[ As Prez Mike relaxes in his plush, luxourious offices, he sits in his chair and props his feet up on his desk. He smiles as he thinks to himself of the great Empire that EMF has become. But he tips his chair back, and falls over to the floor. This normaly wouldn't be cause for concern, but the movement causes Prez Mike's souvenier bowling ball of his 300 point gamr to fall from a shelf and land right on his forehead. Mike slips into unconciousness, and this is what he dreams of...]

JR: Welcome folks to EMF: Survival of the Lamest! Boy have we got a show for you tonight!

King: Thats right JR! Some of the EMF's strangest and uh...how should i put this..."special" competitors will be competing for a new EMF championship! It's going to be called the Craptacular title!

JR: It ought to be a slobbernocker!

[ The lights dim, and some errie music begins to play. Out walks the Tazte foundation, comprised of Scott Tazte, Anarchy, and Enigma. ]

JR: Here comes team number one.

King: These three guys have all been revealed as brothers.

[ King takes out a phone book and starts to flip through it. ]

JR: What are you doing?

King: Looking for Mrs.Tazte's number! She's gotta be a slut JR!

JR: Well you might want to look under Hardy...remember when the Tazte's revealed themselves to be the Hardy Boyz in disguise?

King: Wait...that makes Anarchy and Enigma Hardyz?

[ The Tazte Foundation slides into the ring and Scott grabs the mic. ]

Scott Tazte: I've held the EMF heavyweight title before, but after tonight, I'll be known as the greatest Craptacular champion the world has ever seen! Me and my brothers are gonna kick some ass! Isn't that right guys, we're 2xtreme!

[ Anarchy grabs the mic from Scott. ]

Anarchy: Hey remember that time I superkicked you off the stage through some tables and you almost died? Yah that was when I beat you for the EMF title...ahhh, the good old days.

Scott: Hey shutup or I'll tell mom!

JR: Well we should explain the rules of this unique contest for you fans. There will be three teams battleing it out, elimination-style. The last to remaining men in the ring will face off to determine who the first ever Craptacular champion will be!

[ The Tazte Foundation goes on the apron and the Canadian anthem begins to play. Out walks Franco and Lance Sologub, Team Canada. ]

King: Here comes team number 2! Man where did they find these teams...I mean I've seen teams that sucked before, but those guys are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!

JR: Take it easy there King!

[ Franco and Lance slide into the ring and grab the mic. ]

Franco: Tonight, I prove that I'm not just a joke! And I do that by winning the Craptacular title!

[ Franco hands the mic to Lance Sologub. ]

Lance Sologub: Uh...um...er...I know Eminem!

[ Lance and Franco go to their corner. ]

JR: Only one more introduction before the action gets underway.

[ "I'm to sexy for my shirt" begins to play over the PA system as Big Mastadon and Titan make their way down to the ring. ]

JR: Let's get this thing underway!

[ The bell rings and Franco, Anarchy, and Big Mastadon start out in the ring. Anarchy tries to look ominous and threatning and repeatedly shouts "LET CHAOS REIGN!" Which guts cut short when Franco slaps him across his face. Anarchy slaps Franco back. Anrchy and Franco get into a slap-fight, much like to pre-teen girls would after argueing over which member of the Bacsktreet Boys is hotter. Big Mastadon throws a punch but misses both Anarchy and Franco. Franco then throws a punch but misses both Anarchy and Big Mastadon. Anarchy then throws a punch, and he too misses both his opponents. The three competitors take turns doing this for a few moments. ]

JR: Business sure has picked up here!

King:...uh not really JR.

JR: Blood is thicker than water!

King:...

JR: He's getting beat like a govermeant mule! He's a hot young stud all right! They all played college football! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! CHOKESLAM TO HELL! OH DAMN IT! DAMN IT! SOMEBODY STOP THE MATCH! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I CAN"T BELIEVE MY OWN EYES! IN 25 YEARS OF BROADCASTING, I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO DESPICABLE! HE'S ON DREAM STREET! HIS EYES ARE GLAZED OVER!

[ King smacks JR in the back of the head, snapping him out of it. ]

King: Thats what you get from an inbred Oklahomian.

JR: Fans don't forget to try my BBQ sauce!

King: sigh...

[ Franco and Big Mastadon both go for a headbutt simultaniously and knock eachother down to the mat. Anarchy tags in Scott Tazte, who goes to the top rope and uses his hands as guns to point to his head. He then swanton bombs off the top rope and misses both Franco and Big Mastadon. All three men lie on the mat. ]

King: Big Mastadon has man-puppies....I'm strangly aroused.

[ After a few moments, Franco crawls to his corner and tags in Lance Sologub. Lance goes into the ring and then stands there and scratches his head. Lane then grabs a mic and starts to freestyle. ]

Lance Sologub: I've been so many places! I've seen so many penises! But nothing compares to these pale white balls of mine!

King:...shoot me

[ Suddenly, an impatient fan in the front row throws a beer bottle at Lance, knocking him down on top of Scott Tazte. The ref counts. 1,2,3!]

JR: Tazte..er...Hardy...well, that one guy has been eliminated!

[ Big Mastadon gets to his feet and slips on the spilled beer, falling onto Lance. The ref counts once more. 1,2,3!]

King: Lance is gone as well.

[ Franco comes into the ring and walks right into the waiting arms of Big Mastadon, who picks him up and hits the Mastadon Driver. Big Mastadon covers Franco forthe three count. ]

King: Team Canada is out of Survival of the Lamest!

[ Enigma enters the ring. He swings at Big Mastadon who ducks, causing Enigma to hit the ref. The ref is unphased by the punch and DQ's Enigma. ]

JR: We're down to only a few people left!

[ Anarchy enters the ring. He bounces off the ropes and misses a clothsline at Big Mastadon. Big Mastadon pokes Anarchy in the eyes, then roles him up. The ref counts. 1,2,3!]

JR: We're down o Big Mastadon and Titan! These two parters must now face eachother!

[ Titan steps into the ring and he and Big Mastadon have a staredown. Suddenly, Big Mastadon grabs Titan's hand and locks on the devistating finger bend. ]

JR: This is the move that Big Mastadon used to win the submission match against Titan way back when!

[ Titan cringes in pain, but he reverse the hold, putting Big Mastadon in the finger bend. Big Mastadon screams like a girl, but doesn't submit. Suddenly, the ref calls for the bell and hands the Craptacular title to Titan. ]

JR: What the hell? He didn't give up!

King: Shades of Survivor Series '97!

[ The ref reaches into his pants and pulls out a long knife. ]

King: I thought he was just happy to see me!

JR: What the hell is going on?!?

[ With his other hand, the ref reaches up to his face and pulls of a mask, revealing the mask of Bahumat underneath. ]

JR: OH MY GOD! IT's BAHUMAT! BUT WHO IS BEHIND THE MASK?

[ Bahimat raises the knife toward Big Mastadon. He then takes off the Bahumat mask to reveal himself as...little Stevie Walker! He turns to the camera and says ]

"Are you ok, sir? Sir, can you hear me?"

[ Prez Mike regains consiousness and sees his secretary standing over him. He gets to his feet and rubs his head, where a big bump marks the spot where the bowling ball hit him. ]

Secretary: Are you all right?

Prez Mike: Yeah...I just...had a nightmare while I was out, that's all.

THE END