Carlos Going To Jail?

( The scene opens up with Chris Benoit is working out, trying to get in shape for his match at XtremeMania 2 against Carlos Shotgun. He's just finished his workout and then 9lp, HBK, Scott Steiner, and Shawn Taylor enter the room. )

Shawn Taylor: Did you hear the news Benoit?

Chris Benoit: No. What the hell are you talking about? Did Shotgun get a sex change and finally is a man?

Shawn Michaels: Umm, No.

Chris Benoit: Did Shotgun finally lose his virginity?

Scott Steiner: No. Something much, worse happened!

Chris Benoit: Carlos girl Sasha gave you a BJ and she accidently bit you?

Scott Steiner: Carlos isn't supposed to know about that.

Chris Benoit: Well what about the BJ his mom gave you?

Scott Steiner: Speaking of Carlo's mom. God, she's good at giving head. She don't bite because she takes her dentures out before blowing me so she has no teeth.

9lp: Like Benoit has no teeth.

Chris Benoit: Very funny, 9. Steiner, your diguesting man. Carlos mom is ugly and old.

Scott Steiner: She's freaky.

Chris Benoit: Freaky looking. So, what's the news?

9lp: Carlos Shotgun messed with your shiz.

Chris Benoit: What do you mean?

Shawn Taylor: Carlos Shotgun went to XWF Headquarters, parked in your parking space, knocked out a security guard, ......

Chris Benoit: Oh, big deal. I don't give a damn about those fat asses. Carlos just showed that the only person he can beat is a security guard.

Shawn Michaels: Wait, that's not all. He also went into your office, burnt it down, ............

Chris Benoit: Who cares, that's Vince problem. Looks like he's got to buy me a new and better office. Infact, I should probably thank Shotgun for that.

9lp: Well, that's not all. See, he took your title.

Chris Benoit: Which one? Afterall, I have won so many of them.

9lp: He took the Undisputed Title you never lost and then he sprayed BOW on your title and left it on your parking sign.

Chris Benoit: What????? He sprayed shit, I mean, BOW on my Undisputed Title. That stupid son of a bitch. I don't believe it. I told you I should worry about him. Now, my title is ruined. Now people are going to see BOW and think I suck since everyone from BOW sucks.

Scott Steiner: Hey, don't worry. We got that crap off your title. It's as good as new.

Chris Benoit: Whew, don't scare me like that ever.

Shawn Taylor: Didn't you see his promo?

Chris Benoit: No, I've been training. I haven't wrestled in a year, I got to shake ring rust off now so I don't have any at XtremeMania 2. I can't show any weakness. Carlos already showed his weakness when he tapped out to me last week on Showdown and I'm not going to let him know my weaknesses, although, I don't have any weaknesses so I shouldn't worry. Wait a second, isn't what Carlos did vandalism?

9lp: Yeah, plus assault, plus arson.

Chris Benoit: Hell, screw that. I want Carlos Shotgun arrested for vandalism.

Shawn Michaels: We already called the police, they are on their way.

Chris Benoit: Good. That will teach him not to mess with my title. Now, I got to worry about Shotgun because when we stopped over Scott's and Kevin's, I couldn't focus on beating Shotgun.

Shawn Taylor: Well if Carlos Shotgun is going to jail, he's not going to make XtremeMania 2. So now you've got nothing to worry about.

Chris Benoit: That's right. Carlos is fired from the XWF and the only thing Carlos will be doing at XtremeMania 2 is showering next to some guy in prison named Bubba and Shotgun will be dropping the soap, probably on purpose too.

( The doorbell rings and then Benoit answers it. The door opens and it's a cop. )

Cop: Hello, I'm Officer Richard Johnson.

Chris Benoit: Yeah, I'm Chris Benoit but I'm sure you know that.

Officer Johnson: Now, we heard there were reports of Vandalism, Assualt, and Arson at XWF Headquarters and the man who did all this goes by the name of Carlos Shotgun.

Chris Benoit: Yes, send that man to jail! While your at it, check his Green Card. I bet he isn't even a legal citizen.

Officer Johnson: So, you want to press charges against Carlos Shotgun?

Chris Benoit: Yes, he tried to ruin my title, whoa, wait a second. I figured it out.

9lp: What?

Chris Benoit: I'm doing exactly what Carlos wants me to. See, there's a reason he vandalized my title. See, he is so scared of me and he is so afraid that I'm going to embarass him at XtremeMania 2, that he wants me to press charges and put him in jail. I get it now. See, jail is something much easier than he'll be at XtremeMania 2. He's going to go one on one with the greatest wrestler EVER! It don't matter if it's XWF, BOW, nWo, WQIZT, because everyone knows that Chris Benoit is the best when it comes to the wrestling business. Being in the ring with me is ten times harder than any jail could be. Well, I'm not going to let Carlos escape our match because he isn't man enough to fight me. I'm not going to let him take the easy way out and go to jail, where he likes it anyways. If he's in jail, he gets to get raped and he gets to run away from our match and he enjoys getting raped. Well, I'm not going to send him on a vacation because I'm sending him straight to hell at XtremeMania 2. So no officer, I'm not pressing charges.

Officer Johnson: Are you sure?

Chris Benoit: Yes, because what I'm going to do to him at Xtreme Mania 2 will be more than enough payback. I will make him pay my way. In the ring. Where I am a real Icon. A real legend. BOW isn't shit, when guys like Goldwire and Crow could be called Legends, then you know the place isn't for real. It's all about XWF, that's why XWF won the war between BOW and that's why all the so called BOW Legends are nowhere in XWF because XWF is superior to BOW. Just like I am superior to Shotgun. Shotgun will experience what I'm capable of, first hand, at XtremeMania 2. So officer, don't worry about it. I will be Shotgun's Judge, Jury, and Executioner!

Officer Johnson: Alright then.

( The officer leaves. )

Chris Benoit: Alright guys, I'm going to go train more, so see you guys later.

Shawn Michaels: What do you have to worry about? It's Carlos Shotgun. The same guy who lost to X.

Shawn Taylor: Yeah, you can't take anyone who loses to X seriously.

Chris Benoit: Well you remember that Taylor because you fight X at XtremeMania 2. I think you guys are taking Shotgun too lightly.

9lp: All I got to say is he lost to X!!!

Chris Benoit: That's true but he also beat you.

9lp: Shiz, you know that was a gift. He didn't do shiz. I gave him a win.

Chris Benoit: Yeah but still, Shotgun wants to win. He's trashed my office and put shit on my belt to send a message to me. So what if it was cheap, he needs all the help in the world. What Shotgun did shows he is low class and will take any easy way out to win. However, it's going to take a hell of a lot more than that to beat me. I could go to BOW offices but BOW is dead and they probably got evicted from the building. I could destroy such BOW "greats" like Matt Morgan, Cain Hunt, Number 8, and Brimstone.

Shawn Michaels: That's a good idea. Let's go destroy those BOW jobbers. I mean, "Legends!"

Chris Benoit: No, see, I'm not going to play like that. I'm going to show Carlos I don't have to be cheap to win because I can do it off my raw talent. Carlos don't have any talent so he has to do whatever it takes so I don't blame him. Plus, it's not like beating the BOW "greats" would mean anything. BOW is the minor leagues compared to XWF. Beating guys like Matt Morgan, Cain Hunt, Number 8, and Brimstone would be the same as beating XWF's Crow and Goldwire. Hell, Number 8 was in XWF and he was opening match jobber with Shotgun, York, and the rest of the BOW gang.

Shawn Taylor: Here man, you should see the rest of his promo. I brought a tape so you can study it.

Chris Benoit: Alright, play it.

( Taylor puts the tape in the VCR and Shotgun's promo airs. Benoit is watching the promo very closely. Shawn Taylor, 9lp, Scott Steiner and HBK are watching it with Benoit as well. About halfway into the promo, Shawn Taylor falls asleep. Benoit starts to yawn but is trying his hardest to stay awake. HBK is next to fall asleep about three fourths of the way into Shotgun's promo. Scott, 9lp and Benoit are both close to falling asleep but Benoit is trying his best to stay awake. Scott falls asleep next. Finally, the promo ends and Benoit stops the tape and he looks over and he sees 9lp asleep.)

Chris Benoit: Wake Up!

9lp: Shiz man, sorry.Want to wake up the rest ofb the gang?

Chris Benoit: Nah, screw it. Man, I've got to be honest with you man, I think I need to prepare for this match more. Everytime I try to focus and take this match serious though, I get distracted. With Scott and Kevin being the dumbasses they are and Shotgun being a wannabe badass, I can't see to prepare like I want to. Instead, I got cops bugging me. Did you hear the rest of the shit Shotgun said about me?

9lp: No, that motherlover was so boring, I fell asleep. You don't got to worry about Shotgun, I'm telling you man. The fool lost to X, he set your shiz on fire, the guy is an idiot. A jobber. He has the wrestling talent of Buff Bagwell and the charisma of Lex Luger. You can take him easy, trust. The guy looks like Johnny Depp for crying out loud. Him and Sasha are fake ash Natural Born Killers. Shotgun should look like Woody Harrelson if he going's to rip him off. Where's Woody's royalities.

Chris Benoit: Yeah. Shotgun needs to realize that this isn't a movie. This is real life. I know Shotgun lives in a fantasy world but what he will experience at XtremeMania 2 will be very real. Shotgun may be a jobber but I know Shotgun wants to win this match. He says he's the one who took Y2J out, he took out the washed up version. Everyone knows I took out Y2J when he was actually something and HBK finished the job on the washed up version, not Shotgun. Shotgun, in order to be the greatest XWF wrestler, you actually have to do something.

9lp: And losing to X don't count.

Chris Benoit: You've said that 15 times man.

9lp: Hey, it's still funny.

Chris Benoit: Shotgun, where are your World Titles? Where's your IC Title? Where's your big wins? 9lp's match don't count because he gave you a gift and you know it. What have you done Shotgun? Nothing. You've done nothing to be considered the greatest XWF wrestler ever. You've choked and flopped when you've had a big match and that's what your going to do. Your a flop. Your like the Ryan Leaf of the XWF. Now, I have been North American Champion, Intercontinental Champion, Universal Champion and World Champion at the same time and I was so good I never lost the damn titles. You know it too because you were here when I ran all over the XWF. You were the guy who was opening match because you couldn't move up because I was unbeatable. I've beaten Rock, Jericho, Triple H, Master, Angle, everyone who mattered. You've beaten Brimstone, Matt Morgan, Goldwire, Crow, and the rest of the BOW gang.

9lp: Goldwire and Crow were in BOW?

Chris Benoit: No but you get the picture. Shotgun questions my decisions about the people who's on my TV? Why should I take advice from someone who's federation died. If Shotgun knew anything, BOW would still be alive. Shotgun want to bring back the sharpshooter. Let him. It's easy to attack worthless piece of crap like Cole and fat security guards. Shotgun can only attack guys who Shotgun knows won't fight back. He made Cole tap to Sharpshooter, kind of like I made him tap last week.

9lp: Yeah, you made him tap like a bitch.

Chris Benoit: You say Ask God for Mercy because you don't have any, well in that ring, I am GOD and I will make you say mercy when I snap your god damn neck like a twig. It shows just how stupid you are because I'm not married. This is going to be the battle of your life Shotgun. Everything you've done in this business, I've done and I've done better. This match didn't happen a year ago because you weren't in my league and you still aren't, but I'm going to make your career. You've gotten better, I'll give you that but you still aren't better than me! There's a reason why I'm considered the best. It's not just me being the best, it's the fact that I bring out the best in my opponents and XtremeMania 2 will be no different. I will bring out the best of Shotgun and when I make you tap in the middle of the ring, you will know that you at your best still isn't as good as me. So Shotgun, go keep ripping off movies and show everyone that you have creativity and I'll show everyone why I'm a God! If you got a problem with that, then PROVE ME WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

( The scene ends with Benoit and 9lp waking up rest of nWo and leaving. )