIR!!!! Ahmad barely gets the shoulder off the mat before 3!!!!! DD: HAHA! Do you realize what just happened, Vince?! VJ: What? DD: Ahmad Itani just kicked outta the dreaded Ice Breaker!!! That makes him officially a wrestling God! VJ: You dumb ass…ya just said yourself Cube didn't get all of it! DD: Some, all! Doesn't matter but ya sass me again and I'll slap the bitch outta ya, Porky! VJ: Itani still out of it after the ice Breaker and watch Ice Cube! Going up…perhaps outta desperation… DD: Oh yeah, Vince! You know he is! Look at the fear in his eyes! Nobody's ever kicked outta his ice Breaker… VJ: Ice Cube is up top! We may be getting ready to see that flying elbow! Itani is down on the mat! Here it come---OH NO!!!! DD: What?! VJ: Ice Cube….I think his knee just gave out on him! DD: HAHA! He busted his ass Vince!!! That was great!!! VJ: Ice Cube…that knee's in terrible shape, and now watch Itani!! Ahmad has Ice Cube setup now…oh my! Itani….THERE IT IS!!!!! X-BOMB!!!!!!! THIS ONE IS OVER…1…2…HE GOT HIM!!!! Ding Ding Ding!!!! Announcer: Here is your winner: Ahmad Itani!!!!! DD: HAHAHA!!! Vince..can you believe it?!??!?! VJ: Ice Cube…my God!!! Ice Cube has just lost this match, folks! DD: No, Ice Cube got his ass beat! He got…HE GOT RAPED!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! VJ: Stop it!! Valiant effort… DD: Valiant effort my ass! He got whooped!!! Outslicked! Outwrestled! Outmaneuvered! Bamboozled even! VJ: Will you stop! Give credit to Ahmad Itani… (The camera cuts back to the locker room where we see Magdra and Lisa celebrating. Suddenly) Official (in the hallway): Pandora, no!!! VJ: What in the….OH MY GOODNESS!!! PANDORA--- DD; WHAT THE HELL?!!?! VJ: Pandora..oh my God!!! She just ran into the locker room…sledgehammer shot right to the ribs of Lisa…AND ANOTHER ONE!!!!! Damn it!!!! What on earth… DD: She's crazy, Vince!!! (The Magdra tosses a chair at Pandora's head and she runs out of the dressing room.) Magdra: Oh…damn it! Get some help for her!!!! (Officials rush to the aid of Lisa as we fade to commercial) ****Commercial**** (The camera cuts backstage, where we see Ahmad, Magdra and EMT's attending to Lisa) VJ: Fans, we're back on the Slam! Unfortunate situation before the break, as Ahmad Itani's girlfriend Lisa was attacked by Pandora with a sledgehammer! DD: Yeah…I mean…did you hear that shot? She coulda broke Lisa in half! VJ: Well…we'll keep you updated on the condition of Lisa, but it's just about time for the wedding folks! That's right, Panther and Diamond have decided to get married…and what an occasion it will be. DD: Yeah, but like Panther said, there's NEVER a perfect wedding in pro wrestling! Now to the guys in the back…just incase you're running a little low on ideas, I want you to watch this little video I'm gonna play for ya right now! Look at this…. FNS (12/22/00): VJ: Well the wedding is on…what the hell?! Kurt just gave Jevona the Olympic Slam!!!!!! I can't believe it!!!! What the hell is wrong with him???! Dave…tell me he didn't just do that to the woman he was about to marry!!!!!! DD: He didn't just do that to the woman he's about to marry. What the f*ck is wrong with you, you damn crackhead?! VJ: Sorry. I've gotta get my glasses cleaned. Preacher: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here this evening to join Kurt Angle and Jevona in… Prez: Skip this sh*t! We gotta get out of here in a few. Preacher: But it's tradition. Prez: You wanna get paid or not? Preacher: OK. If there is anyone in this building who thinks that these 2 should not be wedded, speak now or forever hold your peace. (90% of the crowd objects) Preacher: Yeah, well screw all of you! Is there anybody that matters that objects to this marriage?! VJ: Dave… DD: This is the greatest wedding of all time!!! Preacher: Jevona, do you take Kurt to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in richness and poorocity…wha…? 'Til Death do you part? Jevona: I do. Preacher: And Kurt…whassup? Kurt: Oh yeah…I do! I do!!!! Preacher: Good. I now pronounce you husband and… (A lightning bolt strikes the ring and burns some of the wedding decorations. The crowd pops as Lightning walks out to the ring) DD: Damn that faggot to death!!!! VJ: It's Lightning!! Lightning is coming out to the wedding! DD: If he gets within 50 ft of the ring he's under arrest!!!! VJ: The police officers were all kidnapped though! Lightning rushes the ring…OH!! Reaper and Wolverine are hammering away on Lightning!!! Lightning is in some serious trouble…the Preacher is attacking Lightning!!! What kind of Preacher is this???! Lightning nails Reaper with a right…down goes Wolvie!!! Lightning nails the Preacher!!!!! DD: He struck a man of the clothe!!!! I curse his sinful soul! Damn him!!! Damn him to Hell!!!!!!! VJ: Firestorm nails Lightning from behind…Big Time on Lightning!!! Lightning is down!!! (A HUGE pyro blast goes off on the stage and the lights go out. A flashing red light covers the arena and Panther walks down the ramp accompanied by Chyna) DD: He has no business being in here! Somebody get him!!! Get him now!!!! VJ: Panther charges the ring and he goes right after the Prez!!!! Panther and Prez Firestorm are going at it!!!! Kurt Angle swings at Panther…Chyna downstairs on Angle…Panther blasts him with a DDT!!!! DD: HAHAHA! Double clothesline on Panther and Chyna by Firestorm!!! VJ: Panther and Chyna are both down…Firestorm has Panther and Chyna both by the throat…double low blow!!! Lightning has Firestorm set up…OH SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!! LIGHTNING BOLT INTO A PANTHER CUTTER!!!!!!! This crowd is going crazy!!!! (We get a close up of Kurt Angle lying face-first in the wedding cake, as the video ends. ****LIVE ACTION****)VJ: Why would you play that ridiculous video! DD: Because Panther disrespected the Bad Ass!!! He ruined Angle's wedding, therefore he deserves to die…that or somebody should ruin his wedding! Whichever comes first! VJ: Well…it's wedding time. (The camera focuses on the ring, where the wedding decorations have been all set up, and the wedding march starts. The crowd cheers as Destiny walks out tossing flowers into the crowd. She's followed to the ring by Joanie, Ruby, Crystal, some snot-nosed kid that Panther just found off the street and chose to be the ring bearer, Crazy Nate, Andrew and Firestorm. When they all get to the ring, the arena is rocked but a HUGE pyro blast and "Can't Deny It" blasts over the PA system. The crowd goes crazy as the lights drop, flashing red and bluish white spotlights swarm the arena and Panther walks out onto the stage with in his tux. He raises his fists into the air and walks down the entrance ramp to ringside. He hops on the ring apron, steps through the ropes and high fives Firestorm, Nate, Crystal, Ruby, Joanie and the Priest before raising his fist into the air as more pyro explodes from the ringposts (lighting one of the decorations on fire). As ringside assistants put the fire out, "Supergirl" begins to play over the PA system. Red, pink and purple spotlights shine on stage and the crowd cheers as Diamond walks out in her wedding dress and a bouquet of flowers. She slowly walks down the ramp, waving and blowing kisses at the crowd (her entrance takes about 8 minutes). Finally, she climbs up the ring stairs, steps through the ropes and walks towards Panther. The music dies down, the lights return to normal, and the crowd cheers in the background) DD: (Sniffles) Vince… VJ: Yes Dave? DD: (Starts to cry) Lemme shoot her! VJ: No! DD: Please?! VJ: no! DD: I'll give you WEEEEEEED! VJ: No! DD: Ahh…pussy. VJ: (Shakes his head) Panther and Diamond…about ready to tie the knot! Priest: Dearly beloved…we are gathered hear today…to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony! Now…before we proceed…is there anyone in this building who feel that Panther and Diamond should not be wed? Speak now of forever hold your peace! DD: (Hops upon the table) UM…PRIEST!!!! PRIEST!!!!!!! I OBJECT!!!!!!! VJ: (Slaps Dave) WILL YOU SIT DOWN?! Priest: (Looking around) Nobody?! No one objects? (EVERYBODY turns to the stage waiting for someone to come out…but no one does) Priest: Well then…(clears throat) Panther. Do you take Diamond to be your lawfully wedded wife…to have and to hold, sickness and in health…til death do you part. Panther: I do! Priest: And Diamond…what about you, my child? Diamond: I do! Priest: PEACHES!!! I now pronounce you man and wife! You may now kiss the bride! (Panther and Diamond kiss, confetti falls from the rafters and we get more wedding music playing in the background) VJ: Well… DD: I OBJECT!!!!! I OBJECT DAMN IT!!!! VJ: Panther and Diamond are officially husband and wife!!!!! DD: (Crying) BUT I OBJECT!!!!!!!! VJ: (Clapping) Congratulations to Panther and Diamond…(wipes a tear from his eye) DD: I OBJECT!!!!! (The camera pans the arena as we fade to a commercial) ****CHERRIOS!!!!**** (The camera cuts out to the parking lot, where we see Panther and Diamond leaving in a limo with the words "JUST MARRIED" painted on the back) VJ: Well folks, we're back! Vince Johnson alongside Delaware Dave. And…there you see the happy couple! I'm so happy for them! Aren't you! DD: Yeah….well Panther, I just got 2 words for you, buddy…PRE-NUPT!!!!!!! VJ: STOP IT! (Lightning walks out of his locker room and is stopped by X-Pac…who is viciously attacked, beaten and thrown down a flight of stairs by Amy "Lita" Dumas) I-C Vs TV Title No DQ, No Count Out: Lightning (I-C Champ) Vs Psyko Stevo (TV Champ) ("Between Angels and Insects" starts up over the PA system and an eerie green mist flows out from the locker room as Psyko Stevo walks out onto the stage talking to his X-Treme and TV Titles. The crowd boos wildly he walks down the entrance ramp, rolls into the ring and sits on the mat clutching his titles. The music dies down and lightning bolts criss cross and explode on stage as "Ride The Lightning" starts up over the PA system. The crowd cheers wildly as Lightning walks out onto the ramp and heads down to the ring with the I-C Title belt. He tosses the belt over the top rope and rolls into the ring, where he raises his arms and brings them down as lightning bolts explode from the ringposts. The music dies down, the lights return to normal and referee Jim Jonathan calls for the bell) Ding Ding Ding!!!! DD: OK!!! Here we go, Vince! VJ: The one we've all been waiting for! Lightning and Stevo! The I-C and TV Titles on the line! No DQ… DD: Bitch! VJ: No count out… DD: Excuse me, bitch! VJ: Huh? DD: The announcer already pointed that out, skankhole! VJ: (Rolls eyes) Well excuse me for doing my job. If you recall it was 2 weeks ago when Psyko Stevo scored a pinfall victory over Lightning…wait a minute. Referee Jonathan…Stevo…Stevo won't give him the belt! DD: I don't blame him. I've seen him dig in his ass! He might give Mr. TV Title a bad case of gonorrhea! VJ: Stop it! DD: What?! If you had a belt, would you want a 2bit asslick like Jonathan putting his hand… VJ: Stevo is stalling! He's not as crazy as he looks, Dave! Stevo…he is stalling… DD: What, you calling him a coward or something? VJ: No, but… DD: Alright! Just accept that some people are a little… VJ: Hey, hey, hey! Lightning's had enough of this! Lightning…HEY DAMN IT!!!!!! STEVO JUST HIT LIGHTNING WITH THE TV TITLE!!!!! DD: HAHAHAHAHA!!!! VJ: Lightning….he just suckered Lightning in with that shot… DD: Hey!!! Don't toss the belt into the crowd, you idiot! VJ: Stevo unloading on Lightning now!!!!! Scoop up…AND A SLAM!!!!! Lightning is down, and watch Stevo now! Stevo headed up top… DD; Bye bye Sparky!!!! VJ: SENTON, DAMN IT!!!!! THE PSYKOTIC SENTON!!!!! THIS ONE IS ALL!!! THERE'S THE…hey wait a minute! DD: What the… VJ: Stevo…he tossed the TV Title belt into the crowd, and I think…I think he just realized what he's done! Psyko Stevo… DD: Hey…that little idiot Gary Coleman has it… VJ: And Stevo's got the stairs!!! Stevo…hey wait! Wait---STEVO JUST TOSSED THOSE STAIRS INTO THE CROWD!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM, DAMN IT??!?!?!?! PSYKO STEVO HEADED INTO THE CROWD…OH MY GOODNESS…I AM…I am not believing…ladies and gentlemen, we've got heated words between Psyko Stevo and Gary---OH MY GOD!!!! COLEMAN WITH A SPEAR!!!! SPEAR ON PSYKO STEVO…MY GOD!!!! COLEMAN AND STEVO!!! COLEMAN AND STEVO!!!! GARY COLEMAN AND PSYKO STEVO DAMN IT!!!! DD: that Little idiot!!! Get him Stevo! VJ: Stevo…this is supposed to be 1 on 1, Lightning and Stevo, but Stevo…Stevo and Gary Coleman going at it in the front row…and watch Lightning! Lightning out into the crowd now… DD: Oh no!!! STEVO!!!! VJ: Lightning in the crowd…Stevo doesn't see him! DD: Stevo…TURN AROUND--- VJ: OH…LIGHTNING BOLT!!!!!!!!!!! STEVO JUST GOT HIS JELLY CHILLED WITH A LIGHTNING BOLT!!!!!!!! THIS ONE IS ALL!!!!!! THIS ONE IS ALL, DAMN IT!!!!!!!! DD: Oh…what a cheater!!!!! VJ: Lightning tosses Stevo…and Mr. TV Title over the guardrail, and this one could be academic! Lightning sends Stevo back into the ring… DD: He ain't outta this one yet, Vince! Uh uh! Not by a longshot! VJ: Stevo crawling over to the X-Treme Title belt…and Lightning got the I-C Title!!! Lightning headed into the ring… DD: GET HIM STEVO!!! VJ: Wait…STEVO MISSES WITH THE BELT SHO---OOOOOH DAMN!!!!!!!!!! LIGHTNING'S I-C TITLE KNOCKS THE X-TREME TITLE RIGHT BACK INTO THE FACE OF STEVO!!!! AND NOW LOOK AT LIGHTNING!!!! USING THAT I-C TITLE BELT! POUNDING AWAY ON PSYKO STEVO… DD: Oh my gosh, Vince! This thing has just turned into a BELLLT FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHT!! VJ: (Laughs) Stevo's getting the hell beat outta him, that's one thing I'm sure of! Lightning has him by the hair now…buries the knee into the midsection! And again!!!!! Irish whip by Lightning sends Stevo crashing into the buckle…Lightning charges in…uh oh! He got caught!!! DD: HAHA! Oh yeah, Vince!!! Oh yeah… VJ: Oh…THE WIDOWMAKER!!!!!! PSYKO STEVO HAS IT LOCKED IN!!!! THE WIDOWMAKER!!!! NO DQ…THERE'S NOTHING LIGHTNING OR THE REFEREE CAN DO HERE!!!!!! LIGHTNING WRITHING IN PAIN! Oh…Stevo lets him go! DD: Vince, you gotta recognize now! You can see it…Stevo's time!!! Lightning… VJ: What? DD: I forgot what I was gonna say, but Stevo's gonna win!!!! VJ: (Shakes his head) Ok. Lightning is down on the mat, and watch Stevo! Stevo off the ropes…OH!!! Dropkick right to the face of the I-C Champ! This one could be all…1…2…NO! Lightning able to get the shoulder up!!! (Sighs) What a night it has been, and what a night it will be on February 23rd in Boston…Game Time, where we will crown a brand new NFWA Champion! Both these men are entered into that competition and need all the momentum they can get going in! DD: Speaking of momentum, watch this! He told me and Mr. X-Treme Title in the back! This is gonna be the move that propels him to legendary status!!! VJ: What…you and Mr. X-Treme Title?! Wait a second…Stevo just set Lightning up on the top rope…what the hell…NO HE'S NOT!!!! DD: HAHA! Yes! Yes he is!!! VJ: Stevo…he's not gonna! Not the Lightning Rod!!! DD: Yes! He's gonna be Lightning with his own move! This is great!!! VJ: I can't…no!!!! This will… DD: Can you imagine how humiliating this will be for old bolt brain! We may never see him again… VJ: He's got him up!!!!! Stevo…he's got Lightning…oh!!! He can't hold him! Stevo…STEVO DROPPED HIM!!! Lightning lands on his feet…oh boy! DD: Oh no! Stevo, no!!! VJ: Lightning…Lightning…RUNNING POWERBOMB!!!!!!!!!! STEVO JUST PLANTED INTO THE MAT, AND THIS ONE IS OVER!!!! 1…2…THR---NO!!!!! Stevo able to kickout after 2!!!!! And Lightning…I thought he had him! DD: And that's what makes you Canadian, cuz you always think WRONG! HAHA! VJ: Ok, wise ass! Lightning's headed out here now! Lightning…what the…oh he just grabbed a chair! DD: Hey wait a minute! He can't do that! VJ: The hell he can't! This is a no DQ match!!! DD: So…No DQ translated into French means no STEEEEEEEEEEL!!!!! And no STEEEEEEEEEEL means that Lightning cannot---OOOOH!!! VJ: OH! Hard shot across the back of Lightning! And another one!!! And another one!!! Lightning is beating the holy hell outta the X-Treme and TV Champ! He'll be damned if Psyko Stevo walks outta here with 3 titles!!! Lightning now…Irish whip…Psyko Stevo off the ropes…OH MY…POWERSLAM!!!!! POWERSLAM ON THE CHAIR!!!!!! DD: Oh No!!!! Stevo!!!!!! VJ: Psyko Stevo…hey wait a minute! That's T Money and Darkest Desires!!!! DD: Good! We haven't seen enough of T here tonight! VJ: They have no business being out here damn it! This match is no interference! DD: Well they do have a right to watch the match, don't they?! VJ: Well…Lightning having some words for T Money…and watch Stevo…OH!!!! Lightning misses with the chairshot---PSYKOTONATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DD: WHAT?! VJ: PSYKOTONATOR BY STEVO! THAT CHAIR KNOCKED RIGHT BACK INTO THE FACE…THE COVER…HE'S GOT THE TIGHTS…AND HE'S GOT THE ROPES…. 1…2…3!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!! Ding Ding Ding!!!! Announcer: Here is your winner, and NEW NFWA Intercontinental Champion: Psyko Stevo!!!! DD: WHOOOO WHOOO!!!! Can you say TRIPLE CHAMPION VINCE?! VJ: We… DD: NO YOU CAN'T! CUZ YOU'RE AND ILLITERATE JACKASS AND YOU SUCK!!!!!! VJ: Psyko Stevo…Lightning took his eyes off the ball for just one second…hey wait a minute! T Money and Desires headed out to the ring now! T Money…he's got that damn sledgehammer again!!!! T…damn it…Lightning…LOOK OUT---OH!!!!! DD: HAHA!!! T Money with a hard shot to the ribs of Lightning!!!!! And another one!!!!! T Money…Darkest Desires…and Psyko Stevo!!! Black Blood is mugging the former I-C Champion in the ring! VJ: HAHA! What a memorable night this is after all Vince! Lightning loses the title, and he's fixing to lose his life! ****BUZZZZZZZZZ!!!! BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!**** (The arena lights drop once again, and the arena turns a deep red) DD: Not this again! VJ: What the hell…who keeps doing that?! What is that noise! DD: Wait…what's going on, Vince?! (Suddenly the Panthertron lights up, showing footage of Panther lying unconscious in the parking lot at Total Annihilation. Suddenly, the NFWA logo fades in, and begins glowing a bright red before exploding into flames. Then, the words "FOUR DAYS" flashes on the screen) ???: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! DD: Vince… VJ: What the hell is that?! Four days?! What is that supposed to mean?! What's going on?!?!?!?!?!
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